三个臭皮匠（2000）

三个臭皮匠
你多大了？ -我十七了
How old are you? -Seventeen.
得了吧，你肯定更老 -不，我有出生证明
Come on, you're older than that. -No, I got a birth certificate.
才17年你就变得这么脏了？
You couldn't get that dirty in 17 years.
那你呢？你多大了？
How about you? How old are you?
两年前在康涅狄格州斯坦福的时候，我七岁
I was seven two years ago in Stanford, Connecticut.
这么说，你现在已经九岁了
Well, that makes you nine.
那得等我回到康涅狄格州才能知道
Not until I get back to Connecticut.
嘿，还有什么好主意？
Hey, what's the big idea?
找一个和你个头差不多的
Pick on somebody your own size.
看到他没有？ -看到了
You see that? -Yeah.
嘿，小伙子
Hey, you guys.
莫
Moe.
莫
Moe.
莫？
Moe?
你今天不用再回制片厂了
You're not going back to the studio today.
哈里需要帮忙
Harry needs a little help.
都是成年人，你知道的。我也必须保持忙碌
It's a mitzvah, you know. I need to keep busy.
你还有你自己的花♥园♥要打理呢
You got your garden.
这是两码事。我要迟到了
It's not the same thing. I'm late.
好了，女士们，下一位是谁？
All right, ladies, who's next here?
(广♥告♥牌上写着：万物皆可修)
我们什么都能修。价格实惠
We fix anything. Cut rate.
立等可取
prepared while you wait.
这还不是全部呢
And that ain't all. Zoop.
请问，我们能...
Pardon me, could we...
不行
No.
(门上的牌子：心灵感应者)
这都是你的错 -不，不是的
This is all your fault. -No, it isn't.
哦，一台收音机
Oh, a radio.
你想拿32美元还是6♥4♥美元？
You want to take the $32 or try for the $6♥4♥?
我要拿6♥4♥美元
I'll go for the $6♥4♥.
好的
Okay.
为什么鸡只能下蛋而不能下面包？
Why can't a chicken lay a loaf of bread?
因为鸡没有面包皮
She ain't got the crust.
答对了 -快给我，快给我
You win. -Give me. Give me.
带上那台收音机离开这里，忙你的去吧
Get out of here and take that radio with you. Get busy.
是短波吗？
Shortwave?
不，长久波
No, permanent.
打扰了，你是不是，呃...
Excuse me, are you, uh ...
哦不是，我只是个送外卖♥♥的
Oh, no, I'm just a delivery boy.
给你
Here you go.
你拿着我的三明治到哪儿去了？我都快饿死了
Where you been with my sandwich? I'm dying here.
黑麦熏牛肉
Pastrami on rye.
俄♥国♥的？ -当然，像往常一样
With Russian? -Sure. Like always.
我在放映室看到了一些穿西装的人
So I, uh, I saw some suits in the screening room.
他们在放我们以前的两卷片子
They're running our old two-reelers.
那是在干吗？
What's going on?
Screen Gem(一家电影发行公♥司♥)的人认为，把这些东西...
Screen Gem guys think maybe they can make a nickel or two,
卖♥♥给电视台也许能赚点钱
selling the stuff off to television.
哦是吗？那我们能有什么好处？
Oh, yeah? What's in it for us?
我会尽力而为
Well, I'll see what I can do,
但你也知道你的合同上是怎么写的
but you know what your contract says.
不收费，无保留条款
No fees, no residuals.
几乎没可能
Bupkes.
太戆了，哈里，实在是太戆了
That stinks, Harry. That stinks.
从业四十年，我好像又开始为希利工作了(Ted Healy - 三个臭皮匠创始人)
Forty years in the business. It's like I'm working for Healy again.
不收费...
No fees.
你在希利手下的时候过得还行啊
You didn't do so bad by Healy.
如果不是他，你今天也不会在这里
If it hadn't been for him, you wouldn't be where you are.
那会在哪里呢？
Which is where exactly?
♪ Oh, Mr. Gallagher! Oh, Mr. Gallagher! ♪
♪ Hello, what's on your mind This morning, Mr. Shean? ♪
♪ Everybody's making fun Of the way our country's run ♪
♪ All the papers say We'll soon live European ♪
嘿，希利，你的嗓音是怎么得来的？
Hey, Healy, where'd you get that voice?
从雾角商店吗？(雾角，船舶在雾中鸣的号♥角，意指声音响而尖锐)
The fog horn store?
♪ Why, Mr. Shean! Why, Mr. Shean! ♪
闭嘴好吗？你让我晕船了
Shut up, will you? You're making me seasick.
把音乐给停了
Cut the music.
嘿，伙计，你以为谁都能做到吗？
Hey, fellow, you think anybody can do this?
你就做到了
You do it.
来，上来吧
Okay, come on up.
我？
Me?
就是你
Yeah.
是吗？那好
Yeah? All right.
我敢打赌，他老婆甚至不让他在浴缸里唱歌♥
I bet his wife don't even let him sing in the bathtub.
嘿，你妈妈没告诉过你不要打断别人吗？
Hey, didn't your mother ever tell you not to interrupt?
你下手太重了
You're hitting too hard.
得让剧场后座的人也能听到
They got to hear it at the back of the hall.
他们能听到的，下手轻一点...
They'll hear it just fine. Just loosen your fingers up a little bit.
好了，聪明人，开始唱吧
Okay, wise guy, start singing.
抓住它！哦！
Take that! Oh!
抓住它，莫
Get him, Moe.
见鬼！ -我抓住它了，莫
Damn it! -I got him, Moe.
给我，给我！ -山普！
Give me that. Give me that! -Shemp!
我抓住它了！我抓住它了！
I got him! I got him!
给，拿好了！
Here. Take that!
抓紧了！
Take that!
你有什么毛病？
What's a matter with you?
这一点都不好笑
This ain't funny anymore.
那才好笑呢
Now, that's funny.
你以为你在干什么？这是我老婆！
What the hell do you think you're doing? That's my wife here.
把幕布降下来
Bring down the curtain.
你...你能不能... -不，不，不，不...
W-Would you.. . -No, no. No, no, no.
哦，对了
Uh, oh, yeah.
嘿，你上场吧，费恩伯格
Uh, you're on, Fienberg.
现在就出去，防止他们骚动
Now get out there and keep them from starting a riot.
但是梅布尔还没来
But Mabel ain't down yet.
随便临场发挥点什么吧
Make something up.
嘿，泰德？ -没事的
Hey, Ted? -It's okay.
你有意见吗？说来听听
You got a beef? Let's hear it.
我？ -对
Me? -Yeah.
你没必要打得这么疼
You don't have to make it hurt so much.
你弟弟开始变得忘恩负义了
Your brother's starting to sound ungrateful.
泰德，那... -嘿
Ted, it's.. . -Hey.
他们喜欢他 -显然
They love him. -Yeah.
给他点颜色瞧瞧，警♥察♥先生
You show him, Mr. Policeman.
如果你不喜欢，我随时可以再找一个小丑
If you don't like it, I can always get another stooge.
别在意，希利先生
Come on, Mr. Healy,
他并没有别的意思
he doesn't mean anything by it.
他只是有点敏感 -是吗？
He's just a little sensitive. -Is that right?
今晚是你最后一场演出，真是走运
It's a lucky thing tonight's your last show.
被你用熊撞伤的那个家伙，如果他起诉你怎么办？
That guy you clobbered with a bear, what if he sues?
听着，总有一天，他会跟他的孙子们讲起...
Say, listen, one of these days, he's going to be telling his grandkids
那晚他和伟大的泰德·希利一起演小品的事
about the night he got to play a sketch with the great Ted Healy.
少烦我
Beat it.
给，孩子们，你们今晚赚到了
Here you go, boys. You earned your keep tonight.
我跟你说，莫，那家伙让我感到毛骨悚然
I tell you, Moe, that guy gives me the willies.
每件事都会让你感到毛骨悚然
Everything gives you the willies.
如果能让你的影子不跟着你，你甚至会给自己的影子拴上绳子
You'd put a leash on your own shadow if it would keep it from following you.
你什么时候才能不再让他压榨我们？
When are you going to stop letting him chisel us?
售票员说希利一周能赚一千美元
The box office guy says Healy makes a grand a week,
而我们看到的却是糟糕票房♥收入
and all we see is a lousy C-note.
他逃不掉的
He can't get away with that.
哦，可以的，他能逃掉。他可是主角
Oh, yes, he can. He's the headliner.
听着，我知道他很粗鲁，但我们是丑角，一打才一毛钱
Look, I know he's rough, but we're stooges, a dime a dozen.
拿着钱，闭上嘴
Just take the money and keep your mouth shut,
我们不会有事的，好吗？
and we'll be okay. Okay?
我不知道，我不知道，我不知道
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
这都是些什么啊？
What do we got here?
亲爱的，明天第五场比赛你看好谁？
Sweetheart, who do you like in the fifth race tomorrow?
在我看来，她们都是烦人精
They all look like nags to me.
嘿，第二场演出后，我们出去转转怎么样？
Hey, what do you say we go to a speak after the second show?