布偶秀50周年特别节目（2026）

不会
[audience laughs]
科米
Kermit. Kermit. -[sighs]
我不小心听到了，因为我在偷看你们
I couldn't help but overhear because I was spying on you guys.
我可以帮你删减节目内容
If you need, I can help you trim some of the show.
真的吗？谢了，你有什么想法？
Oh, really? Uh, thanks. What were you thinking?
从头顶剪一些如何？
How about a little off the top?
-Ah? -[chuckles]
道具喜剧现在可能帮不了我们，福滋
I don't know if prop comedy is gonna help us right now, Fozzie.
那我只好戴上我的思考帽了
Oh. Guess I'll have to put on my thinking cap then.
Hmm? [gasps]
喜欢吗？如何？ -当然
Ah? Like it? Huh? Huh? Huh? -Uh, you know, sure.
如果它能让你想到删减节目内容的方法
If it can help you think of how to cut some acts from the show.
没问题，我已经有点子了
You got it, pal. Got an idea already.
Oh.
塞斯罗根
Hey, Seth Rogen.
福滋，这太棒了
Oh, hey, Fozzie. This is incredible.
我一直梦想能登上这个舞台
It's always been a dream of mine to be here. [chuckles]
你有其他梦想吗？
Ooh. Got any other dreams?
这是什么意思？
Uh-oh. What does that mean?
你被删掉了
[sighs] You're cut.
什么？删掉？我是执行制♥作♥人耶
What? Cut? I'm the executive producer.
那请你通知自己，我们要改变路线了
Then you can let yourself know we're going in a different direction.
[audience laughs]
[audience applauding]
下一位表演者是世界上 最无所畏惧的冒险家兼行为艺术家
Our next act is the world's most fearless daredevil performance artist,
他多年来都不断撼动观众与保险公♥司♥的心
who's been shocking audiences and insurance companies for years.
让我们欢迎伟大的贡佐
Let's hear it for The Great Gonzo.
-[audience cheers] -[trumpets blare]
谢谢，感激不尽
Thank you. Thank you so much.
看啊，是我，伟大的贡佐
Behold, it is I, The Great Gonzo.
今晚我要尝试以自动驾驶的溜冰鞋
And tonight I will attempt this deadly obstacle course
挑战这条致命的障碍赛道
on self-driving roller skates.
同时背出奥斯卡金像奖
All the while reciting every Academy Award winner
所有的最佳女配角奖得主
in the category of Best Supporting Actress.
[♪ "O Fortuna" playing]
[laughs] Whoo-hoo. Ignite the rings.
点燃火圈
放开刀片
Release the blades. [laughs]
表演现在开始
And it starts right now.
歌♥蒂韩、露琵塔尼咏欧、莎莉温德丝
Goldie Hawn, Lupita Nyong'o, Shelly Winters.
[bangs, clatters]
[audience gasps]
那样真痛苦
Whoo. That was painful.
他痛苦还是我们痛苦？
For him or for us?
都痛苦
Both. [laughs] -[laughs]
现在请观赏《戴假发的猪》
[announcer] And now, "Pigs in Wigs."
[♪ classical music playing]
美乃滋三明治郡的猪格顿公爵夫人
Duchess Piggerton of County Mayo Upon Sandwich.
[audience laughs]
费料勋爵和…他的女伴
Lord Scrappleton and… his plus one.
什么？
What? [grumbles]
亲爱的
Darling.
多耀眼的晚宴啊，亲爱的
[sighs] What a dazzling soiree, mon chéri.
你好吗？很高兴见到你
Oh. Hello. How are you? Lovely to see you.
她竟然还敢在这里露脸
She has some nerve showing her face around here.
好时髦的装扮 我爱死那个莫名其妙的玩意了
What a chic ensemble. Love whatever that is.
看来今晚的服装规定只是建议而已
Apparently the dress code was optional tonight.
亲爱的，你真是个小恶魔
[laughs] Darling, you're so devilish.
-[laughs] -[laughs]
你能行行好，帮我拿杯饮料吗？拜托
Say, could you be a dear and fetch us a beverage? Pretty please?
当然好，我的小松饼，我马上回来
Oh. Of course, my crumpet. I'll be right back.
-[chuckles] -Mmm. [chuckles]
我的爱人，可以浮上水面了
Oh, lover. The coast is clear.
猪猪
Psst, Piggy. -Hmm?
我忘了跟你说 我们得重新帮你的爱人选角
I forgot to tell you, we had to recast your lover.
什么？谁啊？
W-What? Wi-With who?
你好啊
Hola.
你们一定是在开玩笑
You've gotta be kidding me.
我跟你一样困惑，好吗？
Hey, I'm just as confused as you are, okay?
好啦，我们继续演吧
[sighs] All right. Let's just get on with it.
[clears throat]
爱人，我是多么想念你那棱角分明的下巴
Oh, lover. How I've missed your chiseled chin,
你那乌黑浓密的秀发 还有强壮有力的臂膀
your luscious, thick head of raven hair, and your big strong arms.
你在跟我说话吗？
You talking to me?
对
Yep.
找到你了，亲爱的
There you are, my darling. Uh…
你是哪位，阁下？
And who are you, kind sir?
我不知道
I don't know.
我本来在后面闲聊 有人却帮我套上这件怪外套
I was back there schmoozing when someone put me in this weird jacket
把我推到台上，好吗？
and threw me on the stage, okay?
糟了，我被逮到了
Oh, no. I've been caught.
这下让我难以抉择的
And now my public lover and my secret lover,
正牌爱人和秘密爱人
whomst I am tornt betweenst,
必须决斗至死 只因他们如此疯狂地爱着我
must duel to the death because they're so madly in love with moi.
对，说到这个 我应该告诉你，我邂逅了一个人
Uh, yes. Uh, about that, I should tell you, I… I've met someone.
什么？什么时候？
What? When?
刚刚在切肉台那边
Just now by the carving station.
我知道才过了几秒钟，但那是真爱
Oh, I know it's only been a few seconds but it's true love.
这是怎么回事？
What is happening here?
你听到他的话了，那是爱情 恭喜你，朋友
You heard him, okay. It's love. Good for you, my friend.
谢谢，我们好幸福哦
Oh, thank you. We're oh, so happy. -[mutters, scoffs]
算了，我要离开这里，免得把脸丢光
Ugh, forget it. I'm getting out of here while I still have my dignity.
-[sighs] -[audience laughs]
[gasps]
[screams]
[cheering]
两位的投掷物
Your projectiles, sirs.
太迟了，短剧结束了
Uh, too late. Sketch is over.
你还是把它们留下吧，这场秀还很长
Actually, why don't you leave 'em. There's a lot more of this show left.
真是不幸
Unfortunately. [laughs] -[laughs]
好，羽毛黏好了 等它干了再抱人，下一位
Okay. Feather's glued. Don't hug anyone till it is dry. Next.
好，各位
Okay, everybody.
你们的名字都按明确顺序 列在这份演出流程表上
All of your names are on this run of show in a highly specific order.
只要我手上拿着这份名单
And as long as I have this list in my hands,
这场秀就会顺利进行
the show will go off without a hitch.
奥林匹亚杜卡琪斯、莫妮克
Olympia Dukakis. Mo'Nique.
[crashes]
你这么做好像在挑战命运
Feels like you kinda tempted fate with that one.
[audience laughs, applaud]
[musical fanfare]
好，谢谢各位
Huh. Okay. Uh, thank you very much.
接下来的音乐表演，我们要走上街头
Now, for our next musical number, let's take it to the streets.
鼠患横行的街头
The rat infested streets. Ooh.
[sirens blaring]
[♪ "Blinding Lights" playing]
我一直打电♥话♥给你
♪ I've been tryna call ♪
我独自度日已经够久 -快拿到了
♪ I've been on my own for long enough ♪ -[rat] Almost got it.
也许你能让我学会如何爱人，也许
♪ Maybe you can show me how to love Maybe ♪
Oh.
我正在经历戒断反应
♪ I'm goin' through withdrawals ♪
你根本不用多费力气
♪ You don't even have to do too much ♪
轻轻一碰就能点燃我的情欲，宝贝
♪ You can turn me on With just a touch, baby ♪
我环顾四周，这罪恶之城冰冷又空虚
♪ I look around and Sin City's cold and empty ♪
附近没有人会批判我
♪ No one's around to judge me ♪ -[rats] ♪ Oh, oh ♪
没有你，我看什么都不清晰
♪ I can't see clearly when you're gone ♪
我说，这灯光让我睁不开眼
♪ I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights ♪
没有你的触碰，我无法入眠
♪ No, I can't sleep Until I feel your touch ♪
我说，我沉溺在这夜色之中
♪ I said, ooh, I'm drowning in the night ♪
在这种时刻，你是我唯一信赖的人
♪ Oh, when I'm like this You're the one I trust ♪
[rats] ♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪
-Ah! -[rats clamoring]
我说，这灯光让我睁不开眼
♪ I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights ♪
没有你的触碰，我无法入眠
♪ No, I can't sleep Until I feel your touch ♪
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪
[grunting, exclaims]
[clamoring]
去抓鸟 -我抓到鸟了
Get the bird! Get the bird! -I got the bird.
你有没有看到…
Did you see…
抱歉，声带休息中，不能说话 声带休息中
Sorry! On vocal rest, can't talk. On vocal rest.
斯库特，这里怎么了？
Scooter, what is going on here? -Hmm?
我是下一个吧？
Am I on next or what?
科米不得不删掉你的表演，猪小姐 他没跟你说吗？
Oh, uh. Kermit had to cut your number, Miss Piggy. Didn't he tell you?
什么？看起来像他有跟我说吗？
What? Does it look like he told me?
你以为我穿这双罗马鞋 是为了足部健康吗？
You think I'm wearing these gladiator sandals for my freaking health?
应该不是
Uh… Probably not.
-[grunts] Kermit! -Whoa!