比尔和泰德畅游鬼门关（1991）

对你们四个而言都不算晚
For all four of you.
有刚做好的软糖呢
Fresh fudge.
你好 小奥
Hi, Oatsie.
亲爱的
Darling.
-你们好啊 -你好 米茜
- Hi, guys. - Hi, Missy.
你好 米茜 我是说妈
Hey, Missy. I mean, Mom.
我简直不敢相信米茜和你♥爸♥离婚
I can't believe Missy divorced your dad...
然后嫁给了我爸
...and married mine.
泰德 闭嘴
Shut up, Ted.
-你♥爸♥看上去很糟 -我知道
- Your dad looks bad. - I know.
然后呢
What's next?
-可能她会嫁给你 -那你就是你自己的继父
- Maybe she'll marry you. - Yeah, then you'll be your own stepdad.
你们可能注意到我们还没给你们礼物
You probably noticed we haven't given you our gifts yet.
那是因为
That's because...
那是因为我们想说
That's because we wanted to say was...
老弟 失陪
Excuse us, dude.
我自己写的
I wrote this myseIf.
我昨晚写的
I wrote this last night.
"伊丽莎白
"Elizabeth..."
"乔安娜
"Joanna...
我独自走过这黑暗的生命之林
as I wander through this dark and Ionely forest of life...
林中猛兽迭出
...surrounded by various beasts...
有熊 毒蛇 还有松鼠"
...bears, vipers, squirreIs..."
"更别提那藤壶和海藻"
"Not to mention barnacles and algae..."
"僧帽水母 海星 河豚 还有鲶鱼"
"...man-of-wars, starfish, blowfish, catfish..."
错了 鲶鱼是淡水生物
Oh, no, that's freshwater.
重点是 我知道我们向你承诺过更好的生活
The point is, I know we promised you a better life than this.
我想说的是
What I mean to say is,
我意识到 我们将你们从英国带走时
I realize when we took you out of England...
说过未来可期
we said the future held some really good stuff.
虽然未来并没有我们所期待的那样美好
Although stuff hasn't worked out how we thought...
不过我们希望 总有一天能变好
it will, we hope.
后天 如果一切如我们所愿
The day after tomorrow, if things work out...
我想说的是...
What this is about is...
-你们愿意... -嫁给我们吗
- Will you...? - Marry us?
-西奥多... -我愿意
- Theodore... - I'd love to.
对准那只猫 老兄 对准那只猫
Aim for the cat, dude, aim for the cat!
我在努力了 邪恶泰德 很努力了
I'm trying, Evil Ted! I'm trying!
就差一点
Aw, just missed!
-不算糟嘛 -的确 我们开始破坏吧
- Not bad. - Yeah, let's make it bad.
老兄 我们到了
We're here, dude.
鲁弗斯和你们在一起吗
Is Rufus with you?
稍等
One second.
哥们 我们好像在时光电路里把他甩掉了
Looks like we lost him in the circuits of time, duder.
好极了 那他就永远消失了
Good. Then he's gone forever.
我们计划的第一步
Our first act of business:
毁了那只可笑又乏味的乐队
Destroy that ridiculous, insipid band!
没问题 老兄
You got it, dude!
开工吧
Get to work.
好了
Now!
好好研究这些书
Study these books well.
我的任务完成之时
When my mission is completed...
这会成为新的历史
this will be the new history.
真是个傻帽
What a shithead.
-拜 -拜
- Bye! - Bye!
开车当心
Drive safe!
-老兄 -干嘛
- Dude. - What?
你说我们结婚后 公主会留在我们身边吗
I wonder if after we're married, princesses will stay over with us?
-当然 -我们的女朋友最洁身自好了
- Yeah. - Our girIfriends are most chaste.
-至少她们没和我们老爸约会 -说得对 老兄
- At least they're not dating our dads. - Good point, dude.
-谁啊 -你好 比尔 我是乔安娜
- Hello? - Hello, Bill. This is Joanna.
乔安娜 你怎么这么快就打来了
Hey Joanna! How'd you call so fast?
这不重要 重要的是
It's not important. This is:
伊丽莎白和我聊过了
Elizabeth and I have spoken and
我们决定要退出怀尔德-史泰林
we've decided we're quitting Wyld Stallyns.
什么
What?
-没错 -为什么
- Yes! - Why?
我们觉得你们是废柴
We think you're losers
再也不想见到你们了
and we don't want to see you again.
不是吧
No way!
我们要独自前往沙漠
We're going to the desert to be alone.
-可是 -结束了 再也不见
- But - It's over. Goodbye.
彻底骗到那俩傻冒了
I totally fooled thoes other usses.
是啊 他们真棒
Yeah, they're completely brilliant.
才怪
Not!
-我们离开这里进入第二阶段吧 -基站
- Let's ditch the booth and start phase two. - Station.
这些宝石价值连城
An incredible fortune in stones.
可我愿意用所有宝石换取一把手持移相器
Yet I'd trade them all for a hand phaser.
或一个美味的俱乐部三明治
Or a good solid club.
也许我们该早点向她们求婚
Maybe we should've proposed to them sooner.
怎么可能 泰德
How could we, Ted?
我们连自己的公♥寓♥都快供不起了
We could barely afford our own apartment.
这真是最最可悲的事
This is most non-non-heinous.
-我们该怎么办 -我们得找到她们
- What are we gonna do? - We gotta find them.
和她们谈谈
Talk to them.
怎么找
But how?
会是谁呢
Wonder who that could be?
怎么样啊 比尔和泰德
How's it going, Bill and Ted?
泰德 我们又来了
Ted, it's us again.
-比尔 最近如何 -还不错 比尔 你呢
- How's it going, Bill? - Not bad, Bill. And you?
糟透了
Bad.
我们是来解救你们脱离苦海的
We came to help you guys in your most unfortunate situation.
怎么解救
How?
跟我们走 就知道了
Come with us. We'll show you.
好吧
Ok.
失陪 老兄
Excuse us. Dude.
-我有种不祥的预感 -为什么
- I got a weird feeling here. - Why?
说不上来
I don't know.
我们怎么确定他们真的是我们
How do we know these guys are really us?
泰德 我们已经经历过一次了
Ted, we've been through this before.
要不是之前我们自己的干预
If it wasn't for the previous intervention of our future selves...
我们可能穿越历史吗 可能遇到挚爱吗
would we've even passed history? Or met the babes?
可能经历史上最劲爆的历险吗
Or had a most excellent adventure through time?
好吧
Ok.
泰德 如果你真的是我
Ted, if you're really me,
我接下来会伸出几根手指
how many fingers am I about to hold up?
三根
Three.
你答对了
You're right!
出发吧 老兄 我们开车
Let's go, guys. We'll drive.
-泰德 -干嘛
- Ted. - What?
我有预感 我们即将踏上
I have a feeling we're about to embark upon
一次史无前例的探险之旅
a most unprecedented expedition.
-老兄 -干嘛
- Dude. - What?
我的机器老二性奋了
I got a full-on robot chubby.
之后再说 邪恶泰德
Later, Evil Ted.
之后再说
Later.
我好冷
I'm cold.
老兄 能不能开下后面的暖气
Dudes can we have some heat back here?
闭嘴 比尔
Shut up, Bill.
另一个你可真混♥蛋♥
That other you's a real jerk.
是啊
Yeah.
我变成他之前 我是出了名的
I get a rumor to be more considerate towards myseIf
体贴关心自己
when I become him.
他说 闭上你的臭嘴
He said, shut your holes!
老兄 我有种很糟的预感
Dude, I got a very bad feeling.
出去
Out.
所以 乔安娜和伊丽莎白在哪里
So, where are Joanna and Elizabeth?
她们不在这里
They're not here.
我们骗了你们的 真♥相♥是
We lied. Here's the truth,
我们现在要杀了你们
we're totally gonna kill you now.