中年失恋日记（2022）

我现在单身了！
I'm single now!
真不敢相信
I can't believe it.
我还在和他调情 接下来 我就连滚带爬地滚下了山
I was mid flirt, then next thing I know, I'm going ass backwards down the mountain.
宝贝 这是同性恋滑雪周末
Babe, it's gay ski weekend.
不是同性恋滑雪下午 你还会再见到他的
Not gay ski afternoon. You'll see him again.
你说得对 帮我盯着穿蓝色迷彩大衣的人
You're right. Keep your eyes peeled for a blue camo coat.
Hmm. Good news, it's the only coat like that I've seen.
好消息是 我只见过一件那样的外衣
坏消息是 那边还有两个女士 穿着和斯坦利一样的衣服
Bad news, there's two other women over there in Stanley's outfit.
我不在乎 我在万圣节 穿过一次啦啦队裙 然后和人上♥床♥了
I don't care. I got lucky wearing a cheerleader skirt once for Halloween.
我不会让女士滑雪裤打倒我
I am not gonna let ladies' ski pants bring me down.
-我的天 -撒旦肉桂威士忌来暖暖身？
- Wow. - Oh my.
Fireball shots to warm up?
-不用了 谢谢 -好的！
- N... no, thanks. - Yes, please!
-何乐不为？ -在高原 喝一杯的效果相当于两杯
- Why not? - One of these at this altitude equals two.
别跟我说什么酒量数学了 斯坦利
- Please. - Don't start with the drink math, Stanley.
麦克！你居然也在这里
Michael! How funny you are here.
我从没在这种 性感同性恋周末活动中见过你
I never see you at these sexy gay weekends.
你好 霍斯特
Hello, Horst.
我听说你被甩了
I heard you were dumped.
真遗憾 看来你现在 和我们都在同一条船上了？
I'm sorry. But now you're in the same boat as the rest of us, ja?
想和我还有我的滑雪伙伴 一起吃晚餐吗？
Care to join me and my ski pals for dinner?
不用了 谢谢 我有自己的朋友
- No, thanks. I'm here with my own friends. - Hi.
-嗨 -嗨
嗨 真是个好主意啊 男生之旅！
Hi, what a good idea. Boys' trip!
当你的帅气前任去迈阿密浪漫度假时 这绝对是个完美的选择
It's the perfect thing to do when your hot ex is on a romantic getaway in Miami.
你在说什么？柯林去了迈阿密？
What are you talking about? Colin's in Miami?
我在柏瑞健身房♥里最爱的教练 他的前夫罗比在和柯林约会
Ja. My favorite instructor at Barry's Boot Camp's ex-husband Robbie
is dating him.
我在他的照片墙 看到了他们在迈阿密的照片
I saw a picture of them in Miami on his Instagram.
你怎么没告诉我你们分手了？ 他真的好帅噢
Why didn't you tell me you split up? He really was so hot.
我们会在8点吃奶酪火锅炉
We'll be at the fondue pot at 8:00.
我会给你留一把叉子 以防你改变心意
I'll save you a fork if you change your mind.
-我的天啊 -麦克 别生气
- Oh my God. - Michael, don't get crazy.
是啊 也许那位爱娃布劳恩误会了
Yeah, maybe Eva Braun over there is mistaken.
你也听到了 他在柏瑞健身房♥ 最爱的教练的前夫罗比的照片墙上
You heard him.
He saw them on his favorite Barry's Boot Camp instructor's
看到了他们的照片
ex-husband Robbie's Instagram.
随便吧 这是你现在最不该想的事情
Well, whatever. This is the last thing you should be thinking about.
他们是一时寻欢 还是说 这个罗比是个有正经工作的正经人？
Do you think it's just a fling, or this Robbie's a real person with a real job?
他们去迈阿密浪漫度假 你觉得这代表他们是认真的吗？
And if they're on some romantic getaway in Miami, do you think this is serious?
你在做什么？
Wh... what are you doing?
我在霍斯特的照片墙上 搜索罗比的主页
I'm searching Horst's Instagram for Robbie's profile.
等等 柯林应该不会带他 去参加乔纳森的婚礼吧？
Wait, you don't think Colin would bring him to the Jonathans' wedding, do you?
我的天
Oh my God.
我只能坐在那里 眼看着柯林开启他的新未来 该死！
I'm going to have to sit there and watch Colin start his new future. Shit!
霍斯特认识八个叫罗比的人 其中一半都是隐私账号♥
Horst knows, like, eight Robbies, and half of them have private accounts.
麦克 别再闹了！
Michael, snap out of it!
你还有科里
You have Corey.
或者你会有的 当你记起自己来这里是为了享乐
Or you will when you remember you're at gay ski weekend to have fun,
而不是纠结自己的前任
not obsess over your ex.
没错 放手吧
Exactly. Let it go.
你说得对
You're right. You're right.
我还有科里 我不必在乎柯林在哪里 我会的
I have Corey. I don't need to care about where Colin is. I will.
我会放手的 真的
I will let it go, for real.
不过我得再来一杯撒旦肉桂威士忌！
But I will take one more of those fireball shots!
♪ Baby, I'm about to blow... ♪
- Sorry, you're not on the list. - ♪ Baby, I'm about to blow... ♪
对不起 名单上没有你
去他的名单
Fuck that list.
你没看到 两位美臀女士想要进入夜店吗？
Do you see two fine-ass ladies tryin' to get in the club?
能不能再查一下“苏珊普伦蒂斯” 斯是“斯文”的斯？
Can you look again under Suzanne Prentiss, double S, as in super special?
我在苏活夜店工作的时候 你们两位是不是冲我吼过？
Didn't you two yell at me when I worked at Soho House?
-不对 从来没有 -这可是种族歧视
- Nope. Never been. - That's racist.
好 你去问问特雷
Okay. Just check with Trey.
好吧 请让开一下
Fine. Step aside, please.
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
提醒他 是凯的妈妈加两个客人
And remind him that it's Kai's mother plus two.
等一下 两个客人？还有谁要来？
What a minute, plus two? Who else is comin'?
Oh, client. She's about to get a divorce.
一个客户 她要离婚了
想向前夫炫耀一下 自己能来十西夜店玩
She wants to rub it in her ex-husband's face that she's partyin' at Ten West.
好吧 我理解 但她人怎么样？好相处吗？
Okay, I get that. But how is she? Is she chill?
抱歉我迟到了
Sorry I'm late.
我在床上摆了15套衣服 然后选了套全黑的
I laid out 15 outfits on the bed and then just went with all black.
我看起来像是骑着扫帚飞来的女巫
I look like I flew here on a broom.
你看起来很漂亮 我都想和你亲热了
You look great.
- So great I wanna make out with ya. - Oh!
Ha-ha!
特雷确认了
Trey vouched.
-你们可以进去了 -谢谢
- You can go up. - Thank you.
什么态度！
Attitude!
你一定是米娅吧 我是克莱尔刘易斯 谢谢你让我不请自来
You must be Mia. I'm Claire Lewis. Thank you for letting me crash your party.
Let's check my fur.
我去存下皮草
一开始你不会喜欢她 但相处久了 你们会热络起来的
You won't like her at first, but you'll warm up as the night goes on.
谢谢你提醒
Appreciate the heads-up.
我们走吧 女士们！
- Let's go, ladies! - Whoo!
- ♪ Baby, I'm about to blow... ♪ - Hey!
嗨！
太可爱了！今晚的派对是可爱风！
Oh, this is cute! We got cute ones in here tonight!
Aah!
天啊 快看！
Oh my God, look!
苏珊！
Suzanne!
嗨 特雷
Oh, hey, Trey.
真的对不起 凯让我把你加在名单上 我给忘了
I'm so sorry. Kai asked me to put you on the list, and I spaced.
我真的很内疚 我可不想让这么漂亮的女士失望
I feel awful, trust me. I don't like to disappoint a beautiful woman.
First drink is on me.
第一杯我来请客
你们想自己点 还是由我来拿主意？
You guys wanna order, or should I surprise you?
你可以帮我拿主意 我要双倍雪树伏特加 加两个橄榄
You can surprise me with a double Belvedere up with two olives, very cold.
超级冰的那种
-要三杯 -好吧
- Make it three. - All right.
苏珊 我觉得那个年轻人对你有好感
Suzanne, I think that young man has a little thing for you.
我告诉过她的！
I have told her that!
每次我们利用他进入夜店时 他总是跟她使劲调情
He flirts with her so hard every time we use him to get into places.
别说了 哪怕真是这样也不行 何况根本不是这么回事
Stop.
Even if that were true, which it's not, that is my son's best friend. Pass!
那可是我儿子的挚友 不考虑！
拜托 和一个 想进入你私处的年轻人共度浪漫夜晚
Come on. Wouldn't it be nice to spend a romantic evening with a young man
总比从你的私处生出来的人要好吧？
who wants to get into your vagina, rather than one who came out of it?
She's funny!
她很有趣！
热络中
- Warming. - Mm-hmm!
帮我拍个照片 这样我就能好好报复一下前夫了！
Okay, someone take a picture of me here so I can make my ex-husband feel like shit!
不行！这里不允许拍照 他们会赶我们出去的
No, no, no, no, no! They don't allow pics here. They will throw us out.
-我们必须偷偷摸摸拍 -而且你不能在照片墙上发
- We have to be stealth about this. - And you can't post on Instagram.
我的朋友马库斯发了加标签的照片
My friend Marcus tagged a pic here.
他们一直追究他 就像科学教追究丽亚一样
They came after him like the Scientologists went after Leah.
我不用那些东西
I'm not on any of those things.
我会给我家大女儿发个照片
I'm going to text a photo to my oldest child,
那个依然是女儿的孩子
the one who's still a daughter,
因为她很不爽
because she's mad at her father for dating someone barely older than she is.
父亲和一个 比自己大不了几岁的女人在一起
我也会利用我的孩子去搞前夫！
I use my kids to fuck with my ex-husband too!
我侥幸逃脱的那些破事 我应该去克格勃才对
I mean, the shit I've gotten away with. I should be the KGB.
这可是你错过的乐趣 毕竟你不知道凯的父亲是谁
This is the fun you missed out on, not knowing who Kai's father is.
不像你们 我也错过了被人抛弃的乐趣
I also missed out on gettin' left like you two.
- Oh... - Okay. Still fresh.
好吧 玩笑开得太早了 我理解
- I get it. - I'm sorry.
来吧 请坐吧
Here we go. Have a seat.
Ooh! Thank you, Trey. This is cute skrt.
谢谢你 特雷 这里真是可爱爆了
如果你想的话 我这里也有一些快乐丸
I've also got a little molly if you're looking.
-不行 你以为我是谁？我可不能！ -别拒绝这么快！
- Oh no. Who do you think I am? I can't! - Not so fast!
我从来没嗑过 我的孩子都成人了 我还等什么？
I've never done it. My kids are grown. What am I waiting for?
And it looked so fun when J. Lo did it in Hustlers.
洛佩兹在《舞♥女♥大盗》里嗑药时 看着很有趣
所以两个同意 一个反对
That's two yeses to your one no.
好吧 那就来一点点吧
Okay, fine. Ju... Maybe just a smidge.
Oh!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Oh, I'm so excited!
要么他是嗑药了 要么他超级想跟你搞到一起
Either he's already done some of that, or he is dying to get wit' you.
可以这样说吗？“搞到一起？”
Is that okay to say that? "Get wit' you?"
-我得思考一下 -我觉得没问题
- I'mma need to sit wit' it. - I'm on board.
Okay!
我真的很幸运 能有你们做我的挚友
I am so lucky that you are both my best friends.