我的A级秘密

你好啊
Hey, there.
到档案室等我
有急事
茄子是性暗示
干嘛
What?
你干嘛站成那样
Why are you standing like that?
我要你看看我的身体
I want you to look at my body.
你是 你是起皮疹了还是
Do you have like a rash or something, or...
不 我没有
No, I don't have...
我想看上去更有吸引力一些
I wanna look attractive for you.
我 我还以为你说有急事
I, I thought there was some emergency.
确实有
There is.
我们好久没有说做就做了
We never make love spontaneously anymore.
我们 我们什么时候有过
When did, when did we ever?
我的天呐
Oh, my gosh!
来吧
Come on!
跟我做♥爱♥ 此时此地
Make love to me, right here, right now.
-你疯了吗 -没有
- Are you crazy? - No!
-别 艾玛 -好吧 也许我是疯了
- No, Emma! - Well, maybe I am crazy! Like...
爱难道不应该疯狂些吗
Isn't love supposed to make you a little bit crazy?
要疯狂也是留在周四疯狂吧 别 别这样
Uh, like, you know, take off on a Thursday crazy! Not, not this!
-艾玛 艾玛 艾玛 停 停 -怎么了
- Emma, Emma, Emma, stop. Stop. - What?
我真的很抱歉 我不是
I'm so sorry, I didn't...
嗯 我们还是不要再谈这件事了
Yeah. Let's just not talk about it.
我只是
I just...
我只是想找回些火花
I was just trying to get the spark back.
什么 什么 什么火花
What, what, what spark?
我的天呐
Oh, my god.
我可真傻
I've been so stupid.
对 可不是吗
Yeah. You think?
-在档案室做♥爱♥ -康纳 这样不行
- Sex in the archive room? - Connor, this isn't working out.
你想怎么样
What did you expect?
不 不是这件事 我是指所有的事
No. Not this, just everything.
我们之间
This, us.
我觉得我们 我们不能继续下去了
I don't think we're, we're working.
你在开玩笑 对吗
You're joking, right?
你是要和我分手吗
Are you breaking up with me?
是的
Yeah.
因为 就因为我 我不愿意和你
Because, because I, I wouldn't have sex with you
在档案室做♥爱♥
in the archive room?
不 不是因为这个 有很多原因
No, that's not why. It's a bunch of reasons.
我有着所有女人想要的一切
I'm everything a woman could want.
我愿意倾听 我愿意给你口♥交♥
I listen. I perform cunnilingus.
我为你打开了爵士乐的大门
I opened up your world to jazz.
我是个十分理想的对象 知道吗
I'm a catch, okay?
我知道 我很抱歉
I know, yeah. I'm really sorry.
两秒前
Two, two, two seconds ago...
我的小♥弟♥弟♥就在我工作的地方裸♥露♥着
my, my wiener was out in my place of business.
-好吧 我不知道 -可是你现在不想
-Well, I don't know... - And now you don't wanna be
-和我在一起了 -你在哪都裸♥露♥着
- with me. - You put your ass out
你的屁♥股♥ 那在这个空荡荡的档案室里
everywhere else, I don't know what the big deal
-做♥爱♥又能有什么大不了的 -不 不
- about doing it in the empty archive room. - No. No!
我只在家
I put my ass out in my home,
在健身房♥ 在医生那儿
at the gym, at the doctor's,
在某些瑜伽课上裸♥露♥着屁♥股♥
and at a certain yoga class that I take
那些是特定的场所 是受欢迎且被支持的
that is very specific, welcoming, and supportive.
这还不够多吗 康纳
That's too many places, Connor!
♪ 你只会打给我 ♪
♪ You only call me ♪
如果你们表现得像完美一对的时间足够久
If you would have acted like the perfect couple for long enough,
你们就会变成完美的一对
you would've become the perfect couple.
对 但是我们不会幸福
Yeah. But we wouldn't have been happy.
但是你们会成为完美的一对
You would've been the perfect couple.
那样就算幸福了
That is happy.
所有人都假装和别人在恋爱
Everyone pretends in a relationship.
嗯 或许他们不应该这样
Well, maybe they shouldn't.
你逗我吗
Are you joking?
坦诚相待也没那么好
Being honest is so overrated.
我的父母结婚30年了
My parents have been married over 30 years
我爸还以为我妈的一头金发是天生的呢
and my dad still thinks my mom is a natural blonde.
她可是亚裔
And she's Asian.
太令人伤心了
That's so sad.
不是因为她是亚裔
Not that she's Asian.
所有的关系都应该建立在坦诚的基础上
Relationships should be based on truth.
-对 -还有信任
- Yeah. - And trust.
我放弃了
I give up.
我要去参加迎婴派对了
I'm going to a baby shower.
我真不敢相信 但我后来发现
I really can't believe it, but it turns out
那些摔跤运动员 实际上全在演戏
that those wrestlers, they're actors,
而且他们其实并没有互相打斗
and that they're not actually fighting each other.
我已经观察这个
Yeah, I'd been watching it
-好几年了 -嘿 尼克
- for years at that point. - Hey, Nick!
怎么了
Yeah?
嗨
Hi.
嗨
Hi.
熊猫小食是你的单子 对吧
Panda Bites is your account, right?
在它被砍掉之前都是的
Till they get the boot.
好的 在那之前 我能不能申请
Right, well until then, can I just have,
一点点营销预算
like, a tiny little bit of the marketing budget
在杂♥志♥上投放二合一广♥告♥
to put a two-for-one ad in a magazine?
在哪
Where?
《保龄球月刊》
... Bowling Monthly.
我想验证个理论
I have a theory to test.
听着 我觉得我们的目标人群有误
Look, I think that we've been targeting the wrong demo.
就像我给你们说的
Like, I'm telling you,
我爷爷和他的朋友
my grandpa and his friends,
他们对熊猫小食很痴迷
they're obsessed with Panda Bites.
有些人
Somebody's obsessed
对他们的爷爷很痴迷
with their grandpa.
我走了
I'm going.
尼克 求你了
Nick, please.
我不知道
I don't know.
我保证不会告诉任何人
I won't tell anyone what happened
查克的退休派对上发生了什么
at Chuck's retirement party.
好吧
Fine.
谢谢你 太感谢你了
Thank you. Thank you so much.
谢谢你
Thank you.
科里根
Corrigan!
杰克·哈珀的助理打电♥话♥说
Jack Harper's assistant called,
要你把利奥波德的文件带到办公室去
wants you to bring the Leopold file to his office.
好吧 伙计们 我得说
Uh, yeah, guys, I'm gonna say
这件事你们有点偏离目标了
that you're way off base on this one.
简 我要把这件事交给你
Jan, I'm gonna go and hand this over to you.
-好的 -谢谢你
- Okay. - Thank you.
-进来吧 -好的
- Hey, uh, come in. - Yeah.
你看这个像什么
What does this look like to you?
这个
That.
熊猫和一只 蟑螂
Panda and a... cockroach?
其实 这是卵巢和一对熊猫眼
It's actually... ovaries with some panda eyes.
-所以 嗯 -好的
- So, yeah. - Okay.
你会买♥♥这样一款产品吗
Would you buy this...
如果产品上印着这个的话
if it was on a product of some kind?
这是用于卵巢的什么产品吗
Is it a product for my ovaries?
不 不是
No, it's not.
不会
No.
不会 回答正确 回答正确
No. That's the right answer. That's the right answer, yeah.
这糟糕透了
It's terrible.
-总之 嗨 -嗨
- Anyway. Hi. - Hi.
我给你带来了利奥波德的文件
Um, I brought you the, the Leopold file.
你还真的做了个利奥波德的文件啊
You made an actual Leopold file.
嗯
Yeah.
我不想 如果我把它掉在地上
Well, I didn't want... if I dropped it,
我不想让人看到这里其实什么也没有