爱上朋友妈（2015）

哦 鲍勃 好了 停下来
- Oh, Bob. Okay, stop it.
相信我 莉迪亚 我知道我自己在做什么
- Oh, trust me, Lydia. I know what I'm doing.
呃好吧 就让我把这个放进去
Oh, yeah, let me just put it in
然后稍微扭一下
and wiggle it around for a second.
我不知道诶 我和哈里森结婚的时候 他试过很多次了
- I don't know, Harrison tried this our whole marriage,
但是他从来没法真正进到来
but he could never really get it in.
哦 我知道为什么了
- Oh! Oh, yeah. I can see why.
-太紧了 -没错
It's super tight. - Yeah.
让我来把它弄湿点
- Let me just get it a little wet.
稍稍弄宽一些
Open it up a little wider.
你可以试试 但是我不确定
- You can try, but I'm not sure--
好啦 成功啦 我进去啦
- Oh, there it goes! Oh, yeah, I'm in!
-太棒了 -天哪到底是怎么一回事
- Amazing! - What the hell is going on?
我的天哪 你是谁
Oh, my God, who are you?
你对我妈妈在做些什么
What are you doing to my mother?
啊 我是鲍勃·巴考克
- Ah. I'm Bob Babcock.
-很荣幸 -我不要握这只手
It's a pleasure. - I'm not shaking that hand.
哦 不 这是我♥干♥净的那只
- No, no, this is my clean one.
我简直不敢相信
- I cannot believe that you and Jimmy
在过去的几个月里你和吉米
spent the last couple of months
一直乞求我相信你们的感情
begging me to take you seriously.
现在 现在你却在和鲍勃乱搞
Now--now you're bobbing for Bob?
我从未听过这种说法 不过我还挺喜欢的
- Never heard it put that way, but I like it.
亲爱的 我没有在乱搞
- Honey, I'm not bobbing for--
他在钻我的桶
He's snaking my disposal.
哦 现在的小孩子都这么称呼了吗
- Oh, is that what the kids are calling it now?
-我的垃圾桶 -好吧
- My garbage disposal. - There we go. Yeah.
看呀 多恶心
Look at that. Yeesh.
有超级多的毛发 你自己看看
There's a lot of hair. Check it.
你指望我相信这家伙是一个水管工
- You expect me to believe that this guy is a plumber?
还留着那样的发型
With that hair?
亲爱的 他不是水管工
- Honey, he's not a plumber.
他是房♥地♥产♥经纪人
He's a realtor.
你要房♥地♥产♥经纪人做什么
- Why would you need a realtor?
因为我要卖♥♥♥房♥♥子了呀
- Because I'm selling the house.
你要干什么
- You're doing what?
内特 这没什么大不了的
- Nate, this is not a big deal.
你居然不觉得这是一件大事
- You don't think that this is a big deal?
当然不了 大家总是在卖♥♥♥房♥♥子的
- Not at all. People sell their homes all the time.
我没有问你 鲍勃
- I was not asking you, Bob.
好吧 你知道吗 我要把我的衬衣
- All right, you know what? I'm gonna go grab my shirt
从烘干机里面拿出来
out of the dryer.
你们两个好好享受家庭温馨吧
You guys are having a family moment here.
别 好吧
- Don't! All right,
妈妈 你究竟为什么要卖♥♥这栋房♥子
Mom, why on earth would you sell this house?
因为我想更加关注自己的未来发展
- Because I want to focus on my future.
如果我住在一个全是以前的莉迪亚影子
And it's really hard to do that in a house
而且总是被现在的哈里森到访的房♥子里
where I'm surrounded by the ghost of Lydia past.
我就很难做到这一点
And so frequently visited by the body of Harrison present.
-但是这是我们的房♥子 -没错
- But this is our house. - Yes.
这 充满了我们的记忆
- This--all of our memories are here.
如果 如果你搬走了 我就不知道我1993年的时候
If--if you move, I-I-I won't know how tall I was
有多高了
in 1993.
我 我也不能随便去给旺旺扫墓了
I-I won't be able to visit Barky Mark's grave
否则要擅自闯入 可是犯罪行为啊
without trespassing, which is a crime.
圣诞老人也不知道在哪儿才能找到我了
And Santa won't know where to find me.
好吧 这不是最好的例子
Okay, it's not the best example.
-不是 -但是我还有别的原因
- No, mm-mm. - But there are others.
比如 比如这盏灯
What about... this--this lamp?
你知道吗 我是说 我爱这盏灯
You know? I mean, I love this lamp.
这盏灯是我上周才买♥♥的
- I bought that lamp last week.
那么 它对我来说已经是整个世界了
- Well, it already means the world to me.
好吧 我会把它带着的
- Okay, then I will take it with me,
也带着我们所有的回忆
along with all of our memories.
但那些我们还没有做到的回忆就带不走了
- Except for the memories that we haven't made yet.
我是说 我们以前总说起 当我有了孩子的时候
I mean, we always said when I had kids,
他们会过来在这里度过周末和圣诞节
they'd come to spend weekends and Christmases here.
现在他们可以在我的新公♥寓♥里度假呀
- Now they can spend them at my new condo.
公♥寓♥？ 公♥寓♥可不行
- Condo? Condon't.
你没法在公♥寓♥里制♥造♥美好的回忆
You can't make memories in a condo.
妈妈 公♥寓♥是给那些要死的老人们住的
Mom, a condo's where old people go to die.
内特 我保证
- Nate, I promise you,
这样做对大家都是最好的
this is the best thing for everyone.
怎么对我最好了
- How is this the best thing for me?
因为这么做可以让你妈妈开心呀
- Because it'll make your mother happy.
你知道的 人们总是说
And you know what they say:
“妈妈好
"Happy mother, happy...
才是真的好”
others."
没人这么说
- They have never said that.
我知道这对你来说很难接受
- I get that this is hard for you,
但是这是我的决定
but this is my decision.
而现在 也就这么定了
And right now, that's all it is.
谁知道呢 也许这房♥子根本卖♥♥不掉
Who knows? The house may not even sell.
能卖♥♥掉的
- It'll sell.
开卖♥♥了的房♥ 泼出去的水
One open house and this puppy is gone.
-你可没在帮忙 鲍勃 -你知道吗 好吧
- Not helping, Bob. - You know what? Fine.
这是你的决定
It's your decision.
如果我还知道了什么
And if there's one thing I've realized,
那就是我根本不在乎这些了
is I don't factor into those anymore,
所以你也别在乎我的想法
so, yeah, don't factor me in.
-我很抱歉 -顺便说一句
- I'm sorry. - Just know that...
你 我 我要把这盏灯拿走
You--I--I'm-- this lamp is coming with me.
他看起来挺难搞啊
- He seems like a handful.
其实这件事上他表现得算很平静了
- He actually handled that quite well.
嘿 老兄
- Hey, buddy.
我刚和你妈妈通了电♥话♥
I just got off the phone with your mom.
她和我说她正在卖♥♥♥房♥♥子
She told me she's selling the house.
你还好吗 我给你烤了点儿吐司
Are you okay? I made you some toast.
我很好 什么都好 谢了
- I'm fine, everything's fine. Thank you.
那你为什么上楼
- Then why'd you walk up the stairs
跟在敲鼓似的
like a little drummer boy?
因为我的腿就像灌了铅一样
- Because my feet are heavy.
我觉得你这是在骗我 也是骗你自己
- I think you're lying to me--and yourself.
你怎么会这么想
- Why would you think that?
因为你在给你的手♥机♥抹黄油
- 'Cause you're buttering your phone.
噢
- Oh.
行 算了 好吧
Okay, fine, all right.
我 我有点儿心慌
I'm--I'm a little...
我觉得我妈准备把我整个童年给卖♥♥了
perturbed that my mom has decided to sell my childhood.
我家 我从小长大的家
My home. Chil--my childhood home.
应该说 是我们从小长大的家
Actually, our childhood home.
实际上你也是在那儿长大的
You practically grew up there, too.
你怎么就不觉得难受呢
Why doesn't this bother you?
噢 因为在我从小长大的家里
- Oh, because it's so hard
跟你妈做那些“大人该做”的事
to do "Grown-up stuff" With your mom
会感觉很别扭
in a house I practically grew up in.
行 那真是不好意思了 咱俩的童年
- Well, I'm sorry our childhood
还妨碍你的性生活了
has put a damper on your sex life.
啊不 这不怪你
- Oh, no. It's not your fault.
不过这也是我们老过来这儿的一个原因
But it is one of the reasons why we're over here so much.
你妈已经在找新的地儿了
But your mom's getting a new place,
所以以后不会了
so we won't have to be.
这对谁都好
It's the best thing for everyone.
是你怂恿她干这事的吗
- Did you put her up to this?
没有啊 你怎么会这么想
- No. Why would you think that?
因为跟你好上之后
- Because dating you has put
她脑子里有了很多疯狂的想法
some pretty crazy ideas in her head.
而且有一天我看到她穿着件白背心
And the other day I saw her wearing a black bra
底下是一件黑色胸罩
under a white tank top.
我只是鼓励她做
- I'm just encouraging her to do