中年失恋日记（2022）

但愿我穿得够多 我讨厌寒冷！
Oh! I hope I brought enough layers. I hate being cold!
还好我记得带上自己的高原反应药
I did remember my altitude pills, thank God.
每次到了山上 我都感觉很不舒服 有一次 我…
I get so queasy in the mountains. One time I was...
斯坦利 这是只有男人、 滑雪和性♥爱♥的三日逍遥游 不准抱怨
Stanley, this is three days of men, snow, and sex. No whining allowed.
我没抱怨 我超爱同性恋滑雪周末
I'm not whining. I love gay ski weekend.
这是唯一一个 不需要我脱上衣的帅哥男生活动
It's the only hot boys' event where I don't have to take my shirt off.
-你们好吗？ -你好啊
- What up? - Hiya.
-他来了 -我要坐前面
- Here we go. - I'm getting shotgun.
-给我吧 -你打扮得一点都不夸张
- Give me this. - Wow. You look so subtle.
- ♪ Okay ♪ - ♪ Bossa nova baby ♪
♪ Beach house, lazy Pink shades, rosé, sleepin' all day... ♪
这是你们的入住表格
So here are your check-in forms,
这是周末活动的行程表
and this is an itinerary with the weekend's activities.
You've been extremely welcoming, Harrison.
你的招待非常周到 哈里森
他只会快速寻找一下 有没有热水浴群♥交♥ 然后就扔掉
He'll just give it a quick scan for the hot-tub orgy and throw it away.
斯坦利 群♥交♥没有写在这上面 不然随便谁都能参加了
The orgy isn't listed, Stanley, because then anyone could attend.
喂 看到那个人了吗？
Hey. Hey! You see that guy?
蓝色迷彩外套那位？
Blue camo jacket?
我认识他 他叫…
I know him. His name's, um...
我们在两年前的 克利夫兰经纪人会议上见过
We met two years ago at a Realtor conference in Cleveland.
他叫科里
His name's Corey.
我们绝对擦起过火花
Oh! We definitely had some vibes.
但因为柯林 我什么都没做 白♥痴♥
But I couldn't do anything because of Colin. Idiot.
在美国最无聊的城市里
You let commitment get in the way of sex with a hot guy
你居然因为忠诚而拒绝了性♥爱♥？
in America's most boring city?
你紧张吗？
Are you nervous?
-你看起来很紧张 -什么？紧张？才没有！
- You look nervous. - What? Nervous? No!
不 好吧 也许有点
No! Okay, maybe a little.
我们刚见面时 我温和又自信 因为我知道不会发生什么
When we met, I was suave and confident because I knew nothing could happen.
-但我现在单身了… -你可以真的和他上♥床♥了！
- But now I'm available... - You can actually have sex with the guy!
而且这里的空气稀薄 所有人都很饥渴
Plus, with the thin air up here, it makes everyone horny.
我几乎喘不过气来 但我总是能在高原约到炮
I can barely breathe, but I always get laid at altitude.
所以去找他吧
So go get him.
Hmm. Oh no. He's gone.
糟了 他走了
不 这样比较好
No, no, it's better this way.
如果你碰到他时比较随意 你就不会显得过于饥渴
Now if you happen to run into him casually, you won't seem so thirsty.
你总是能这么娴熟地扯一通
I love how deftly you can spin shit.
我们上楼换衣服 15分钟后这里见？
Let's go up to our rooms, get changed, meet back here in 15?
45分钟吧 我得先去租滑雪服
Make it 45. I have to find ski clothes to rent.
你要租滑雪服？
You're renting ski clothes?
-谁会租啊？ -你知道我从不滑雪的
- Who does that? - You know I never ski.
既然能租 何必还花一大笔钱去买♥♥？ 就像保龄球鞋
Why spend a fortune on clothes when I can just rent them? It's like bowling shoes.
对啊 又臭又便宜
Ugh, yeah. Smelly and cheap.
-好好享受 各位 -谢谢
- Enjoy, guys. - Thanks.
我要两把钥匙
I'll take two keys.
一把给我
One for me and...
一把给你
one for you.
-真圆滑啊！ -有用吗？
- Smooth! - Does that ever work?
-没用 -每次都奏效
- It never works. - Every time.
每次都奏效
Every time.
（格拉梅西公园 东21街）
What can I say? My clients liked it,
我能说什么呢？我的客户很喜欢
但他们稍稍有些失望
but they honestly were a little disappointed.
他们认为公♥寓♥没有网上的照片好看
- They thought it looked better online. - I hear ya.
我理解 我的网络照片也比真人好看
I look better online.
谢谢你过来
Thanks for coming.
嘿 克莱尔 你怎么来了？
Hey, Claire, what are you doing here?
和我的建筑师在新公♥寓♥里见面
I have a meeting with my architect in the new apartment.
Oh!
有个问题
Question.
我看起来…
Do I seem...
像是女同性恋吗？
lesbian to you?
Uh...
不像 你看起来完全不喜欢女人
No. You don't seem like you like women much at all.
谢谢！
Thank you!
我最近一直跟我的离婚女友们出去玩
I have been going out with my divorced girlfriends lately
算是苦涩的共患难吧
for some bitter camaraderie,
她们中不止一个人 会在夜晚结束的时候突然靠近我
and more than one of them has lurched at me at the end of the night
给我一个醉醺醺的湿吻
with a drunken, sloppy kiss.
我知道我们现在对男人都有些许失望
I... I get that we're all a little disappointed in men right now,
可这种极端的 晚年女同性向是怎么回事？
but what's with the rampant late-in-life lesbianism?
肯定是因为太无聊了
Chalk it up to boredom.
何况现在流动性向是个很酷的风潮
And it's very cool to be sexually fluid right now.
嗯 这倒是解释了我为什么不感兴趣
Well, that explains my lack of interest.
我从来都不是个很酷的人
I've never been very cool.
至少现在 人们对性向不再感到那么羞耻了
Well, at least there's less shame about sexuality.
我们不必只选择一种且一成不变
We don't have to just choose a box and stay in it.
我理解 但我喜欢自己的一成不变
- I hear that, but I like my box. - Sounds like your girlfriends do too.
听起来你的女朋友们也喜欢
Oh!
I guess!
你今晚有什么安排？
So what are you up to tonight?
我要去十西夜店见我朋友米娅
I'm meeting my friend Mia at Ten West.
天啊 亨利一直想进入那个夜店 但人家不让他进
God, Henry was dying to get into that club once upon a time, but they rejected him.
Oh.
Wouldn't it just kill him if he found out that I got in there before he did?
要是他发现我比他早一步进去的话 岂不是要气疯了？
Aah...
对 对你来说是很酷
Yeah. That would be very cool for you.
用这件事重重打击他一下 简直是再好不过了！
I mean, to shove something like that in his face could be delicious!
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm!
去他妈的小丑
- Fuck that clown! - Oh.
这样的小小胜利会帮我愈合伤口
I bet a little victory like that would be healing for me,
作为一个女人 一个母亲
as a woman and as a mother,
我相信你这样的人一定能理解
which I'm sure someone like you understands...
Oh! Hey! Would you like to come with us?
嘿！你想跟我们一起去吗？
Oh! Yes! Good God.
好的！老天啊
但愿当初你帮我卖♥♥公♥寓♥时 我没让你太辛苦
I hope I didn't make you work that hard to sell my apartment.
你有的
Oh, you did!
确实 穿着滑雪装备 大家看起来都更性感了
It's true. Everyone does look sexier in ski gear.
我无意中瞥见镜子里的自己 心想：“嗨 詹姆斯邦德”
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was like, "Oh, hey, James Bond."
邦德 等找到那个 有金色“手♥枪♥”的男人时 你得冷静点
Play it cool, 007, when you find your man with the golden dick.
Hah!
你好啊
Hello.
嘿 快看！粉色又回归时尚了！ 有谁想念粉色吗？
Oh, hey, look! Pink is back! Who missed it?
-有人吗？ -是圣罗兰的 拜托
- Anyone? - It's YSL. Thank you.
店里有个女人告诉我…
- A woman at the shop told me... - "I have the same one"?
“我也有件一样的”？
-我这尺寸的就这么一件！ -女士14号♥？
- It's all they had in my size! - A ladies' 14?
随便吧
Oh, whatever.
你花了好几千买♥♥了你这一身 我只付了80美元 谁才是傻瓜？
You paid thousands of dollars for yours. I paid 80. Who's the fool now?
姑娘们 你们俩都很漂亮 现在可以滑雪了吗？
Girls, you're both pretty. Can we ski now, please?
你好吗 兄弟？
Yo. What's up, brother?
你好吗 兄弟？
What's up, brother?
你认识那个人？
You know that guy?
不认识 只是打个招呼 他小时候肯定也去过“杰克和吉尔”
No, just sayin' what's up. I bet he did Jack and Jill as a kid too.
“杰克和吉尔”是什么？
What's Jack and Jill?
是个社交俱乐部 一些黑人家长会让自己的孩子参加
It's a social club some Black parents make their kids join
学习滑雪和其他世俗的狗屁活动
to learn to ski and other bougie shit.
比利 能听到你 讲一些无关性♥爱♥的故事 真是太好了
Aw! Billy. That was kind of sweet,
hearing you tell a story that wasn't about sex.
别人第一次帮我打手♥枪♥ 是在滑雪缆车上
I did get my first hand job on a ski lift.
好吧
- Okay. - Oh, oh! There he is! Oh! Blue camo!
他在那里！蓝色迷彩男！
- Ooh! Go! - Blue... Oh...
去啊！
-你在等什么？ -我不知道
- What are you waitin' for? - I... I don't know.
下面见啦 你这个大受！
- See you at the bottom, you big bottom! - Oh, you!
你这家伙！
Ow!
嘿 是科里吧？
Hey, Corey, right?
麦克罗森 我们两年前在克利夫兰认识的
Michael Lawson. We met two years ago in Cleveland.
是那个房♥地♥产♥经纪人会议上
At the... at the Realtor conference.
来自纽约的麦克 我当然记得你
Michael from New York. Of course I remember.
-很高兴在这里见到你 -我也是
- Nice to see you here. - You too.
I remember you had that boyfriend.
我记得你当时有那位男朋友
我可不记得你的肩膀这么硬朗 有人在坚持健身呢
I don't remember these shoulders. Somebody's been hittin' the gym.
Um... About that...
说到那件事…
Oh!
-抱歉！ -他…
- Sorry! - He's...
我们已经分手了 我没有男朋友了！
We're not together anymore. I don't have a boyfriend!