约翰·威尔逊的十万个怎么做（2020）

年岁的增长带来的是令人泄气的表现
but it turns out to be a lot more frustrating as an adult,
根本没那么令人放松
and it's not actually that relaxing.
你开上了一条风景优美的路 来清醒头脑
So you take a nice scenic drive to clear your head.
但一会儿之后
But after a while,
你的前路可能会被某辆…
you might get stuck behind someone who…
排气管明显老化的车子给死死挡住
seems to have a problem with their exhaust pipe.
感觉就像
And it kind of feels like,
他们知道你是为了戒烟才远道而来
And it kind of feels like they know you're trying to quit.
所以你在加油站上前告诉他关于黑烟的问题
So you get out to tell him about his problem at the gas station.
那只是很多燃料和空气混合之后的结果
That's just a by-product of a lot of fuel and air.
是吗? -是啊
Yeah? -Yep.
在跟他谈了一会儿之后
But after talking to him a little more,
你惊讶地发现
you're surprised to learn that
他居然是故意这样做的
he was actually doing it on purpose.
我呢…
我上瘾了
嗯… 我
对柴油的一切上瘾了
你真的喜欢柴油吗?
Do you like diesel at all?
啥? -你喜欢柴油吗?
Huh? -Do you like diesel?
不 -不喜欢
No. -No.
他继续朝你的脸上喷出
He still kept spewing
一大堆的黑烟
a lot of the black smoke in your face
然后你想起了自己是如何不顾他人地
and when you think about how inconsiderate you felt
吐出的那一口口烟的
from blowing just a little vape smoke,
不禁令人好奇 他人会怎样辩解 拥有如此…
you wonder how anyone could justify such a…
有毒爱好的行为呢
toxic hobby.
如果有人想要禁止你的这种行为
What would you say to someone that…
你想对他们说什么?
would like to see this practice kind of banned?
呃…
Um…
我觉得他们会想颁布禁令的唯一原因
I think the only reason they'd want it to be banned
是为了避免空气污染
would be pollution,
那…
which…
我想如果万事都要避免污染…
I guess, if you're all about pollution…
但问题是 一切行为都会带来污染
But, the thing is, everything makes pollution.
比如 任何的事情… 就像你去沃尔玛
Like, anything that you-- If you go to Walmart
买♥♥了一大包薯片 那就是塑料 人造的
and buy a bag of chips, that's plastic, that's made,
那就造成了污染…
that's pollution.
那是…
It's…
由某种东西制成的
been made from something.
一定…
Tthere's…
会产生污染的 不管是生产这包薯片
been pollution made to make that bag of chips
还是你买♥♥的任何东西
or whatever you're buying.
所以人就该放弃
So is that person gonna give up
日常生活里的一切吗?
everything that they do in their normal life?
他们就不再开车?
Are they gonna not get in a car?
他们就再也不去卖♥♥场买♥♥东西?
Are they not gonna go to Walmart and buy whatever?
嗯…
Uh…
只要我能
whenever I can…
不知道欸
I don't know, that…
也不好说…
It's hard to say. Uh…
就… 我不知道
It-- I don't know. I don't-- It's…
我试着想一个适当的回答
I'm trying to think of a good response.
或许就是有些人 为所欲为更自在
Maybe some people are just more comfortable
一点都不会担心他们的行为
doing whatever they want without any concern
对他人会有什么影响
for the effect it has on others.
但这的确让你想到
But it does get you thinking about
关于薯片的一切
everything that goes into a bag of chips.
在此之后 当你站在商店里时
And then, when you're at the store,
你发现薯片的包装袋 几乎要撑爆了
you notice that the chip bags are all about to burst,
原因不明
and you don't know why.
你知道… 为什么这些都快撑爆了吗?
You know-- you know why these are so blown up?
因为大气压
The altitude.
这个海拔… -噢 大气压!
Anything you find at-- -Oh, the altitude!
没错! -噢 原来如此
Yeah! -Oh, okay!
如果是这样 那么这包薯片
If that's the case, it seems like the bag
距离爆♥炸♥也只有百尺之遥
is only a couple of hundred feet away from popping,
你带着它坐上了滑雪缆车
so you bring it up with you on the ski lift
期待着爆♥炸♥发生
to see if it would burst.
在坡顶上有点紧绷
It's a little tighter at the top,
嗯… 但还是没有爆开
uh, but it still doesn't pop.
甚至当你带着它坐上了直升机
And even when you take it up in a helicopter,
你依然无法达到足够的高度
you still can't seem to get it high enough.
好啦 我们最高就只能到这里
再高点
再高一点点
这家伙拒绝 再飞得更高
But the guy won't go up high enough
因为他说这样太危险了
because he says it was too dangerous.
因此你在剩下的旅程中
So you take the bag of chips
一路带着这包薯片
and drive it up the rest of the way yourself.
当你徒步走向山顶的路上
And as you're hiking your way towards the summit,
你发现了一座被雪崩摧毁的屋子
you notice a house that was hit by an avalanche.
床垫看起来没有坏 但缺了床单
The mattress looks intact, but there are no bedsheets,
这表示…
which means that…
(lll￢ω￢)
um…
你也不知道这表示啥
you don't know what that means.
此时 你意识到
At that point, you'll realize that,
你的烟瘾 已经很久没有出现了
that nicotine has been so far from your thoughts for so long.
你能这样完全不想吸烟
This was the first time you'd been able to ignore it
十多年来尚属首次
completely in over a decade.
是否看到薯片爆♥炸♥ 也真的不那么重要了
And it didn't really matter if you got to see the bag pop.
从里到外 宛如新生
You'll feel like a new man, with a new brain.
至此 你终于可以
And now, you can finally
给那烩饭"扣帽"定论了
slam dunk that risotto.
当你回到纽约的家中
So when you get home to New York,
确保先重置烤箱的时钟
make sure to reset your oven clock first
因为在返程路上 已经开始了夏令时间
because daylight savings just happened on your way back.
有着清醒的大脑之后
Now that you have a clear head,
你意识到 意式烩饭一直煮不成
you notice that your risotto problems
可能跟你那些厨具有关
may have started with your cookware,
都已经用烂了
which is in pitiful shape,
现在是时候买♥♥新锅子了
and it's probably time to buy a new pot.
你需要前往商店
So you're gonna head out to the store.
你甚至不会 在走过吸烟者时有所停留
And you're not even fazed when you pass a smoker,
因为你为戒烟成功而自豪
because you're proudly nicotine-free.
你找到了更健康的方式
And now you have a healthier way to deal with
来舒缓嘴上的瘾
your oral fixation that
再也不会影响到任何人
won't bother anyone else.
你跳上一辆公车
And when you hop on the bus,
惊觉你是唯一的乘客
you'll be surprised that you're the only passenger.
这真棒
which is great,
想坐哪 就坐哪
because you can sit anywhere you like.
你或许开始察觉
And you may notice that
有些网约司机
some of the Ubers
开始在车身外面贴上整盒卫生纸
have started taping tissue boxes to the outside of their car,
搞不懂为什么
and you're not sure why.
但看起来…
But it looks like…
每个人都想扯一张
everyone is trying to get a piece.
你也同时意识到
And you also start to notice
所有电视台都在播放同样的新闻
that all the TVs are playing the same thing.
当你走进商店
When you get to the store, uh,
厨具看起来 似乎有些紧缺
they seem to be running a little short on cookware.
幸好在回家路上 有人在自家门口摆了个摊
Luckily, you pass by a yard sale on the way home.
这个锅子看起来 就很适合意式烩饭
The one pan they have looks like risotto-grade material.
但在你掏钱之前 他还试着推销你
But before you buy it, he might try to upsell you
一些其他玩意儿
on some other stuff.
这是凯文·史密斯 -对咯
Oh, that's Kevin Smith. -There you go.
噢 哇
Oh, wow.
这是手工制♥作♥的
This is handmade.
那是肯尼迪总统吗?
Is that JFK?
对的 这个卖♥♥2500
Yeah, this goes for 2, 500.
你们担心病毒的事吗
Are you guys worried about this virus?
感觉更像是…
I think it's more like…
更像是一场流感吧