生活点滴（2015）

我还在里面呢 - 对不起啊
Hey! I'm in here. - Oh, I'm sorry.
抱歉 抱歉 太混乱了 甜心
Sorry, sorry, quit messing around, honey.
快来帮我 - 奶嘴
Come on, help me. - Paci!
奶嘴 我要奶嘴
Paci! I need it.
谁给我拿过来啊
Somebody hand me it.
好 好 好 这儿 这儿 这儿
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, here, here, here.
求你 求你了 嗦这里面的哪个都行
Please, please, just suck on one of these.
随便哪个 挑吧 - 除非你拿着的是
Any, please. - Unless one of those
那个有黄色带有能咬的手柄奶嘴
is the stinky-ass yellow one with the chewed up handle,
不然这都是白忙活
you're just wasting our time.
好 看着
Uh, yeah, well, look.
看这个
Oh, see this.
手柄位能咬喔
I'm chewing on the handle.
来 给你 试试看
Right here, okay. Now, here. Try it.
好吧 我已经江郎才尽了
Okay, I've run out of ideas.
我有主意了 车
I know. The car.
我去车里找找 - 好主意
I'm checking the car. - Yeah, great.
好好找找 哦不 别去
Check between the... oh, whoa, no, no, no, no.
等等 你不能再走了
Wait a minute. You are not getting away again.
乖 亲爱的 我就去十分钟
Oh, please, honey. Just ten minutes.
喝杯啤酒 我就回来了 - 不行
One beer, I'll be right home. - No.
找到奶嘴前
No one is leaving here
谁都不许走
until we find this paci.
奶嘴 我需要它 妈咪
Paci, I need it, Mommy.
宝贝 我懂 我懂你的痛苦
I know, sweetie. I feel your pain.
他们把芬芬减肥药从药店的货架上撤走时
I felt the same way when they pulled fen-phen
我也有这种感受
from the drugstore shelves.
找到啦 - 什么
Found it! - What?
从哪儿找到的
Where was it?
在食物储藏室里
It was in the pantry...
还有其他我之前以为丢了的东西
along with something else I thought I lost.
我的尤克里里
My ukulele.
这个你也找到了啊 - 对
You found that, too? - Yeah.
发音还是这么地道
And you're still doing the authentic pronunciation.
晚安
Night, night.
老天
Oh, God.
亲爱的 我们必须戒掉她这个习惯
Honey, we have got to break her
立刻马上
of this habit now
不然哪天她会在街角
or she's gonna wind up on a street corner
为了奶嘴卖♥♥身
selling her body for pacifiers.
老实说 我觉得她不会蠢到那种地步
And honestly, I don't think she's got the ass for it.
你说得对
Ah, you're right.
只是我们要委婉一点
It's just we have to do this delicately, you know?
对 戒奶嘴这事儿完全有可能
Yeah. This is totally one of those things that could,
给孩子造成不可磨灭的伤害
like, scar a kid for life.
我知道 不如我们告诉她
I know. Why don't we tell her
她必须把她的奶嘴送到奶嘴精灵那里
that she has to send her paci to the Paci Fairy?
就像当初你妈妈编出的运动裤精灵
That like the sweatpants fairy your mom made up
好让你不再天天穿着运动裤去上学吗
so you'd stop wearing sweatpants to school every day?
对啊 - 这样太奇怪了
Yeah. - That's so weird.
如果有用 那就不奇怪
It's not weird if it works.
好啦别这样
Oh, come on.
怎么了 我这裤子就休息的时候穿一穿
What, these are my lounge-abouts, right?
大厨都这么穿
Chefs wear these.
我们可以告诉她 奶嘴精灵是男的
We could tell her that the Paci Fairy is a guy,
这样你就不会担心性别歧视的问题了
so that you don't have an issue with it being sexist.
不 我不是对性别有意见
No, my issue is not with his gender.
不过 精灵为什么不能是男的
Although, why couldn't a fairy be a guy?
我有意见的是
My issue is that
父母不应该对孩子撒谎
parents shouldn't lie to their kids.
还记得辛克莱一家发生了什么吗
Remember what happened with the Sinclairs?
他们骗孩子说他可以飞
They told that kid he could fly.
我天 我一直没给他们送花
Oh, my gosh, I never sent flowers.
别担心 我问候过了
Don't worry, I took care of it.
谢谢 - 这件事也要由我处理
Thank you. - And I'm gonna take care of this, too.
不骗孩子的处理
By not lying to our child.
我是说 我们最不想看到的就是
I mean, the last thing we need is her standing
她在成人礼上还咬着个奶嘴
at her bat mitzvah with a paci in her mouth.
或者说坚信礼 - 一次只说一件事
You know, or her confirmation. - One thing at a time.
好吧 - 懂吧
Okay. - You know?
拜托了 拉克
Oh, come on, Lark.
求你了 我们能不能商量商量
Come on, can we please just talk about this?
拉克
Lark,
听我说
listen to me.
你真的想长大以后像我们事务所
Do you really want to grow up to be like
那个口齿不清的姑娘一样吗
that lispy chick from my office?
你见过她的 她有个奶嘴
You've met her. She had a pacifier.
现在她只能和一只乌龟相依为命
And now she lives alone with a turtle.
珍 想用和乌龟相依为命
Jen, trying to scare our kid
吓唬我们的孩子
by telling her she's gonna go live with a turtle
和跟一位犹太妈妈说她的孩子长大会成为医生
is like trying to scare a Jewish mother by saying
吓唬她没什么区别
her kid's gonna grow up to be a doctor.
别乱说 你觉得拉克以后会当医生吗
Stop. You think Lark could be a doctor?
好吧 宝贝 额
All right. Honey? Um...
听我说 你 你有没有听说过
Listen, have you, have you ever heard of the, um,
奶嘴精灵
the Paci Fairy?
奶嘴精灵 是谁呀
Paci Fairy, who's that?
这个嘛 你♥爸♥爸会给你详细讲讲关于他的一切
Well. Your daddy is gonna tell you all about him.
对 他
Yeah... oh.
对 - 好吧
Yeah. - Okay.
对 我们要用气球
Yeah. We're gonna send
把你的奶嘴送给奶嘴精灵
your paci away on a balloon to the Paci Fairy,
因为你已经是个大姑娘了
and because you are such a big girl,
他 要送你一件礼物
he is gonna get you a present.
礼物
A present?
对 - 没错 是这样
Yeah. - That's right. Yeah.
但是如果你还留着奶嘴
But if you keep your paci,
那奶嘴怪就会在晚上趁你睡着的时候
then the Paci Monster sneaks into your room at night
溜进你的房♥间
when you're sleeping,
一口把你吃掉
and he just eats you up in one big bite.
珍 你到底在唱哪出
Jen, what the hell are you doing?
拜托 奶嘴怪
Come on, "Paci Monster"? Come on.
我不知道 我是觉得我们需要个坏人助阵
I don't know, I felt like we needed a bad guy or something.
好吧 听奶嘴精灵的 不要奶嘴怪
Okay. Paci Fairy, no monster.
好了 那
Okay, so...
我们开始吧 好吗
Here we go. All right?
既然大家都在
Now, everybody is here,
我们就要放飞气球
so we're gonna send these off,
让它飘去奶嘴精灵那里
and let it float away to the Paci Fairy,
然后他会送你一份大礼
and then he is gonna bring you a big present.
奶嘴精灵居然是个小伙子
The Paci Fairy's a dude?
琼妮 拿上你的东西 咱们走
Joanie, get your hat, we're leaving.
别闹
Stop.
这是你唯一能为第一个孩子做的了
This is so something you only do for the first kid.
可不是嘛
Oh, totally.
得了 泰勒的奶嘴被发射去了奶嘴星球
Come on, Tyler's pacifier got a blastoff to Paci Planet,
而萨曼莎的奶嘴被丢进了分类垃圾箱
while Samantha's got tossed into the garbage disposal
当时我冲她吼
while I screamed at her,
"瞧你把妈妈♥逼♥到什么地步啦"
"Look at what you made Mommy do!"
你还记得吗 亲爱的
Do you remember that, sweetie?
对 我记得当时就好像是我的错
Yeah, I remember feeling
但我不知道为什么
like it was my fault but not knowing why.
我基本不记得苏菲亚的奶嘴是怎么处理的
I don't even remember what we did with Sophia's pacifier.
可能我丢了吧
I probably lost it or something.
好了 准备好了吗 我们要倒数了哦
Okay, ready? We're gonna count it off.
五 - 五
Five... - Five...
四
Four...
三
three...
二
two...
等一下等一下
Wait, wait.