狱前教育

一个人吃饭
Eating alone?
我只是想你也许需要个伴
I just thought you could use some company.
哦
Oh... Oh.
好吧 我明白了
Okay, I see what this is.
你认为你能跟我在一起
You think that you can get with me?
哦 有趣的话题
Interesting topic of conversation.
等等 不 这不是请你坐下
Wait. No. That wasn't a sit-down invitation.
-你就像一个六 -谢谢
-You're like a 6. -Thank you.
不 这不是夸奖你 你不是个好数字 我就像个九
No, it's not a compliment. That's not a good number. I'm like a 9.
如果我要加入这个游戏...
If I were to get into this game...
你知道的 基佬游戏...
-You know, the gay game... -Uh-huh.
顺便一提 玩基佬游戏 你会是赢家
By the way, the gay game is a game you can win.
不 不会 因为我根本不想玩 我说的是"如果"
No, it's not, because I don't wanna play. I'm saying "if."
如果你决定加入 那边替补席上 有个位置
There's a spot on the bench for you, if you decide to join.
不 我不是替补 老兄
No, I'm not on the bench, man.
好吧 首发阵容
Okay, starter! Heh.
我不是同性恋 老兄
I'm not gay, man.
我来这儿是陪一个朋友 他要做些基佬的事
I'm here, supporting a friend, doing some gay stuff.
很抱歉 我的名字是克里斯 我还真是艳福不浅啊
I'm sorry. My name is Chris. It's short for Christmas Came Early This Year.
老兄 你在哪儿
Where are you at, man?
快点 老兄
Come on, man.
放长线钓大鱼
This is gonna help me in the long run.
-这里 就是那里 -别用这个指着我
-Here. Right there. -Don't point it at me.
嘿 玩得开心点 好吗
Hey! Have fun with it, right?
-玩得开心点 -好
-Have fun with it. -Yeah.
-加油 三 二 一 含进嘴里
-Come on. -Three, two, one! In the mouth!
听着 老兄 你会找到意中人的
Look, you're gonna find you someone, man.
你只是要把眼光放得实际些 懂吗
You just gotta set your sights on something more realistic, you know?
你得放长远点 想想长远关系
You gotta think long-term. Think about the relationship.
你想跟谁一起抚养那个中国宝宝
Who are you gonna raise that Chinese baby with?
不知道
-I don't know. -Hm?
你想跟谁一起夺回清风房♥车
Who are you gonna restore that Airstream camper with?
你想跟谁去新罕布♥什♥尔吃床上早餐
Who are you gonna drive and open that bed-and-breakfast in New Hampshire with?
-这是我需要听的 -是的 是
-This is what I need to hear. -Yes! Yes.
我做不到 我试了 就是不行 你必须训练我
I can't do it. I really tried. I just can't! You have to train me.
这是我最后的机会
It's my last chance.
你准备好接受 比以前更加严酷的训练了吗
You ready to train harder than you've ever trained?
因为我们一旦开始 就不可能停止
Because once we go, we do not hold back.
我们要做 要努力做
We do it! And we do it hard!
准备好雄起了吗
Are you ready to get hard?
准备好了 我准备好雄起了
I am ready. I'm ready to get hard!
-你要证明给我看你可以雄起 -我会证明给你
-You're gonna show me you can get hard! -I'm gonna show you!
我会拼命去雄起 我会证明给你我有多厉害
I'm gonna get so hard! Because I'm gonna show you how hard!
这正是我想听到的 现在回家 拼命雄起
That's what I wanna hear. Then let's go home and get hard.
我想要拥有他们那种感情
I want what they have.
耶
Yeah!
好啊 詹姆斯
Yeah, James!
耶
Yeah!
第二条准则 保护地盘
耶
--Unh! -Yeah!
这就是我要说的
That's what I'm talking about!
够了
-Ugh. -Sho' enough!
恐惧口♥交♥会给予一个人力量
Fear of dick-sucking will give a man strength.
仅限员工
混♥蛋♥
Fuck you.
去你♥妈♥的♥
Fuck cock!
该死
Shit!
嘿 后退 你最好让这些乳♥头♥ 离我的脸远点
Hey, back off! You better get those tits out of my face!
否则我让你好看
Or I'll show you my tits!
-你在干嘛 -练习说脏话
-What are you doing? -Working on my trash talk.
让其他狱友尊重你
You know, to get respect from the other inmates.
说给我听听
Let me hear some of it.
好吧
All right. Ahem.
嘿 朋友 我要踢破你的屁♥股♥
Hey, pal. I'm about to tear you a new ass.
詹姆斯 你得表现得更凶狠一点
You gonna have to do a little better than that, James.
嘿 我要踢破你的屁♥股♥
Hey, I'm about to tear you a new ass.
把你的屁♥股♥缝起来
And sew up your old ass!
好的 就是这样
Okay. All right.
我要揍扁你
I'm gonna punch you in the fuck!
我要把你变成婊♥子♥中的婊♥子♥
I'm gonna make you my bitch's bitch!
你就会成为大婊♥子♥
You're gonna be my grand-bitch!
对 你的干炮圈 马上就能得到二十个点赞
Yeah. You're about to 20 likes on Instafuck.
如果再叫我在这里看见你 我就在你屁♥股♥上盖个戳
If I see you around here again, I'm gonna put a hashtag on your ass.
看看要打多少下才能盖上
And see how many hits it gets.
哦 我的上帝
-Hmm? -Oh, my God.
希望你带了好又多的会员卡
Hope you brought your Costco card,
因为你要买♥♥一大堆阴♥茎♥棒
because you're about to get dick in bulk!
什么 太不幸了
What? This is so dark.
吃五道带鸡♥巴♥的菜如何
How does a prix fixe dinner of five courses of dick sound?
-你吃有机食品 -什么
-You eat organic? -What?
一份新鲜的 热烘烘的睾丸怎么样
How about fresh farm-to-table, a purée of my balls!
耶 阴♥茎♥节快乐 圣鸡鸡
Yeah. Merry Dickmas, Santa Cock! Hmm?
好了 好吧 老兄
Okay. All right, man.
詹姆斯 这些话都是哪来的
Where is this stuff coming from, James?
嘿 小子 你让你的父母失望了
Hey, son. You're a disappointment to your parents.
他俩我都干过
Who I fucked!
哦 该死
Oh, shit.
詹姆斯 这不正常 想想这个你就会发疯
James, this is sick. You gotta be crazy to think of this.
这样发疯是好的
That crazy is good.
谢谢 我还有六个小时的脏话在这里
Thank you. I've got about six hours more.
好 詹姆斯 很好
That's good, James. That's really good.
我喜欢这个 很喜欢
I like that. I like that a lot.
我希望你带着你的阴♥茎♥打孔卡 因为第八个是免费的
I hope you brought your dick punch-card because the eighth dick is free.
刺
Stab!
啊 该死 好了
Shit! Okay.
詹姆斯 干得不错
That's not bad, James.
干得非常棒
That's not bad at all.
有进步
Progress.
彼得吹♥箫♥手挑了许多腌制的鸡鸡
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled cocks!
不错
Yes.
入狱前十天
嘿 嘿 嘿 准备好开始今天的工作了吗
Hey, hey, hey! You ready to get to work today?
-你好 -这都是什么玩意
-Hello. -What's all this stuff?
哦 这些是刀子
Oh, these are shanks.
或者说"刀"
Or "shivs."
在苏格兰 人们称其为"利器"
In Scotland, they're referred to as "chibs."
实际上 这个是我做给你的
In fact, I made this one for you.
-给我的 -是的
-Really? -Yeah.
我只想说 谢谢你所做的一切
Just to say thank you for all the hard work.
啊 老兄
Oh, man.
兄弟会 这很好 很酷
That's nice. That's cool.
哇哦 哇哦 别握着刀刃
Whoa, whoa. Don't hold it by the blade.
你以前没拿过刀吗 握这里
Haven't you ever held one before? Right here.
是的 我没拿过 我的室友以前总拿着刀
Yeah, no, my cellie used to hold them all the time.
我不喜欢刀 刀引起太多纠纷
I don't like them. They cause too much trouble.
你在操场亮出刀 会招来攻击
You pull that out on the yard, somebody come out attack you,
他们会这么做的
they can do this to you.
现在你要怎么做 你懂我的意思吗
Now what do you do? You know what I mean?
见鬼的 这从哪来的
What the hell? Where'd that come from?
我自学的屁♥股♥保护方法
I taught myself how to keister.
屁♥股♥保护方法 在屁♥股♥上
How to keister? Up the keister?
看 这是电动牙刷的一部分 很有效
Look, the electronic toothbrush part, it still works.
哦 不 好了 詹姆斯 关掉它
Oh, no. Okay, James. Cut it off.
关掉它 老兄 拿开
Cut it off. Get it out of my face, man.
我不用手就能启动它
I can turn it on with no hands.
我不想看这个 我不想看这个戏法
I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that trick.
好了 放回去 上帝啊
It's okay. Put it back. God.
-放回去 -不 不 不
-Put it back? -No. No, no.
停 停 停 拜托停下
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Please.
-想我教你怎么做吗 -不 我想跳过这个
-Do you want me to teach you how? -No, I'm gonna pass on that.
首先 呼气
It starts with a simple inverse inhale.
詹姆斯 停下