新生六居客（2011）

Vod?
随便 你们说话能小声点吗
Yeah, whatever. Can you, er, keep it down a bit?
我想写论文
I'm trying to do my dissertation.
是哦 好借口 有意思
Yeah, right... good one. Classic!
卢卡 传言说你想知道
So, Luca, the word on the street is that you're after
做个大学生是个什么感觉
the 411 of what being a student is all about?
- 被我说中了 - 算是吧
- Am I right? - Yeah, sort of.
我可是曼彻斯特的学生会主席
Well, I'm the President of the Union here in Manchester,
这种事我还是略知一二的
so I know a thing or two about that.
是你想辞掉我妈妈对不对
Are you the one that tried to fire my mum?
的确是我
I am, actually, yeah, erm,
详细情况我就不说了
but I don't want to go into details,
但恐怕你的妈妈是个叛徒
but I'm afraid your mother is a traitor.
先别纠结这个问题
Let's not get bogged down in that,
我们给他大概介绍一下就行了 好吗
let's just give him a sense of what it's like, hm?
卢卡 你一定得去读大学 大学超棒的
OK, Luca. You definitely want to go to university! It's amazing!
比如 会一醉方休
Erm, you get really pissed.
会努力学习工作
You work really hard
还会和完全不喜欢的人上♥床♥
and you have sex with people that you won't like at all, uh,
但是蛮爽的
but in a really fun way.
对的 显然其中还有许多恶心的事情
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of faeces that goes along with it, obviously.
当地人歧视你 夜生活嗨翻天
Local people hate you, the nightlife's jizz,
傻♥逼♥的社会 冷漠的老师
the societies are fucking lame, tutors don't give a shit
钱永远不够花
and you're always broke.
但是 呃
But, er...
呃
...er...
擦 不记得要讲什么了
Oh, fuck, I can't remember what the but was.
- 管他呢 不就三年吗 - 是啊
- Anyway, I guess it's only three years. - Yeah.
抱歉 可能我妈妈让你们误会了
Sorry, guys, I think my mum might have given you the wrong idea.
我不是不想上大学
I mean, it's not that I don't want to go to uni,
我只是觉得没什么意义
it's more that I just don't see the point.
有想法 接着说
Go on, this'll be good.
我收到了两所学校食品科学专业的录取通知
Well, I've had offers from two places to do Food Science,
可是我不知道修的课程好不好
but I've no idea if the courses are actually any good,
毕业以后做什么
or what I'll do after.
我能确定的只是
The only thing I know for sure
毕业以后必定
is I'll come out of it with
欠一屁♥股♥债
a huge fucking debt
没准沦落到某个餐厅洗碗过活
and probably have to work as a pot-wash in some kitchen somewhere...
可是到时候你就有学位了 卢卡
But you'll have a degree, Luca.
能派上大用场
That's worth, you know, a lot.
怎么会呢
Why, though?
学位对我今后会有什么用处
I mean, how's it going to be useful to me later?
我问你 你想做什么
Look, what do you want to do?
我没也不清楚
Well, erm, I don't know.
可能去电台工作吧
Er, perhaps work in radio or something?
- 你学的是... - 地质学
- And you study? - Geology, yeah.
你看吧
Well, exactly.
上大学的意义何在
So what's the point?
你的地质学文凭对工作有什么作用
I mean, how's your Geology degree going to help you with that?
为了这张纸 预支了今后大笔的收入
It's just so you've got some piece of paper that's cost a huge
到头来可能一文不值
chunk of your future earnings, which will probably be shit anyway.
你知道什么 他没准能成为大歌♥星
You never know, he might become a famous recording artist!
我说着玩的 金斯利
I'm just fucking wit'ya, Kingsley.
金斯利
Kingsley?
对不起... 我刚才稍微走神了
Yes, sorry, no... I just had a tiny panic attack there.
卢卡 我理解你的意思 可你想错了
I mean, no, I see what you're saying, Luca, but that is wrong.
你得要个学位
You do need a degree.
我肯定要 以后我要去美国留学
I definitely do. I'm going to study in the States after this.
好啊 可是你不可能一直学习
That's fine, but you can't do that forever,
没完没了地学
you can't just keep studying.
其实是可以的
Erm, actually, yes, you can.
要是你故意重伤他人 可能会被留级
If you seriously injure someone in your practical, er, you can repeat a year.
可我是说从长远来看
But I mean long term, though.
你投入了大量的时间和金钱
You're putting all this time and money into a system
但可能对你没有任何帮助
that might have nothing for you.
失业毕业生的数量逐渐上涨
The number of unemployed graduates are going up,
基础工资却在下降
starting salaries are going down,
英国各行各业在
UK industries are
业务外包 裁减员工
out-sourcing, down-sizing.
有人估计 学生平均要三十年
Do you know they reckon it'll take 30 years for the average
- 才能还清助学贷款 - 啥
- student to pay off their student loan. - What?
前提还是你有工作收入
And that's if you even get a job.
亲爱的卢卡啊
Luca. Sweetheart.
要是我开了一家寿司餐厅
Once I have my Sushi restaurant,
你就能来帮我
you can come and put the soya sauce
往鱼型调料盒里灌酱油了
in the little plastic fish or something.
那你做什么呢
What you on about?
我做生鱼片啊
I'm going to be a Sashimi Master.
那你有培训过吗
You got any training in that, then?
没有 可是我有一套棒极了的刀具
No, but I have got an excellent set of knives.
培训可要十来年
Cos it takes like, ten years.
呵呵 搞笑
Hmm. Ridiculous!
给你的杯茶
Here is your tea.
亲娘啊 你茶包没拿出来吗
Oh, my God, have you left the bag in?
有什么不对吗
Is, is that not right?
赶紧滚 你个智障
Get out, you pervert!
卢卡 老实说
The thing is, Luca,
你在大学里获得的宝贵人生经验
university gives you really valuable life experience
是你在家里或其他地方得不到的
that you wouldn't get otherwise, at home, or...
我想去首尔待三年 学习韩语
Look, I'm going to move to Seoul for three years, learn Korean
然后在那里发展一下
then try and get work out there.
那就去韩国实践起来啊
Do that. Go to Korea.
很厉害嘛
Sounds amazing.
不可能那么容易吧
It can't just be that simple though, can it?
你总不可能"走到"韩国
I mean, you can't just "go to Korea".
我怎么不知道招生表格里有这样的选项
I don't remember that being an option on the fucking UCAS form.
你不能乱来
You can't just do that!
不如我去韩国
Maybe I should go to Korea...
不不不 打住 你应该这样来
No, no, no, stop it! Because this is what you do.
上高中 毕业以后上大学
You go to school and then you leave and you go to uni,
自有...自有道理
that's... There are, there are, there are reasons for this.
我不是荒废了三年时光啥也没干成吧
I haven't just wasted three years of my fucking life for no reason!
要我说 如果你想在电台工作
I'd say, if you want to work in radio,
那你必定是荒废了
that you definitely have wasted...
不 不 卢卡 你 你
No, no, Luca, just, just...
- 你闭嘴 - 我去
- just shut up! - Oh, my God!
切个生鱼片何必要花十年时间学习
How can it take ten years to learn how to cut up a fucking tuna?
地质学还算稳定
But, Geology's safe, it's...
我妈妈说很稳定 是个稳定的文凭
My mum said it was safe. It is a safe degree.
石头多稳定啊
Rocks are safe.
我看他病了 给他一根烟
I think he's going to be sick. Pass the cone!
除非是我目光短浅 金斯利
Unless, there's something I'm not seeing, Kingsley.
除非大学里有些特别的事情我不知道
Unless there's something special about uni that I don't know...
对啊 还真有
Yeah, there is actually, mate
我上了你老妈
I'm fucking your mum!
- 什么 - 没错
- What? - Yeah.
你来这 一副很聪明的样子
You come in here, all clever,
浓浓的眉毛再加帅气的名字
with your thick eyebrows, and your cool name,
用你所谓的事实见谁就喷
shitting on everything with your FACTS.
没错
Well, yes,
我
I am...
跟你妈妈恋爱了
in a relationship with your mum,
我觉得现在时机成熟可以告诉你了
and I thought now would be a good and mature time to tell you.
你要接电♥话♥吗
Are you going to get that?
不接
Um, no.
你以后总要面对她的
You're going to have to face her at some point.
那人终有一死
I'm also going to have to die at some point.
就算一定会发生 我也没必要现在就死啊
That doesn't mean i have to do it now, just because it has to happen anyway.
有机会的话 你帮我转告她
When you do speak to her, can you tell her from me
她的儿子就是个不折不扣的贱骨头