恶搞之路

我们来自同一个地方
I'm from where you from.
不 你不知道我从哪里来
No, you ain't from where I'm from!
-我来自这片街区 -这样不值得 宝贝
- I'm from these streets! - It ain't worth it, baby.
如果你是这里的人 你就不应该这样做
If you was from the street, you wouldn't be doing that.
-我不知道说什么了 -救我 救命
- I don't know how to talk. - Help! Help!
这里的人是不会把人挂在屋顶上的
People from the street don't hang people from roofs.
还有没有人能来帮忙劝一劝
Can somebody else chime in too and give advice?
别这样
Don't let it happen.
我知道你有孩子 你的家人都很爱你
I know you got children. You got family that love you.
-我没有孩子 -救命
- I ain't got no goddamn kids. - Help!
但你一定有爱你的家人
You got a family that loves you, though.
我的家人不爱我 他们偷我东西
My family don't love me. My family stole my shit.
有人爱你
There's somebody that loves you.
你最好为这个黑鬼祈祷
You better pray for this nigga,
因为我要把他扔下去了
because I'm about to drop his ass.
主啊 帮助我们 现在请帮助我们
Lord, help us. Help us right now.
主啊 请帮助我们 耶稣 求您帮助
Lord, help us, please. Jesus, help us.
不 不要
No, no, no.
亲爱的 不要这样 求你
Don't, baby. Please.
放开他
Put him down!
巴德 是你吗
Bud, is that you?
是我 兄弟
Yeah. It's me, friend.
特里娜 听我的 我说了放开他
Trina, you heard me. I said put him down!
什么 你♥他♥妈♥跟我说什么
What? What the fuck did you just say to me?
你听见了
You heard me.
先杀了我吧 特里娜
Kill me first, Trina.
巴德是我的兄弟
Bud's my brother.
我不想看着他死
I don't wanna see him die.
感谢主
Lord Jesus.
怎么 今天有种了
What? You got some courage today?
你会看到一个崭新的巴德·马龙
You're looking at a new Bud Malone.
对的 这次旅程让我更勇敢
That's right. This trip made me better!
巴德·马龙不再胆小了
Bud Malone ain't scared of shit no more!
你闻起来就像一坨屎
Well, you smell like shit!
可能是吧
That may be true.
很多原因
And for a lot of reasons
我现在不想说
I don't feel like fucking talking about now.
该死的 我已经不害怕你了
But God damn it, I'm not scared of you.
你以为你在跟谁说话
Fuck you think you talking to, huh?
你今天必须死
You gonna die today.
去跟奶奶问好吧 狗♥日♥的♥
Go and say hi to Grandma, motherfucker.
我会活下来
I'm gonna live!
你霸凌我 你欺负我
You've bullied me, you've picked on me,
而我受够了
and I'm done with it.
今天可能是你跟奶奶说你好而不是我
You might be saying hi to Grandma and not me.
-你说什么 -就是这样
- What? - That's right.
你觉得你能杀了我吗
You think you gonna fuck me up?
我会尽力
I'mma try!
-真的吗 软蛋 -真的
- Really, bitch? - Really!
-好吧 -好吧
- Okay, then. - Okay, then.
来吧
Let's go.
抱一个 小黑人 我为你骄傲
Give me some, little nigga. I'm so proud of you.
我为你骄傲
I'm proud of you.
这么多年来你一直表现得像个软蛋
You've been acting like a bitch for years!
你终于勇敢地挺身而出了
You finally stood up for yourself.
我知道我对你很苛刻 我希望你成长
I know that I was hard on you, growing you up.
你知道我在说什么吗
You know what I'm saying?
对我来说让你成长太难了
It was hard for me to grow you.
这只是因为
But that's only because
我不想让你变成废物
I didn't want you to be no punk, man.
看看你
Look at you.
你做到了
It fucking worked.
我也觉得是
I guess it did.
看看我 我是一个硬汉
Look at me. I'm a tough guy.
-你是一个硬汉 -我反抗过你
- You're a tough guy. - I stood up to you.
-你知道吗 -是的 你反抗了我
- You know what I mean? - Yeah, you stood up to me.
-太疯狂了 -我原谅你 弟弟
- That's crazy. - And I forgive you, man.
-谢谢 -我原谅你
- Thank you. - I forgive you.
我没想过你会这样 你知道吗
I didn't think you would. You know what I mean?
这又是干嘛
What the hell was that for?
你还是偷了我的车
You did steal my car.
好吧 讲得通
Yeah, that's fair.
好了 弟弟
All right, bro.
我为你骄傲
I'm proud of you, man.
我真的很骄傲
I'm real proud of you.
我会在风中跟着你 小黑人
I'll catch you in the wind, nigga.
我还没准备好
我正准备吃饭
I was ready to eat.
我还没准备好
在《王牌对王牌》里当个塞缪尔·杰克逊
嗨 玛丽亚
Hey, Maria.
我事后才意识到这真的很疯狂
I realize in hindsight this was all a little crazy.
我很沮丧
And I was bummed out
因为我以为我们会是灵魂伴侣
because I thought we were soul mates.
但事实证明我确实有了灵魂伴侣
But it turns out that I do have a soul mate.
我的好友 巴德
My best friend, Bud.
我是说 这家伙救了我的命
I mean, the guy saved my life.
无论如何 我仔细考虑了
So, anyway, I mulled it over...
滚出去
Get the fuck out of here!
滚
Get out!
看看我的展馆 看看你做的事
Look at my gallery! Look at what you did!
-混♥蛋♥ -快走 快走
- Assholes! - Let's go, let's go.
-从这里滚出去 -快走 快点 快点
- Get the fuck out of here! - Let's go, let's go, let's go.
-立刻 -很高兴认识你
- Now! - Nice to meet you.
-好的 好的 -我是巴德
- Yeah. Okay. - I'm Bud.
-滚出去 -我去 好的马上
- Get the fuck out! - Shit. All right.
会好的
It's okay.
谢谢
Thank you.
哭出来吧 这样会好一些
哭出来 会好的
你哭出来就会觉得舒服些了
我想谢谢你带我来了这次旅行
I wanna thank you for bringing me on this trip.
兄弟 我有好多事想做 我想做件大事
Bruh, I'm about to do so much. I'm about to do it big now.
你知道我的意思吗 我要穿好一点
You know what I mean? I'ma dress better.
不能再穿这种肥牛仔裤了
Can't keep wearing these big-ass jeans no more.
巴德 我很亏欠你
Bud, I owe you, man.
说实话 你为我做了很多
No, honestly, you do so much for me.
现在是我回报你的时候了
It's time I do something nice for you.
我想我找到了一个方法
And I think I figured out a way
可以让你梦想成真
to finally make your dreams come true.
纽约 汉普顿斯
第五届
保护濒危动物
年度舞会
太难以置信了 伙计 太棒了
I can't believe this, man. This is great.
我的梦想终于实现了
My dream finally came true.
这样行吗
Is this gonna work though?
到目前为止一切顺利
I think. So far, so good.
我要怎么做 我应该
What do I do? Should I just...
我们只要享受就好了
We just gotta have fun.
-要融入 -好的 好的
- Blend in. - Okay, okay.
如果看可以的话改变一下你的声调
And change your voice a bit if you can.
-好 -来吧
- Okay. - Wow, let's do it.
我得转变为白人思维
I'm gonna think white thoughts.
-白人思维 -白人思维
- Think white thoughts. - Think white thoughts.
白人思维
Think white thoughts.
我一会要去练瑜伽和打高尔夫球
Uh... I'm going to yoga and golf later.
我要去见梅根·凯莉
And I'm gonna go see Megyn Kelly,
然后做一场演讲
uh, do a TED Talk later.
-很酷 -厉害
- Cool. - Great.
-最近怎么样 -挺好 你呢
- How you doing? - Good. How are you?
我刚做了唇部手术
I just got my lips done.
我觉得你今晚很好看
I think you look beautiful tonight.
请问道·琼斯在吗
You know if Dow Jones is here?
你要吃去拿自己的 好吗
来吃个交杯虾吧