失败者（2025）

继续 不要停 看起来一点也不蠢
No, keep going, it doesn't look stupid.
公鸟们忙着打架 摆姿势
The males, they're so busy scrapping and posing
大部分都忘了来这里其实是为了交♥配♥
that most of them forget they're even here to mate at all.
对于飞了六千多公里的母鸟来说
Which must be a little frustrating for the females,
若事情没办成
who have flown 4,000 miles to...
肯定有点恼火
not get any action.
就在这时 菲莉帕出手了
But that's when Philippa steps up.
公鸟们还在忙着互殴时
While the males are busy fighting each other,
它悄悄靠近
she sneaks in
和母鸟们交♥配♥了
and mates with the females.
对 你没听错 剧情大反转
Yes, you heard me, plot twist! Big one.
菲莉帕其实是公鸟菲尔
Philippa is actually Phil.
（内应）
这位方法派演技天才
This method-acting genius is one of the 1%
是流苏鹬中 百分之一具有母鸟羽毛的公鸟
of the male ruff population that has female plumage.
（菲尔）
这样一来 它就能避开打斗
This way he avoids the brawling
成功接近母鸟们 来一场甜蜜 羽毛般温柔的爱爱
and gets close enough to the ladies to make sweet, sweet feathery love.
在入戏这件事上
And when it comes to staying in character,
菲尔完全是专业演员
Phil is nothing short of a professional,
甚至会让其他公鸟跟它交♥配♥好维持伪装
even letting the other males mate with him to maintain the disguise.
这才叫投入 教科书级的渗透作战
That's commitment. Textbook infiltration.
所以我对方法派演技整个180度改观
And thus I have come 180 on method acting.
就是这样 这就是为什么你要全心全意投入
There it is, that's why you do it, that's why you commit.
当其他公鸟终于发现自己被耍时
By the time the other males figure out they've been played,
菲尔早就溜之大吉了
he's out of there,
结果它们只能继续跳它们的战舞
leaving them nothing to do but carry on fight-dancing.
好了 各位 可以停了 母鸟都走了
Okay, guys, you can stop now, the ladies are all gone.
不对 其实 继续吧
You know what, actually, keep going.
就是这只 它可能是解决问题的关键角色
This is the one, this is the one that's gonna solve it.
不管你的阵容有多坚强
No matter how stacked your lineup is,
在策划一场抢案时 你永远不知道什么时候会卡关
when pulling off a heist, you never know when you might hit a snag.
这就是为什么每个团队 都需要一个头脑冷静
That's why every team needs someone with a cool head
又聪明的成员 能在危急时想出脱身之计
and the smarts to figure their way out of a tight spot.
说到狡猾
And they don't make 'em any more cunning
没有比南半球的家伙
than they do...
更有一套
down under.
（澳洲）
我有个手下马上就要示范
One of my guys is about to demonstrate exactly how you come out swinging
当你被逼到墙角时要怎么反击
when your back is against the wall.
因为它马上要对上一只食虫椿象
Because he's about to come up against her, an assassin bug.
相信我 那只食虫椿象可不是
And take it from me, she didn't get that name
靠着扶老太太过马路才得到这封号♥的
by helping old ladies across the road.
它正在森林里寻找下一个受害者
She's searching the forest for her next victim.
它的目标正是我这位小朋友 疯狂帽帽虫
And is homing in on my little friend, the mad hatterpillar.
之所以有这个名字 是因为它头上顶着大自然界
A name earned by sporting some of Mother Nature's
最奇特的帽子造型之一
most unusual head apparel.
但不幸的是 它正准备进入
But unfortunately for him, he's about to enter
生命周期中最脆弱的阶段
the most vulnerable stage of his life cycle.
它刚大吃一顿叶子 现在要把那件
After gorging himself on leaves, he needs to shed his skin,
太紧的旧皮脱下来
which has become too tight for his body.
你可以想像成
Think of it like trying to wrestle your way
设法从一个小两号♥的睡袋里挣脱出来
out of a sleeping bag that's two sizes too small,
或是脱掉2000年代初的紧身牛仔裤
or early 2000s skinny jeans while wearing a Halloween mask
同时还戴着独角兽角的万圣节面具
with a unicorn horn on your head.
我不是说我♥干♥过这种事
I'm not saying I've done that,
但2000年代初 流行过很多东西
but a lot of things happened, uh, in the early 2000s,
你就一路穿到2019年 例如紧身牛仔裤
that you carried over right into 2019, like skinny jeans,
然后你心想 "为什么没人说点什么
and you just think wow, I should've, why didn't someone say something?
我都结婚了 你可以早点提醒 好吗"
I've been married, and you could've, you know.
糟糕
Oh, no!
食虫椿象逐渐逼近
The assassin bug is closing in.
当帽帽虫终于摆脱旧皮 却保留了一部分
As he finally leaves his old skin behind, he holds onto one bit:
头
the head.
原来它那尖尖的帽子不只是好玩的造型
Because it turns out his pointy headgear is not just a fun hat,
而是它四层旧头皮
it's four stories of previous head skin
堆叠起来的产物 这也是
all stacked on top of the other, and his secret weapon
它对抗杀手的秘密武器
in the fight against would-be assassins.
说到杀人这件事
When it comes to carrying out all the murdering,
食虫椿象那个邪恶的尖嘴器官
the assassin bug's evil-looking pointy mouth part
能刺穿 液化
is capable of stabbing, liquefying,
并吸干脑浆 一个尖尖小嘴涵盖所有功能
and sucking up brains all in one neat, pointy package.
但前提是 你要知道哪颗才是真正的头
But only if you know which head is the real one.
（诱饵）
食虫椿象完全被这顶 四层高的帽头给搞糊涂了
She's utterly bamboozled by the hatterpillar's four-story head hat.
不知道该从哪里下手
And doesn't know where to strike.
在混乱之中 它攻击假的头部
In her confusion, she targets the fake heads.
对帽帽虫来说那毫无杀伤力 然后它把这顶帽头
Harmless to the caterpillar who then uses his head hat...
当成武器
...as a weapon.
一击又一击 帽帽虫一路把食虫椿象
Blow by blow, the hatterpillar battles the assassin bug
逼到叶子的边缘
to the edge of the leaf.
再会了 食虫椿象
And, well, so long, assassin bug.
这帽帽虫绝对要纳入团队
The hatterpillar is a must on the crew.
正如我常说的 "别带刀去打头战"
And as I always say, don't bring a knife to a head fight.
虽然我其实从来没这么说过 但我刚刚说了
I never say that, but I did that just now,
暗示我经常这样说
alluding to the fact that I do say it often.
其实并没有
But I don't.
现在我已几乎凑齐所有冷门高手
So I've got almost every underdog I need
来完成这场完美犯罪
to pull off the perfect crime.
只剩下一个关键角色
There's just one critical thing left.
每个团队都需要一个背锅侠
Every team needs someone to take the fall.
（津巴布韦）
这一家子非常懂得这一点
And this family knows all about that.
豺狼一家
The jackals.
家里多了一张嘴要喂 让它们面临觅食的压力
An extra mouth to feed has put pressure on these guys to deliver the goods.
问题是 想猎的目标
Trouble is, everything they might hunt
要么太大
is either too big...
要么跑太快
too fast...
要么根本是疯子
...or too much of a psycho.
你知道我在说你 贝瑞
Oh, you know who you are, Barry!
还记得在巴吞鲁日那次吗 对 你记得
Remember that time in Baton Rouge? Yeah, you do.
说实话 吃过一次白蚁后
And frankly, when you've eaten termites once,
那一次也就够呛了
it's one time too many.
但其他动物还是能找到东西吃
But other animals are managing to catch food.
也许抢点什么
Maybe steal something?
不过 你可别抢这家伙的东西
You do not wanna steal from this guy, though,
除非你准备好面对后果
unless you're prepared to deal with the fallout.
有几个同伴从正面接近
Some of the team approach from the front.
但就在狮子的目光被吸引时
But while the lion's eyes are on them...
真正的英雄从后面绕过去
the real hero sneaks around back.
它的任务是分散大块头的注意力
His job is to distract the big guy.
如果它想活着回来
And if he wants to come out alive,
就要拿捏好分寸
he'll have to get it just right.
哈喽 木法沙
Knock-knock, Mufasa.
它必须拼命逃命
He has to run for his life,
但它成功把狮子引开一段时间
but he draws the lion off for just long enough.
让其他同伴成功抢走战利品
The rest of the pack can make off with the goods.
回到巢穴
Back to the den,
然后把食物吐出来 喂给饥饿的小孩
to vomit up the spoils for their hungry child.
吐干净 把头发拨开
Get it all out, hold his hair back.
好了
There you go.
至于这位传奇英雄
And as for this legend,
它扛下了风险
he took the heat,
捡回一命
and this time he survived.
（替死鬼）
以上就是我那本黑皮书里的伙伴们
So, there you have it, my little black book of associates.
个个都是诈骗高手
All masters of deception,
集结起来 正是我完成惊天大案所需的阵容
and altogether, everyone I need to pull off the big one.
但我还没说完
But we're not done yet.
关于我还有一件事你必须知道
There's something else you need to know about me.
为什么我能当这场行动的军师
The reason I get to be the brains of this whole operation.
你知道电影里的那种桥段 你突然发现
You know that part of the movie where you realize
这场犯罪大戏 其实比看起来复杂得多
there's slightly more to a crime caper than meets the eye?