男人众生相（2009）

对丑陋人物的简访
那么...
So...
14号♥对象
我的这个怪癖
I have this thing.
是...
It's a-
就是...
well, it's this-
毁了我的所有男女关系
Well, it's cost me every sexual relationship I ever had.
我找不到原因
And I don't know why I do it.
我不热衷于政♥治♥
It's-I'm not a political person.
我自己没觉着
I don't consider myself.
我是说 我不是那种美国至上
I mean, I'm not one of these "America first,"
随时关注报纸
read-the-newspaper,
关注希拉里是否获得支持的那种人
will-Hillary-get-the-nod people.
我在做♥爱♥的时候 不管是跟谁
I'll be doing it with some girl. It doesn't matter who.
在我达到高♥潮♥时就会发作
It's when I start to climax that it happens.
我不是民♥主♥党人
I'm not a democrat.
我都不投票
I don't even vote.
有一次我吓坏了 就打电♥话♥给电台
I freaked out about it once, and I called a radio show,
匿名咨♥询♥电台医生
a doctor on the radio, anonymously.
他诊断为
And he diagnosed it as
无法自♥制♥ 不自主喊叫
the uncontrolled yelling
字词 短句
of involuntary words or phrases,
经常是冒犯性或龌龊的
frequently insulting or scatological.
学名是秽语症
"Coprolalia" is the official term.
那你说的是什么
What is it that you say?
民♥主♥自♥由♥力量的胜利
"Victory for the forces of democratic freedom."
只是更大声 就是 真的喊叫
Only way louder, as in, really shouting it.
民♥主♥自♥由♥力量的胜利
"Victory for the forces of democratic freedom!"
只是比更大声
Only louder than that.
如果不是他妈的这么怪异
It wouldn't be so embarrassing
如果我能弄清楚原因
if it weren't so totally fucking weird,
就不会这么尴尬了
if I had any clue what it was about.
你明白吗
You know?
没想到会在这里见到你
Well, I'm very surprised to see you here.
我是说
Well yeah, I mean, your-
你似乎很少出席这些学术活动
your record on attending these academic events has been somewhat spotty.
我知道 抱歉
I know. I'm sorry.
我刚修改完那些论文
I was just finishing upgrading those papers.
我明天该交给你的
I should have them to you tomorrow.
对 你怎么样
Yeah, and you?
明天能在班上看见你吗
Will we have you in class tomorrow?
能
Yes.
还有 教授 我知道我有点分心
And, professor, I know I've been a little distracted,
我很抱歉
and I'm sorry.
听着 我知道你对这些活动
Look, I know you're allergic to these events,
派对或什么的很反感
these parties and whatnot.
但信不信由你 我是真的很期待它们
But believe it or not, I actually look forward to them.
也许我们什么时候能谈谈这个问题
Now, I think we can talk about this at some other time,
你需要给自己放个假
and you need to give yourself a break.
好吗
All right?
听着 只要你出门了
And look, as long as you're out,
说不定也会度过一段美妙时光
you might as well have a good time.
很不错吧
Pretty nice, huh?
-什么 -很不错吧
- What's that? - Pretty nice?
对 棒极了
Yeah, glamorous.
你一整天都在做这个吗
You been doing this all day?
对 在你之前我已经采访了一些人
Yeah, a few people before you.
介意我打开这个吗
Do you mind if I turn this on?
不会
No.
好的 谢谢
Great. Thanks.
没事
Sure.
有时就像 我觉得
Sometimes it's like, I think,
如果我不行怎么办
"Hey, what if I can't?"
然后我就想 妈的 别这么想
and then I think, "oh, shit, don't think that,"
因为怎么想就会怎么发生
you know, 'cause thinking can make it happen.
不是经常发生 但我还是觉得害怕
Not that it happens that often, but I get scared about it.
我们都会
We all do.
任何人说你与众不同都是满口屁话
Anybody tells you different is full of shit.
你可以告诉他们是我说的
You can tell 'em I said so.
51号♥对象
就像 我总是觉得
It's like, I always think, you know,
如果不是她 我根本就不会担心
"I wouldn't even be worried about it if she wasn't here."
她好像在期待着什么
It's like she's expecting something.
就是如果她没有躺在那 期待着
You know, that if she wasn't lying there, expecting it,
思索着 就像 评估着
wondering, like, evaluating,
我就不会有那种感觉了
It wouldn't even occur to me.
她那样惹得我非常生气
You know, and then I get kind of pissed off.
我气得要命
I get so pissed off,
我也不在乎了 行还是不行
I don't give a shit anymore, "can I, or can I not?"
我就想让她看看
I just want to show her up.
然后就像 好吧
You know, and then it's like, "all right.
你自找的
You asked for it.
我们来吧 婊♥子♥
Here we go, bitch.
我们开始吧
Here we go!"
如今女人想要什么
What does today's woman want?
那才是最大的问题
That's the big one.
我完全同意
I totally agree.
这是 你把它叫做什么
It's the-what do you call-
或者换种说法
or put another way,
如今女人认为她们自己想要什么
What do today's women think they want,
对比于 她们内心深处真正渴望什么
versus what do they really deep-down want?
这么说如何
How about this?
你认为她们从一个男性身上
What do they think they're supposed to want?
应该索要什么
From a male.
从一个男人
From a guy.
无论是否听起来太粗鲁
Whether it sounds neanderthal or not,
我都要证明这才是最大的问题
I'm still gonna argue it's the big one,
因为一切都变得一团糟了
because the whole question's become such a mess.
洗手间
看来有人要补充燃料了
Looks like someone needs to refuel.
好啊 杰夫
Hey, Jeff.
不 谢谢
No, thank you.
洗手间前的队伍总是看不到头
These bathroom waits can sometimes take forever,
所以不如尽情喝
so it's best to hydrate.
我不是说一定要一醉方休
Well it's not that wine rehydrates.
更像
It's more-
你明白了
You get it.
19号♥对象
那么 你好吗
So how are you?
我很好
I'm doing really well.
谢谢
Thank you.
真好 因为我听说 我是说 那太棒了
Good, because I heard- I mean, but that's great.
我是说 真的
I mean, that's really-
真的很棒
that's really great.
我们大一的时候我差点要约你
You know, I almost asked you out our first year.
你在开玩笑吧
You're kidding.
是真的
It's true.
我应该约的
I should have.
对吗
Right?
我只是胆子太小了
I was just too intimidated.
为什么
Why is that?
为什么吗
Why?
为什么
Why?
不只是因为你很美
Well, it's not just that you're beautiful.
我是说 你是很美
I mean, but you are.
只是 你真的太聪明了
It's just, you're so darn smart.
没错
There.
就这个原因
That's why.
长得好看的人多如牛毛
Beautiful people are a dime a dozen.
不是说 我们面对现实
And not- hey, let's face it,
不论男女都鲜有真正聪明的人
genuinely smart people are rare of either sex.
你知道的
You know that.
但对我来说 我觉得 对于我