三个臭皮匠（2000）

哈里·考恩先生
Mr. Harry Cohn.
我们是三个臭皮匠组合，来见考恩先生的
The Three Stooges to see Mr. Cohn.
往前面直走
Go ahead.
好了，到了，伙计们
Well, this is it, fellows,
重要时刻到了
the big time.
注意礼仪 -有什么事吗？
Mind your manners. -May I help you?
我们是三个臭皮匠组合，来见考恩先生的
Yes, the Three Stooges to see Mr. Cohn, please.
哦，是的，考恩先生在等你们呢。进去吧
Oh, yes. Mr. Cohn's been expecting you. Go right in.
我们已经等了一个小时了！
Been waiting for an hour!
准备好了，伙计们？ -我们进去吧
Ready, fellows? -Here we go.
打扰一下
Excuse me,
我们是三个臭皮匠组合。我们是来见考恩先生的
we're the Three Stooges. We're here to see Mr. Cohn.
请坐。考恩先生马上会见你们
Have a seat. Mr. Cohn will be with you shortly.
当你听到蜂鸣器响起时，一定要马上进去
When you hear the buzzer, make sure you go right in.
考恩先生不喜欢召唤别人两次
Mr. Cohn doesn't like to have to buzz people twice.
分开进
Spread out.
告诉弗兰克·卡普拉(三获奥斯卡最佳导演)，
他只有克劳黛·考尔白 21天的档期(著名女影星，代表作《一夜风流》)
Tell Frank Capra he's only got Claudette Colbert for 21 days,
所以他最好按时完成这部电影！
so he better finish the picture on schedule!
今天早上我路过编剧大楼。你知道我听到了什么吗？
I walked by the writers' building this morning. You know what I heard?
什么都没听到！我付钱让这些猴子们打字，我想听到打字的声音
Nothing. I'm paying these monkeys to type. I want to hear typing.
简直是游手好闲
Lean on the bums.
告诉他们别担心质量，只要出活快就行！
Tell them not to worry about good. Just make it fast!
昨晚你的办公室里开着灯是什么意思？
What do you mean, leaving a light on in your office last night?
别对我说谎，我亲眼看到的
Don't lie to me. I saw it.
嘿，你以为这里的账单是谁付的？
Hey, who do you think pays the bills around here?
你想浪费电，那行
You wanna waste electricity, okay.
就去花别人的硬币来干这事吧。你被解雇了！
Get somebody else's nickel to do it with. You're fired.
斯宾格，我这里有一份邓肯上尉的报告
Spingle, I've got a report right here from Cap Duncan at the gate,
说你是在9:02溜进来的
says you slinked in here at 9:02.
你知道这儿的规矩，九点准时到办公桌前
You know the rules. At your desk at 9:00 sharp.
怎么了，你就不能按时上班吗？
What's the matter, can't you get to work on time?
那我会让你轻松点儿。你被解雇了！
I'll make it easy for you. You're fired!
早上好，孩子们。等很久了吧？
Morning, boys. Been waiting long?
没有，先生
No, sir.
罗姆，马上给我滚下来
Romm, get your ass down here now.
哈里为我们发掘新人
Harry scouts the new talent for us.
这就是为什么你们几个会在这儿
That's why you boys are here.
我才懒得和你们闲聊，所以就长话短说了
I don't give a damn for small talk, so I'll make it quick.
我们将为你们的第一部电影支付1000美元
We'll pay you $1 ,000 for your first film.
为后续的四部支付1250美元
$1 ,250 for another four.
再后面的两部是1500美元
And $1 ,500 for two more after that.
前提是我们认为你们是哥伦比亚的菜。这个条件OK吗？
If we decide you're Columbia material. That sound okay to you?
好的，先生，都听您的
Yes, sir, whatever you say.
很好，现在去短剧部门吧
Good. Get over to the shorts department.
他们马上就会安排你们开始工作
They'll put you to work right away.
打断一下，先生，您是说短剧吗？
Excuse me, sir, did you say shorts?
是啊
Yeah.
好吧，先生，请原谅，先生
Well, sir, begging your pardon, sir,
但我们有点希望您能在专题片中给我们一个头条
but we were kind of hoping that you'd maybe want to headline us in features.
你们不归在专题片，你们是演喜剧的
You guys don't belong in features. You're comics.
巴斯特·基顿(美国默片时代演员及导演)，
他认为自己应该归类于电影，现在还不是在这里工作
Buster Keaton, he thought he belonged in features, now he's working here.
基顿、安迪·克莱德(英国演员)，他们都在这里工作
Keaton, Andy Clyde, we got them all working here.
正因为世道艰难，人们才爱笑
Times are tough. People like to laugh.
在这家制片厂，短片的费用是由正片支付的
At this studio, the shorts pay for the features.
现在去干活吧
Now get going.
是，先生
Yes, sir.
他们要把我们打发到哪儿去？
Where are they sending us?
我希望你知道你要去哪里
I hope you know where you're going.
我知道我要去哪儿，我们到了
I know where I'm going. Here it is.
这就是我们工作的地方？就像个香肠工厂
This is where we're working? It's like a sausage factory here.
考恩肯定只是在试探我们
Cohn's just trying us out.
当他看到我们的能力时，他就会放过我们的
He'll give us a break when he sees what we could do.
那是什么声音？ -那是...
What's that? -What the...
拽开它，莫，来吧
Yank it, Moe, come on.
打不开啊，帮我一把，伙计们。我数到三
It's not opening. Give me a hand, fellows. On the count of three.
好了，准备 -一，二，三！
All right. Here we go. -One, two, three.
是三个臭皮匠吧
So, the Three Stooges.
莫·霍华德，对吧？ -你好
Moe Howard, right? -How are you?
里面发生了什么事？听起来像是谋杀和骚乱
What's going on in there? It sounds like murder and mayhem.
来吧，伙计们，来见一下你们的团队
Come on in, fellows. Meet your team.
嘿，哪一位是谋杀？哪一位又是骚乱？
Hey, which one of you guys is Murder? Which one's Mayhem?
那是费利克斯·阿德勒和克莱德·布鲁克曼。王牌小丑
That's Felix Adler and Clyde Bruckman. Ace gagmen.
看来我们的节目是从高手那里偷来的 -互相学习啦
We steal from the best. -Each other.
那是德尔·洛德，牛逼的导演
And that's Del Lord, director extraordinaire.
我会说开拍和停，你们就在当中这段时间做你们的任何表演
I say action and cut. You guys do everything in between.
我叫朱尔斯·怀特。技术控
My name's Jules White. Technocrap.
技术控？
Technocrap?
对，我从不跟任何人废话
That's right. I take no crap from anybody.
一直都是，特别是面对...
Right up to, and especially including,
高贵万能的哈里·考恩殿下
His Royal Highness and God Almighty, Harry Cohn.
这里是我的天下
I run this little empire.
虽然看起来不起眼，但这里却发生了许多神奇的事情
It doesn't look like much, but a lot of magic happens here.
来吧，我给你展示一些东西
Come on, I'll show you something.
这就是我们藏匿最新秘密武器的地方
This is where we hide the latest secret weapons.
让他们瞧瞧你的本事，乔
Show them what you got, Joe.
让我把它卷回去一点
Let me wind it back a little.
好了，现在来看这个
Okay. Now watch this.
我喜欢这个 -那可是干货
I like that. -That's something.
哦，我知道了，这是声效
Oh, I get it. It's sound effects.
这就是所有谋杀和混乱的来源
This is where all the murder and mayhem comes from.
对。你可以扇他个耳光，就像你演戏的时候一样
Right. So why don't you slap him, just like you do in your act.
轻一点，慢一点，点到即止
Only real slow. Just a tap.
好
Okay.
我喜欢这个，这东西真不错
I like that. That's a good one.
再打他一次，打啊
Hit him again. Go ahead.
给我来一下，照这里来一下----好极了
Give me one, give me one over here. -Terrific.
嘿，听到了？
Hey, you hear that?
好极了，都有了
That's great. It's all in here.
这又是什么？
What is this thing?
傅里板，以发明者的名字命名的
A foley board. Named after the guy who invented it.
广播中经常会用到
They use them a lot in radio.
这是我特意为拍摄而制♥作♥的装置
I rigged this one for pictures.
你知道这意味着什么吗，莫？
You know what this means, Moe?
这样我就不用一直被你打得头昏脑胀了
I won't have to get a headache all time from you slapping me around.
那么，我们什么时候可以开始工作？
Oh. When do we start?
明天早晨6点
6:00 tomorrow morning.
来吧，伙计们
Here we go, fellows.
准备好了吗，孩子们？
Ready, boys?
当然 -如果你准备好了，我们也好了
Sure. -We're ready if you're ready.
这边请 -准备好了吗，我们来了
Right this way. -Ready or not, here we come.
要记住，伙计们，我们非常棒
Just remember, fellows, we're terrific.
我们是巨人 -我们甚至就是普通人
We're colossal. -We're even mediocre.
《厌女者》 第三幕，第一场
Woman Haters. Scene 3. Take 1.
开拍，孩子们
Action, boys.
呼叫霍华德大夫，费恩大夫，霍华德大夫
Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.
呼叫霍华德大夫，费恩大夫，霍华德大夫
Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.
分开进
Spread out.
你好，头儿。你叫我们来的？ -是的
Hello, Captain. You sent for us? -Yes.
你在哪儿找到66床的病人的？ -在床底下
How'd you find that patient in 66? -Under the bed.
你又是怎么找到72床的病人的？
How'd you find the patient in 72?
在吊灯上
Up on the chandelier.
你们为他做了什么？ -什么也没做
What did you do for him? -Nothing.
他又为我们做了什么？
What did he ever do for us?
你们到底为了什么目的在这里工作？
What are you working here for?
为了责任和人性
For duty and humanity.
呼叫霍华德大夫，费恩大夫，霍华德大夫
Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.
呼叫霍华德大夫，费恩大夫，霍华德大夫
Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.
给你 -哦，林堡干酪
Here you go. -Oh, Limburger.
你感觉怎么样？还好吗？有没有一点头晕？
How are you feeling? All right? You feeling a little dizzy?