糟糕历史：逍遥音乐节专场（2011）

Basically mine.
大概也算他的 不过主要功劳在我
Sort of his, but mainly mine.
之后的婚礼都用这首曲子
Yeah, they've used it for weddings ever since.
谁不喜欢听《婚礼进行曲》呢
I mean, who doesn't like to hear The Wedding March, eh?
阿尔伯特
Oh, Albert!
她
Her.
俗人一个
Philistine!
[门德尔松 - 《婚礼进行曲》]
我是《糟糕新闻》记者麦克·皮博迪
This is Mike Peabody, HHTV News,
重大新闻
with a breaking story.
维多利亚女王把自己锁在皇室厕所里了
Queen Victoria has locked herself inside the royal toilet
并拒绝登台演唱自己的歌♥曲
and is refusing to come out to sing her song.
这消息真是令人失望
It's devastating news.
可能会影响到整场音乐会的顺利进行
It could spell disaster for the whole Horrible Histories Prom.
没事的 小伙子
No, no, it's fine, my man.
工作人员另找了一位女王上台 干杯
They've just asked another queen to do it. Cheers.
各位已经知道了
Well, you heard it here first.
一切正常 没有新闻
Everything's fine, there is no story.
我怎么老摊上这种事儿
Another Mike Peabody exclusive.
克里奥帕特拉*
*Rah rah, Cleopatra
美艳著名的她*
*Famous beauty coming at ya
帕特拉-克里奥*
*Rah rah Patra-Cleo
疯狂追逐者不知多少*
*Guys all go gaga for me, oh
是领导是女士也是女王*
*I am a leader and a lady and a queen
我是克里奥帕特拉 不世出的女王*
*I'm Cleopatra, such a queen never been seen
我身为法老 本来这是男人的事*
*I am a pharaoh yet they're all meant to be guys
我才不管 只要戴上假胡子*
*But I don't care-o I just wear a beard disguise
父母都是法老 我也应该是*
*My mum and dad were pharaohs I thought I was too
但我的两个姐姐想要掌权力*
*But both my older sisters thought that they should rule too
然后她们都死去 王位还有谁能继*
*Oh, dear, they both died I wonder who that will leave
年岁尚小 已是法老克里奥*
*Little me, oh pharaoh Cleo
好了 没时间哀悼*
*OK, no time to grieve
觉得事态不对也没错 不会好转了*
*Think that's alarming you'd be right but it gets worse
我嫁给了异母兄长 大权同执掌*
*Married my half-brother and we ruled the universe
这段坏情史让王座有点太挤*
*That bad romance led to an overcrowded throne
不过兄长很快离世 我一人管天地*
*But then died boo-hoo so now I'm all alone
人人崇敬克里奥*
*All hail Lady Cleo
至今最酷的法老*
*Coolest pharaoh by far
全身锦绣潮流奢华*
*Fashion topped my list of vices
沐浴不离牛奶芳花*
*Bathed in ass's milk and spices
衣似女神足以入画*
*Then I dress liked goddess Isis
小圈盘梳青丝华发*
*Long black hair in ringlets nicest
妖娆如毒蛇惹人牵挂*
*Vipers too for men entices
天价长袍灿若朝霞*
*Finest linen robe, top prices
嫁了另个兄长 其脾气乖戾无常*
*Married another brother He's an OK geezer
但永不知我对尤利乌斯·凯撒的衷肠*
*But never told of my love for Julius Caesar
有了凯撒的孩子 想让他当王*
*Had Caesar's child and hoped that he'd be crowned king
兄长无意应允 那被我谋杀乃其命*
*My bro said no, I said oh and I murdered him
我是克里奥帕特拉 埃及王室之花*
*Cos I am Cleopatra Egypt's royalty
吾乃在位法老 眼中不揉沙*
*The ruling pharaoh, don't you dare all mess with me
我的冰霜面颜只对一人展笑靥*
*My poker face smiles only when I see
其乃马克·安东尼 吾心之爱恋*
*A man who takes my fancy like Oh, Mark Anthony
又一位罗马领袖*
*Another Roman leader
不为取悦众人*
*No Egyptian crowd pleaser
克里奥帕特拉*
*Rah rah Cleopatra
终于遇见心中的他*
*Finally I'd met my match-a
帕特拉-克里奥*
*Rah rah Patra-Cleo
结局却是黄泉共邀*
*Ends in death for him and me-o
人生本荒诞如戏*
*My life was a drama
身为女性我亦不羁*
*I was one kooky mama
如君所知*
*You know
我又将成为流言焦点*
*Today I'd be a favourite of the paparazzo.
不要拍照 不要拍照
No pictures! No pictures!
歌♥还不错
Good song.
不过没有我写的克里奥帕特拉那部戏好
Not as good as my play about Cleopatra.
《安东尼与克里奥帕特拉》
Antony and Cleopatra.
不过歌♥还不错啦 朗朗上口
But good song, catchy.
之后就没有我的作品了
Oh, that's the last of my bits.
估计观众都要回家了吧
I imagine everyone will be going home now.
你的语言能力真是不得了
My, what command of language you have!
快开始写作吧
You should write!
我明白了 下一个轮到你们上场
Oh, I see, your lot are up next.
我明白这么安排的原因了
I see what they've done there.
因为石器时代的人类
Yes, because Stone Age man
和古埃及人处于差不多的时期
was around at the same time as the Ancient Egyptians.
不过他们确实比你们进步 对吧
They were a bit more advanced than you, though, weren't they?
人家都能造出大金字塔还有宫殿
I mean, they were building vast pyramids and palaces
你们就只能弄个巨石阵出来
when you were working on Stonehenge.
话说回来 你到底是哪个时期的
What are you, anyway?
旧石器时代还是新石器时代
Neolithic or Palaeolithic?
我总是搞不清楚
I always get confused.
话怎么那么多
Talk too much!
石器时代 辗转连绵*
*I'm sure you've heard the Stone Age occurred
二百五十万年*
*For 2.5 million years
但也许你对它的了解*
*But there's more of Stone Age to engage
还不够多*
*Than maybe it first appears
走着
Hit it!
恐龙 尼安德特人 说清楚一点*
*Dinosaurs, Neanderthals, let's make this clearer
生不同时 不处一间*
*Didn't live together, came from different eras
石器时代阶段太多*
*That's not all I can tell ya so much more to be known
还有许多我还没说*
*About the many phases in the Ages of Stone
啦啦啦啦 流行常在*
*Shooby dooby do wah, it's all the rage
且带你梳理石器时代*
*To skiddly-bup do wah? Brush up on you Stone Age
好极了*
*All right
旧石器时代通俗易懂*
*It's fine to define an era Palaeolithic
不过你还得具体说明*
*But you're gonna have to be a little more specific
是早期 工具雏形开始产生*
*Do you mean lower when ancient beings first used tools
还是中期 尼安德特人作主*
*Or Middle Palaeolithic when Neanderthal ruled
此时早期智人现于非洲*
*That's when homo sapien starts to emerge
仅限非洲 全球繁衍尚未起头*
*But just in Africa, it's long before the global surge
旧石器后期 四万年前*
*Not till Upper Palaeolithic 40,000 years ago
尼安德特人跟智人才打个照面*
*Did Neanderthal and homo sapiens say hello
尼安德特人和智人*
*Neanderthal and homo sapi
其乐融融 亲如一家人*
*Living in cave man harmony
语言的发明 壁画的硕果*
*Language was invented, cave painting art
旧石器时代告一段落*
*Then Palaeolithic ended which meant the start
第二阶段帷幕就此揭开*
*Of phase two-be-doobu-do-wop. Turn a new page
且带你梳理石器时代*
*Skiddly bup doo wah Bug up on the Stone Age
好极了*
*All right
这里术语有点多*
*This is where it starts to get all scientific
旧石器后是中石器*
*Palaeolithic's followed by the era Mesolithic
抹煞尼安德特人 恐怖冰河世纪*
*Then Neanderthals are wiped out by the Ice Age horrific
新石器时代接力 相当了不起*
*After which the Neolithic age was terrific
学习耕作 建立家园*
*Man learned to farm, build homes so they could settle
发现金属 种族多元*
*Then some other folks turned up and they discovered metal
欧洲壮汉发现青铜*
*Bigger men from Europe found bronze and outgrown
石头从此不复重用*
*The simple and traditional ways of stone
青铜时代由此揭幕 人类发展电掣风驰*
*Bronze age was invented. By now man was flying
因为铁器时代接踵而至*
*Cos hot on its heels came the age of iron
凯尔特 德鲁伊 宗教罗马进行时*
*Celts, Druids, religion then Rome
石器早就成了历史*
*By now a distance memory, those ages of stone
啦啦啦啦 金属登台*
*Shooby dooby do wah, since that metallic stage
石器时代 不复存在*
*Skiddly bup do wah There was no more Stone Age
啦啦啦啦 终于明白*
*Shooby dooby do wah, now you know what is known
错综复杂 石器时代*
*About the many phases of the Ages of Stone
好极了*
*All right!
音乐会期间插播重要新闻
I interrupt this prom to bring you breaking news,
维京人已入侵皇家阿尔伯特音乐厅
that Vikings have invaded the Royal Albert Hall.
刚才是不是有人说"入侵"了
Did someone say an invasion?
我最喜欢入侵了
Ooh, I love a good invasion!
不不不不不 这不是好事
No, no, no, no. This is not good.