天堂镇警局（2018）

不管怎样 不要和他的大眼睛对视
Anyway, don't make eye contact with his big eye.
那是邪恶的
That one's evil.
它可能会放出黄色的气体
He may emit a yellow gas.
如果那它碰到你 它可能会杀了你
Now if it touches you, it will kill you.
但是如果它没有碰到你 它也会杀了你
But if it doesn't touch you, it will kill you.
如果他变得很暴躁
Now, if he gets real cranky,
你会想用到这个的
you're going to want to use this.
你想让我开枪打他？
You want me to shoot him?
不 那只会激怒他！ 那是给你自己用的
Hell no, that'll just piss him off! That's to use on yourself.
我怎样才能让他平静下来？
Well, how do I calm him down?
你知道那首儿歌♥吗
You know that children's song,
“头、肩膀、膝盖和脚趾？”-是的
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes?" -Yeah.
如果你让他冷静下来 他会吃掉你身体的那些部分
Them's the parts of you he's gonna eat if you try to calm him down.
来吧 呆伯特 我们阿根廷探戈课要迟到了
Come on, Delbert. We gon' be late for our Argentinian tango class.
好吧 但这次别用你的小鸡鸡戳我
Okay, but don't poke me with your boner this time.
我刚才说什么了？
What did I just say?
等等 不要…
Wait, don't--
真的很安静
Sure is quiet.
-他在哪里？ -多比
Where is he? -Dobby!
多比
Dobby!
我看着大眼睛
I looked at the big eye!
不
No! Oh, no!
不 请不要吃我的头 肩膀 膝盖和脚
No! Please don't eat my head, shoulders, knees and toes,
膝盖和脚
knees and toes!
你在指什么？
Huh? What are you pointing at? What the--
哇 你不是个坏男孩
Wow. You're not a bad boy.
你只是因为这个卡在你300颗牙齿之间的
You were just in pain from this mattress spring
床垫弹簧而感到疼痛
stuck between your 300 teeth.
多比
Dobby, Dobby.
不 谢谢 多比 我吃饱了
No, thanks, Dobby. I'm full.
我午餐吃了一个脏兮兮的爱情座椅
I ate a shit-stained love seat for lunch.
多比
Dobby, Dobby!
好吧 我怎么能拒绝这么又黄又潮湿的一片呢？
Oh! Well, how can I turn down a piece that's so yellow and moist?
还是温的
Still warm.
哦 太不幸了 迪兹纳特博士去世了
Oh, tragic. Dr. Deeznuts passed away.
我们是哈佛的室友
We were flatmates at Harvard.
一天晚上 我们喝醉了 我们轮番上了一只蛆
We got drunk one night and ran a train on a maggot.
（费兹杰罗竞选市长）
哇 总部看起来像一个真正的竞选办公室
Wow, headquarters looks like a real campaign office.
他们给整个军团上了一堂政♥治♥速成班
And they gave the whole Legion a crash course in politics.
这到底是什么？
What the hell is this?
弗兰克说如果你得到受欢迎的山羊 你就赢了
Frank said if you get the popular goat, you win!
大众投票 你这个聋婊♥子♥
Popular "vote," you deaf bitch!
不管怎样 民调结果出来了
Anyways, the poll numbers are out.
妈的 她领先于我
Shit. She's kicking my ass.
那些乡下人爱他们的冰♥毒♥市长
Those rednecks love their meth mayor.
如果我有机会的话 我需要找到一些从未投票过的选民
If I'm going to have any chance, I need to find some untapped voters.
我知道这样一群人
I know a pool of untapped voters.
我保证 如果你支持我 我作为市长的
I promise, if you support me, that my first act as mayor
第一个行动就是最终让你们这些鳍肢人
is to finally let you flipper people
都去地面上生活
all come up to the surface to live.
除了你们 后面那些超级怪异的混♥蛋♥
Except for you super weird motherfuckers in the back.
包括你 乔纳希尔
That includes you, Jonah Hill.
（天堂镇窥探者报）
天哪！首脑正在竞选市长
Holy shit! The Kingpin's running for mayor.
我得离开这里 警告每个人
I gotta get out of here and warn everybody.
“如果边缘被突破 会造成严重电击”
"Severe electric shock if perimeter is breached."
可能就像狗的电击项圈
Eh, it's probably like a dog shock collar.
鸡♥巴♥电击
Cock shock!
我的老二
Oh, my dick!
不 多比 早午餐结束了
No, Dobby. Brunch is over.
我需要工具把这个该死的脚镯从我身上弄下来
I need tools to get this goddamn ankle bracelet off of me.
多比 听着
Dobby, listen.
我需要你出去
I need you to go out there
给我拿把锯子回来
and bring me back a hacksaw.
锯子
Hack...saw.
多比
Dobby, Dobby!
啊 这么快
Oh, that was quick.
多比 这不是锯子
Dobby, this is not a hacksaw!
这是一袋人的眼球
This is a bag of human eyeballs!
你一个字也听不懂我在说什么 是吗？
You can't understand a word I'm saying, can you?
多比
Dobby, Dobby.
是的 多比
Yeah, "Dobby, Dobby."
等等 那意思是“跳椰菜娃娃舞”？
Wait, that meant, "Do the cabbage patch"?
让我用你的语言试试别的
Let me try something else in your language.
“多比”？
Uh... Dobby, Dobby?
螺丝刀 多比
Screwdriver. Dobby, Dob-by.
旧靴子 九♥码♥半宽 多比
Old boot. Size nine-and-a-half wide. Dob-by, Dobby.
多比
Dobby! Dobby!
乔拜登
Joe Biden.
我的对手想让所有这些鳍肢人
Huh! My opponent wants to let all these flipper people,
也就是我所称的“游移♥民♥”和我们一起生活在地上
or as I call them "swimmigrants," live above ground with us!
哦 这些游移♥民♥听起来很恶心
Ew, these swimmigrants sound disgusting.
现在如果你不介意
Now if you'll excuse me,
我要去吃这只蛆的屁♥眼♥
I'm going to eat out this maggot's asshole.
我们会让这些肮脏的海豚后代来到这里
Are we going to let these dirty dolphin descendants
抢走我们所有不需要动手指的工作吗？
come up here and take all our jobs that don't require fingers?
新闻秘书凯文克劳福德在这里评论
Here to comment on the divisive campaign rally
这场分♥裂♥的竞选
is press secretary Kevin Crawford.
凯文 凯伦克劳福德讨厌游移♥民♥吗？
Kevin, does Karen Crawford hate swimmigrants?
凯特 这只是说说而已 行动胜于言语
Those are just words, Kate. Actions speak louder than words.
我们刚刚收到一段视频 克劳福德市长
We have just received footage of Mayor Crawford
把塑料六包环扔进了弗林珀维尔下水道
dumping plastic six-pack rings into the Flipperville sewer
比利布♥什♥看着大笑
as Billy Bush watches and laughs.
克劳福德先生 你如何为此辩护？
Mr. Crawford, how can you defend that?
哦 好吧
Oh well.
接下来 乔拜登又来了
Up next, Joe Biden is at it again.
达斯提 地狱太棒了
Dusty, Hell is awesome.
他们有很棒的火湖和这些可恶的飞行恶魔
They have cool lakes of fire and these badass flying demons.
这就像是一场免费的丹泽音乐会
It's like a free Danzig concert,
但是没有任何糟糕的丹泽音乐
but without any of the shitty Danzig music!
再问一下 什么计划呢？
So what's the plan again?
我要回到地狱去和那个笨蛋撒旦玩玩 因为为什么不呢？
I'm going back to Hell to fuck with that dork Satan, because why not?
然后你用这支冰♥毒♥笔让我复活 明白吗？
Then you revive me with this Meth-E pen. Got it? Good.
又是你 我说到哪里了？
Oh, you again. Where was I?
咬牙切齿…
There shall be gnashing of teeth and--
嘿 撒旦 看起来你身材不错
Hey, Satan. Looks like you're in pretty good shape.
让我问你一个问题：
Let me ask you a question,
你喜欢健身吗？ -是的
are you into fitness? -Yeah.
太好了 你用嘴叼这只小狗的鸡♥巴♥ 怎么样？
Great, how about fittin' this little dog dick in your mouth?
我去拿假发
Hmm, I'll get my wig.
等等 这是恶作剧吗？
Wait a minute, is this a prank?
哦 你会为此付出代价的
Oh, you're gonna pay for that!
我不这么认为 我要走了
I don't think so. And I'm out!
达斯提 你来这干嘛?
Dusty! What the hell are you doing here?
你把这个地方说得太好了
You talked this place up so much,
我狼吞虎咽地吃了一些冰♥毒♥ 这样我就能亲眼看到了
I gobbled some of that meth so I could see it for myself!
你这个笨蛋
You dumbass!
如果你在下面 谁来救我们上来？
If you're down here, who's gonna revive us up there?
别担心 我告诉吉娜来做
Don't worry. I told Gina to do it.
-我很无聊 -该死的
Eh, I was bored. -Goddamn it.
别担心 我告诉霍普森让我们复活
Don't worry. I told Hopson to revive us.
太好了 那你也吸毒过量了？
Oh, great, so you OD'd on meth too?
不 我刚刚死了
No, I just died.
（天堂镇市政厅）
凯文 在美国有线电视新闻网上干得好
Great job on CNN, Kevin,
你这个有着半透明眼睑的混♥蛋♥
you translucent-eyelidded douche!
开玩笑的 妈妈喜欢你特殊的眼睑
Just kidding! Mommy loves your special eyelids!
妈妈 是你做了那些可怕的事
You're the one who did those horrible things, Mom.
在美国有线电视新闻网上搞砸了的有奇怪眼睑的怪胎
Between the weird eyelid freak blowing it on CNN,
和支持菲茨的鳍肢人之间
and the flipper people supporting Fitz,
你在民♥意♥测验中落后于他