欢乐颂

猝倒症是一种神经失调
此症会导致突然的肌肉无力
它的诱因为强烈的情感
比如愤怒 惊喜 恐惧
但主要诱因是
欢乐颂
爱情
Love
家庭
family
欢乐
joy.
今日诸位来到这里
If you're here
是因为你们非常爱马文和丽莎
it's because you love Marvin and Liza very much.
至少是其中的一个吧
At least one of 'em.
而且你们想分享他们的幸福
And you wanna share in their happiness.
包括我在内
I know I do.
丽莎 查理 库博
Liza... Charlie, Cooper
我想感谢你们对我主持婚礼的信任
I wanna thank you for trusting me with this ceremony.
我认为这是很崇高的荣幸与机会
I consider it a very high honor and a privilege
并且我知道你们已去世的敬爱的父母
and I know your dear departed parents
杰瑞和巴伯也会同意这门亲事的
Jerry and Barb, would have approved.
而且同样重要的是 要给足我小费哦
And just as important, tipped me handsomely.
-你还好吗 兄弟 -没事没事
- You alright, buddy? - Yeah. Yeah.
-想些不开心的事情 -好吧
- Think unhappy thoughts. - Okay.
儿童肥胖
Childhood obesity.
被渔网捕获的海豚
Dolphins caught in tuna nets.
-叙利亚 -很好 坚持住 好吗
- Syria. - Good. Hang in there, alright?
记着 有一半的婚姻都是以离婚告终的
Remember, 50% of marriages end in divorce.
老天 那真是令人压抑
My God, that's depressing.
谢谢
Thank you.
什么鬼啊
What the hell?
那是他们的哥哥查理
That's their brother Charlie.
显然他患了一种病
Apparently, he's got some disease
每当他开心的时候就会晕过去
where he passes out when he's happy.
那是种病吗
That's a thing?
那要不然他就是个混♥蛋♥了
Or else he's just an asshole.
我最初遇见丽莎
I... I first met Liza
是当她比一个南瓜都小的时候
when she was smaller than a butternut squash.
查理和库博列仗欢迎着
Charlie and Cooper paraded
他们的小妹妹降临到这世上
their new baby sister into mass
就好像她是基♥督♥复临人间一样
like she was the Second Coming herself.
我敢发誓他们肯定比你的爸妈
I swear they were, they were prouder
还要为你感到骄傲
even than your mom and dad.
天哪 快点吧哥们 搞快点
Oh, Jesus. Hey, come on, man. Come on!
-他还好吗 -布莱恩·威尔森
- Is he okay? - Uh, uh, Brian Wilson.
美国音乐家 制♥作♥人 罹患精神疾病
素制肉 考斯比
Vegan meat. Cosby.
美国谐星演员 作家教育家 音乐家和社会活动家
好吧 我们直接进入重点吧 行吗
Okay, let's go ahead and really drive it to the hoop now, okay?
-好的 我明白 -我们可准备好了
- Okay. No, I understand. - Okay. We're very ready.
马文 你愿意娶丽莎为你的妻子吗
Marvin, do you take Liza to be your wife?
再快点
Faster.
不论她生病或是健康 富有或贫穷
To have and to hold, for better for worse
始终忠于她 直到离开这世界吗
sickness, health, to cherish until death do you part?
我愿意
I do.
还有丽莎 你也能做到那些吗
And, Liza, do you do all that stuff too?
我愿意
I do.
那么根据纽约州和上帝
Then by the power vested..
赋予我的权利
...in the State of New York
我宣布你们成为夫妻
and God, I pronounce you husband and wife.
不不不
No, no, no!
好了 没事 没事的 没事的
Okay! That's okay. That's okay. It's alright.
没关系 我来吧 是的 没事的
It's alright. I got it. Yeah, it's alright.
查理
Charlie?
活过来了呢
Hey, it lives.
我错过什么了吗
What'd I miss?
他们在去伯利兹的路上了
They're on their way to Belize.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
我跟你说
Check this out.
在他们走之前
Before they left
马文把这个大箱子呈到丽莎面前
Marvin presents Liza with this big box, right?
一份礼物
A gift.
还搞得挺隆重的
Makes a big deal out of it.
不是珠宝
It's not jewelry,
也不是按♥摩♥一日游 文胸什么的
not a day at the spa, lingerie.
打开才发现是有拉链裤腿的旅行裤
It's travel pants with the zip-off legs.
我看到她的手挥了过来
I saw... I saw the arm come back.
我还以为她要揍他呢
I thought she was gonna punch him.
别说了
Stop it.
说真的
Seriously.
别逗我了 兄弟
No more, man.
不过她也没事
But she's alright.
杰夫叔叔帮她缝了几针嘴角 而且
Uncle Jeff stitched up her lip, and..
是啊 你把东西都搞砸了 兄弟
Yeah, you tore shit up, man.
那整个前排的人都要得创伤应激症了
That whole front row's gonna have PTSD.
她只是看起来太美了
She just looked so beautiful.
我 我停不下那种幸福的感觉
I... I couldn't stop the happiness.
是啊 你就不考虑再吃点
Yeah. You won't even consider
那个羟丁酸钠什么的药试试吗
trying that Zyrem, Xyrem stuff again?
我平时锻炼也是一样的效果 库博
It doesn't do any more for me than exercise, Cooper
而且吃药还有尿床的副作用
and exercise doesn't make me wet the bed.
好吧
Alright.
我就是 你知道
I just, you know..
我不想你嗝屁了
I don't want you to die.
我会没事的
I'll be fine.
只要永远不要参加婚礼就行了
As long as there are no more weddings ever.
我可就指着你永远单身呢
I can count on you for that, right?
拜托
Hey.
我还看到了马文的妹妹
Oh, I saw, uh, Marvin's sister,
瑞塔对你上下打量呢
Rita, checking you out.
-是吗 -对啊
- Was she now? - Yeah.
可能对晕倒的人情有独钟吧
Must have a thing for fainters.
别那么自黑嘛 有些妞就是喜欢突出的
Ah, don't be so dismissive. Some chicks love a project.
我可不想自讨无趣 库博
I don't wear socks with sandals, Cooper.
我有种无法治愈的神经系统疾病
I have an incurable neurologic condition.
嘿 你也没必要这么自惭形秽啊
Hey, but don't be all poopy about it.
♪ 日当照峰脚 ♪
♪ The sun came up with no conclusions ♪
♪ 花眠不觉晓 ♪
♪ Flowers sleeping in their beds ♪
♪ 墓传风语声 ♪
♪ This city's cemetery's humming ♪
♪ 晨曦知多少 ♪
♪ I'm wide awake it's morning ♪♪
好吧 加把劲
Okay, come on.
我来帮你 我来吧
Let me help. I'll help you.
真是太谢谢你了
Thank you so much.
没关系
No problem.
你的宝贝妹妹刚嫁出去了呢
Your baby sister married off.
-是啊 -那肯定让你觉得自己老了吧
- Mm-hmm. That gotta make you feel old.
丽莎每件事都赶在我前面
Liza always did everything first.
她十二岁的时候
When she was 12 years old
她就逼我抽了一根大♥麻♥
she pressured me into smoking a joint.
拜托 伙计 你就不想坠入爱河吗
Come on, man. Don't you wanna fall in love?
我当然想恋爱了
Oh, I wanna be in love, sure.
我 我想是最好直接跳过蜜月阶段
I... Ideally, I'd like to skip past the honeymoon phase
直接跳到臭味相投的阶段
to the steady sharing deodorant phase.
我真是服了你了 伙计
Oh, you're killin' me, man.
我支持你哦 查理
I'm with you, Charlie.
能找到一个若即若离的伴侣
It's important to find someone
是很重要的哦
that you can kind of forget is there
所以离婚的时候 就像失去一只猫一样
so that when they leave, it's like losing a cat.
不不 那不是我想表达的
No, that... that's not exactly what I..
我 我需要谨慎点
You know, I... I need to be careful.
我希望她是我想象中那种穿运动裤
I need someone I can picture in sweatpants
平时也很恬静的那种类型
just the right amount of mousy.
你平时听现代爱情播客吗
Do you listen to the Modern Love podcast?
-我不听 你听吗 -每次都不落
- I don't. You do? - Religiously.
前几天播客里就提到了一对情侣
There was a story the other day about a couple
男的是聋子 女的是瞎子
where he was deaf and she was blind