穿越烟壶（2016）

I haven't seen that on the big screen.
我还没看过这部电影呢
It's gonna be all the birds.
听说会有很多鸟乱飞
Two, one!
二 一
Happy 196♥4♥!
196♥4♥年快乐
Good morning, ma'am.
早上好 女士
Can I interest you in a hairbrush...
不知您是否对这款新毛刷...
You ready? Yeah.
准备好了吗 好了
Ooh, you okay, Michael?
你没事吧 迈克尔
And that's the story of Peter Pan.
那就是《彼得·潘》的故事
I want to go to Neverland.
我也想去永无岛[梦幻庄园]
Fuck, I didn't even think of that.
妈的 我刚刚没想到这一点
Language.
不准讲脏话
Okay, yeah. Thank you, good night.
好吧 谢你了 晚安
Jeff.
杰夫
I said, "Jeff."
注意我说杰夫的语气
I heard you.
我听到了
You're a good boy, Michael.
你是个好孩子 迈克尔
We love you.
*我们爱你
I love you, too, White Mommy and Daddy.
我也爱你们 白人爸爸妈妈
Good night. Okay.
晚安 好吧
Night-night.
晚安
Jeff...
杰夫
I can't do this anymore.
我坚持不下去了
Oh, thank God. Me either.
谢天谢地 我也不行了
I've been wanting to say something for weeks.
我已经想表达意见都好几周了
This is horrendous, okay?
这里太可怕了 好吗
Today I sold one hairbrush,
今天我只卖♥♥掉了一把毛刷
and I got a lead for another hair brush sale.
但我却因为又卖♥♥出一把毛刷而成了销量冠军
Today I made $3 in tips,
今天我就赚了3美元小费
and I was groped relentlessly all day.
我被咸猪手摸了一整天
When do men stop groping women?
男人什么时候才会停止乱摸女人
When? Tell me!
什么时候 告诉我
The '90s. I hope so.
90年代吧 但愿如此
Maybe post-9/11. I don't know.
或许在911事件之后吧 我也不知道
Everybody's red. All the white people are red.
每个人都是红色的 白人也是红色的皮肤
'cause they're in the sun with no sunscreen.
因为他们整天晒太阳 却没有防晒油
It's like... And then they're...
就像... 并且他们...
Everybody's a fucking alcoholic.
每个人都他妈是酒鬼
I tried to buy sunscreen. It doesn't exist yet.
我试过去买♥♥防晒油 但这个年代还不存在呢
When do they invent SPF?
什么时候防日晒系数才会被研究出来
That guy's gonna make a fucking mint.
那家伙一定会赚翻的
If I have to eat one more Jell-O mold
如果再让我吃果冻
or plate of Spam,
一盘肉罐头
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
我就怒而自杀
I have a spare tire made of mayonnaise.
我有个备用轮胎 是用蛋黄酱做的
And you know this shit doesn't work.
你知道这玩意儿根本没减肥效果吧
Thank God for the diet pills.
感谢上帝发明了减肥药
I can't wear this gabardine shit anymore!
我受不了这种华达呢布料做的衣服了
Everything is itchy.
每样东西穿着都好痒
I've been uncomfortable since the first day we got here.
从我们来的那天起 我就没舒服过
Being a parent is so hard.
为人父母好难啊
The PTA meetings.
要去开家长会
Making lunches every day.
每天都要做午餐
Avoiding the cops 'cause we stole a child.
要躲着警♥察♥ 因为这孩子是偷来的
Yeah, I don't know what we were thinking.
就是 我都不知道我们之前是怎么想的
Yeah, we should have spent that belt machine money
就是 我们应该把买♥♥那个减肥运动带的钱
on more diet pills.
用来买♥♥减肥药的
No, I'm talking about kidnapping Michael Jackson.
不 我说的是绑♥架♥迈克尔·杰克逊这事
Oh, yeah, that.
是啊 那事
We took a human child.
我们抢走了一个小孩子
Should we kill him?
我们该杀了他吗
No! Yeah, no.
不 是啊 不
We're not gonna kill a child. No, no.
我们才不要杀小孩呢 是啊 不杀
We're not gonna kill the King of Pop.
我们不能杀了流行乐之王
Yeah, yeah, no.
是啊 不能
Who are we to say what history should and shouldn't be?
我们算哪颗葱 凭什么决定历史该是怎样的
Not us. No.
我们不能 是啊
I don't trust us.
我不信任我们
We are idiots!
我们就是傻♥逼♥
When we get to a place, we should not touch anything.
我们去到一个地方 什么都不应该碰
Yes. We should just look around.
就是 我们只能随便看看
We should look around and go.
就那么随便看看 然后离开
It's like we smoke,
我们先抽一下烟壶
if it's not home, we smoke out.
如果不是家里 立刻再抽一下闪人
But we can't just bring him back.
但我们不能就这么把他送回去啊
Now before we go, Michael,
在我们走之前 迈克尔
I want you to remember
我希望你记住
you're beautiful just the way you are.
你真实自然的样子就已经很美了
Also, publishing rights. Buy The Beatles' music.
并且 要重视版权 要购买♥♥披头士乐队的歌♥曲
It's just a little tip from White Daddy.
就当是你的白人老爹给你的一点小忠告吧
I hope you learned something from us.
我希望你从我们身上学到东西了
I learned that it's okay to take
我学到从别人家里
little boys from their homes.
把小男孩抢走也没事
Oh, fuck. Shit.
操啊 该死
Language!
不准讲脏话
Okay. Goodbye, Michael. All right, bye.
好了 再见 迈克尔 好的 再见
Michael. Oh, my God, Michael.
迈克尔 天啊
I see you!
我看到你们了
Oh, I'm gonna get you.
我一定要抓到你们
Go, smoke. Get the bong, get the bong, go!
快抽啊 拿出烟壶 拿出烟壶 快
Nobody steals my son!
没人可以偷我的儿子
I'm gonna get you! Go, go, go, go.
我一定要抓到你们 快抽 快 快
The fuck?
什么鬼
God.
天啊
Ooh, doesn't get any easier.
搞了这么多次并没有好受一些
For once I wish we'd land in a pond.
我真希望我们降落在池塘里
Where the fuck are we?
我们这是在哪儿
Holy shit!
卧♥槽♥
Sharee, this is it,
雪莉 太棒了
the best time period there is in human history.
我们来到了人类历史上最好的时代
Ancient Greece, the era of symposiums
古希腊 酒宴讨论会的时代
that gave birth to philosophy and literature.
哲学和文学就是这样诞生的
Plus they have plumbing.
而且他们家里有水管系统
And Greek salad.
以及希腊沙拉
Oh, I would kill for a Greek salad.
我超想吃希腊沙拉的
Greek salad!
希腊沙拉