邻家大贱谍（2016）

你怎么知道杰夫在MBI
How'd you know that Jeff works at MBI?
杰夫一定提起过，对吧，杰夫
Jeff must've mentioned it. Right, Jeff?
–不，他没有 –没关系，亲爱的
No. No, he didn't. -That's okay, honey--
没有，杰夫没有提过
No, Jeff didn't mention it.
–压力球 –侥幸猜中，我想
The stress ball. -Must've been a lucky guess, I guess.
–上面写着的 –随便猜的，我们该走了
No, it's right there. -Lucky guess. Yeah, we should go.
有点晚了。感谢你们的款待
It's getting late. Thank you so much for everything.
咖啡太美味了
The coffee was delicious.
–谢谢。–我们在…啤酒节上见
Thank you. -And we'll see you at Junetoberfest!
啤酒节 年度啤酒“杰夫玛丽酒”
我给你看张照片，这是泰勒
So, let me show you a picture. This is Tyler.
他今年暑假要去哮喘夏令营
And Tyler's gonna go to asthma camp this summer.
天啊！他好帅！
Oh, my God! He's so handsome!
杰夫玛丽啤酒
–嗨，邻居。–嗨
Hiya, neighbor. -Hey.
“柠檬皮姜屑
Seared yellowtail
香煎黄狮鱼” 这是谁做的？
with lemon zest and ginger shavings.Who the hell made this?
娜塔莉，显然，她无所不能
Natalie. Apparently, she can do everything.
对不起，谁会穿成那样来烧烤呢
I'm sorry, but who wears that to a barbecue?
我是说，这里有孩子
I mean, there are kids here.
拜托，梅格，那只是一条裙子
Come on, Meg. It's just a summer dress.
那是一条非常短、非常时尚…极度诱惑的裙子
It's a very short, very chic, extremely flattering summer dress.
是啊，够暴露的
Yeah, well, it's pornographic.
看看丹，假装在查邮件
Look at Dan pretending to check his email.
如果我发现他手♥机♥上有她屁♥股♥的照片…他就别想我给他口了
If I find pictures of her ass on his phone, BJ night is canceled.
说回我…
So, anyway, there I am,
孤身陷于鲁卜哈利沙漠之中…
alone, in the middle of the Empty Quarter, all by myself,
没有水，就要渴死
with no water, dying of thirst. I'm literally
我已经在给娜塔莉写遗书了
writing a goodbye letter to Natalie.
我看到地平线上出现了什么
And what do I see coming up over the horizon?
一头骆驼…
But the exact same camel...
三年前我救过它
whose life I saved three years earlier.
–同一头 –它记得你吗
Exact same one. -Did he remember you?
不，杰夫，它不记得我，它是一头骆驼
No. No, Jeff. He didn't remember me. He's a camel.
但我能骑着它回到文明世界
But I was able to ride him into civilization.
然后我在截稿前15分钟提交了我的文章，谢天谢地
And I filed my story, with 15 minutes to spare, thank you very much.
还赶上了下一班去马拉喀什的航♥班♥…
Caught the next flight to Marrakesh
当晚跟娜塔莉在一家咖啡厅坐着抽水烟
and was sitting in a caf¨| with Natalie smoking hookah later that night.
我想在马拉喀什抽水烟
No way! -I wanna smoke a hookah in Marrakesh.
斯塔茜，我知道那听上去很浪漫
Well, Stacey, I know it sounds very romantic.
但相信我，世界上有些地方非常黑暗和令人不安
But, trust me, the world can be a very dark and disturbing place.
蒂姆，你想来瓶啤酒吗？
Tim, you want a beer?
好啊！谢谢你
Sure. Yeah. Thank you.
–给 –好
Here you go. -there it is.
伙计！哇！
Wow, good job-- Buddy, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Wow!
–好多血 –没事的
That is a lot of blood. -It's fine. It's okay.
不，别动
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
只出了一点血
It's just gushing a bit.
–你别动
just hold on to that. -yes.
–对 –给我
Give me this.
一下子有了条口子
It's sprung a leak. -Just...
–我有点头晕 –握紧拳头
I feel a little bit light-headed. -Close your hand around it.
–如果我可以… –不！不！不！
If I could just maybe-- -No!
你们影响不了我
You can't rattle me.
–见证奇迹发生的时刻 –不中！不中！
Witness... Witness my destiny.
社区冠军，五连冠！
Neighborhood champ, five years in a row!
嘿！你想试试吗
Hey! You wanna give it a try?
–我？ –是啊！
Me? -Yeah!
不了
No,
–扔飞镖… –不能说“不”
I'll only embarrass myself. -"No" is not an answer.
来吧，很容易的
Come on. It's so easy.
–这是个坏主意
It's a bad idea. -Look,
我来教你著名的克拉夫斯顿手法，好吗
I'll even show you the famous Craverston grip, okay?
–好吧。把它放在手里
All right. -put That in your hand.
像握铅笔那样
Now hold it like a pencil.
倾斜手腕
Now cock your wrist.
–很好， –好，打开手肘
right. -Good, good. Elbow out.
然后扔就好了
And then you just kinda throw at it.
像这样？
Like this?
这样对吗？
This is good?
你扔的动作有点娘
Well, you kinda throw like a girl.
不过你这样的美女，扔得好不好都没关系
But when a girl is as beautiful as you she doesn't have to be good.
我不用克拉夫斯顿手法的话，可以吗？
Do you mind if I skip the Craverston grip?
好啊，祝你好运
Okay, good luck.
噢，天啊！看看！
Oh, my God! Look at that!
也许我该教你怎样扔得娘一点
Maybe I should show you how to throw like a girl.
被戏弄了吧，克拉夫斯顿！
Suck on that, Craverston.
闭嘴，奥伦
Shut up, Oren.
你的女朋友在哪里
Where's your girlfriend?
蒂姆
Tim.
嘿，凯伦，我在找洗手间
Hey, Karen. I was just looking for the bathroom.
那是杰夫的办公室
You were in Jeff's den.
对，我一定是走错了
Yeah. I must've made a wrong turn.
对了，你们家真漂亮，你真有眼光
Lovely place you have here, by the way. You have a great eye.
谢谢！
Thank you.
楼下的设计是你的作品
Was that your design work I saw downstairs?
杰夫提起过小便池什么的
Jeff had mentioned something about urinals.
噢，对，客户是上帝
Yes. Well, the customer's always right.
是啊，那些是我画的
But, yeah, they are my drawings.
客户就是上帝，除了他们不对的时候
Customer's always right. Except when they're not.
–洗手间在那边，蒂姆。–不了，谢谢，我没事了
The bathroom's that way, Tim. -No, thank you, I'm fine.
这是我们有过的最棒的
That was one of the best Junetoberfests
一次啤酒节
we have ever, ever had.
从来没见过像琼斯这样优雅的夫妇
Have you ever seen a couple move into a neighborhood
搬来这个地方
so nicely as the Joneses?
你不觉得他们有点诡异吗
You don't you think there's something off about them?
他们的事业太过成功，他们太有范
I mean, they're so overly
而且彼此之间太恩爱
accomplished, and stylish and affectionate with one another.
他们为什么想住在这里
Why would they wanna live here?
凯伦，他们说了，他们想要安定下来
Karen, they told you, they wanna settle down.
你知道他今天进了你的办公室吗
You know that he was in your den today?
是嘛，那又怎样
Yeah, so?
他能穿梭于马拉喀什的集市间
So, he can navigate the bazaars of Marrakesh,
可他竟然因为找厕所而在楼上迷了路
but he gets "lost upstairs" looking for a bathroom?
凯伦，我多年前就知道
Karen, let me tell you something I learned years ago.
一个想要大便的人是会尴尬的
When people have to poop, they get embarrassed.
我有时也会
As do I, sometimes.
真的？你认为他是想要大便
Really? You think he had to poop?
有可能，是啊！
Probably, yes.
如果琼斯夫妇看起来比我们更恩爱…
You know, if the Joneses seem a little bit more affectionate than we do,
那是因为他们没有因为孩子在…
it's because they haven't had to mute their passions the way we have
而抑制了自己的激♥情♥
'cause the kids have been around.
可现在是属于我们的时间，我们的夏天，小心我的手
But now, it's our time. It's our summer. Watch my hand there.
我觉得我们是时候做点床上工作了
And I think it's time to get busy sexually.
–不 –嘟、嘟，痒死了，亲爱的！
No. It tickles, honey. Honey!
咱们要疯狂做♥爱♥，来吧！
Honey, I know we said every second... -Come on!
看看时间，很晚了
Look at the time. Look how late it is.
这是经典的加弗内式前戏，让我来吧
It's traditional Gaffney foreplay. Let me just do it.
来吧，宝贝，来吧
Come on, baby. Come on.
我累坏了，不过我善于观察
I'm so tired. But I pick up on things.
是我发现麦纳尔迪
I was the one who noticed when the McNultys
偷山本家的有线电视信♥号♥♥的
were pirating the Yamamotos' cable.
没错，直觉是件美妙的事
Yes, and intuition is a wonderful thing.
相信我，作为有着16年
And take it from me, somebody who has had 16 years
人力资源工作经验的人
of human resource experience,
我相信琼斯夫妇是善良、正常而且普通的人
that the Joneses are perfectly nice, normal, everyday people.
我束手无策
I didn't know what to do.
车冒烟了，我想着美国人
Smoke blows from the car, you know? So I figured
都很懂车… 你好强壮！
Americans are really good with car... You strong man!
你们能帮我吗
So you can help me out?
当然，你找对人了
Absolutely. You came to the right guys.