疯狂保姆

不
Oh, no!
不
Oh, no.
我的天 老妈在后院啊
Oh, my God, Mum's in the backyard!
我们知道
We know!
科拉
Coral!
你有没有经常觉得活的没意思
"Do you often feel that life is not worth living?"
是啊
"Yes."
13岁的时候 我试图从阳台跳下去自杀
At 13, I attempted suicide and jumped off the veranda.
正好老爸开车过来
And just then, Dad drove up.
他被砸的五分钟没清醒过来
He was knocked unconscious for five minutes.
这个事成为广为流传的
And this event is known as...
家丑
"The Disgrace."
查看您的测试结果
"Get your test results."
-科拉 -我是人格分♥裂♥
-Coral! -I'm bipolar.
科拉 老妈又瞎转啦
Coral, Mum's gone off again!
什么 去哪啦
What? Gone off where?
在她脑子里啊
Off her head!
太丢脸了
The embarrassment is total!
你是最大的 科拉 做点什么啊
You're the oldest, Coral. Do something!
我什么也做不了 我也疯了
I can't do anything, I'm mad, too.
我人格分♥裂♥啊 说不定甚至是精神分♥裂♥
I'm bipolar. Maybe even schizophrenic.
快谷歌♥一下精神分♥裂♥症患者
Quick! Google "schizophrenic."
我有情绪波动 深度到轻度的忧郁症
I have mood swings, high to moderate depression
而且我认为其它人都在害我
and I think people are plotting against me!
听着 科拉 你唯一不对的地方
The only thing wrong with you, Coral,
就是你无法忍♥受
is you can't stand if someone's
有人比你更神经
more mental than you.
女孩们来 我们到桌子这边来吃晚饭
Girls, we are having dinner at the table
就像一个普通的家庭一样
as if we were a normal family.
好吧 老妈比你更神经
Well, Mum's way more mental than you!
我们都比你更神经
We're more mental than you.
我是个反♥社♥会♥ 莉恩是自闭症患者
I'm a sociopath, and Leanne's autistic.
其它人都一起吃晚餐 为什么我们不呢
Other people eat dinner together, so why not us?
我们查过
We looked it up.
然后他们互相交谈
And they talk to each other.
告诉对方他们一天都干了什么
Tell each other about their days.
米歇尔都比你神经
Even Michelle's more mental than you.
-她能听到一些不寻常的声音 -她告诉我们的
-She hears voices. -She told us.
声音在她的脑子里
In her head!
她还认为 她被跟踪了
And she thinks she's being followed.
被外星人跟踪
By aliens.
盖过她 科拉
Top that, Coral.
等你♥爸♥回家了 珍就能说"感谢主"了
Now, when your father gets home, Jane can say grace.
老爸才不回来
Dad's not coming.
自从那件家丑发生后 他就再也没跟我们吃过晚餐啦
He hasn't had dinner with us since "The Disgrace."
科拉
Coral!
老爸讨厌我们 妈妈
Dad hates us, Mum.
那是因为我们根本不是一个真正的家庭
That's because we're not a real family.
但当我们开始假装一个
But when we start acting like one,
告诉对方我们的生活 然后唱歌♥跳舞
telling each other about our days, and singing and dancing,
然后他就会想和我们在一起了
then he will want to be with us.
载歌♥载舞 谁做那个呀
Singing and dancing? Who does that?
冯·崔普一家(电影真♥善♥美♥里面那家人)
The Von Trapps.
不
Oh, no.
我一直想成为一个
I always wanted to be a Von Trapp. Sing Edelweiss,
穿点好看的衣服
wear little matching outfits,
忠诚于奥地利
be a credit to Austria.
不知道怎么回事我就把事情搞砸了
Somehow I got things wrong.
我把每件事都搞砸了
I ruined everything.
我让你们放任自流 每个人都这么说
I let you girls run wild. Everyone says.
我们是你父亲的耻辱
We're an embarrassment to your father.
你没注意别人看我们的眼神吗
Don't you see the way people stare at us?
他们 他们都盯着你 妈妈
They're staring at you, Mum.
它们就会以嫉妒的眼光看着我们团聚
Well, soon they'll be staring in envy. At our togetherness.
看着正常的我们
At our normality.
密雪儿...
Michelle...
密雪儿
Michelle.
密雪儿
Michelle.
疯狂保姆
天啊
Oh! Oh, dear.
嗨 南希 老天
Hi, Nancy! Oh! Oh, dear.
这...哦不 别又卡住了
That's... Oh. Oh, no! Oh, not again.
因为我对自己说"不能撞到垃圾箱了 雪莉"
Of course, I said to myself, "Don't run over the bins, Shirley!
"不管你做什么 别再撞上垃圾箱"
"Whatever you do, don't run over those bins."
但我怎么做的呢 我就撞到垃圾箱上了
And of course, what do I do? I run over the bins.
至少我没撞在你家的垃圾箱上 南希
At least I didn't run over your bins, Nancy.
在这个小区的居民 都花费了大量的时间和精力
People in this neighborhood spend a lot of time and effort
来让他们的家光鲜亮丽
in keeping their homes presentable.
我用牙刷刷我的车道
I scrub my drive with a toothbrush.
但这不是重点...
But what's the point?
那重点是什么
What is the point?
但因为你和你的垃圾我就觉得这脏
When all I can think about is garbage because of you and your bins.
你就是个耻辱 绝对是个耻辱
You're a disgrace. An absolute disgrace.
南希...对不起
Nancy? Sorry.
"大多数自闭症患者都能听到奇怪的声音"
"While most schizophrenics hear voices..."
我却听不到
I don't hear voices.
有些人只是很短暂的停留在准精神病的水平
"...some may briefly stabilize at a pre-psychotic level,
"没出现错觉和幻觉" 我就是一个
"presenting without delusions and hallucinations." I'm pre-psychotic.
楚若特 我就是个准精神病
Hey, Trout. I'm pre-psychotic.
你就是个疯子 你现在负责鲨鱼秀部分
You're a fucking freak. You're in charge of the shark show.
很好啊 很炫啊 什么 什么鲨鱼秀
Okay, great. Cool. What? What shark show?
在地下室的那个展览
The new one in the basement.
崔佛·布伦德尔的惊悚大嘴秀
Trevor Blundell's Jaws of Terror.
崔佛·布伦德尔的屎下巴秀
Trevor Blundell's Terrible Jaws.
是"崔佛·布伦德尔惊悚大嘴秀"
That's "Trevor Blundell's Jaws of Terror."
谁管你是什么秀啊
Who cares?
我就是崔佛·布伦德尔
This is Trevor Blundell.
哦抱歉 布伦德尔先生
Oh, sorry, Mr. Blundell!
我是科拉·穆曲穆尔 你的新助理
It's Coral Moochmore here. Your new assistant.
你要开除我吗 我不介意的 反正我讨厌鲨鱼
Are you gonna fire me? I wouldn't mind. I hate sharks.
你恨鲨鱼是对的 科拉
You should hate sharks, Coral.
他们是邪恶的流氓
They're vicious, murdering thugs.
大的那个 真的吃过一个首相
Did that big one really eat a Prime Minister?
或者你是瞎编的
Or did you just make that up?
拿个手电筒 去看看那个大白鲨 科拉
Grab a torch and go to the great white, Coral.
它攻击我船的时候我才八岁 不是它死就是我亡
I was only eight years old when it attacked me boat. It was me, or him.
去看颌骨的部分
Go to the jaws.
大白鲨要三天才能消化一顿饭 科拉
It takes a great white three days to digest a meal, Coral.
我在1968年6月24日杀了它
I killed him on June 24th, 1968.
哈洛德·霍尔特 在6月23号♥这天消失了
Harold Holt disappeared June 23rd.
你什么意思
What does that mean?
就是说首相被它当早餐吃了
It means any Prime Minister it ate for breakfast
它死的时候首相还在它肚子里
was still in its stomach when it died.
现在把光线照到它的食道
Now shine the light down its gullet.
我不要
I don't want to.
那你又不信 那里什么都没有 赶快 科拉
But you don't believe there's anything there. Do it, Coral.
看里面 不要
Look inside. No!
你害怕了吗
Is that fear! hear in your voice?
是啊
Yeah.
你信这是吃了哈洛德·霍尔顿的鲨鱼
Then tell me you believe this is the shark that ate Harold Holt.
这是吃了哈洛德·霍尔特的鲨鱼
This is the shark that ate Harold Holt.
很好 你跟每个进来的人都要这么说
Good. Now you tell everyone else who comes in the same thing.
让他们也信
Make them believe it, too.
那是个 那是个假人
It's a mask.
是个假人
It's a mask.
早安 穆太太 最近怎么样啊
G'day, Mrs. Moochmore. How are you?
还不错 谢谢你 你呢
Oh, I'm fine, thank you. How are you?
今天你一定想要一个果酱奶油甜甜圈 不是吗
Bet you want a big jam and cream donut this morning, don't you?
我不要
Oh. Well, no.
你肯定想要 再配上一杯冰咖啡
Of course you do, and an ice coffee to go with it.
-一杯冰咖啡 -就只要一杯冰咖啡