约翰·威尔逊的十万个怎么做（2020）

the memory palace
这招上
thing.
因此 我的脑内大概就是这样的
So, here's what it looks like in my head.
我走出了家门
I leave my apartment,
差点因为一个香蕉皮摔倒
and I almost slip on a banana peel.
然后在去地铁的路上
Then, on my way to the subway,
我想起来要买♥♥一点…
I'm reminded that I need to buy some
菜花
broccoli.
还有鸡大腿
I also need drumsticks…
还有胸…
And some brea--
鸡胸
chicken breasts.
等我上了地铁
When I get on the subway,
我想起来
I'm reminded of the
我还要一根新鲜的大♥法♥棍
fresh baguette that I want
还有…
and
我还得买♥♥去屑洗发水
the dandruff shampoo that I also need.
几站之后
A few stops later,
我想到要买♥♥富士苹果
I remember to buy Fuji apples.
但等我下了车
But when I get off the train,
我意识到我其实想要…
I realize that I actually want, uh,
"史密斯奶奶果"
Granny Smith.
我还需要
I also need a
一盒扑克牌
pack of playing cards,
祛痘膏
acne cream,
还得买♥♥些…
and also, some, uh,
甜甜圈
donuts.
两包厚"块"奶酪也无妨
A couple of hunks of cheese wouldn't hurt, either.
我还要买♥♥…
I also needed… uh…
葡萄
ah, grapes.
还有一个…
And a…
士力架…
Snickers bar.
单子上有榛子巧克力酱
Nutella was on my list.
以及老牌好物坚果棒
And a good old Zagnut.
完美
Perfect.
既然我的清单已经记住了
Now that I had my list memorized,
我就去了超♥市♥采购
I went to the supermarket to buy everything.
然而即使我清楚想买♥♥什么
But even though I knew exactly what I wanted,
我仍然费了很大劲去找
I had a really hard time finding
这些东西在超♥市♥里的位置
some things in the store.
唯一一个有空的员工
The only available employee was
是个安保机器人
a security robot.
其他的员工都很忙
The rest of the staff was preoccupied
因为有人刚刚跑出了商店
because someone had actually just run out of the store with
没给钱顺走了一堆东西
a bunch of groceries without paying,
让所有人手足无措
and nobody knew what to do.
这个机器人面相可信 眼神智慧
The robot looked trustworthy and wise,
我简直不敢相信
and I couldn't believe that
这样一个高级的科技产物
such a sophisticated pieceof technology
能允许光天化日之下发生抢劫
would allow a robbery to take place in broad daylight.
不过 那可能不是…
But maybe that's not what it was,
它的程序设置… 吧
programmed to do.
我尽可能地完成了我的清单
So I got as much as I could off the list…
但我就是找不到坚果棒在哪
but I still couldn't find any Zagnut bars.
可惜的是 这个…
Unfortunately, this
垃圾机器人
fucking machine
不接受任何问题
could not accept questions,
不过 我总算发现了一个员工
but I finally spotted an employee
看着好像没那么繁忙
who didn't seem too busy.
什么东西? -坚果棒
What's that? -A Zagnut bar?
没有
No.
就是一种甜食棒
It's like a candy bar.
好吧
Okay.
结果我发现…
It turned out,
他并不是"路边超♥市♥"连锁的员工
he didn't actually work at Stop & Shop,
但他设计了库存软件
but he was the creator of the inventory software
可用于整理所有物品
used to organize everything.
基本上首字母从A到Z 超♥市♥需要的所有东西
Pretty much, from A to Z, all of their needs,
所有需要进行追踪的东西
anything that needs traceability,
我们的软件都非常擅长处理
is what our software is really good at.
我跟他说我在制♥作♥一部有关记忆的学生电影
I told him I was making a student film about memory,
他就开始分享他的一些…
and he started sharing some of
有关超♥市♥货品世界的怪异经历
the weird experiences he's had in the world of supermarket inventory.
我尤其记得
I specifically remember
这款叫斯托弗炉台面馅料
this being called Stouffer's Stove top Stuffing.
但现在发现一直都是卡夫炉台面馅料
But it's always been, now, Kraft Stove top Stuffing.
一直都是这个牌子 并非…
And it's always been that way, it wasn't--
从七十年代到现在一直都是…
From the 1970s, it's always been
卡夫
Kraft.
但我还记得那个广♥告♥
But I remember the commercials,
记得所有跟这东西相关的是
I remember everything about being it
就是"斯托弗炉台面馅料"
called Stouffer's Stove top Stuffing.
这是另一个 日升葡萄干
So, here's another one, too. The Raisin Bran
这个小人
guy?
我明明记得他有个墨镜
I know he always used to have sunglasses,
现在却发现他根本没戴过墨镜
but now, he's never wore sunglasses, ever.
风倍清 我一直记得它的拼写是
Febreze, I always remember it being spelled
有两个e 是Febreeze
with two e's, "Febreeze."
现在发现是Febrez
Now it's "Feb-rez."
一直都是这么写 这就是…
And it's always been this way. Like, that's the point…
我想说的重点 拼写一直是这样
that I want to make. It's always spelled this way,
从来都不是ee
it's never been spelled with the two e's.
并不是他说的每一句话我都有共鸣
Not everything he said resonated with me,
但我确实曾以为
but I definitely thought,
风倍清不止一个e
"Febreze" had more e's in it.
所以在他邀请我去他… 办公室
So, when he invited me back to his, uh, office
去看看他那个仓储软件的时候
to check out his inventory software,
我答道…
I said,
"是 长官"
"Yes, sir."
这里边并没有斯托弗牌的炉台面馅料
There's no… there's no Stove top Stuffing for Stouffer's in…
没有馅料
No stuffing.
不过 我要给你看一个…
However, I'm gonna bring one up
我和我爸可能会发生些…
that myself and my dad got into, like, a little
争执的东西
kerfuffle about.
跟肯尼迪遇刺有点关系
It was about the JFK assassination.
比如你看这张照片 会发现
Like, if you look at the picture of the car here, there's, like…
这里有这么多多余的人
all these extra people in the car.
我特别清楚地记得
I-- I always remember there distinctly being
车上只有四个人
four people in the car,
我就开始四处查找 想找到一点解答
and then as I was searching to try to find an answer,
因为到处都是泽普鲁德那段视频
because every video was the same Zapruder film,
我发现了"有关肯尼迪遇刺的曼德拉效应"
I saw, "JFK assassination Mandela effect."
我寻思 "曼德拉效应?"
I'm like, "Mandela effect?
"曼德拉效应是个什么玩意?"
What the heck is a Mandela effect?"
很多人都深以为
Some people have a very distinct memory
纳尔逊·曼德拉在八十年代晚期在狱中被害
that Nelson Mandela was killed in prison in the late 1980s,
之后 大概是2009年
and then, I think around 2009,
他们很震惊地发现
were kind of shocked to find out that
纳尔逊·曼德拉其实还活着
Nelson Mandela was still alive.
这是指出 有集体记忆对某一事件
So that was the first recorded group remembering of an event
和历史记录不相符的现象
that did not match the historical record.
好吧
Oh, okay.
那…
So,
有没有…
is-- is there, like…
什么…
What, uh…
你越去挖据
The more you look into it,
就会发现越多不一样的东西
the more you see these different things,
不仅仅是食品产业
not just in food service,
连地球的地质结构居然都有偏差?
but in geography of the planet.
比如 我记得以前都说南美
For example, I remember when South America
就在北美的正下方
used to be under North America,
而不是偏向非洲的