一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S03E07

Part 1 June 26, 2021, 9:06 a.m.

我为什么会在阿♥拉♥斯加
Why am I in Alaska?!
去问我那个软蛋儿子Nate Parker啊
Ask my cuck of son Nate Parker!
他才是那个整天无所事事
He's the one who has nothing better to do with his life
承诺一个女人永远跟她在一起后却让她失望
than disappoint a woman by promising to be with her forever.
真狠啊
Holy shit.
那是你妈
That's your mother?
是啊
Yeah.
怪不得你这个逼样 - 你结婚了吗
That explains a lot. - Are you married?
哪个奇形怪状的草食女
And what shovel-faced herbivore
让你皱巴巴的男根畅通无阻
lets you jam your shriveled manhood inside her
装出来的激♥情♥你都信啊
in some bloated imitation of passion?
我只是觉得婚礼上有家人参加很重要
Just thought it would be important to have some family at the wedding.
你婚礼放她鸽子是因为这个吗
And is that why you stood her up at the altar?
不是
No.
我们家人都不怎么适合结婚
Marriage has never really worked in my family.
如果你不打算起诉我至少给我记个案底啊
If you're not gonna charge me, at least stick it in me.
感觉很不错吧
How good is this, right?
跟你说了感觉会很爽
Told you it was gonna be nice.
有史以来最棒的假期
Best vacation ever!
天
God.
都多长时间咱俩没独处过了
First time alone in I don't know how long.
两年了 - 不会吧没有那么久
Two years. - No, it hasn't been that long.
有那么久孩子们出生后就没有了
Yeah, since the kids were born.
好吧那这值得喝一个
Well, I'll drink to that, then.
你当然得喝一个了
You certainly will.
嗯
Mmm.
再来一瓶
Ohh!
船啊
Boats!
我说得没错吧
Am I right?
还有大海啊
And water.
还有漂流啊
And floating.
我跟你说了感觉贼爽
I told you it was gonna be nice.
你说了都说好几遍了
You did. You told me. Many times.
我说了 "我你船贼爽"
I said, "Me, you, boat, nice."
你就是这么说的一字不差
That's exactly how you said it, yep.
天啊你喝太多了宝贝
Man, you're drinking a lot, babe.
游船派对
Party boat.
噢耶耶耶耶耶
Koo-ooh-koo-koo-koo! Koo-koo-koo!
啊耶耶耶耶耶
Koo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
哇他们学我了嘿
Ah, they're doing it! Hey!
给我来杯激♥情♥牙买♥♥加耶
Jamaica me thirsty, mon!
我们现在在多米尼加
We're in the Dominican.
天啊我怎么这么擅长模仿口音
God, I'm so good at accents.
知道吗我在考虑发明一个游戏
You know, I was thinking about inventing a game.
什么游戏
Hmm?
你模仿一个口音猜对就能得分
Where you do an accent and you guess for points.
你来考我一个 - 呃哑剧
Gimme one. - Uh, mime.
别闹啊认真一点行吗
Come on. Give me a good one.
那没舌头的人怎么样
How about a tongueless person?
好吧你来猜猜我这个
Okay, how 'bout this?
早啊兄弟
G'day, mate.
再往虾上甩个小袋鼠咋样啊
Let's throw another wallaby on the shrimp.
什么澳洲野狗
Huh? Dingo.
<袋鼠杰克>
Kangaroo Jack.
我是Paul Hogan 来自澳洲内地
I'm Paul Hogan from down in the Outback.
好了我知道了 - 洋葱花球
Yeah, I get it. - Bloomin' onion.
我知道了 - <鳄鱼先生>
I get it. - "Crocodile Dundee."
知道不 <疯狂的麦克斯>
You know? Mad Max.
<疯狂的麦克斯> <疯狂的麦克斯>
Mad Max. Mad Max.
你说第一遍的时候我就听见了
I heard you the first time.
是吗那猜啊这游戏多好玩
Yeah? Well, guess. It's a fun game.
一点也不好玩而且根本不算是游戏
It's not fun, nor is it a game.
你应该穿上救生衣
You should put on a life jacket.
那是给书呆子穿的兄弟
That's for nerds, mate.
是给书呆子准备的吗
Is it for nerds?
是啊 - "很遗憾孩子们"
Ah. - "Sorry, kids."
"非常遗憾你们的爸爸被淹死了"
"Real sorry your dad drowned,"
"但是乐观点孩子"
"but just look on the bright side, man..."
"爸爸他淹死的时候酷毙了"
"He looked super-cool doing it."
太他妈对了
Damn straight.
因为他是澳洲人
'Cause he's Australian!
我得两分了游戏规则就是这样的
Two points for me. That's how the game works.
真是最好的假期啊
This is the best vacation ever.
啊我没说错吧
Ahh! Told ya.
那个听我说
So, listen. Um...
我知道我们已经在一起了但是呃
I know we're already together and stuff, but, uh...
那个我在想那个
you know, I-I was thinking, you know,
我们应该再往前迈一步
we should take other steps.
所以我有一个问题问你呃
So I got a question to ask you. Um...
啾啾啾啾啾
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chu.
呃
Um...
嘿能不能请你坐到我的旁边来
Hey, can you sit back here beside me, please?
我在这挺好的
I'm okay over here.
不我想在问你问题的时候看着你
No, I wanna see your face when I ask you the question.
拜托
Come on.
你能开心一点吗
Can you put on a happy face, please?
怎么了我又没说"放松"
What? I didn't say "Relax."
不让我笑比那个更糟糕
No, the smile thing's way worse.
怎么会更糟糕呢
How is that worse?
因为你这话的意思就像是在否认我真实的模样
Because it's like you're saying I'm not fine the way I am.
因为我没笑
Because I'm not smiling,
我就不够女人好像我很丑一样
it makes me less of a woman, like I'm ugly.
天底下谁会觉得你丑啊
Who would ever say you're ugly?
我不是说我自己我是说广义上的女人
I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about women in general.
如果有人要求男人笑一个他会怎么想
How would a man feel if he was told to smile?
好吧第一我没有要求你
Okay, "A," You weren't told.
我是有礼貌地请求你
I asked you politely.
第二我没说"笑一个"
Two, I didn't say "Smile."
我说的是"开心一点"
I said "Put on a happy face."
第三我说 - "嘿甜心
And, "C," I said... - "Hey, sweetheart,
你笑一个会死吗"
would it kill you to smile a little bit?"
第四我没叫你甜心
And, "D," Didn't call you "Sweetheart."
还有我才没像你那么说话的
And, also, I don't talk like that.
这都六点了
So that's six now.
让别人改变他们的外表
By telling someone to alter their appearance,
就是在否定人家过的每一天每一周
you're invalidating the day they're having, or the week
或者过去的两年时间
or the... last two years.
也许她一直都孤身一人默默地抚养清理
Maybe she's been all alone, raising and cleaning up after
和喂养着两个嗷嗷待哺的两岁孩子
and feeding two screaming 2-year-olds
就是为了让你那<彩虹仙子>似的自私生活更舒服一点
just to make your selfish Rainbow Brite life a little bit more pleasant.
现在没有那么想笑了吧
Don't really feel like smiling right now, do you?
你吼我的时候当然不想
Not when you yell at me.
我不想再继续了
I think I want out.
什么你这就想回去了吗
What? You want to go back already?
我们才出来没多久
We just got out here.
不我是说我觉得
No. I mean I just... I think...
我不想再这样继续下去了
I think maybe I want out of this.
不相信我我上过游船学校
No, trust me. I went to boat school.
他们说海上最安全的地方
They tell you the safest place on the ocean
永远是在船上 - 我的妈呀你根本没懂我的意思
is always in the boat. - My God, you're not hearing me.
不管怎么着你得稍微等一会儿了
Yeah, well, you're gonna have to wait for a bit
因为船帆现在还没撑起来
'cause... the sail's all saggy right now.
什么
What?
其实你根本不知道怎么把船开回去吧
You don't know how to get us back, do you?
我当然知道怎么开回去了
Of course I know how to get us back.
借着风力开回去
You sail back with the wind.
但是现在风在往那边吹
But the wind's going that way right now.
所以你是要怪在风头上吗
So you're blaming the wind?
不好意思那你想让我怪在什么头上
I'm sorry. What else would you like me to blame it on?
可以怪你灌下去的10瓶啤酒啊
Maybe the 10 beers you guzzled.