失败者（2025）

我是会让我的孩子看啦 但你可能有更高的标准
I mean, I'm letting my kids watch it, but you probably have higher standards.
大家好 我是瑞安·雷诺兹
Hello there. I'm Ryan Reynolds.
对
Yeah, hmm.
就是那个瑞安·雷诺兹
That Ryan Reynolds.
我是电影演员
I'm a film actor,
我偶尔也涉足电视和其他行业
occasionally I dabble in television and other industries.
我也是父亲
I'm also a father.
但我已经准备好摆脱这些破事了
But I'm ready to move on from all of that crap.
接下来要涉足什么
So what's next?
野生动物 就是这个
Wildlife, that's what.
不 不是这种自以为是的家伙
Nope, not these blowhards.
它们不需要我的帮助
They don't need my help.
我是为了这群家伙而来的
I'm here for these guys.
大自然的冷板凳选手们
Nature's benchwarmers.
我说的可是顶级怪咖
I'm talking grade-A freaks
它们那些荒诞诡异 超乎想像的异常生活
and their freakin' bizarre, weird, freakshow lives.
准备好迎接隐秘的动物英雄吧
Get ready for the Underdogs.
这群家伙是最恶心 最诡异的
These guys are the grossest, weirdest...
也是生命这部伟大电影中 最意想不到的明星
...the most unlikely stars in the great movie of life.
现在轮到它们大放异彩了
Now it's their time to shine.
无论哪里有明目张胆的恶作剧 无论哪里有懦弱之举
Wherever there is blatant mischief, wherever there is abject cowardice,
无论哪里有难以忍♥受的性张力
wherever there is unbearable sexual tension...
那里就会有隐秘的动物英雄
that's where you'll find the underdogs.
年轻岁月 交给你们了
You tell 'em, Green Day.
我是瑞安·雷诺兹
I'm Ryan Reynolds.
而我全力支持这群怪胎
And I endorse these weirdoes.
《隐秘的动物英雄》
有些自然法则是无可争议的
Some laws of nature are incontrovertible.
其中最重要的一条就是繁衍后代
And one of the big ones is the need to reproduce.
不然这世上哪来的小动物呢
Or there'd be no more itty-bitty baby animals.
说到交♥配♥的麻烦事 真不知从何说起
The trouble with sex-- and really, where do I begin?
麻烦的是 你不能单打独斗
is that you can't do it alone.
不予置评
No comment.
那么 第一步是选择伴侣
So the first step is choosing your partner,
无论你是动物界的大明星
and that's true whether you're an A-list animal,
还是默默无闻的小角色都得这么做
or one of the underdogs.
（性感野兽）
这只鬣狗
This is Happy...
名叫"黑皮"
...the hyena.
虽然它是非洲最丑陋的边缘生物之一
He may be one of the ugliest outcasts in Africa,
但别为它感到难过
but don't feel sorry for him.
它今天过得超爽
He's having the best day.
晨跑
Morning run.
来点自我照顾
A little self-care.
你不是这集的主角 贝瑞 继续走
Not your episode, Barry. Keep moving.
再来点小点心
A nice snack.
生活爽到无从挑剔了
Life couldn't get any better than this.
或是还能更爽
Or could it?
就像青春期荷尔蒙爆发的中学生
Like a hormonal teenager at a middle school dance,
黑皮突然有一股难以抑制的新冲动 想找个女朋友
Happy has a new and irrepressible urge to find a girlfriend.
但这不容易
But that's not easy...
因为看看这些女孩
...when these are the girls.
鬣狗界把女力这件事发挥到极致
Hyenas take female empowerment to the maximum.
它们凶猛 强势
They're aggressive, dominant,
天生地位就凌驾于公鬣狗之上
and automatically outrank all males.
如果这还不够吓人
And if that's not intimidating enough,
它们还有这个
they also have these.
假阴♥茎♥ 这词念起来真有趣
Pseudo-penises. That's fun to say.
超大的女性生殖器官 这是用来排尿的 很正常
Giant female genitalia. They're for peeing--standard--
也用来生产 听起来就痛
giving birth--ouchie--
也让交♥配♥变得极度困难
and making mating difficult for males.
兄弟 真是太惨了
Tough break, fella.
要谈这种初恋 还真不是胆小鬼能应付的
As first loves go, they're not for the faint of heart.
但黑皮是乐天派
But Happy is an optimist.
它刚刚坠入爱河
And he's just fallen in love...
对象简直是风华绝代
...with a stone-cold knockout.
也许它该直接去约那只母鬣狗
Maybe he should just ask her out.
它不是最帅的 但也不算太差
He's a six, maybe six and a half?
它可以带母鬣狗去做它觉得好玩的事
You know, he could show her all the fun stuff he likes.
也许它们可以一起做 好玩的事 不是那个 对
Maybe they could do it together. The fun stuff, not the--yeah.
黑皮对谈恋爱一窍不通
Happy knows nothing about relationships.
但就像任何有自尊心的雄性 它不会让无知阻止自己
But like any self-respecting male, he's not gonna let ignorance hold him back
赌一把
from taking his shot.
也就是"准备 射击 瞄准"
Ready, shoot, aim is what I say.
万一你听不懂鬣狗语 那只母鬣狗的答案是不行
In case you don't speak hyena, that's a no.
不行就是不行
And no is a complete sentence.
当你有嘿♥咻♥的需求时
When it comes to the need to go to funky town,
你不能跳过前戏 直接进入正题
you can't skip straight to the end.
就是 不能
You just, you just can't.
你必须学会游戏规则 然后努力实践
You have to learn the rules and put in the work.
（待续）
不过 凡事要按顺序来 首先要想办法吸引目光
Though, first things first, you need to attract their attention.
（欢迎光临澳洲）
（吸引目光）
不像某些色彩鲜艳的亲戚
Unlike some of their more colorful cousins,
园丁鸟光靠羽毛是没办法吸引目光的
bowerbirds can't rely on plumage alone to draw attention to themselves,
于是公鸟一生都在努力补救
so males spend their whole lives compensating;
这点想必所有雄性生物都能感同身受
painfully familiar to males of all species.
这些家伙会四处搭建奢华的单身公♥寓♥
These guys, they build extravagant bachelor pads,
也就是著名的爱巢
known as bowers,
有时会选在超冷门的地点筑巢
all over town, sometimes in truly underdog locations.
（杰森的垃圾场）
（哈罗德的地狱）
（克莱夫的小屋 欢迎）
如果这还不够可怜
And if that wasn't sad enough,
这些执迷不悟的单身汉还会在爱巢周围
these deluded loners surround these bowers
摆满它们精心搜集的各种亮眼小饰品
with obsessively collected colorful knickknacks,
希望能打动心仪的对象
in the hope of impressing a potential girlfriend.
（爱情小饰品 赛巴斯汀棚屋）
（红色塑胶 空调 闪亮石头）
但总会有个家伙 把本来不错的想法玩得太过火
But there's always that one guy who takes a good idea too far.
就像这只赛巴斯汀极其讲究 搜罗了361件
And Sebastian here has meticulously curated 361 items
五颜六色的垃圾 只为了赢得伴侣的青睐
of colorful trash in the hope it will win him a mate.
祝你好运了 赛巴斯汀
Good luck, Sebastian.
（物件 破盘子）
（物件 瓶盖）
这些收藏品花费了它大半辈子搜集而成
It's a collection that's taken most of his adult life.
（物件 束线带）
（物件 手铐）
但这一切是值得的
But it will all be worth it,
只要这些宝物足以惊艳某只母鸟
if it's good enough to dazzle a female...
（物件 手铐钥匙）
（手链 瓶盖 布料 口香糖包装纸）
让它心动并留下来与它交♥配♥
...into sticking around long enough to mate with him.
（塑胶杂物 中国手指玩具）
目前看来 还不够吸引目光
So far, it's not been enough.
但赛巴斯汀早有办法
But Sebastian has a solution.
（别弄丢钥匙 太棒了）
（越多东西等于越多爱）
与其承认问题可能出在自己身上
Rather than admit that he might be the problem,
它决定继续增加收藏品
he's decided to expand his collection.
最棒的办法就是直接去偷别人的
And the best way to do that is to steal from someone else's.
但要偷哪一样呢
But what to choose?
（物件 红色高速旅行车 红色 赞 超棒）
（物件 发夹 备注 被夹到很痛）
（物件 布花 备注 必须拥有）
就是这个
Bingo!
趁着还在对手的地盘上
And while he's at his rival's place...
它想顺便来点肆无忌惮的破坏行为也无妨
He figures he could try just a teeny bit of wanton vandalism.
赛巴斯汀 你这小心眼的家伙
Sebastian, you small-minded.
回到家后 它在收藏品中 添上第362件宝物
Back home, he adds item 362 to his collection.
终于一只母鸟来了
And when a female finally comes along,
它希望这个最新的收藏品 能成为关键转折点
he's hoping this new addition will make all the difference.
母鸟准备好了
She's ready.
赛巴斯汀只需要专心
All Sebastian needs is to stay focused
拿出最能吸引母鸟留下的东西
and show her something worth sticking around for.
现在 专心
Now, focus.
母鸟会最喜欢哪样呢
What will she like best?
（物件 不明水果 备注 干瘪 绿色）
不是
Nope.
那这个呢
What about this?
（物件 沙袋鼠粪便 备注 应该不是食物）