女大当自强

安妮 亲爱的
Annie, sweetie,
你确定不和我们一起游泳吗
are you sure you're not gonna join us at the pool?
我不想游泳
I don't feel like swimming.
我想要你好好享受假期
I'd like you to make the most of this vacation.
你♥爸♥爸已经在下面等你了
You know, your dad's already down there
他说他想和你一起去潜水
and he said he'd go diving for pennies with you!
可以让我看书了吗
Can't I just read?
好吧 但是如果你改变主意的话 就下来
OK, but if you change your mind, come on down.
好的
Ok.
快点
Come on! Hurry up!
女大当自强
第一季 第四集
下次嘿♥咻♥见
爱你的
拉马尔
我喂了邦邦 它好猛
看看你
Aw, look at you.
拉马尔激励了你下厨吧
I guess Lamar inspired you to cook?
我想是的
Yeah, I guess he did.
那是不是说你也要上我
Does that mean you're gonna fuck me as well?
天哪
Oh, God.
弗兰 对不起
Fran. I'm‐‐I'm sorry.
-你生气了吗 -我为什么要生气
‐ Are you mad? ‐ Why would I be mad?
我们离成为姐妹又近了一步
We're one step closer to being sisters.
天哪
Ohh. Oh, God!
好的 我
OK. I‐‐
我希望你知道我和拉马尔谈过
I hope you know that, like, Lamar and I talked,
我是打算告诉你的
and I was gonna tell you.
他已经告诉我了 他是个大嘴巴
Well, he already told me. He has a very big mouth.
我是说 你已经知道了 因为
I mean, you knew that already, because...
-你夺走了他的第一次 -弗兰
‐ You just took his virginity. ‐ Fran.
不是吧
No.
我忘了你16岁还相信圣诞老人
I forgot that you believed in Santa until you were 16.
-我的天呐 什么 -好骗的小负鼠
‐ My God! Ugh, what? ‐ Gullible baby possum.
-你昨晚感觉如何 -我觉得
‐ So how'd you feel about last night? ‐ I mean...
爽爆了
pretty fuckin' good.
别 你在干什么 那是我弟弟
No. What are you doing? That's my brother.
-这么说不合适 -我知道
‐ That's inappropriate. ‐ I know.
好吧 不
OK, wow, no.
告诉我你的感受 别说其他的
Tell me how you feel in terms of your emotions, and nothing more.
好吧 说实话
Well, if I'm being totally honest,
我也不知道
I mean, I don't know,
瑞恩刚和别人做了
Ryan was just with someone else,
但我告诉他那很操蛋
but I just told him how fucked up that was,
然后我做了一样的事情
and then I went and did the exact same thing.
就像 我觉得有点
Like, I just, I don't know, I feel kind of‐‐
别跟我说愧疚
Please don't say guilty.
-我真感觉愧疚 -好吧
‐ I do. I feel guilty. ‐ Great.
不 不
OK, nope. Nope.
我要提议定一个
I would like to propose and instill
家里"无瑞恩"的规定 谢谢
a strict "No Ryan" Rule in this house, thank you.
-什么意思 -意思是 不准提他
‐ Wha‐‐ what's that? ‐ It means never say his name,
不准把他带回来
never bring him into our home.
他就是无人问津的过期肉
He is an ignorant bag of expired meat,
我已经再三告诉你 但你总不听
and I've told you and told you, and you're not listening,
我已经厌倦了 所以必须对你严格要求
and I'm getting tired of it, so I have to be strict with you.
好吧 但我想当过期肉太太很久了
OK, but I've been wanting to be Mrs. Expired Meat for a while.
-天哪 我能吃那个吗 -不行
‐ Oh, my God, can I have that? ‐ No.
不要啊
No.
官方声明
All right, it's official,
我们又要做"一千零一夏夜"的故事了
we're doing the "Thousand and One Summer Stories" Issue again,
先解决重叠问题
so please, let's be diligent about the overlap?
我们不需要三个阴♥道♥蜜蜡脱毛的故事
We don't need three stories about vaginal waxing.
-再说 现在阴毛又流行起来了 -我同意
‐ Plus, Bush is back. ‐ I agree.
而且 人力资源部还有了新的保险政策
Also, HR has a new insurance policy,
这意味着我们有一个预防性健康折扣项目
which means we have a preventative health discount program,
也就是说我能省一大笔钱 如果你们
which means I save a buttload of money if you can manage
每周能锻炼至少一次的话
to pry your cheese‐thighs off the couch more than once a week.
你是不是在你的肥胖症文章里写过这东西
Okay, didn't you write about this? For your obesity epidemic article?
我确实写过
I did write about that.
-谢谢你把它当回事 -我喜欢那个故事
‐ Thank you for giving a fuck. ‐ I loved that story,
-盖博 它改变了我 -安迪 滚开
‐ Gabe, it changed me. ‐ Andy, fuck off.
听着 我们要把自动贩卖♥♥机扔掉
OK, look, we're gonna be getting rid of the vending machines...
-什么 -我们还要做
‐ What? ‐ ...and we're gonna do
有益身心的团建活动 一月一次
one heart‐healthy "Grouptivity" once a month,
-从本周开始 -真棒 强制乐趣
‐ Starting this week. ‐ Oh, cool. Forced fun.
没错 强制乐趣 我喜欢 强制乐趣
That's right, forced fun. I like that. Forced fun.
我们就叫它强制乐趣
We're gonna call it Forced Fun,
这周六举♥行♥我们第一次强制乐趣活动
and our first Forced Fun activity is this Saturday.
绕索维岛骑行十公里 怎么样
It's gonna be a ten‐mile bike ride around Sauvie Island. How's that?
我刚给小儿子买♥♥了辆自行车 会很有意思的
Actually, I just got my youngest a bike, so that'll be fun.
不 不要孩子 孩子最无趣了
Oh, no, no youngest, no kids. Kids are the opposite of fun.
孩子就像是被粘住的老鼠
Kids are like mice on a glue trap,
大吵大闹 直到你淹死它们
squealing and shitting until you drown them.
我5分钟后要接个电♥话♥
All right, I've got a call in five.
你们把点子发我邮箱 就这些了
That means you're gonna email me your pitches. That'll be all.
那个 盖博 我能不能给你简单说个点子
Oh, actually, Gabe, if I could just give you a quick pitch...
我不是刚说发邮件给我吗
Didn't I literally just say email the pitches?
-没错 -但你还是要说
‐ Yes. Yes. ‐ But you're gonna give me a pitch.
我听说有一个泳池派对
Well, I heard about this pool party,
是关于包容的
and it's all about inclusivity...
-我讨厌这个词 -赞美肥胖身体
‐ I hate that word. ‐ ...and celebrating larger bodies,
他们还把它发给了日程组
and they sent it to the calendar,
我觉得这挺酷的
but I think it could be a cool story.
泳池里的躯体 这不是故事 安妮
Bodies in a pool. That's not a story, Annie.
但事实上不止这些
OK, but it actually is about a lot more than that.
还关于人们接受自我
It's about people feeling comfortable in their own skin.
我们最不需要的就是
The last thing we need is
每个人都接受自己
everybody feeling comfortable in their own skin.
那是70年代
That would be the '70s.
我的直觉告诉我这不合适
My gut instinct is that it's not a good fit.
非常适合日程组 你们去搞吧
Great fit for the calendar. Go crazy with that.
你确实应该相信你的直觉
OK, and you should definitely trust your gut,
但我上一篇稿子也证明
but I also think that my last article is proof...
我的直觉可能也很准
...that my instincts might be good, too.
-对吗 -安妮 不能急功近利
‐ Right? ‐ Annie, we gotta pace ourselves.
还记得古腾堡在发明西方活字印刷术后的第二个点子吗
Remember Gutenberg's second idea after the printing press?
-不 -那就对了
‐ No. ‐ Exactly.
答案是不 十分感谢
The answer is no. Thank you so much.
-可以了吧 太棒了 -是的
‐ Are we good? Great. ‐ Y‐yeah.
天 他对我的稿子简直不屑一顾
God! He was just so dismissive about my article.
他刚把我的孩子比作老鼠 所以
Yeah. He just compared my human children to rodents, so...
是啊 我是不是又回到起点了
I know. But, like, am I just back to square one?
我现在就是日程女孩吗
I'm just the calendar girl now?
你有账号♥和密♥码♥ 你可以自己上传点东西
You've got a log‐in and a password. Just go online and upload somethin'.
但这不会让盖博发怒吗
Yeah, but wouldn't that make Gabe so mad?
不会 如果是好东西的话就不会
No. Not if it's good.
还记得你上一篇文章吗
Remember what happened with your last article.
这倒是 这倒是
I mean, that's true. That's true.
而且我反正都要去那个派对
And I'm going to the party anyway.
我至少可以去看看有没有什么可以写的 对吧
I might as well at least see if there's an angle, right?
-对 -安妮·伊斯顿调查
‐ Why not? ‐ Annie Easton Investigates.
天
Oh! Shit.
我们扫荡了自动贩卖♥♥机 我靠
We raided the vending machine. Oh, fuck! Shit!
我去 我靠
Fuck shit! Fuckin' shit!
我去买♥♥些糖果
I'm gonna get some candy.
你知道糖果最初的灵感来源是水果吗
Did you know that fruit was actually the original inspiration for candy?
不知道
No.
安妮
Annie!
我的天 那是谁
Oh, my God. Who is that?
看起来像酸中毒的楚巴卡[《星战》角色]
Looks like Chewbacca after an acid attack.
嗯 实际上
Um, yeah, I‐‐ I actually‐‐
-我认识他 -呕
‐ I know him. ‐ Ew.