约翰·威尔逊的十万个怎么做（2020）

简称"抽裁"
A reffle.
而且 抽奖奖品
And they were reffling off a
是一台大电视
big screen TV.
不少人买♥♥了好几张
And there were a bunch of high rollers.
晚餐是自助形式
The dinner was buffet style,
完美地匹配了
which seemed like the perfect choice
这样一个井然有序 公平公正的群体
for such a fair minded, orderly brunch.
所有食物放置的角度都很完美
All of the food was presented at perfect right angles.
每一跟管状意面
And every single piece of ziti
被均匀得裹上了酱汁
was evenly sauced.
这将成为一堂有关"晚餐周到服务"的大♥师♥班
This was about to be a masterclass in considerate dining,
而我抢到了最前排
and I had a front-row seat.
好啦×1 各位×1
All right, guys.
赶紧的×1
Come on,
赶紧的×2
come on,
赶紧的×3
come on,
赶紧的×4
come on,
大家尽快就坐×1
let's have seat.
大家尽快就坐×2
Let's have a seat.
大家尽快就坐×3
Let's have a seat.
大家尽快就坐×4
Let's have a seat.
赶紧的×5 各位×2 走起来×1
Come on, guys. Let's go.
走起来×2
Let's go.
走起来×3
Let's go.
好啦×2
All right.
好啦×3
All right.
好啦×4
All right.
各位×3 好啦×5 我们马上开始
All right, guys, we gotta get going.
快 大家动作快点
There we go. Let's go.
好啦×6 赶紧的×5
All right, come on,
赶进的×6
come on,
各位×4
guys,
各位×5 (╯▔皿▔)╯
guys, oh!
各位×6
Guys,
各位×7
guys,
各位×8
guys!
赶紧的×6
Come on!
各位!!!!!!×9
Guys! Oh!
各位×10
Guys!
赶紧的哟×7
Well, come on!
哟!
Yo! Yo!
快点啊喂!×8
Come on, man!
别吵了
Stop.
真是太丢人了 这里还…
It's embarrassing to have some, uh,
这屋里还有别人… 在看着我们
people are in this room that are watching us,
我们却表现得像孩子
and we're acting like kids.
快停下
Stop it right now.
如果我们…
If you--you don't-- We--
如果会议… 会议不结束
If we don't finish the-- the meeting,
我们就不开饭
we are not gonna serve any food.
你们看着办
So it's up to you.
好啦 爹爹
Okey daddy.
先吃饭! 吃完再开会!
Food first! Food first! Then the meeting.
当所有人都安静下来后
When everyone finally settled down,
会议的前15分钟时间
the first 15 minutes or so of the event
主要在批评那些
was devoted to berating the referees
不遵守规定的裁判
for not following the rules.
首先 报告必须要及时
First of all, the reports have to be on time.
其次
Next,
在比赛开始前领到薪水是你们的职责
it's your responsibility to get paid before the game.
如果你们没领到薪水
If you don't get paid,
我们将无法为你提供帮助
we are not gonna be able to help you.
你只能靠自己了
You are on your own.
如果他们缺球员 主队又不想付钱给我们
你们要我怎么办啊? 我什么都做不了啊
我们会尽力
看起来集♥会♥的一开始就阻碍重重
It seemed like things were off to a rocky start,
不过也可能是因为所有人都饿了
but maybe they were all just hungry.
至少自助餐的队伍还是很有秩序的
At least the line for the buffet was orderly,
除了好像…
except for maybe
有一两个人插队
one or two people that cut the line,
不过我猜他们插队有充分的理由
but I assume they that they had a good reason.
"长老们"都在安静地吃饭
While the elders ate in silence,
我觉得这是一个很好的机会去
I thought it was a good opportunity to
学习裁判的处世之道
learn the code that the refs lived by,
但他们最想做的事
but all they seemed to wanna do was
是抱怨协会
complain about the association.
你还在等着别人付你钱吗?
Are-- You're still waiting on payment from somebody?
是啊 肯定的
他们不付我钱啊
发生了什么?
What happened?
谁没有付你钱?
Wait. Who didn't pay you?
联盟和球队
这是另一个没收到钱的裁判
你也在等人付你钱吗?
You're waiting on a payment, too?
协会基本上什么事都不帮你
除了拿走你的钱
疯了一样
看起来裁判们觉得自己受到了欺骗
It seemed like the refs felt so cheated
他们开始为了寻求回报
that they started seeking payback
使出浑身解数
however they could.
准备打包带走?
Some stuff to go?
我要对得起我花的钱 -是啊
I get my money's worth. -Yeah.
你不能让你的钱白花
You have to get your money's worth.
大家开始打包各种食物
People were packing up multiple containers of food
然而第一碗都还没吃完呢
before they even finished their first.
还有些人还打包了…
Others even started taking as many
汽水 能拿几罐是几罐
soda cans as they could possibly--
只要袋子装得下
as they could fit into a bag,
因为他们想榨干这聚餐的每滴血汗
because they wanted to bleed this party for
才能"值回票价"
all it was worth.
这可能不是…
Maybe this wasn't gonna be the
我想要的"公平范本"
model of fairness I was looking for after all.
裁判们唯一的一丝希望是
The one glimmer of hope that the refs had was
赢得这个大电视
the prospect of winning a television.
这是一个大奖哦!×1
This is the big one!
这是一个大奖哦!×2
This is the big one!
50英寸大电视!
Fifty-inch TV!
最终大奖!
Final prize!
在最终获奖者公布之前
But before the winning ticket was revealed,
裁判们受到了最后一次的…
the refs were treated to one final
羞辱
indignity.
等一下×1
Hold on!
等一下×2
Hold on!
等一下×3
Hold on!
"比赛暂停"!
Time out.
公布获奖者之前
Before we raffle this,
确保所有的垃圾都已经丢进垃圾箱
make sure all the garbage is off in the garbage can.
现在就收拾 公布结果前搞定这些事
Let's do that now before we raffle it,
不然等下你们人都跑光了
because then you guys are gonna run out of here
还得别人给擦屁♥股♥
and everybody else cleans.
我很震惊地发现
I was stunned to learn that
裁判们居然不会自觉完成垃圾的清理
the refs could not even be trusted to clean up after themselves
全靠这个大电视的贿赂撑着
unless they were bribed with a flatscreen TV.
桌上和地板上不能留下任何垃圾
Don't leave anything on the table or on the floor!
我们不是来(给你们)打扫卫生的
We're not here to clean up,
谢谢大家
please.
垃圾清理得差不多之后
After the room was deemed clean enough
中奖号♥码总算公布了
and the winner was finally announced...
5-9-4
Five-nine-four.
5-9-4!
Five-nine-four!
5-9-4 是哪位?
Five-nine-four!
5-9-4!
Five-nine-four!
现场一阵骚动
The room erupted into chaos
大家发现中奖者
when everyone discovered the prize was going