绯闻计划（2010）

奥哈伊市界
奥哈伊北方高中
加州特色高中
绯闻计划
如今我的滥交绯闻早已夸张到爆
The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated.
可曾经 我只是一个被异性忽略的无名氏
I used to be anonymous, invisible to the opposite sex.
如果说谷歌♥地图是个男生...
If google earth were a guy...
那我就是被遗忘的角落
he couldn't find me
即便我打扮成高楼大厦也依然如此
if I was dressed up as a 10-story building.
这事儿挺新鲜吧
Pretty cutting-edge stuff, huh?
没有存在感的高中女生
A high school girl feeling anonymous.
我是谁 这一切有什么意义
Who am I? What does it all mean?
我为何来此 之类之类
Why am I here? Blah.
不过别担心 这可不是那种滥俗故事
But don't worry, this isn't one of those tales.
虽说起因确实挺滥俗
Though it sure started out that way.
但自从我撒了点私密小谎以后
And then it changed pretty quickly
便乾坤大转 一切大不相同了
when I started lying about some very personal things.
众所周知 我奥莉芙·潘德加斯
So let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast...
有着健全的头脑 低于平均水准的胸围...
being of sound mind, and below-average breast size...
我发誓坦白一切 一切的一切
swear to tell the truth, the whole truth...
再无谎言 立即生效
and nothing but the truth. Starting now.
想跟大家分享我的私密心情
And what better way to share my private thoughts
还有什么比上网宣传更好呢
than to broadcast them on the internet?
所以我来了 第一部分
So here it is. Part one.
谎言的诞生
The shudder-inducing and cliched,
我随口胡言
however totally false account...
编出和社区大学男生
of how I lost my virginity
共渡春宵的三俗故事
to a guy at a community college.
首先说清楚 立场不同 故事的风貌便不同
Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story.
这是我的立场 讲述真实的故事
And this is my side, the right one.
乔治这名字一点不性感
George is not a sexy name.
乔治听着像泰迪熊的名字
George is what you name your teddy bear...
而不是你在高♥潮♥时刻喊出的名字
...not the name you wanna scream out during climax.
这一段话的意思是?
And by that, I assume you mean?
植物种群进化末期
The stable and self-perpetuating end stage
达到的自我延续稳态
in the evolution of a plant community.
-没错 -怎么 您想哪儿去了
- Right. - why, what were you thinking?
和你一样 不过我不会大声说出来
The same. But I don't say it out loud
以免有人想歪了
lest someone get the wrong idea.
这年头说什么都有含沙射影之嫌
I think you know innuendo is attached to everything these days.
含沙射影 什么 您指什么
Innuendo? What...? Whatever do you mean?
莉亚农 奥莉芙 多看书
Rhiannon, Olive, go hit the books.
书中自有黄金屋
They don't hit back.
团结友爱不吸毒 傻事少做保平安
Also, hugs not drugs. Mess with the bull, get the horns.
之类之类的老三样 你们懂的
And any other cliches you can come up with.
再见 格里菲斯先生
Bye, Mr. Griffith.
再见
Bye.
-说话当心点 -抱歉
- Watch your mouth. - Sorry.
格里菲斯先生是我最喜欢的老师
Mr. Griffith is my favorite teacher.
不过 不知道惹了这么多麻烦后
Although, after all the trouble I caused...
我还是不是他最喜欢的学生
I don't know if I'm still his favorite student.
知道吗 这些对你不好
You know, these are bad for you.
这会导致意外怀孕之类的事情
It leads to unwanted pregnancy, all sorts of things.
如同汽车配错轮胎 根本不该有的事儿
Mismatched tires on your vehicle, which is nonexistent.
事情就从这里开始
And here is where the trouble began.
一个谎言引起的悲剧
The lie that started the whole thing.
拜托了 我求你了 我付你钱 付你钱
Please, please, I'm begging you. I will pay you. I'll pay you.
莉亚 我没办法和你去野营
Rhi, I cannot go camping with you, okay?
对不起 我有约了
I'm sorry, but I have a date.
-行吗 我告诉过你了 -和谁
- Okay? I told you. - With who?
你不认识他
You don't know him.
你也不认识 你个自私的贱♥人♥
And neither do you, you selfish bitch.
我当然认识 他和我哥念同一所大学
Yes, I do. He goes to college with my brother.
好吧 那他叫什么
Okay. What's his name, then?
莉亚农是那种传说中的强势女人
Rhiannon is what you'd call a strong personality.
她要我和她家人一起野营
She asked me to come camping with her family...
我也不知道为啥就不想去
... and I don't know why I didn't wanna go.
我不想整个周末跟她耗在一起 这是小部分原因
A little because I didn't feel like hanging out with her all weekend.
最主要是因为她父母是我见过最诡异的人
But mostly because her parents are the weirdest people I have ever met...
我可是活在加州
and I live in California.
我曾在她家吃过一次晚饭
I ate dinner at her house once
发誓决不再来
and I swore, never again.
-这挺有意思的 -天竺薄荷汉堡
- This is interesting. - Patchouli burger.
我们自己在后花♥园♥种的
We grew it in our victory garden.
你要来点餐后甜点吗
You want some dessert?
不了 谢谢 我得注意身材
No, thank you. I'm trying to watch my figure.
可我不用
Well, I'm not.
所以我撒谎说我不能去
So I lied and told her I couldn't go...
因为我和我哥一个叫乔治的朋友有约
because I had a date with a friend of my brother's named George.
坦诚点吧 根本就没什么性感乔治
Let's just face it, there is no such thing as a sexy George.
但我说的这个很性感
Yeah, well, mine is...
所以咱们就别再提这茬了
so I think we should just put this conversation to bed.
算了 别来野营了
Fine, don't go camping with us.
但记住 我恨你 贱♥人♥
Just know I hate you, bitch.
去买♥♥你的巧克力牛奶吧
Go get your chocolate milk.
-你要一杯吗 -不要
- Do you want one? - No.
其实我的周末是这样过的
And here's how I really spent the weekend.
周五下午
致孙女 你是我的一袋阳光
背景乐: "一袋阳光" 娜塔莎·贝丁菲尔德
史上第一烂歌♥
That's the worst song ever.
周六上午
周六下午
周六晚上
周日上午
周日下午
周日傍晚
周日晚上
但到了周一 当莉亚问我周末如何时
But on Monday, when Rhi asked me how my weekend was...
他很有魅力你知道吗 很绅士
He was charming, you know? He was a real gentleman.
如同沐浴在他的爱慕之中 一切只属于我
And it feels like I got a love and I know that it's all mine.
好吧 好吧 等等 那你还打算见他吗
Okay, okay. Wait, wait. So are you going to see him again?
不了 可能不见了 你知道的
No. No, probably not. You know,
一个疯狂周末而已
it was just one of those weekends.
一整个周末吗
A whole weekend?
没错
Yep.
-等一下 你们没做吧...-做什么
- Wait a minute. You didn't have...? - What?
没 没 当然没有
No. No, of course not.
你个骗子 你绝对失身给他了
You liar. You totally lost your v-card to him.
-不 我没有 -有 绝对有
- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.
-细细道来 -莉亚 我不是那种人
- Tell me everything. - Rhi, I'm not that kind of girl.
是那种做了的人 还是那种有胆做
The kind that does it, or the kind that does it...
却没胆告诉朋友的人
and doesn't have the lady balls to tell her friend?
-什么 -我要听全部细节
- What? - I want every detail.
-莉亚 -就现在 贱♥人♥
- Rhi. - Now, bitch.
你知道吗 你叫我"贱♥人♥"很多次了
You know, you call me "bitch" a lot. Okay?
这可不是个亲昵的称呼
It's not a term of endearment.
我要听所有细节 快点 臭脸妞
I want every detail. Now, shitface.
这么喊我可没什么用
You're not heading in the right direction.
快说
Tell me.
好吧
Fine.
我们做了
We did it.
我猜对了
Yes!
这一天终于来了 超级荡♥妇♥胜利会师
Finally. Now you're a super slut like me.
我不觉得在家居店后面
I don't think letting Peter Hedlund motorboat you...
跟彼得·赫兰德玩儿后入式就算超级荡♥妇♥了
behind a bed bath & beyond really makes you a super slut.
当时有很多人走来走去
There were a lot of people walking past.
很容易被发现的
Someone could've easily seen.
管它呢 现在不是说我 是说你
Whatever. This isn't about me, this is about you.
你都让他干什么了
What'd you let him do?
就很正常你知道的 没什么怪异的
It was normal. You know? Nothing freaky.
我也不知道自己怎么想的
I don't know why I did it.
我想可能因为那是我第一次...
I guess maybe it was because it was the first time...
有种超越莉亚的感觉
I had sort of felt superior to Rhi.
我的谎话一茬接一茬
But I just started piling on lie after lie.
就像叠罗汉
It was like setting up jenga.
知道吗 就像格蕾德香薰蜡一样
Do you know, like, Glade candles?