女大当自强

Is it because I posted without permission,
还是因为我写的是我真正在乎的东西
or is it because I wrote about something that I actually care about?
我不知道 可能两者都有
I don't know. Both?
也许是因为你把我当成坏人
Maybe it's 'cause you quoted me as your own personal villain?
也许是因为我突然变成了
Maybe it's because I suddenly turned out to be "The Man"
你想要除掉的"那个男人"
that you had to suddenly take down?
好吧 但是是你总说
OK, but you're the one who's always saying
我们应该让权势集团承担责任
that we should hold the establishment accountable.
你觉得我看起来像权势集团吗 我他妈涂着指甲油
Do I look like the establishment? I'm wearing fucking nail polish!
权势集团就是自负的懒虫
The establishment is lazy, entitled slobs
在世界受难时 舔着他们吃了奇多的手指
suckin' on their Cheeto fingers while the world burns!
好吧 但是当你说懒虫的时侯
OK, but when you say lazy slobs,
感觉像在暗指胖子
that feels like coded language to talk about fat people,
-让我感觉很糟糕 -你说对了
- and it doesn't make me feel great. - You-you're right.
-这一点不难破译 -我说的就是你
- It's not that hard to decode. - I'm talking about you,
你觉得每个人都在攻击你 对吗 这就是
because everyone's attacking you, right? Is that pretty much
-现在的世道吗 -不 我只是说
- how the world is right now? - No, I'm just saying...
-就你和整个世界抗衡吗 -你们两个
- There's you and then the world? - Hey, you two.
只是想来提醒下你们
Just wanted to come remind you that, you know,
你们两个都很爱对方
you both love each other very much,
-先冷静会 -对 阿马迪
- so let's be cool. - That's right, Amadi,
你就护着你的办公室小老婆吧
just defend your little work wife.
安妮 你失去了所有发文权利
Annie, you've lost all posting privileges,
所有任务都取消
and you've lost all assignments
直到我能确定你明白你是在为我工作
until I can be sure that you understand that I employ you.
只要把比例弄好就行
Just gotta get the ratio right.
没有什么比只吃致幻蘑菇更糟糕的了
There's nothing worse than doing shrooms alone,
我不会这样对你的 邦邦
and I am not gonna do that to you, Bonkers.
你的身材很好啊
Yeah, you're a good weight for a boy your size.
小而紧实…像个体操选手
Small, but dense... like a gymnast.
我看看
Let's see, so...
所以要两个
Yeah. That's gonna have to be two...
大♥麻♥茎
stems...
两颗迷幻药
Two caps.
现在我们一样嗨了
Now we're in this together.
天哪
Oh, God, just...
拜托别看着我 好像我刚在全校面前
please don't look at me like I just peed my pants
尿裤子了一样
in front of the whole school.
我在五年级真尿过裤子
You know, I peed my pants in the fifth grade once.
我可以再尿一次 转移大家的注意力
Could do it right now. It'll distract the office.
不用了 不过谢谢你的好意
No, that's OK. Thanks for the offer, though.
不客气
You're welcome.
-还是有点好消息 -什么
- Hey, I got some good news, though. - Yeah?
你的文章还在
Yeah. Your story's still up.
这是好事 对吧
That's... that's good, right?
嗯 很好 盖博在里面看起来像个坏人
Yeah, it's great. I mean, Gabe looks like a bad guy in it,
但如果他把它撤下的话 他就成无良记者了
but if he takes it down, it makes him a bad journalist.
太好了
Great.
-这才是真正的胜利 -没错
- That's a real win for me. - Yeah.
你知道吗 今晚我们应该去放松下
Hey, you know what? We should blow off some steam tonight.
最近有个小型的盛装舞步比赛
There is this tiny horse dressage competition...
-你是指 小马吗 -对
- Like, mini-horses? - Yeah.
这就是我喜欢的东西
I mean, that's all the stuff I like.
跳着舞的小马
Small horses that are doing choreographed dances?
-就是我的心头好啊 -所以我才推荐给你呀
- That's... to me. - That's why I suggested it.
那你来吗
So you wanna go?
当然 这是我唯一想做的事
Um, obviously. That's the only thing I wanna do.
天哪 我的喷子又来了
Oh, my God. My troll is back.
"我打赌你♥爸♥爸是故意得癌症
"I bet your dad got cancer on purpose
这样他就可以死掉
just so that he could die
彻底摆脱他的肥猪女儿了"
and finally get away from his fat pig daughter."
他怎么知道我爸生病
God, how does he even know that my dad is sick?
去他妈的 我们应该追查他
Honestly, fuck this dude. We should track him down.
没人会当面对我说这些话
Yeah, like, no one would say this shit to my face.
一定要找到这个狗♥娘♥养♥的
Like we have to track this motherfucker down
手撕了他
and slice him open.
-你准备好进暗网了吗 -嗯
- You ready to go to the Dark Web? - Yeah.
操♥他♥妈♥狗♥娘♥养♥的 我要手刃了他
Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit. I'm gonna kill him.
冷静 安格斯
Be cool, Angus.
你没有在偷听吧 兄弟
You're not listening to this, right, bud?
-什么都没听见 -什么
- I didn't hear shit. - What?
-我什么都没听见 -我也觉得
- I didn't hear shit. - That's what I thought.
闭嘴 看你电脑吧
Now shut the fuck up and look at your computer.
我变了
I'm different.
我…
I mean...
感觉我在照镜子
It's like I'm looking in the mirror.
给我个信♥号♥♥ 告诉我你没事 小家伙
Give me a signal you're OK, buddy.
很好
Nice.
再画些阴影
Just trying to get the shading.
天哪 你真漂亮
God, you're beautiful.
我 的 天
O-M-G.
我们现在简直心有灵犀
We're connecting so hard right now.
看起来像你 对吧
I think that looks like you, right?
真希望我能把药片放进奶酪里吃就好了
I wish I could take my pills in cheese.
应该可以吧
I guess I can.
记住 我们在子♥宫♥里
Remember, we're in a womb.
或者屁♥股♥ 或者不管你是从哪出来的
Or a butt, or wherever you guys come out of.
光 是指引者
Light... is a guide...
保持淡定
Keep it together.
没错
Yeah, man.
莫琳
Hey, Maureen?
-我们有点信息技术问题 -说说看 宝贝
- Uh, we have a little IT issue. - Drop it on me, baby.
你知道怎么查到评论里
OK. Um, do you have any idea how we might find the real identity
那些喷子的真实身份吗
of someone who's trolling me in the comments?
我可 我可以
Yeah, I can... Yeah. I can do that, yeah.
要是我以前被喷的时候也这么做就好了
Oh, wow, I wish I would've done that when I had a troll.
你也有过喷子吗
Oh, y-you had a troll too?
简直是噩梦
It's... It's a nightmare.
因为我是打电子游戏的女生
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm a woman that plays video games
所以网上那些男的希望我死
so men on the internet want me to die.
或者想让我脱♥光♥衣服 然后再希望我死
Or some of them want me to get naked, but then they want me to die.
天哪 你是怎么让这一切停下来的
God. Well, how did you make it stop?
我把头像换成了布拉德利·库珀
I changed my avatar to a picture of Bradley Cooper
在《美国狙击手》里的照片
in .
-太悲催了 -机智
- So sad. - Smart.
好吧 安迪的电脑中了病毒
OK, so, uh, Andy's computer has a virus,
之后我还要去算个命 写份悼词
and then I have to do horoscopes and then I have to do obituaries,
可能得花点时间 你懂的 家人嘛
which take a little time because, you know, families.
你知道
And, uh, you know...
如果没人再死的话 我明天应该就能查到
if nobody else dies, I should be able to get it done by tomorrow.
天 你事情真多 莫琳
Oh, my... That's... That's a lot of shit, Maureen.
没错
Yes. It is.
-晚上8点 看马术表演吗 -好啊
- So, mini-horses at 8:00? - Yeah, that's great.
你们要去博览会吗
You guys going to that thing at the Expo?
对
Yeah.
谢谢你 莫琳
OK, well, thanks, Maureen.
-没事 -回见
- OK. - See ya.
我也有安排
I have plans too.
惊喜吧 惊喜吧
Surprise, surprise.
猜猜我要用什么来庆祝癌症好消息啊
Guess what I got to celebrate the good cancer news.
-不会吧 -就是
- It isn't. - It is.
我的天 你简直就是天使
My God! You are an angel from heaven
打扮成我的女儿
dressed as my very own daughter.
我开车经过汉堡店
Yeah, I was driving past Atomic Sub
标牌上写着"肉丸堡回归了 宝贝"
and the sign was there, said "The meatball sub is back, baby."
但他们好久都没有这个了
But they haven't had these forever!
他们为什么不一直做这个
I don't understand why they don't just have it all the time.
我觉得等待让它更特别
I guess the wait makes it special.
我爱你
I love you.
-我爱你 -闻起来就很好吃
- Oh, I love you! - It stinks so good.
不在车里吃还有点别扭