一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S03E06

Part 1 June 26, 2021, 9:06 a.m.

让我理一下你是在一艘船上度过冬天的
So, you spent the winter on a boat,
为了赚钱买♥♥你的梦想之家你殴打了一个俄♥罗♥斯♥人
you beat up a Russian to make money for your dream house...
我的妈呀
Oh, shit.
你对这个俄♥罗♥斯♥人真是下了狠手
You went to town on this Russian guy.
这家伙看起来比你那个墨西哥前夫还糟糕
This guy looks worse than that Mexican ex-husband of yours.
我的天哪亲爱的
Oh, my God. Honey.
我是为了你们才那么做的为了挣钱
I did it for you guys... to make money.
在船上独自呆了七个月
Seven months alone on a boat.
一定有一场激烈的接风仪式吧哈
That must have been quite the homecoming, huh? Fssh!
并没有她都没去接我
Not really. She didn't even pick me up.
我确实有点儿混♥蛋♥
I'm a bit of an asshole.
是啊这还是说轻了
Yeah, to put it mildly.
您所拨♥打♥的电♥话♥已停机
The number you have reached is not in service at this time
暂无新号♥码
and there is no new number...
瞧啊看渔网拉上来了什么
Well, look what the nets dragged in.
啊哈
Argh!
Gene 你♥他♥妈♥在这儿干嘛
Gene? The hell are you doing here?
你老婆让我来接一个傻胖子
Your wife told me to pick up a fat dipshit
说你在码头旁的餐厅
at the diner by the docks,
而你是我见到的唯一一个傻胖子
and you're the only fat dipshit that I can see.
看上去不错啊
Ooh!
等下你跟我老婆说过话
Wait. You were talking to...
你为什么在阿♥拉♥斯加
Why were you in Alaska?
我被邀请参加婚礼了啊谢谢你
I was invited to the wedding, thank you.
什么婚礼 - 你的啊蠢货
What wedding? - Yours, dipshit.
我老婆准备了一个婚礼吗
My wife planned a wedding?
哇哦有意思
Oh, man.
这下有好戏看了
This is gonna be fun.
我告诉你啊朋友婚姻就是一个可悲的陷阱
I'm telling you, man, marriage is a pathetic trap.
我第三次也是最后一次离婚的时候
When I got divorced for the third and final time,
突然间一切都明了了
suddenly, it all made sense.
这个嘛我已经七个月没见我老婆了
Well, I haven't seen my wife in seven months,
所以我还挺激动的
so I'm pretty excited.
你知道吗我以前出远门在外面寻欢作乐的时候
You know, when I used to go away for long stretches of time cavorting...
我才没有寻欢
I wasn't cavorting.
你不是在一个单身游船上吗
Weren't you on a singles cruise?
我是在一条厂家渔船上
I was on a factory fishing boat.
哦哦这样啊怪不得有股腥味
Ohhh. Yeah, that's the smell.
我靠分拣死鱼来挣钱啊
I sorted dead fish for a living.
婚姻比那还惨
It's way worse than that.
就像是一只死鱼
It's like a dead fish
在桑拿房♥里吸了五天可♥卡♥因♥
after five days doing coke in a sauna.
你到底想说啥 - 我想说的是
What's your point? - Well, my point is,
当我浑身散发着罪恶的味道准备回家时
when I would come home reeking of sin,
我会先去一个像这里的小地方
I'd come to a little place like this,
然后往身上喷一点去味剂
splash a little cover-all on myself.
你可真能扯去味剂是啥
Oh, my God. What's cover-all?
嘿伙计
Dude! Dude!
你有病啊
What... is your problem?!
汽油能盖过一切其他味道
Gasoline... covers all.
所有廉价的香水和身体乳的味道
All cheap perfume, all body lotions
来自那些脱衣舞娘和妓♥女♥以及你所谓的"死鱼"
from strippers and hookers and "Dead fish."
停下停下来
Stop! Stop it!
很可悲吧
Pathetic, right?
是啊非常可悲
Yes, it's very pathetic!
这就是婚姻啊老兄
That's marriage, man.
停下来别喷了好烧人啊
Stop! Stop it! It burns!
天啊怎么这么多消息
Jesus. That's a lot of texts.
现在外面零下28摄氏度天气越来越寒冷了
It's -20 out. It's getting really cold.
我想你也许需要一点东西来取暖
Thought you could maybe use a little bit of a warm-up,
你懂的比如我美好的肉
you know, like a little bit of...
天杀的滚去开房♥吧你太可悲了
God damn it! Get a room! You're pathetic!
我有房♥间啊这里可是我家
I have a room! This is my house!
我不管这里也是我家
I don't care! It's my house, too!
快回来吧
Please come home.
啊哦 - 没事儿的
Yikes. - It's fine.
外面零下34度了
It's -30 out.
酒被冻住了所以这是我在
The wine's frozen, so that's what I'm...
这是我正要处理的事
that's what I'm dealing with.
话题换的真快你个酒鬼
Nice change of pace, ya drunk!
现在是中午
It's noon.
外面已经零下48度了
It's -56 degrees.
太可怕了
Oh, boy.
老爸你得赶紧回来
Dad, you got to get back here.
这两个人已经失去理智了
These two are losing their shit.
你为什么总是吼我
Why are you always yelling at me?!
这是我唯一能跟你交流的方式
That's the only way I'm able to communicate with you!
但这样给我的感觉是你并没有认真听我讲话
Then I feel like I'm not being heard...
到底发生了什么
What is happening?
你确定你还想回家吗蠢货
You sure you want to go home, dipshit?
是的我想回家
Yes. Yes, I do.
等等你这是开到哪儿了哥们
Wait. Where are you going, man?
我告诉你我想回家啊
I told you I want to go home.
那里就是你家
That is your home.
什么这儿她搬家了吗
What? This? What... did she move?
她什么时候搬的到底发生了啥
When did she do that? What's... What's happening?
你问的问题太多了
You're asking way too many questions
而且我都无法解答
that I don't have answers for.
出去
Out!
我根本就没进门啊
I'm not in.
好痛啊
Ungh!
婚礼前夜看到新娘会带来霉运的
Bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedding!
霉运啊霉运
Bad luck! Bad luck!
啊啊啊
Aaaah!
我讨厌你妹妹
I hate your sister!
她为什么在这儿
Why is she here?!
嗷
Ow!
你这是去哪儿
Where are you going?
我要去Mason家 - 不行我们还有排练呢
I'm going to Mason's house. - No! We have a rehearsal!
哟 P先生回来了你还好吗
Yo! Mr. P's back! What's up?
那个家伙撑过了这个冬天吗
That guy made it through the winter?
是啊而且他依旧是个人♥渣♥
Yeah, and he's still a douche.
你依旧还是个贱♥人♥
And you're still a bitch!
喔哦不许这么跟你妈妈讲话
Whoa! Do not talk to your mother that way!
你是哪位啊是这个贱♥人♥的朋友吗
And who are you? Are you this bitch's friend?
她自己长嘴了不需要你帮她回击
'Cause she can fight her own battles!
嘿你不能这么跟他讲话
Hey, you don't talk to him that way!
小姑娘
Young lady!
你对我女儿做了什么
What did you do to my daughter?
冬天实在是太漫长了
It was a really long winter.
你能回来我就很开心了
I'm just so glad you're back.
嘿伙计们太棒了你们到啦
Oh! Hey, guys! Yes! Great! You're here.
什么情况啊
What is happening?
你们直接绕到后面
You're gonna go right around back.
就在楼梯下面
Just down the stairs.
怎么了这是
What is going on here?
我准备了一个婚礼惊不惊喜
I planned a wedding. Surprise!
我屁♥股♥上写着"新娘"呢
It says "Bride" On my butt.
你屁♥股♥上只有"新女"
It says "Brie" On your butt.
啊那个"良"总是卡进我的屁♥股♥缝里
Oh. The "D" Keeps getting stuck in my ass. That happens a lot.
我们今天就结婚吗 - 不是的说什么傻话呢
We're getting married today? - No, don't be stupid.
我们明天才结婚
We're getting married tomorrow.
不过你为什么要这么做啊
Why would you do this, though?
因为你说过你想一回来就结婚
Because you said you wanted to get married the second you got back.
我不是指字面上的意思
I didn't mean it literally.
那你说的时候就不要用"字面上"这个多义词啊
Well, then don't use the word "Literally" When you...
冷静算了别吵了没事的
Mnh. You know what? Forget it. It's fine. It's fine.
女士你想把这些花放在哪里
Ma'am, where would you like these flowers?
没错花当然了
Oh, yes! Flowers! Of course!
宝
Ba...