布偶秀50周年特别节目（2026）

科米
对，能回来真好
Yep. Good to be back.
很抱歉刚才出了点状况
So sorry about the mishap earlier.
我们还在处理一些小毛病
[stammers] We're still working out a few kinks.
没关系，有病才好玩
Oh, that's all right. I love a kink.
Uh-huh. Hmm.
我只是想说
Well, uh, I just wanted to say
我们真的很荣幸今晚能跟你同台
we're really honored to have you here with us tonight.
你在说笑吗？
Are you kidding me?
能来这里是美梦成真
Being here is a dream come true. -Ah.
我今晚大可去世上的任何地方
I mean, I could've been anywhere else in the world tonight.
我婉拒了普利策奖
I… I turned down a Pulitzer prize… -Mmm. Mmm.
让我的脸铸在新的25分硬币上 还有第二次约会，对象是…
…and getting my face on the new quarter, and a second date with… [whispers]
真的吗？
Really? -Mm-hmm.
他单身？ -不是
He's single? -No.
Oh.
但我现在只想待在这里
But this is the only place I want to be right now.
没什么能…
And nothing could-- -[knocks on door]
开门，青蛙
[Miss Piggy] Open the door, frog! -[gasps]
抱歉… -她知道了，老大
Sorr… -[Scooter] She knows, boss!
好像有人在门外
I think someone's at the door.
-[banging on door] -[grunting]
Uh, ooh, that? [chuckles]
那个？
不，那是…只是剧院太老旧而已
No, no, no, no. That's, uh… That's just an old theater, you know?
这些管线有时候蛮吵的
Uh, these pipes can be pretty noisy. -[Miss Piggy] Hi-yah!
[exclaims]
他在哪里？
Where is he?
（更衣室）
Wow, the door wasn't even locked.
门根本没上锁
我知道你在这里，青蛙
I know you're here, frog.
猪小姐？
[Kermit whimpering] -Miss Piggy?
你一定听到腻了，其实我之前就想跟你说
I'm sure you get this all the time, I actually meant to tell you earlier,
你是我的偶像
but you're my idol.
-Aw. -Yeah,
对，我的打扮和风格都是模仿你的
I basically, like, modeled my whole look and style after you.
相信我，我跟我的律师团已经注意到 我们会跟你联♥系♥的
Oh, trust me. My attorneys and I have taken notice, and we will be in touch.
Aw. And I'll make sure my attorneys respond… to your attorneys.
我会确保我的律师团回应…你的律师团的
[Kermit whimpers, groans]
你有听到吗？
Did you hear that?
科米说剧院很老旧，管线有点吵
Oh, Kermit said the theater is really old and the pipes are a little noisy.
是吗？科米还说了什么？
Oh, really? What else did Kermit say?
他有提到他删掉我重要的表演了吗？
Did he mention he cut my big number from the show?
什么？不，太扯了
What? No. That-That's crazy.
没有猪小姐的表演 就不叫《大青蛙布偶秀》
There's no Muppet Show without a Miss Piggy number.
一点也没错
Exactly. -[Carpenter chuckles]
真希望他能亲耳听到
If only he were around to hear that.
门好重
[Kermit, straining] Door's heavy.
真遗憾
I am so sorry.
你不该失去任何一秒的上镜时间 你是传奇人物
You don't deserve to lose one second of screen time. You are an icon.
别说了，你太窝心了，继续
Oh, stop it. You're too sweet. Go on. -[chuckles]
我从小看你的表演长大 我爸妈从小看你的表演长大
Oh, I mean, I grew up watching you, my parents grew up watching you,
他们的爸妈从小… -好，见面会结束了
their parents grew up watching… -Okay! Meet-and-greet over.
要是科米敢现身
[Kermit groaning] -If Kermit ever shows his face,
你跟他说，我要在这场秀献唱
you let him know. I am going to sing in this show!
-[Kermit whimpers] Help me. -Oh, no! That's right.
-帮帮我 -不，对哦
你还好吗？抱歉
[Kermit groaning] -Are you okay? Sorry.
我忘了你在底下
I forgot you were down there.
我没事，莎宾娜，我…
Hey, I'm fine, Sabrina. Yeah, I… -[sighs]
这种事比你想像的更常见
It happens a lot more than you'd think.
斯库特
Uh, Scooter!
你知道流程的，再弄扇门进来吧
You know the drill. Let's get another door in here.
已经在处理了，老大
Already on it, boss.
[chuckles]
其实我见过科米几次
[snores] -I've actually met Kermit a few times.
他真的非常讨喜
He's actually really lovely.
我见过一大堆名人
I mean, I've met a ton of celebrities. -[groaning]
很多都是混♥蛋♥
A lot of jerks.
-[groaning] -But not Kermit.
但科米不是
我是大混♥蛋♥吗？ -对，但没那么大啦
Was I a big jerk? -I mean, yes. But not that big.
Mmm? [sighs]
对了，我是玛雅
Oh, I'm Maya by the way. -Mmm?
[grunts]
[kisses]
Mm-hmm.
欢迎来到布偶实验室，未来的诞生之地
Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.
我是邦森蜜瓜博士 这位是我无畏的助手倒楣鬼
I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, and this is my fearless assistant Beaker.
[screams]
Hmm. [clicks tongue]
今天我们要对抗一种现代流行病：分心
Today we tackle a modern epidemic: distraction.
这年头，一切都在争夺你的目光
[whimpering] -These days,
everything is competing for your eyeballs.
移♥动♥设备、电视，还有我们不看它们时
Mobile devices, televisions and the day-to-day terrors
不断占据我们脑海的日常恐惧
that consume our brains when we aren't looking at the first two.
现在你可以轻松地集中精力
Well, now you can focus effortlessly
只要有我最新的发明“专心汁汁”
thanks to my latest invention, "Focus Pocus."
每只眼睛滴一滴这种精华液
[whimpers] -One drop of this serum per eye,
你的专注力就会指数级增长
and your attention span will multiply exponentially.
[gasps, meeps]
倒楣鬼，回来，坐在凳子上
[stammers] Beaker, come back, come back. Sit on the stool.
什么？ -对，很好
Huh? -That's it. Good. Now,
我要轻轻地把凳子降低
I'm gonna just lower the stool gently.
来吧
[meeping, breathing heavily] -There, there we go.
小小一滴，我一点都不会痛
A little teeny drop. This won't hurt me at all.
[Beaker whimpering]
好了，没事了
There we go. There, there, there. -[whimpering]
哎呀，这效果可能有一点太强了
Oh, dear. That might've been just a teensy bit too strong.
-[mutters] -[whimpering]
-[meeping] -Hmm.
我可能没把它稀释得当
Maybe I neglected to dilute it properly.
我看看，我把它写在哪里了？
Now, let's see. Where did I write that down?
[whimpering, gasps]
[sighs]
-[meeping, whimpering] -Oh, this is interesting.
真有意思
这标注了“紧急”
This one's marked urgent.
应该没关系
Hmm. I'm sure that's fine.
[screaming]
倒楣鬼…倒楣鬼，停下来
Oh, Beaker. Beaker. Beaker, stop it. Stop it!
真令人振奋 -令人振奋
It's so inspiring. -Inspiring.
我觉得我充满活力
I feel alive, you know? -Mm-hmm.
身为表演者…
I mean, as a performer…
玛雅？玛雅
Maya? Maya? M-Maya!
斯库特
[Muppets clamoring] -Scooter,
我妈咪今晚也在观众席
my mommy's in the audience tonight.
我什么时候上台？斯库特
When do I go on? Scooter! Scooter!
我马上就准备好，只要…
I will be ready as soon as I do my… -[muttering]
哇，你还好吗，科米？
Oh, wow. Like, are you okay, Kermit? -[exclaims]
还好
[stutters] Yeah.
因为你看起来有点紧绷
'Cause you seem a little wound up.
你的脉轮完全失去平衡了
Like, like your chakras are, like, totally out of whack.
你说得对，我确实有点压力
[grunts] You're right. I guess I am a little stressed.
谢谢你的关心
[chuckles] Thanks for checking in.
好说，因为我能感应气场 而你的气场很糟糕
Oh, for sure. 'Cause you know, like, I can read auras, and yours is, like, bad.
是吗？ -是的
It is? -Oh, totally.
我们要吸气…
And we're breathing in… [inhales deeply]
要这么做是吗？
[stammering] Oh, is that what we're doing? Uh… [inhales deeply]
贾妮斯？我能吐气了吗？
[straining] Janice? Can I breathe out yet?
[exhales sharply] Hmm? Janice?
贾妮斯？
Oh. Huh. Actually, that did make me feel a bit better.
其实，我确实觉得好一点了
仿佛情况即将好转
[chuckles] Almost like things are gonna be okay.
为您插播《布偶快讯》
This is a Muppet Newsflash.
曾获艾美奖的喜剧天后玛雅鲁道夫死了
Emmy award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is dead.
什么？
Huh?
我看到那道光，那里有一条灵魂之河
I saw the light, and there was a river of souls.
还有一道火墙
And a… a wall of flames.
我本来在为一个红衣男 准备颁奖典礼开场白
And I was doing award show patter for a man in red.
听起来像天堂，对吧？
That sounds like heaven. Right? -[whimpers, grunts]
我修正，曾获艾美奖的 喜剧天后玛雅鲁道夫活着
Correction. Emmy award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is alive.
（玛雅鲁道夫死亡）
（玛雅鲁道夫活着）
A thing fell on her and made her be alive again.
有东西掉到她身上，让她复活了
请继续关注更多重磅新闻
Stay tuned for more hard-hitting news.
…琥碧戈柏、安洁莉卡休斯顿 克萝丽丝莉姬曼
…Whoopi Goldberg, Anjelica Huston, Cloris Leachman.
Hmm. Show's not half bad.