失败者（2025）

可能在观察名单上
Probably on a watchlist.
但妈妈看到的只是 可以享受一点自♥由♥的机会
But all mom sees is the chance for some sweet, sweet freedom.
可是这家伙却越线了
But then, whoever that is crosses a line.
我说的"越线"是真的把宝宝
When I say crosses a line, I mean literally carries the baby
带上高压电线
across a high-voltage power line.
物竞天择怎么到现在 还没发挥作用 对吧
I mean, what the is natural selection doing all day? Right?
于是妈妈决定今天的家族聚会到此为止
And mom decides that's enough family bonding for today.
它去把宝宝带回来
And goes to get her baby back.
对叶猴来说 育儿需要一个社群
For langurs, it takes a village to raise kids.
但每位父母都有自己的底线
But every parent has their limit.
不要越界 麦克叔叔 不要越界
Boundaries, Uncle Mike. Boundaries.
所以你的育儿处和托儿服务的问题
So, you've got the nursery
已经处理好了 太棒了
and the childcare sorted, that's great!
但育儿很贵
But kids are expensive.
所以 除非你有个非常老
So unless you've got a very old, very rich relative
非常富有又快要过世的亲戚
about to kick the bucket,
否则你得想办法付帐单
you're gonna need a plan on how to pay for it all.
为了有效管理家庭
In order to manage a home efficiently,
许多家庭主妇会记录 家庭的财务状况
many a housewife keeps track of the family's money
规划支出和储蓄
and plan its spending and saving.
你是说预算
You mean a budget?
听起来很厉害
Sounds impressive.
你知道谁在管理财务方面很厉害吗
You know who is excellent at balancing the books?
是巢鼠
Harvest mice.
对 这也不是我第一个就猜到 甚至猜了五十次
Yeah, not my first guess either. Not my 50th.
这只痒痒鼠太太有八只小宝宝
Mrs. Ticklemouse here has got eight babies,
藏在它那温暖的草巢中
hidden away in her cozy nest of grass.
它知道自己要收集多少东西
And she knows exactly how much she needs to gather
才能确保宝宝们既暖和又有足够的食物
to make sure they're warm and well fed.
唉呀
Oh, jeez!
《国家地理》 你这狡猾的小家伙 差点吓到
Oh, National Geographic, you little vixen, that scared the...
别担心 她没事 她很快就会起来的
Well, don't worry, she's fine. She's gonna get up any second now.
你看 它在动了
You see, there, she's moving.
我明白了 这是在误导
Oh, I get it, it was a misdirect.
请安息
R.I.P.
来见见真正的会计专家
Meet the real experts at accounting,
这对埋葬虫夫妇
Mr. and Mrs. Burying Beetle,
还有跟着它们的那群搭便车的蟎虫
plus their entourage of hitchhiking mites,
虽然它们不是这集主题
who aren't in this section
但太恶心了 不能不提一下
but are too gross not to acknowledge.
现在我很遗憾地说
Right now, I'm afraid to say
它们正在痒痒鼠太太身上 颠鸾倒凤
that they're doing the no-pants dance on Mrs. Ticklemouse.
慢着 《国家地理》 你们竟然为了自然界
Wait. National Geographic, you guys devoted a whole channel
开了一个频道 实在是太恶心了
to Mother Nature, and it's just absolutely disgusting.
嗯
Mmm.
就像大自然最肮脏的殡葬业者
And like nature's nastiest undertakers,
它们在尸体上做完甜美的爱后
having made sweet, sweet love on the corpse,
接着就将尸体埋起来 因为 真是恶心
they then bury it. Because... gross.
它们为什么要这么做呢
And why do they do this?
因为鼠太太的尸体将为它们成长中的家庭
Because the body of Mrs. T will provide all the resources
提供所需的所有资源
their growing family needs to support itself,
前提是它们好好管理预算
if they budget properly.
虫太太会产下它们认为尸体
Mrs. Beetle lays the exact number of eggs
能提供足够养分的精确数量的卵
that they think the corpse can sustain.
三天后 这些卵
And three days later, they hatch,
孵化成这一窝可爱的宝宝
into these adorable bundles of joy.
妈妈和爸爸开始喂它们 直接把
Mom and dad get to work feeding them, by--mmh--regurgitating Miss--huh--
鼠太太的尸体
Mrs. Ticklemouse
反刍到它们的嘴里
directly into... into their mouths.
我念得下去 我念得下去 我是大人了
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I'm a big boy.
你们应该事先告知我的
A little heads up would have been nice.
我不觉得这是什么糟糕的育儿方式
I don't really see any terrible parenting here.
我看到的是慇勤的父母 充足的食物 很多身体接触
I see attentive parents, plenty of food, lots of skin-to-skin contact,
这都是教科书式的标准做法
you know, this is textbook stuff.
我是说 自己有缺点 莫揭他人短
I mean, you don't throw rocks from glass houses.
但问题来了
But there's a problem.
这群小家伙变得贪婪了
These little tikes have gotten greedy.
鼠太太那发臭的尸体经过咀嚼后
There's only so much of Mrs. Ticklemouse's fetid corpse
再反刍到孩子张开的嘴巴里
being masticated and then regurgitated
能分给每个孩子的东西是有限的
into your child's welcoming mouth to go around.
所幸妈妈和爸爸有办法平衡收支
Luckily mom and dad have a way to get the budget back on track.
很遗憾地
And I'm afraid to say,
方法就是吃掉自己的孩子
well, it's eating their own children.
先从贪婪的开始
Starting with the greedy ones.
奇怪的是 这倒没让我太困扰 我也不知道为什么
Which weirdly doesn't bother me that much, I don't know why that one... mm-mm.
如果这看起来很极端
If it seems extreme,
那是因为 确实很极端
that's because it, well, it's, it is, it's, it's extreme.
但是少一个要喂养的嘴巴
But with one less mouth to feed,
其他孩子就有更好的生存机会
the other kids have a better chance at survival.
而且它们的父母 甚至可能负担得起大学学费
And their parents might even be able to afford college.
这算不算好的育儿方式
Does it count as good parenting?
你自己决定吧
I'll let you decide.
那么赖瑞是怎么面对 首次当爸爸的挑战呢
So how's Larry facing up to the prospect of first-time fatherhood?
它简直要吓得屁滚尿流了
He's literally crapping himself.
这种情况发生在许多新手爸爸身上
It's happened to many a new father.
所幸琼天生是好妈妈
Fortunately, Joan is a natural.
它已经在四颗蛋上孵了十天
She's been sitting on their clutch of four eggs for 10 days now,
每小时精心翻动着蛋 保持温暖和安全
lovingly turning them every hour, keeping them warm and safe,
尽管赖瑞对筑巢地点的选择值得质疑
despite Larry's questionable real estate decision.
但琼饿了
But Joan is hungry.
所以当它出去觅食时
So, while she pops out to feed...
赖瑞负责顾蛋
...Larry is in charge.
看来它信任赖瑞
Larry, whom she trusts implicitly.
这有什么难的呢
I mean, how hard could it be?
它只要在琼不在的几分钟内
All he has to do is guard the eggs for a couple of minutes
守护这些蛋
while Joan is away.
你做得很好 赖瑞
You're doing great, Larry.
你可以的
You got this.
坚持住 好 它跑掉了
You stick with it. And yep, he's gone.
情况不妙
This is probably not good.
赖瑞
Larry?
赖瑞 回来
Larry, come back!
对
Yes! Yes!
快点 赖瑞 不 你这愚蠢的
Oh, come on, Larry. No. You dumb bag of.
真是白♥痴♥
Oh, scrambled eggs!
真是个笨蛋
What an idiot.
我还以为选择这夸张的位置
I thought the whole point of this insane location
是为了保护蛋免受掠食者的威胁呢
was to protect them from predators.
不幸的是 对琼和我现实中的妈妈来说
Unfortunately for Joan, and my mom in real life,
雁子终生维持同一配偶
geese mate for life.
所以它只能一辈子跟着它
So she's stuck with him.
（15天后）
它的宝宝也得跟着它
And so are his chicks.
欢迎来到这个世界 小家伙们
Welcome to the world, little guys.
爸爸妈妈会照顾你们
Mom and dad are gonna take care of you.
爱你们 喂你们
Love you, feed you,
带你们认识这个世界
introduce you to the world.
真是有够不负责任的
Well, that was wildly irresponsible.
不管那只小雁在哪里 对 现在毫无疑问活得很好
And wherever that chick is, uh, it's no doubt thriving.
好 没有人会为 不小心把孩子踢下悬崖的行为辩护
Okay, no one's defending accidentally kicking your kid off a cliff.
但根据统计数据显示对白颊黑雁来说
But the stats say a 50% survival rate
50%的存活率算是相当不错了
that's, is pretty decent for a barnacle goose.
如果赖瑞是人类 现在肯定被关进监狱了
I mean, if Larry were a human, I mean, he'd be rotting in jail, of course.
（待续）
我们只能希望它不要再犯错
Let's just hope he doesn't make any more mistakes.
不要因为断奶过程乱七八糟就拖延
Don't put off weaning just because it's messy.
越早开始 麻烦就越少
The sooner you start, the less trouble you'll have.
父母面对的下一个重大里程碑就是断奶
The next major milestone a parent faces is weaning.
虽然有些父母会花几个小时准备营养丰富
But while some of us spend hours prepping nutritious offerings
适合脆弱小胃口的食物
perfect for delicate little tummies,
有些父母则有其他想法
some parents have other ideas.