失败者（2025）

这是琪美
This is Kimmy.
它的大脑在所有哺乳动物中 相对来说是最小的
She has one of the smallest brains relative to size of any mammal.
差不多只有未长全的核桃那么大
It's the size of an underdeveloped walnut.
但没关系
But that's okay, that's okay,
因为大部分时间 它只需要做三件事
because most of the time she only has to do three things:
吃叶子
eat leaves,
消化叶子
uh, digest them,
然后睡觉
and sleep...
一天睡22个小时
for 22 hours a day.
顺便说一句 这真是让人羡慕
That is aspirational, by the way.
但因为在一个狂野的夜晚
But due to a wild tequila-soaked night
狂饮了龙舌兰酒后 开玩笑的 无尾熊不喝龙舌兰酒
a while back--I'm kidding, koala's don't drink tequila.
应该吧 但这可以解释性病泛滥
I think, but it would explain the rampant STDs.
琪美现在多了一件事要做
Kimmy now has another thing to do:
照顾这个小小的核桃脑
take care of this little baby walnut brain.
在育儿袋里待了几个月后
And after a few months in the pouch,
它第一次吃固体食物的时候到了
it's time for his first solid meal.
但琪美并不打算用汤匙喂食
But Kimmy, she doesn't bother with spoon-feeding
或准备什么宝宝手指食物
or finger food.
它准备了非常特别的东西 当成小宝宝的第一餐
She's been preparing something very special for baby's first meal.
如果你觉得被反刍的鼠太太已经够糟了
And if you thought regurgitated Mrs. Ticklemouse was bad,
那就等着看吧
just wait.
幼崽只需要低下头 准备吃
Junior just has to put his head down and prepare to eat...
对
mm-hmm, yep.
对 这是 好 这是便便
Mm, that is... Okay, that's poop. Yep.
（限制级）
原来这画面 竟然对《国家地理》来说太露骨了
Apparently that's a bit graphic for National Geographic?
但据说这做法的背后有其道理
But I'm told there's a method to this madness.
尤加利叶是有毒的 直接吃会毒死它的幼崽
Eucalyptus leaves are toxic and would kill her little junior, big time.
但妈妈的粪便里有一个秘密成分
But mommy's little gift has a secret ingredient.
琪美的"婴儿食品" 实际上含有一种特殊的细菌
Kimmy's "baby food" actually contains a special bacteria
能消化那些有毒物质 给幼崽一个最佳的人生起点
that can digest the toxins that will give junior the best start in life.
不过劝你不要在家尝试
Just maybe don't try it at home.
人类的婴儿食品可能看起来也像便便
Human baby food may also look like poop,
但我保证那不是
but I assure you it's not.
我是说 食物最后会变成便便
I mean, I mean, it's, it's, it will be turned into poop,
但不能 你懂的 这就是尿布的作用
but no, you know, you don't- that's what diapers are for.
（发展自立能力）
（皇冠指导影片）
你可以看到我们还很小时 我们多么完全依赖他人
You can see how completely we depend on others when we're very small.
当然 随着年龄增长
Of course, as we grow older,
我们大多数人开始独♥立♥
most of us begin to strike out for ourselves,
我们开始发展出一种叫做自力更生的能力
we begin to develop something called self-reliance.
所以 终于有那么一刻 孩子们必须学会独♥立♥
So there comes a time when kids must learn to go it alone.
为孩子们提供所需的生活技能
And equipping them with the life skills they need
对任何父母来说都是一项艰巨的任务
is a tall order for any parent.
所以这只生下20只幼崽的猫鼬妈妈 它干脆不管了
So this meerkat mom of tw-tw-twenty?! She doesn't bother.
因为生这么多孩子的好处是 兄弟姐妹
Because the beauty of having so many kids is that the siblings
可以互相教导基本技能 对吧
can teach each other the ropes, right?
我兄弟们在生活技能方面超厉害
My brothers were amazing with rope.
他们知道各种诀窍
Oh, they knew all kinds of knots.
总之 它们似乎完全适应了
Anyway, yep, they seem perfectly well adjusted.
接下来要经历妈妈的硬招训练的
Next to go through mom's school of hard knocks
是四星期大的欧林
is four-week-old Olin,
它即将面临生命中的一次大惊吓
and he's about to get the shock of his life.
在过去一个月里 妈妈一直在照顾它
For the past month, mom has been nurturing him
满足它的每个需求
and taking care of his every need.
但现在该面对现实了 幼崽
But it's time to confront reality, junior.
你现在要成年了
You're a man now.
妈妈决定放手
Mom's ripping off the Band-Aid
把它交给它的兄弟姐妹教导
and leaving his education to his brothers and sisters.
我可以从个人经验告诉你
Which I can tell you from personal experience,
这其实是个糟糕的主意
well, that's a terrible idea.
（学业成绩单 学生 欧林）
第一课 选择对的朋友
Lesson one, choosing the right friends.
欧林需要学会挑选合适的玩伴
Olin needs to learn to pick out the right kind of pals to play with.
这家伙看起来很友善
Well, this guy looks friendly.
友善
Friendly.
贝瑞不行 不 不要惹那家伙
Nope, not Barry. Don't, no, no, don't mess with that guy.
一切进行得很顺利
It's all going great.
直到它的哥哥做了哥哥常做的事
Until his older brother does what older brothers do:
害你卷入大♥麻♥烦
gets you into major trouble.
这时妈妈会提供任何指导吗
Is mom gonna offer any guidance at this point?
不会
No.
所幸它们很快意识到
Fortunately, they soon realize this is not someone
这不会是你想一起玩捉迷藏的玩伴
that you want to play tag with.
这又是一场与哥哥一起经历的
It's just another thrilling and slightly traumatic adventure
刺♥激♥又会带来一点创伤的冒险 而妈妈永远不会知道
with your brother that mom will never, ever hear about.
就给个B加吧
Let's call that a B+.
第二课 觅食
Lesson two, finding food.
最基本的技巧就是挖掘昆虫幼虫
Basic technique for this is digging for grubs.
我看过《狮子王》
And I've seen Lion King.
但如果你觉得欧林的哥哥已经够糟了
But if you thought Olin's brother was bad,
它的姐姐詹美丝现在要让它正面迎击
his sister James is about to introduce him to a face full...
一只蠍子
of scorpion.
它可能之后会和朋友们笑谈这件事
She'll probably laugh about it with her friends later,
而你则会坐在心理治疗室里
while you sit in therapy, you know,
用简陋的袜子玩偶重现整个场景
reenacting the whole thing with crude sock puppets.
这时妈妈肯定要介入了吧
Surely mom's gotta step in now,
它绝对不会让这种事发生
there's no way that she's gonna let--
好 完全不管
Okay, not a chance.
我猜疼痛也算是一种学习过程吧
I guess pain is, you know, it's part of the learning process.
干得好 欧林 这张成绩单也许能贴在冰箱上呢
Bravo, Olin! This report card might just make it to the fridge.
第三课 陌生人危机
Lesson three, stranger danger.
如果猫鼬有最该学的一件事
If there's one thing meerkats need to learn above all else,
那就是时刻警惕危险
it's looking out for danger,
尤其是来自天空的威胁
especially from above.
其他小孩都已经跑回地洞了
All the other kids head back to the den.
但欧林还没发现午休结束了
But Olin hasn't realized the lunch break is over.
现在现场只剩下妈妈
The only one left is mom.
这次它总该介入了吧
Will she finally step in now?
它可以做出各种英勇之举
I mean, there are literally so many heroic options available here;
可以跟鹰正面对决 可以冲过去营救欧林
you fight the hawk, you could run to his rescue,
甚至可以奋不顾身挡在它前面
throw yourself in the path of danger.
结果呢
Well?
就这样
That's it?
也太懒惰了吧
That was definitely the bare minimum.
好 这招有用 但老实说 感觉有点敷衍
Okay, it's effective, but you know, a little phoned in if I'm being honest.
至少欧林最后逃过一劫
At least Olin ran away in the end.
而且还活着 所以 算是勉强及格吧
But he's still alive, so I guess we can call it a pass.
你这胆小鬼
You little coward.
给所有直升机父母的提醒
And for all those helicopter parents out there,
跟这些隐秘的动物英雄学习吧
learn from the underdogs.
展现出大量的冷漠 再加上一点令人存疑的手足监护
A bit of healthy disinterest, a dash of questionable sibling oversight,
你的孩子就能迅速学会自立
and your kids learn self-sufficiency fast.
好 我们回来看看赖瑞 这只惹了麻烦的白颊黑雁
Okay, we're gonna check back in on Larry, a barnacle goose in the doghouse.
赖瑞那两个幸存的孩子 光说出这句话就让人不寒而栗
Larry's two surviving babies, which is a disturbing sentence to say,
它们才刚出生一天半
they're just a day and a half old.
所以赖瑞和琼应该会继续待在原地
So, Larry and Joan, they're going to stay right where they are.
不会吗 不会 它们要离开了
No? Oh. No, they're leaving.
它们要走了
They're leaving.
它们真的要 它们离开了
They're definitely go- they're gone.
对于羽翼成熟的鸟来说 这很简单
Easy if you have fully grown wings.
但这些雏鸟得想别的办法才能到达地面
But the chicks have to find a different way of getting to ground level.
只有一个小问题 那就是250公尺高的悬崖
There's just one small problem: the 800-foot drop.
没有飞羽 代表有极高的坠落死亡风险
No flight feathers equals high likelihood of plummeting to your death.
从一只小雏鸟变成一颗血迹斑斑的石头
Starting as a baby chick and ending as a blood-soaked rock.
会吗
Or does it?
我们走到悬崖边看看吧
Let's go out to the edge of the cliff.
糟糕 他掉下去了
Whoops, there he goes.
对我们大多数生物来说 坠落通常是件坏事
For most of us, the fall would be a bad thing,
但对这些雁来说 这是值得冒的风险
but for these geese that's a calculated risk.