2021去死（2021）

这是不接种疫苗引发的大流行
This is a pandemic of the unvaccinated.
所以不管我去何处 都会呼吁大家接种疫苗
That's why I'm moving forward with vaccination requirements wherever I can.
一家尽责的媒体揭露了 最新的疫情政策
A dutiful media reveals the latest pandemic policy.
随着距离纽约州所有医护人员
With the deadline just hours away
接种疫苗的截止日期 只剩几个小时
for all New York State health care workers to get vaccinated,
官员们开始采取激进措施
officials are taking drastic action.
扭弯反疫苗者的胳膊 一针扎进去
To bend the arm of anti-vaxxers and jab a needle in it,
政♥府♥的强制疫苗接种计划
governments plan mandatory vaccination programs.
根据斯塔克新闻的披露 美国政♥府♥雇员必须接种疫苗
Stark reports reveal US government employees must get a shot,
不然会被炒鱿鱼
or get shot of their jobs.
（布洛克斯法官 纽约市学校授权）
我要被终止雇佣关系了 这会是我最后一天上班
I'm going to be terminated. It's going to be my last day.
新闻台全是专家呼吁民众 重新佩戴口罩
News channels are filled with experts calling for a widespread return to masks.
如果你身处整个国家的核心区域
When you're in an area which is almost the entire country
那里有着高病毒载量 那你就应该佩戴口罩
in which there's a high degree of viral dynamics, you should wear a mask.
把口罩摘掉 -不再戴口罩！
Take that mask off. -No more masks!
这也是非专家在可预见的愤怒情况下
Which non-experts refused to take on the chin
拒绝戴到下巴上的东西
in predictably angry scenes.
一些新闻主播在反口罩问题上 充满挑衅
Some broadcasters are provocatively anti-mask.
下次你要是在人行道上或自行车道上
Next time you see someone in a mask on the sidewalk
看到有谁佩戴口罩 别犹豫
or on the bike path, do not hesitate.
用礼貌又坚定的语气对他们说 你能摘下口罩吗？
Ask politely, but firmly, "Would you please take off your mask?
科学证据表明根本没必要佩戴口罩
Science shows there is no reason for you to be wearing it.
你的口罩让我觉得不自在
Your mask is making me uncomfortable."
口罩就是死亡陷阱 尤其对儿童而言
Masks are death traps, especially for children.
孩子没办法透过口罩呼吸
Kids cannot breathe through masks.
所以好多孩子在万圣节那天死掉了
That's why so many children die on Halloween.
还有给撒旦的献祭
That, and ritual satanic sacrifice.
你有没有试过薅掉别人的口罩？
Have you ever tried to pull someone's mask off?
好吧 其实我要打断你一下
Okay, so, actually, I'm gonna stop you right there.
其实我很容易就被口罩感染 所以 我有权利不让自己的眼睛
I am mask-septic, actually, so I have a right to prevent my eyes
看到有辱我信念的口罩
from seeing images of masks that offend my faith.
你的口罩让我觉得不自在
Your mask makes me uncomfortable.
吃空气吧 大块头！
Eat air, sheeple!
干吗捂着脸
For your face.
这样不对！
Wrong!
你戴着口罩 一副自大的样子 当然说得轻松
It's easy for you to sit there in your mask, looking smug about it.
至少我假设你是自大的表情
At least I assume you're looking smug.
随着圣诞节的临近 一份没人想要的礼物上了紧急新闻
As Christmas approaches, urgent news of the gift no one wanted.
今天早上 国外又出现了一个 令人担忧的冠状病毒变异株
This morning, another worrying new COVID variant surging abroad.
一个传染性极高的变异株 奥密克戎
A highly contagious new variant, Omicron.
新出现的奥密克戎 是目前为止变异最严重的变异株
The new Omicron variant is the most heavily-mutated coronavirus so far.
它的突触蛋白上出现了30种变异
It has 30 mutations to its spike protein,
也就是说现有的疫苗可能不管用了
which means that current vaccines may not be as effective
你现在可以看到疯狂上涨的
and you could see an aggressive upward trend
病例、住院和死亡趋势
in cases, hospitalizations and deaths.
你们怎么不放背景音乐了？
Why have you not put any music on this?
你之前说… -不！
Well, you said that-- -No!
这一段要放音乐 那种欢快一点的
You should put some music on that bit. Something upbeat.
不然气氛会非常压抑
Otherwise it will be very depressing.
尽管新的危险来袭
Despite this new danger,
一些电视台主持人还在乐此不疲地 讲述危险的反讽话
some broadcasters still spout dangerous rhetoric.
去他的疫苗！去他的疫苗！
Fuck the vax! Fuck the vax!
感谢大家今晚收看节目
I want to thank you for watching tonight,
我想留给你们这个问题
and I want to leave you with this question.
如果口罩能保护我们 进化也如同自♥由♥派 坚称的那样真实存在
If masks protect us, and evolution is real as the liberals insist it is,
（他们为何要捂住你的嘴？）
那我们为何没进化出人皮口罩呢？
then why haven't we evolved skin masks? Huh?
我只是提出疑问
Just asking questions.
大家好好想想
Think about it. Think about it.
麦迪逊 可以聊聊你对冠状病毒 和疫苗的态度吗？
Madison, can we talk about your attitude towards COVID and vaccines?
你想聊这个话题吗？太无聊了
That's what you want to talk about? That's so boring.
你们不问一下我最亲密的朋友 凯尔里滕豪斯吗？
Aren't you going to ask me about my close friend Kyle Rittenhouse?
没有 因为你们自♥由♥派这次栽了 不是吗？呜呜 你真可怜
No, because you liberals lost that one, didn't you? Oh, boo-hoo. Poor you.
他是真正的明星 他应该灌张唱片 我会买♥♥的
He's a real star. He should make a record. I'd buy it.
重要不是说唱什么的
As long as it wasn't rap or something like that.
你会问我对普♥京♥的看法吗？
Are you going to ask me about Putin?
他用导弹炸毁了自己的卫星
He used a missile to blow up one of his own satellites,
这是在秀肌肉
and that's a show of strength.
这就好比一拳打在自己脸上 让别人看看有多厉害
That's like punching yourself in the face to show how strong you are.
普♥京♥就是这样的 人们需要一个彪悍的疯男人
And that's Putin for you. He's a strong man, madman.
我超爱他
I love him. I would.
肯定的 你们不想跟我聊聊 吉莱纳麦克斯维尔和安德鲁王子吗？
Don't you want to talk about Ghislaine Maxwell and Prince Andrew? Huh?
其实我不能聊这件事 万一我被传唤上庭当证人呢
Actually, I can't talk about that, in case I'm called as a witness.
我只是想知道你为何告诉观众
I just want to know,
不要接种疫苗或佩戴口罩？
why do you tell your viewers not to get vaccinated or wear masks?
我从未这么说过
Well, I never say that.
我只是提出疑问 -但这貌似很糟糕的商业模式
I'm just asking questions. -It seems quite a bad business model.
向观众提供错误的医疗建议 杀死他们
Killing off your audience by giving them incorrect health advice.
我觉得这其实 是一个令人耳目一新的激进立场
I would say it's a refreshing radical stance
它能不断地吸引新的观众
that continuously brings in new viewers
这样的话 观众数量总会维持在高位
so the audience figures remain about level.
这是一个精心计量过的平衡
It's a careful balance.
麦迪逊 你接种疫苗了吗？
Have you been vaccinated, Madison?
我说过不会聊这个话题
I told you, I wasn't gonna talk about that.
我怎么跟你说的？ 麦迪逊 你接种疫苗了吗？
What did I tell you? -Madison, have you been vaccinated?
我只想知道这一件事 -我怎么跟你说的？
That's all I want to know. -What did I tell you?
我支持你们电视台的企业政策
In line with your network's corporate policy…
你说什么？混♥蛋♥
Pardon me, asshole.
采访到此结束吧
I think that's the end of the interview.
再见 非常感谢 -我只是提出疑问
Goodbye. Thank you very much. -I'm just asking questions.
我跟你说过不许问我那个问题的
You told me, I told you to not ask me that question.
采访时间就是两个小时 你们是在浪费我的时间 我得走了
You've taken me two hours. You waste my time. I got to go.
滚出我的演播室 赶紧滚
Get out of my studio. Just get the fuck out!
嘿 你们不是想拍吗？
Hey, you want to get a little shot of this?
把这个传到你们的社交媒体上去吧 来拍老娘的马屁 宝贝
Get this for your social media. You kiss it, baby.
现在又是两类美国人局面
Here are the two Americas again,
双方都认为对方在通过口罩
each side believing the other side is trying to kill it or enslave it,
疫苗或投票杀死美国或束缚美国
whether it's masks, or vaccines, or votes.
他们不停地冲对方怒吼 被社交媒体和电视放大
They constantly yell at each other, amplified through social media and TV.
但我在想 如果双方在现实生活中
But I wonder, if these two sides actually sat down with each other
真的像人类那样坐下来促膝而谈
as human beings in real life and took time to listen to each other,
或许 只是或许
then maybe, just maybe,
这可能会引发激烈的斗殴
that could spark a fucking furious fistfight.
那岂不会很壮观？
Bam, bam, bam. Wouldn't that be a spectacle?
（黑人的命也是命 无政♥府♥主义者 拒绝被无视）
2021年结束时还是如同开始时那样 两极分化 四分五裂
We end the year as we began it, polarized and divided,
进步派对阵保守派 接种疫苗者对阵未接种疫苗者
progressives versus conservatives, vaxxed versus unvaxxed.
基♥督♥为王！
Christ is king!
科学对阵各种非科学 谬误
Science versus whatever the fucking mental opposite of fucking science is.
有人会认为我们卷入了文化战争
Some would say that we're in the storm of a culture war,
其他人会蛮横地否认
others violently disagree.
但希望还是有的
But there is some hope.
虽然还没有让一切恢复正常
While they may not have made everything normal again,
疫苗目前为止还是在新常态中 创造了常态主义
vaccines have given us the normalest of the new normals so far.
一个生活、学习 甚至再度去爱的机会
A chance to live, learn, and even love again.
杰玛 你的网络约会进展如何？
How did your Internet dating go, Gemma?
你是说杰夫吗？我们Zoom上聊得不错
Oh, Jeff? Well, we got on well on Zoom.
所以在公园里约了一次会 令人兴奋
And so we met for a date in a park. Exciting.
我正跟他说一半自己收集陶器猪的事
I was halfway through telling him about my collection of pottery pigs
他就收到短♥信♥说核酸检测呈阳性
when he got a text saying that he'd tested incredibly positive for COVID
不得不立刻被隔离
and had to go into isolation straight away.
自那之后 我就再也没有他的消息
Since then, I haven't heard anything from him.
没有短♥信♥ 没有邮件 什么都没有
No texts, no emails, nothing.
所以我可以假设他要么死了 要么在医院插着呼吸机呢
So, I can only assume he's either dead or in hospital on a ventilator.
我只想借此机会说
I just want to take this opportunity to say,
杰夫 如果你正插着管看这档节目
Jeff, if you're watching this with a tube down your throat,
拜托了 给我发条短♥信♥ 让我知道你还活着
please just send me a text to let me know that you're still alive.
我的手♥机♥今晚要更新系统
My operating system is gonna update tonight.
这是一件令人期待的事
Something to look forward to.
凯西 你从2021年中学到了什么？
What did you learn in 2021, Kathy?
我学到最主要的一件事