新生六居客（2011）

Haven't you checked?
没 我以为他们会派车来接我
Well, no, I thought they'd send a car.
这儿 我有地图
Oh, here, I've got a map.
霍华德的休闲包里有应对各种突发事件的法宝
Howard's day bag has useful items for every eventuality.
小心月台间隙
Mind the gap.
- 等等 这是我的申请 - 快点
- Oh, hold on, that's my application. - Get on with it!
快上车 我要迟到了
Get on! I'm gonna be late.
- 霍华德 快上车 - 快来
- Howard, get on the train. - Come on!
司机
Driver!
现在该怎么做
What's the protocol now?
要不要在下一站下车然后回去
Do we get off at the next station and go back?
如果霍华德 上了下一班车
What if Howard's got on the next train,
然后他在下一站下了车又回头
then he gets off at the next station and goes back,
但是我们又坐了再下一班车那怎么办
but we're already on the next train forwards?
这样什么时候才是个头
What is the end?
我才没时间浪费在这破事上
I don't have time for this shit.
等我们下了地铁打给他就行了
We'll just call him when we get above ground.
霍华德是从格拉斯哥来的 对吧
Howard's from Glasgow, isn't he?
他能照顾自己
He can look after himself.
然后我把论文打印出来了
And then I printed out my essay
那就是一堆叠在一起的
and that was just loads of meaningless bits of paper
毫无意义的纸
all put together.
现在我在考虑...
And now I'm thinking...
我不知道要干什么
...I don't know what to do.
我们有一大笔钱花在了羽毛球上
That is an obscene amount of money to spend on shuttlecocks.
我的意思是说把羽毛球协会的经费减半
I say we cut Bad Soc funding in half
用这些钱来赞助橄榄球队
and send that back to murderball.
对 嗯
Yeah, uh... huh. Mm, uh... huh.
好的 现在把用在曲棍球上的预算报给我
Mm-hm. OK, OK. Now read me the budget for hockey.
如果那是你想要的
Why not get yourself a meaningless bit of paper,
写一堆没有意义的论文有何不可呢
if that's what you want?
我也不知道那是不是我想要的
I don't know if it is what I want.
你也知道 我欠了很多钱
You know, and I owe all this money and, ugh,
不知道要怎么还
no idea how I'm gonna pay it back,
如果那像我们乐队的话怎么办
and what if it was like the band?
- 天啊 - 你懂吗
- Cor! - You know?
因为一开始 我们都觉得自己一定会成名
Cos at the beginning, we were all like, we're gonna be famous,
我们的歌♥词会改变整个世界
our lyrics are gonna change the world,
而且我们真的相信了 - 是啊
and we actually believed it. - Yeah!
然后我们就在货车尾箱里睡了三年
Then we were, like, sleeping in the back of a van for three years.
如果上大学只是另一个不着边际的白日梦怎么办
What if this whole university thing's just another pointless dream?
不会的
Oh, come on.
不会的
Come on.
我的意思是 不再有边界了
All I'm saying is, there's no boundaries any more.
我们在后流派景观里
We're in a post-genre landscape.
这压根就是无政♥府♥的混乱状态
It's fucking anarchy.
而我就边循环播放爱乐队的"永远的变化"
And I'm just watching it all play out
边看着他们玩完儿
with Forever Changes by Love on heavy rotation.
好了 伙计们 开始面试的第一道题
OK, then, peeps. Let's kick things off with the first question.
金斯利 你怎么描述你的职业道德
Er, Kingsley, how would you describe your work ethic?
所以 乔波到底是怎么回事
So, what's with this Jobbo thing, then?
你就是凭空捏造出了一个新人格
You just imagined a new personality out of thin air?
是啊 为什么不呢
Yeah, why not?
是从哪里来的灵感呢
Where'd you get your, er, inspiration?
你的口红哪来的
Oh, where'd you get your lipstick?
从一个你没听过的疯狂小商店里买♥♥的
I got it from a really crazy little shop you've never even heard of.
怎么说呢 在上帝创造乔波的时候
What can I say? When God made Jobbo,
他打破了常规
he broke the mould.
你们好
Hi, guys.
这是更多的信息
Right, some more info.
规矩
就在那儿
All right, there we are.
首先 我来说说你的履历让我们印象深刻
First of all, let me say how impressed we are with your CV.
加上你哥哥说的
And from what your brother's told me,
我认为你就是我们弗罗姆&哈灵顿公♥司♥
I think you're exactly the kind
一直要找的那种人
of chap we're looking for here at Frome & Harrington.
接下来就是问你几个简单的问题
I'm just gonna run you through a couple of simple questions.
我确信你能应付自如
I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle.
作为理财经理助手
What do you feel you'd bring
你觉得自己能发挥什么做用呢
to the role of wealth manager's assistant?
我大概会...
I'd probably bring...
带奶酪三明治来吧
...cheese sandwiches.
什么
I'm sorry?
还有一小瓶茶
And a little flask of tea.
你知道吗 就是那种
You know, one of those ones
上面有可拆卸杯子的那种水瓶
with the little... detachable cup on top.
我的意思是你有哪些能让你做好工作的素质
I meant qualities you'd bring that make you suitable for the role.
好的 首先...
OK. First up...
我很幽默
I've got a great sense of humour.
不对吗 当然
No? Um... Sure.
我知道你正在看着我 想着
I can see you're looking at me, thinking,
乔纳森 现在是不是说些别的东西比较好
"Jonathan, wouldn't it, for example, be better to mention something like
比如说数学
maths at this point?"
但是 事实上 你们要我做的坏事
But, actually, I'd be up for any kind of evil shit
我已经准备好了
you want me to undertake.
用人们的养老金去赌博
Er, gambling with people's pensions,
在投资的事情上撒谎
lying about investments,
纳粹德国掠夺并藏起来的黄金 直到现在还没找到
去藏纳粹黄金
hiding Nazi gold.
算我一个
Sign me up.
我只想得到圣诞奖金
I just wanna get my Christmas bonus.
我会不择手段地拿到它
And I will do literally anything to get it.
我觉得你能把这个记下来当做是一种素质
So, yeah, I guess you could put that down as a quality.
不知道你们怎么称呼它
I dunno what you'd call that.
贪心
Grasping?
贪婪
Greedy?
冷酷 缺德
Ruthless? Amoral.
乔纳森 我可不是那个意思
Yes, Jonathan, that's not quite what I meant.
你看
Look...
我才不关心是老人还是穷♥人♥
I don't care about the old people or the poor people,
或是其他所有人 我只关心自己人
any kind of people, except our people.
这就是我适合这份工作的原因
Now, that is what makes me right for this job.
能拿走你的盘子吗
Shall I take your plate?
到洗碗的时间了
Time for washing-up duty.
好了 到此为止 我再也受不了了
OK, that's it. I can't take any more.
告诉我这里到底什么情况 拜托了维多
Tell me what's going on here, please, Vod.
你什么意思
What d'you mean?
我是说
I mean...
你肯定藏了一手 对吧
you have to have a trick up your sleeve, right?
就像 我们可以偷点药回去
Like, um... Like we're gonna steal all the drugs.
或者待会儿有个超帅的男人
Or a really hot guy's gonna turn up
会出现让我们上他
who we all wanna have sex with,
或是以后会让我们上他
who maybe we will all have sex with,
因为这完全就是那种气氛啊
cos it's just that kind of vibe.
我不太确定你在说什么
I'm not sure I follow.
我在谈这个地方
I'm talking about this place
还有你待在这里的不可告人的原因
and how you've gotta have some sort of ulterior motive for being here.
因为你来这儿绝对不可能是想要做洗碗值勤
Because it can't be over a desire to do washing-up duty
或是看一本写满法规的厚书吧 不可能对吧维多
or read a big book of rules, can it, Vod?
- 嘘 - 这不是你
- Shh. - This isn't you.
也许你只是不如你想的那样了解我
Yeah, well, maybe you don't know me as well as you thought.
不好意思 大厅里禁止吸烟
Sorry, no smoking in the main hall.
保姆国家指的是管理过度的地方
是啊 不是个太像无政♥府♥主义公社的保姆国家 帕斯
Yeah, not so much anarchist commune as, er, nanny state, eh, Paz?
听着 乔波
Listen, Jobbo.
我要和这些人住在一起
I've gotta live with these people, OK?
所以 别惹毛他们
So, try not to piss 'em off.
什么意思 和他们住在一起
What d'you mean, live with them?
你会回曼彻斯特对吧维多
You are coming back to Manchester, aren't you, Vod?
好吧 我不想小题大做
OK, fine, look, I didn't wanna make a big fuss about it,
但是我可能会搬来这里
but I might be moving here.
- 什么时候 - 现在
- When? - Now.