地狱担保人（2025）

对,高中可以当紧急避难所
All right, well, the high school is an emergency shelter.
我们可以把人都送过去
We could send everybody there.
妈妈,你那些旧装备还在吗? 还留著,就在阁楼上
Mama, you still got that old gear? - Yeah, up in the attic.
我需要人帮我搬箱子
If someone can help me with the boxes.
好,我去帮忙
Yeah, I'll get it.
等等
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
你要带他们去? 对抗派拉利斯?
You're bringing them along? To fight a pyralis?
我们失败了就是世界末日,对吧?
If we fail, it's the end-times, right?
你要来帮忙,尽点力吗?
So, you gonna
还是你只负责“行政管理”?
join us and get your hands dirty, or are you just management?
我很努力想改变
I was trying to change.
祢一定看在眼里
Yeah, you saw me trying.
看到我在祢铺好的路上跌跌撞撞
Probably laughing your ass off, seeing me stumble down
祢大概笑得很开心吧
this screwy path you laid out.
从波士顿到这个乡下地方追求真爱
Boston to bum fuck to fall in love.
我差点就信了
You had me going for a minute there.
你设计我让我去招惹她前夫
You set me up perfect to rip the rug out,
害他变成从地狱召唤恶魔的疯子
making her ex a demon-summoning psycho from hell.
高招啊,主,被祢整惨了
That's a good one, lord. Ha fucking ha.
祢这样真的很混♥蛋♥
You're a motherfucker for that part.
我告诉过你他们是女巫
I told you they was witches.
召唤恶魔就是典型的巫术
Summoning demons is some classic witchy shit.
我还没说完
I'm mid-conversation here.
我只是补充一下,抱歉
Just saying. Sorry.
我从来不相信什么...
I never believed that shit about you working in mysterious ways,
冥冥中自有安排,但我现在明白了
but I-I see it now.
为什么祢让我这么易怒
Why y-you-you made me so quick to fly off the handle
或是我看到别人死掉时 为什么老二会变硬
or my dick get hard when I see a man die.
或希望自己有点愧疚感 但就是做不到
Or wishing I could feel bad about it when I know I can't.
都是祢故意的,聪明的混♥蛋♥
It was all your design, you clever bastard.
这不是祢给我的诅咒 而是一个餽赠
You weren't cursing me. It was a gift.
祢是为了让我做好准备
You were preparing me to be here right now,
好让我在祢需要时能派上用场
when you need a man like me.
魔王有牠的手下 而祢需要有人代表
The devil's got his, and you need yours.
好吧
Well, all right, then.
我接受祢的挑战
Challenge accepted.
你需要圣♥战♥士 来对抗撒旦的代理人
You need a holy warrior to fight the agents of Satan?
那我就来当祢的战士,混♥蛋♥
You got one, asshole.
给我个提示吧
So give me a sign.
对不起
Sorry.
警♥察♥怎么会打给你?
Why are the cops calling you?
他们一直在我的语♥音♥信箱留言 问厄尔兄弟的事
They keep leaving me messages about the earles,
问我他们死的那天是否在场
asking me if I was there on the day that they died.
但我还没回电,拉吉 我发誓
But I haven't called them back, lucky, I swear it.
我没有告密
I am not a rat.
因为告诉警♥察♥是不对的吧?
Because talking to the cops would be wrong, right?
祢开什么玩笑?
Are you fucking kidding me?
瓦斯公♥司♥!紧急事故!
Gas company. There's an emergency.
如果你在某个老太太脸上
So, how am I supposed to know if you see a demon
看到恶魔的脸孔,我要怎么知道?
in some old lady's face?
等我一枪打爆她的脑袋,你就知道了
You'll know when I shoot her in the brain.
瓦斯公♥司♥!
Gas company.
这一带瓦斯严重外泄了 - 等一下
Major leak in the neighborhood. - Just a minute.
你确定那东西有用吗?
Are you sure that thing works?
看起来像是普通的化妆镜
Looks like a makeup mirror thingy.
这的确是普通的化妆镜 但肯定很有用
It is a makeup mirror thingy. And, yeah, I'm sure it works.
你们好
Hello.
瓦斯外泄
Gas leak.
你们得马上撤离 –什么?
Y'all need to evacuate now. - What?
他们没问题
They're clear.
有什么事吗?
Can I help you?
这一带瓦斯外泄,我们要疏散整条街
Gas leak in the neighborhood.We're evacuating the street.
只有你在家吗?
Are you the only one home?
不是,我儿子在楼上睡午觉
No, my son is upstairs taking a nap.
他早上在游乐场玩得很开心
He had a big morning at the playground.
亲爱的,马上下来!
Honeybunch, come down here right now.
瓦斯公♥司♥!
Gas company.
你们得马上撤离!
You need to evacuate.
瓦斯外泄! 整个社区都有可能爆♥炸♥...
Gas leak. The whole neighborhood could
我看到你在里面,先生
I can see you in there, sir.
麻烦你去看看这个笨蛋是不是恶魔?
Would you please go see if this numbnuts is a demon?
在我确认之前,谁都不准对平民下手
Nobody fires at the civilians unless I say so.
是什么?
What is it?
我看不见...
I ca... I can't see... I can't see... I can't see it.
拜托
Please-please-please-please.
好,他们没问题
We're clear.
瓦斯外泄,先生 放屁!
Gas leak, sir! - Bullshit.
不准碰我的家人!
Keep your hands off my family.
那些都是我的,不准拿!
They're mine. You can't take her!
来吧
Come on.
他是恶魔吗? - 不是,恶魔不会用枪
Is it the demon? - No. Demons don't use guns.
他只是个疯狂的娃娃搜藏家
Just some crazy-ass doll collector.
该死,那间一定是葛斯力泰拉的新家
Shit, it must be grizzly terral's new house.
天啊,那个变♥态♥搬来这? - 谁?
God, that creep moved here? - Who?
他喜欢在家长会上替洋娃娃编头发
He likes to braid dolls' hair at pta meetings.
但他根本没有小孩
He doesn't even have kids.Ew.
我们一定要救他吗?
Do we have to save him?
很遗憾只能救他 要是他变成恶魔的祭品...
Sadly, 'cause if the demon sacrifices him, then j-just
我知道,会导致世界末日
I know, end of the world.
真讨厌
It's just a bummer is all.
你们去分散他的注意力
Y'all try and distract him.
帮个忙吧?
Little help.
抓他的手臂
Get his arm.
好
Okay.
我们还是要找到恶魔
We still got a demon to find.
搜一下房♥子
Clear the house.
来 有人吗?
Hello?
瓦斯公♥司♥
Gas company.
有人在家吗?
Is anyone home?
你吓到我了
You scared me.
亲爱的,有紧急状况,我们得快离开
Hey, it's an emergency, honey. We need to leave.
拜托,天啊,不要
Please, god, no.
不要
No, no, no, no.
不要
No, no.
糟糕
Shit.
米姬!
Midge!
恶魔在这!
Midge, it's here!
快离开
Get out! Get out now!
对不起
I'm sorry.
对不起 对不起
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
我们失败了 对不对?
We failed, didn't we?
我不清楚所有规则,但...
I don't know all the rules, exactly,
她应该算是最后一个五芒星的祭品
but I'm guessing she counts in the whole pentagram of it all.
她的确死在火焰恶魔手里,所以...
And she did die at the hands of the fire demon, so...
我能够回来 这里
Coming back... here
重新跟你们团聚
and... getting another chance with y'all,
虽然结果不尽如人意 但是
it ain't perfect, but, it's
这就是我的一线曙光 我没什么好奢求的了
it's one hell of a silver lining that I wouldn't trade for anything.
好了,抱够了
Now get off me.
我站立在
窗边
又冷又阴的天
我看到灵车开了过来
准备把我母亲载走
我俩的感情
能否一直
延续下去,主
延续下去
天堂上有一个
更好的家园,主
就在天堂上
主,我告诉送行人
请开慢一点
因为你载著的这个遗体
主,我舍不得说再见
我俩的感情
能否一直
延续下去,主
延续下去
天堂上有一个
更好的家园,主,就在天堂上