绯闻计划（2010）

类似这种的 但是散发性感味道的香薰蜡
Those kind, but they were, like, sexy glade candles.
-他非常体贴 他...-那当然
- He was sweet. He was... - Of course.
你♥他♥妈♥看什么呢 基♥督♥修女
What the hell are you looking at, sister Christian?
一对公认的妓♥女♥呗
Just a couple of admitted whores.
玛丽安·布莱恩特是学生会干事
Marianne Bryant is the secretary of the student council...
香橙花舞蹈协会主席
chairman of the orange blossom dance committee...
以及"誓言"俱乐部主席
and president of the cross your heart club...
一个致力于将信仰强加于人的俱乐部
a club dedicated to shoving their beliefs down people's throats.
他们显然并不在意
Obviously they don't care.
去年的轰炸目标就是更换校吉祥物
Last year's cause celebre was the changing of the school mascot.
别再为蓝魔欢呼
去年
鼓掌欢迎你们的蓝魔
Give it up for your blue devils!
蓝魔
Blue!
蓝色恶魔
Blue devil!
这样搞恶魔崇拜
How can we exhibit school pride
世人将作何感想 学校颜面何在
when we're conveyed to others as satan worshippers?
多亏他们 我们面目不再狰狞
Now, thankfully, we're the much less intimidating...
今年
大家欢迎土拨鼠
Give it up for the woodchucks!
加油 土拨鼠
Hey! Go, woodchucks!
土拨鼠
Woodchucks!
我更喜欢半裸的陶德
I liked Todd much better when he was topless.
是啊 但就是他扮成土拨鼠
Yeah, but even dressed as a woodchuck,
我还是对他心存幻想
I still fantasize about him.
土拨鼠
Woodchucks.
现在玛丽安有了新的轰炸目标
Now Marianne had a new cause celebre.
我
Me.
也就是第二部分
Which brings us to part two.
以讹传讹
The accelerated velocity of terminological inexactitude.
其实就是坏事传千里 加重一下语气而已
Which is really just my obnoxious way of saying that lies travel fast.
老天 害我现在说话都有点神经兮兮了
And, boy, did my terminological inexactitude accelerate with velocity.
听说奥莉芙了吗
Did you hear about Olive?
不会吧
No way.
-她已经不是处♥女♥啦 -真不敢相信
- She's not a virgin anymore? - I can't believe it.
-奥莉芙失贞了 -是啊
- Olive lost her virginity. - Yeah.
也许某人下次在洗手间乱说话
Maybe next time a certain somebody will be a little more careful
可要多想想了
what she says in the water closet.
关于这件事 其实不是那么回事
Yeah, about that? It's... that's actually not what you think.
我能单独和你说两句话吗
Can I talk to you alone for a second?
-你觉得可以吗 -没事 谢谢
- You gonna be okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.
再见 妮娜
Bye, Nina.
你那天在厕所听到的事完全是胡说八道
What you heard in the bathroom the other day wasn't true at all.
说来搞笑的
It's actually a funny story.
奥莉芙 这是你名字没错吧
Olive. That's your name, right?
对 你叫玛丽安吧
Yeah, yeah. And you're Marianne.
从幼儿园开始我们有九门课一起上
We've had nine classes together since kindergarten.
如果把《不同文化信仰》算进去 就是十门
Ten, if you count religion of other cultures,
当然你不会这么算 因为你拒绝上那门课
which you didn't because you refused to go.
没错 听着
Yeah. Listen,
你不需要对我辩解你的堕落行为
I'm not the one that you have to answer to for your depraved behavior.
你这种下流行为 全能的祂自有决断
There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
汤姆·克鲁斯吗
Tom Cruise?
只能为你祈祷 愿上帝有你这份幽默感
I hope for your sake that God has a sense of humor.
从我十七年经验来看 祂有的
Oh, I have 17 years' worth of anecdotal proof he does.
你自己造的孽
You've made your bed.
我希望你能自己收拾残局
I just hope for your sake that you've cleaned the sheets.
-我是不是刚被救赎了 -我想你了
- Did I just get saved? - I missed you.
我也想你了
Oh, you too.
因此玛丽安散播了谣言
So Marianne spread the rumor.
平生第一次我的性壮举成为了校园热门话题
For the first time ever, my sexual exploits were the talk of the school.
等等 我说错了 这是第二次
Oh, you know what? I'm wrong. It was the second time.
第一次要回到八年级时了...
The first time was back in 8th grade...
我不过是想和暗恋已久的小男生接个吻而已
when all I wanted was a kiss from this guy I had always had a crush on.
陶德和我被选中♥共♥渡天堂七分钟
Todd and I were thrown together in seven minutes of heaven.
很幸运 当时正在放一首儿时经典
Luckily we had a super romantic song
超浪漫 可以帮我们营造气氛
from our youth to set the mood.
我看时候差不多了
I think this is the part
你可以把舌头伸进我嘴里了
where you're supposed to stick your tongue in my mouth.
据说是这样
That's what I've heard, anyway.
稍微等等 好吗
Just give me a second, okay?
据我计算 你还有三百八十二秒
According to my watch, you have 382 of them.
-你是怎么做到的 -什么
- How do you do that? - What?
算的这么快 并且你说话像个大人
Add so fast. And you also talk like a grown-up.
没关系 我没有我想的那么聪明
Don't worry, I'm not nearly as smart as I think I am.
如果我们什么也不干
So if we didn't do anything,
你能不能告诉他们我们接吻了
could you still tell people we kissed?
当然
Absolutely.
谢谢你 奥莉芙
Thanks, Olive.
应该的 陶德
Sure, Todd.
那次我其实不想说谎
I actually didn't wanna lie that time.
我和某人接吻了 大家都不闻不问
When people thought I'd kissed someone, they didn't care.
发现我和某人睡了 却...
But when they thought I slept with someone...
奥莉芙 一切都好吗
Hey, Olive. How's it going?
我很好 素昧平生的路人甲
I'm swell, guy-I've-never-talked-to-before.
多谢关心
Thanks for asking.
可我满脑子只有一句话
All I could think to myself was,
"好极了 我成荡♥妇♥了"
"great, now I'm a tramp."
我得在腰上弄个纹身
I'm gonna have to get a lower-back tattoo...
某处穿个小孔什么的
and pierce something not on my face.
你们知道我整个周末都在这里 对吧
You guys know that I was here all weekend, right?
-是的 -是 你在楼上
- Yeah. - Yes, you were upstairs.
-没错 -你会为此作证吗
- Yeah. - You would testify to that?
-当然 -为你挡子弹都在所不惜
- Yeah. - I would take a bullet for you.
你知道的 正对眉心的
You know that. Right between the eyes.
我宁愿割喉自刎也不会和人说
Man, I would slit my throat rather than say something to someone
你不想让我说的话
that you didn't want me to say.
倒没那个必要
That's not necessary.
但这话很安慰人
But that is comforting.
那就是哥的为人 哥的风范
That's how I am, how I roll.
哥的义气 他们都这么说
That's how I do, as they say.
我喜欢你的短裤
I like the pants.
谢谢 在好事多买♥♥的
Thank you. They're Costco.
等你长高点就给你穿了
You can have them when you get taller.
-我是永远熬不过青春期了 -瞎说啥呢
- I'm never gonna go through puberty. - Course you will.
咱家有晚熟的传统
But we're a family of late bloomers.
我十四岁才开始发育 奥莉芙也是
I didn't until I was 14. Nor did Olive.
那和我有什么关系 我是领养的
Why does that matter? I'm adopted.
你说啥 天啊 谁告诉你的
What? Oh, my God. Who told you?
我们本打算在适当的时机告诉你
Guys, we were gonna do this at the right time.
听我说
Listen to me.
有时候 就算一个男人和女人非常相爱
Sometimes, even when a man and a woman love each other very much...
像你妈和我过去那样
like your mother and I used to...
机体内部还是不能很好地彼此合作
their insides just don't cooperate with each other.
出什么事儿了 宝贝
So, what's going on, honey?
别人问起你周末的去向
Why do you want us to take a bullet
为啥需要我们出马当关
if anyone asks if you were here?
没什么 还不就是些绯闻呗
It's nothing. It's just the rumor mill.
这几天又出新绯闻了吗
What's the rumor mill churning out these days?
有啥好玩的没
Anything interesting?
没什么 真的 最近产量偏低
You know, not really. Not really. It's a little low on grist.
不错的文字游戏 我喜欢
Clever wordplay. I like it.
一定遗传自我
You must be related to me.
-婚姻遗传吧 -那也是遗传
- Only by marriage. - Give it to me.
-我整个周末都在这里 是吧 -对对对
- I was here all weekend, right? - Yes, yes, yes.
还记得我说过就算我扮成高楼大厦...
Remember how I told you google earth couldn't find me...
谷歌♥地图也找不到我
if I was dressed up as a ten-story building?
但第二天 就算我化作人行道上一个小缝
Well, the next day it could find me if I was dressed
他还是能把我扒出来
as a crack on a sidewalk.
这就是作为高中女生的妙处所在
That's the beauty of being a girl in high school.
大家一旦听说你已经破处 你就是荡♥妇♥了
People hear you had sex once and, bam, you're a bimbo.
我真的没想靠撒谎来上位