失败者（2025）

我不确定美西螈是怎么交♥配♥的
I'm not sure exactly how axolotls have sex,
但我确定我一点也不想看
but I am sure I don't want to see it.
永远不想
Ever.
快点切到漫画示意图吧
Let's just cut to the artwork, quickly.
美西螈靠着重生身体部位的能力骗过死神
The axolotl, cheating death, thanks to the power to regrow body parts.
这可能是目前我最喜欢的超级狗熊
This may just be my favorite, so far.
晚餐好了
Dinner's ready!
是这样的 如果你忽略那些
You see, if you set aside
被轻描淡写带过的理由
the lightly glossed-over reasons for doing it,
我们已经打造一支超棒的团队
we've built a great team,
但最厉害的超级狗熊还没登场
but the greatest Superzero of all is yet to come.
看 这是大家最讨厌的室友
Oh, look, it's everyone's least favorite housemate,
蟑螂
the cockroach.
它们可以在核爆后的世界末日 靠着吃碎屑生存
They can survive a nuclear apocalypse on nothing but crumbs.
还特别难被踩死
And they're really, really hard to squish.
所以蟑螂是我们的终极超级狗熊吗
So is the cockroach our absolute Superzero?
不 这太容易预料了
Nope, too predictable.
这一段的主角是这只雌性扁头泥蜂
We're here for her a jewel wasp.
别被它漂亮的外表骗了 这是一种寄生蜂
Don't be fooled by the pretty face; she's a parasitic wasp.
我不知道那是什么意思 但我猜我很快就会知道了
I don't know what that means, but I'm guessing I'm about to find out.
原来它是蟑螂的死敌
Turns out she's the cockroach's arch nemesis,
拥有惊人超能力的寄生者
a freeloader with a mind-blowing superpower.
它的超能力可不是用来行善的
And, well, let's just say she doesn't use her powers for good.
快逃啊 小子
Better run, fella.
虽然蟑螂会跑 它却还没学会怎么躲
But while a cockroach can run, he hasn't really figured out how to hide.
不 那不是躲藏 只是站在那里等死而已
That's, no, that's not hiding, that's just, that's waiting around for your demise.
扁头泥蜂的螫针像脑外科医生一样精准
The jewel wasp stings with the accuracy of a brain surgeon.
直击蟑螂大脑中的特定部位
And targets a very specific part of the roach's brain.
但它不是要杀死蟑螂 不是的
But she's not trying to kill the roach. Oh, no.
它的螫针让蟑螂的脑袋充满多巴胺
Her sting has flooded his brain with dopamine.
停
Stop.
这表示现在这小家伙正嗨翻天
Meaning right now, I'd say this little guy is tripping balls.
仿佛骑着独角兽穿越世界末日
Riding a unicorn across the apocalypse.
对 就像恶魔牛仔
Yeah, just like a demon cowboy
全身赤♥裸♥ 只戴着帽子 外加一身汗水
wearing nothing but a hat and perspiration.
蟑螂的意识如一摊烂泥 彻底沦为僵尸
As his mind turns to mush, the cockroach becomes a zombie,
完全受扁头泥蜂控制
totally within the wasp's power.
扁头泥蜂咬掉一根触须
She chews off an antenna.
然后把触须当吸管一样吸食蟑螂的体液
And uses it like a straw to sample the roach's bodily fluids.
心满意足的扁头泥蜂牵着蟑螂走了
Satisfied, the wasp leads the roach off,
就像牵着一只巨大的僵尸狗
like a giant zombie dog on a leash.
所以它拥有控制心灵的力量
So, she's got the power to control minds.
但你会问 这是为了什么
But why, you ask?
因为它即将当妈妈
Ohh, she's an expectant mom.
那婴儿的气味 转瞬即逝
Awhh. That baby smell, here one day, gone the next.
只不过养育孩子很辛苦
Only raising children is hard work,
所以它决定让蟑螂来帮它分担
so she's gonna have the cockroach do it for her.
嘿 蟑螂 如果你不愿意就眨两下眼
Hey, roach, blink twice if you're not okay.
我开玩笑的 你根本没有眼皮
I'm kidding, I'm joking. You don't have eyelids.
这团小小的幸福包裹是扁头泥蜂卵
This tiny little bundle of joy is a jewel wasp egg.
妈妈的任务快完成了
Mom's role is nearly complete.
它现在只需要
All that's left to do
轻轻地把蟑螂活埋
is for her to gently bury the cockroach alive.
它留下宝贵的卵让其孵化 幼虫会钻进蟑螂体内
She leaves her precious egg to hatch and burrow into the roach's body.
（50天后）
从里到外把蟑螂吃掉后
After eating her victim from the inside out,
完全成熟的幼蜂会羽化为成蜂
the fully grown larva transforms into an adult wasp.
准备好施展它邪恶的心灵控制能力
Ready to wield its dastardly mind-controlling power.
原来这最后一位超级狗熊其实是超级反派
Turns out the final Superzero is a supervillain.
这也太后现代了吧
That's so post-modern.
瞧 它的眼睛跟它妈妈一模一样
Oh, look, she's got her mom's eyes.
各位 你们最好注意一下身后
Guys, you-you might wanna look behind you.
各位
Guys!
都介绍完了吗 还有吗
Uh, we got everything? Anything else?
那可不是超级狗熊
Oh, that's not a Superzero.
金钢狼其实是个古老的加拿大词汇
Wolverine is actually an antiquated Canadian word
意思是"无聊的百万富翁"
that means "boring millionaire."
抱歉 你说什么 不是 不是喔
I'm sorry, what's that? No? Oh, it's not?
明明就是
It is!
无聊又势利的百万富翁
Boring, bougie millionaire.
休·杰克曼知道我的意思
"Hugh" know what I mean.