爱上朋友妈（2015）

嘿兄弟 我觉得你的咖啡瘾
Hey, buddy, I think your Stumptown addiction's
越来越严重了
getting out of control.
那个杯子简直比我头还大
That mug is the size of my head.
我必须保持清醒
I need to stay sharp,
才可以为采访做好万全准备
so I can finish prepping for my interview.
"挑剔的勺子"是个非常有影响力的博客
The Picky Spoon is a very influential blog.
亲爱的 那就是个采访而已
Oh, honey, it's just an interview.
分分钟就能解决的事 别在意
Come on, it's a blip on the radar.
你知道还有什么是分分钟的事吗
You know what else is a blip on the radar?
如果船长满不在乎 一艘船沉了也是分分钟的事
A ship right before some laid-back captain sinks it.
兄弟 我觉得你把这事
I think you're giving this article
太放在心上了
a little too much credit, buddy.
我觉得是你们太不放在心上了
And I don't think you're giving it enough.
听着 我知道最近 你们两个除了彼此
Look, I know you haven't had time to pay attention
都没有关心过其他事情
to anything but each other lately,
但是这对我的事业来说十分重要
but this is a big moment in my career.
拜托你们试着稍微重视它一点
Please just try and take it seriously.
好好好 我们会重视
Okay, we will take it seriously,
那你也重视一下这片吐司好吗
if you take this toast seriously.
谢了
Thank you.
天啦噜 我真高兴明天他就要接受采访了
Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad that this interview is tomorrow.
这事如果再拖上几天 那他可能整个人就
A few more days of this and he'd wind up with an...
要出毛病了 我懂得
Ear infection. I know.
我只是希望他能放松一点 别这么拼
I just wish he'd stop obsessing about his career
他应该开始
so much and start...
去沙漠里玩果体扭扭乐
Playing nude Twister in the desert.
哇哦 描述得这么具体 你们城里人真会玩
Wow, that was random yet so specific.
对不起 我好朋友一直给我发
Oh, I'm sorry, my friends keep sending me
火人节上那些疯狂的照片
these crazy pics from Burning Man.
哈哈哈天啦 刚刚有人摇到要把右边咪♥咪♥放在红色格上
Oh, my gosh, somebody just spun right boob red.
哇 竟然是真的
Wow, that's actually happening.
火人节 是什么节啊
What's... what's Burning Man?
哦 就是像一个大派对
Oh, it's like this big party
在莫哈韦沙漠上举办
out in the Mojave Desert.
狂欢要持续一周 人们嗑药
It's like this weeklong drug binge
在沙漠上乱搞 弄点沙雕还有人体彩绘什么的
and dust orgy with sculptures and body paint.
我每年都去
I go every year.
-那你今年怎么没去 -不晓得
- Why didn't you go this year? - Oh, I don't know.
觉得那里可能不太适合你
I just didn't really think it was your scene.
好吧 但是并不意味着你就不能去啊
Oh, well, that doesn't mean it can't be your scene.
你去做你们年轻人的那些事没带上我
I'm totally cool with you doing fun, young-people stuff
我也完全没关系啊 但是最好不要和别的小姑娘乱搞
without me, but I prefer you skip the orgies.
火人节不乱搞就像吃吐司没面包
Burning Man without orgies is like toast without bread.
但是 你懂的 我以前去过了 那些事都做过了
But, you know, I've been there, done that.
-我想留在这和你乱搞 -你确定吗
- I want to be here doing that. - Are you sure?
我是说 不想等你老了想起二十多岁的时候
I mean, I don't want you to look back on your 20s
因为要和我在一起就错过了很多乐子
and regret missing out on fun stuff because of me.
嘿 我什么都没错过
Hey, I'm not missing out on anything.
我现在就待在我想待的地方
I'm right where I want to be,
而且我们知道怎么样最有乐子
and we know how to get plenty wild.
其实 今天晚上
In fact, tonight,
我觉得我们应该拼一个五千块的拼图
I think we should do a 5,000-piece puzzle.
-听着超有情趣 -那可不
- Sounds pretty wild. - Mm-hmm.
喔噢
Ooh.
哇哦 可不应该放在那儿啊
Oh, wow. That does not go there.
我搞了套超有意思的拼图
I got us a doozy of a puzzle...
牧场风光 还有很多小花花
Meadow scene, lots of flowers.
其实 今晚不玩拼图了
Actually, no puzzles tonight.
今天晚上我们要干点不一样的
Tonight we're gonna do something different.
我们来嗑点药
Tonight we're gonna do drugs...
大♥麻♥小熊软糖
Edible gummy bear drugs.
而且 我还从隔壁那家工艺品商店
And there was an arts and crafts store next door,
买♥♥了点身体颜料
and I got us some body paints.
你这是闹哪样啊
What has gotten into you?
我知道虽然你说着不去火人节大狂欢也没有关系
I know that you said that you were fine missing Burning Man,
但是我注意到你看那些照片的眼神了
but I saw the way you looked at those pictures.
我就想也许我们可以用我们自己的办法来
I don't know, I thought maybe we could do
嗑药狂欢
a drug binge, dust orgy of our own,
当然也没有沙子
minus the dust, of course,
因为我真的对沙子过敏很严重
because my allergies are terrible.
你不需要为了我嗑药啊
You do not have to do drugs for me.
不是为了你啊 也是为了我自己
No, it's not just for you. It's for me too.
你看 我二十多岁的时候都在照顾内特
See, I spent my 20s raising Nate,
我从来没有机会去做不负责任的事情
so I never got a chance to be irresponsible.
现在有机会了 快闭嘴 给我的咪♥咪♥上色
Now's my time, so shut up, paint my boob,
再嗑点合法的药
and do legal drugs with me.
好吧 能给您的美波上色是我的荣幸
Well, it would be my honor to right boob red you,
但是今晚不行
but we can't tonight.
明天那个博主就要来了
All right, the blogger's coming tomorrow,
但是这个软糖呢 药效大概六到八小时
and edibles last, like, six to eight hours.
我完全忘了 我们都说好了
I had no idea. That's a commitment.
就算今天晚上我们不能小嗨一下
Just because we can't get high tonight doesn't mean
但是不代表这些颜料没有地方用啊
we can't find somewhere to put those paints.
喔噢
Ooh.
哇 小熊糖
Ooh, gummy bears.
未来星店主不仅仅是一个称号♥
"Restaurateur of Tomorrow is not just a title.
更是一种责任
"It's a responsibility,
这就是为什么我要在波特兰的烹饪交响乐上
"Which is why I intend to write the next great oeuvre
谱曲新的华章
in Portland's culinary symphony."
吉米 快点 在那个博主来之前
Jimmy, come on, I still got a ton of prep
我还有一大堆东西没有准备完
before the blogger gets here.
马上来
Just a sec.
对于我来说 食物就像是音乐
"To me, food is like music,
每一个食材都是一个音符
every ingredient a note."
我只是要为这么重要的一天 做个超酷的造型
Just doing some man shaping for the big day.
你那是男士体毛美容吧
It's manscaping, and if this blogger sees
如果你让博主看见了你的阴毛 你就完了
your pubic hair, you're fired.
不是为了她 是为了我自己
It's not for her. It's for me.
让我的匕♥首♥更加狂拽酷炫
Gives me swagger on my dagger.
我准备好出发了
I am good to go.
哦老天爷啊
Oh, my God!
是因为我的卡其色西装吗
What? Is it my khaki suit?
我看起来像艾尔洛克[美国著名电视主播] 是不是
I look like Al Roker, don't I?
不 你看起来好得很 我只是忘了 额
No, you look great. I-I-I just forgot to, uh...
噗 啊
Pu... ahhh...
内特嗑了我们的药
Nate ate our drugs!
不好意思 你说什么玩意
I'm sorry. What did you say?
内特嗑了我们的药
Nate ate our drugs.
伙计 你确定你感觉一切都好
Are you sure you feel okay, buddy?
对 第三十七次回答你 好得很
Yeah, for the 37th time, yes.
好的 好的 就这样
Good, good. That's good.
你确定没有听到费西
And you don't feel like listening to Phish
或者感恩而死乐团的音乐吗
or the Grateful Dead?
为什么我要听这些迷幻音乐
Why would I feel like listening to stoner music?
也不为什么 就是觉得这些能缓解你的紧张
No, no reason. I just thought it might ease your nerves,
你懂的 解放你的思想 一切水到渠成
you know, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."
我的思想没有问题
My nerves are fine.
我只是需要这些小卡片来帮助记忆
I just need to commit these cards to memory,
我在采访上的表现就会无懈可击了
so I can ace this interview.
嘿亲爱的 你还好吗
Hey, honey, how are you?
你们都在这干什么呢
What are you doing here?
好吧 你不是说希望我们两个
Well, I heard you when you said that you wanted us
能重视这次采访吗 所以我就想着正好从这路过
to take this more seriously, so I thought I'd just pop by
看看能不能帮你什么忙
and see if there's anything you needed.
好吧 谢谢 但是你的努力现在稍微有点晚了
Well, thank you, but all the effort's a little late.
我只需要聚精会神
I just need to focus.
好的 亲爱的 祝你聚精会神的开心
Okay, honey, have fun focusing.
哦 我的天
Oh, my God.
我的宝贝嗑药了 都怪你
My baby's on drugs, and it's all your fault.
你不要自责了好吗
Don't blame yourself, okay?