生活点滴（2015）

我刚刚已经擦过了
I got the last one.
看谁来啦
Oh, here he comes,
几乎站不住 我就喜欢看你这样
barely standing... I like the look of this.
我还没睡 他们吵得我睡不着
I haven't slept... they kept me up all night.
咱家有没有吸管杯
Do we have any sippy cups?
"他们" "吸管杯"
"They"? "Sippy cups"?
你可真会玩 我服了你
Ooh, you nasty! Come on.
等等
Wait, w-wait.
如果我们不做会怎样
What if we didn't?
不做♥爱♥ 科琳 咱们已经结婚
Have sex? Colleen, we've been married
都有几秒钟了
for, like, two seconds...
你不能现在提这种要求
we can't start that now.
我是说做保护措施
No. Use protection.
不♥穿♥衣服 肌肤相亲
No shirts, all skins.
真的
Seriously?
对 - 我以为
Yeah. - But I thought
咱们得等到你的星座预测
we were gonna wait until your horoscope said
显示点什么的时候才不带套
whatever dumb things horoscopes say.
以前是 但自从我从阳台摔下去
Well, yeah. But then I fell off the balcony,
我意识到
and I realized that
生活总是不如意 计划也说不定
life doesn't always allow you to make plans.
咱们都想要孩子
We both want a family,
咱们也都不年轻
and we're not getting any younger.
真不敢相信咱们要这么做 - 我理解
I can't believe we're gonna do this. - I know.
我爱你
I love you so much.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
宝贝儿 为啥你整理行李
Hey, baby. Why you packin'?
咱们得准备准备去医院
we have to be ready to go to the hospital.
我随时会生
I could go into labor at any minute.
你怎么可能怀孕
How can you be pregnant already?
我们昨晚才做♥爱♥
We just had sex last night.
很正常 马特
That's how it works, Matt.
我以为怀孕得需要再多点时间
I thought there would be more time.
我不了解
And I don't know
照顾宝宝的事
anything about having a baby.
我们需要婴儿房♥
We need a baby room,
可我们没钱搬家
and we can't afford to move.
小傻瓜 咱们已经搬了家
We've already moved, silly.
欢迎回到车♥库♥ 乖儿子
Welcome back to the garage, dear.
想住多久住多久
Stay as long as you want.
不过记住 尽量别吸墙上油漆味
Just maybe don't breathe too deeply near the paint
或是汽油味或老鼠喔
or the gas or the rat feces.
也许会对宝宝不好
It might not be good for that baby.
约翰 这小风铃
John, that mobile
简直太棒了 - 谢谢
is perfect. - Thanks.
只是想挂个饰物给宝贝孙子
Just a few things I had laying around.
呃 我们不会在这儿呆太久的
Um, we're not gonna be staying long.
我会有一份更好的工作
I'm gonna get a better job.
我认识朋友要人用喔
I know a guy who's hiring.
谢谢你给我这个面试机会
I want to thank you for this opportunity.
我是个上进好青年 会好好工作的
I'm a hard worker, and I want to do well.
我可想整天闲着喝饮料
Well... I want to sit and drink all day,
但如你所见 我可没那么悠闲
but you don't see me doing that.
你知道
You do know
这份工作是当全职老爸吧 - 是的
this job i-is for father, right? - Yes.
所以觉得知道够资格吗
So what makes you think you're qualified?
嗯 没人天生适合当一个父亲
Well, n-no one's really qualified to be a dad
直到你当上爹 对吧
until you become one. Right?
这样说 你是个连擦个屁♥股♥也不会的
Sounds like someone who's gonna wipe the baby
新手村里的奶爸咯
from back to front.
擦个屁♥股♥也有会不会吗
There's a wrong way to wipe?
下一个
Next.
有拿到工作吗
Ah. Did you get the job?
呃 没有 他变成了一只霸王龙
Uh, no. He turned into a T. rex
从办公室一路追我
and chased me out of the office.
追到这儿
There he is now.
好吧 只要你确定你能在信♥用♥卡♥账单
Well, just make sure you get a job
还款日之前找到工作就行
before the credit card bill comes.
因为我刚刚买♥♥了所有
'Cause I just bought everything
我们的宝宝们需要的东西
we're gonna need for the babies.
还请了一位很贵的家庭女教师
And an expensive governess.
嗨 宝宝们
Hey. Babies?
好吧
Yeah.
嗯...那是西语老师
Um... is that Spanish
给一个宝宝上课吗 - 不是啊 小傻瓜
for one baby? - No, silly.
我们有的是四胞胎
We're having quadruplets.
啊 真的吗
Ah. Really?
看起来... 看起来我应该记得
Think... think I would have remembered that.
我的人生进程 有点儿快了
Uh, got a lot going on in my life right now.
你知道吗 我只是
You know? And I'm just
开始感觉
starting to feel...
真的
really...
筋疲力尽了
overwhelmed.
有趣
Interesting.
告诉我你看到了什么
And tell me what you see.
一个高兴的宝宝
Happy baby?
这张呢
Uh-huh. And this one?
一个更开心的宝宝
Happier baby?
嗯
Mm-hmm.
等会儿 我答对了吗
Wait, did I get that wrong or right?
当父母这回事
There are no wrong or right answers
并没有对与错之分
when it comes to parenting.
即使你忘了
Even if you forget
所有的事儿 只要你记得
everything else, you'll be okay if you remember
这个重要的信息就好
this one crucial piece of information.
♪ 记住了 ♪
♪ Informer ♪
♪ 你不说爸爸我雪我 ♪
♪ Ya no say daddy me Snow me ♪
♪ 我都怪你 都把你打爆爆 ♪
♪ I go blame, I kick your boom boom down ♪
♪ 把你打爆爆 ♪
♪ I kick your boom boom down ♪
等会儿 什么鬼
Wait. What?
♪ 把你爆爆 ♪
♪ A licky your boom boom down. ♪
学会之后就可以通过考试了
And that's all you need to know to pass your test.
考试
Test?
什么考试
What test?
都看自己的卷子 然后
Eyes on your own paper. And...
就可以开始答题了
you may begin.
开始 但
Begin? But...
我还啥也没学过呢
I haven't even been to class.
做完了 - 已经做完了
Done. - Already?
做完了 - 做完了
Done. - Done.
做完了 - 做完了
Done. - Done.
把笔放下
And pencils down.
把笔... 放下了
Pencils... down.
啊 希瑟
No, Heather...
不 - 马特
No! - Matt!
宝宝们来了
The babies are coming!
科琳 你在哪
Colleen, where are you?
马特
Matt!
你错过了
You missed it!
别担心 他们惊慌的小眼神儿很像你
Don't worry. They have your panicked eyes.
来吧
Here, Daddy.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
我刚刚做了一个很可怕的噩梦
I just had the worst nightmare.
我也是
Me, too.
关于生孩子吗 - 不是
About having a baby? - No.
我梦见我是个教练
I was a couch,
然后蒂姆在那边一直找我换零钱
and Tim was digging around for loose change.
等会儿
Wait.
你不想要孩子吗
You don't want to have a baby?
不不不不
No, no, no, no.