恶搞之路

♪ 我在洗车 ♪
I'm washing cars
洗车店纯手洗包含内部清洁
干洗
洗车 洗车
Washing a car Washing a car
该死
Dang it.
嘿 最近好吗 哥们
Hey. What's up, man?
很好 你呢
-很好 这是你的宝马吗 -是的
- Good. Is this your Bimmer? - Yeah.
我快完工了 就剩下内部的清扫了
Okay, cool. I'm almost done. I just gotta do the interior.
-我是克里斯 -基思
- I'm Chris, by the way. - Keith.
基思 很开心见到你 基思
Keith. Nice to meet you, Keith.
危险
禁止入内
我大概还要5分钟
Be like, five minutes.
-你做得很好 我不急 你慢慢来 -行
- You good. Take your time. - Yeah.
-哥们 你哪人 -阿♥拉♥巴马州伯明翰市
- Where you from, man? - Birmingham, Alabama.
伯明翰呀 真不错
Birmingham. Whoa, okay.
我是佛罗里达人
I'm a Florida guy.
在那出生 在那长大
Born and raised.
现在就想努力一点 做好本职工作
Just trying to hustle, do my thing, you know.
对 我也差不多
Yeah, same here.
好事多磨 对吧
You gotta fake it till you make it, right?
就是这个理
That's it!
我就是这个意思
That's what I'm talking about.
你也知道怎么回事
You know what's up.
对 就是这样
Okay. Right on. Cool.
我认识一个家伙 他有个
I knew a guy that, like, got a, uh...
操
Shit!
那是我高中时的梦中情人
That was my high school crush.
-是吗 -我敢发誓
- Huh? - I swear to God,
从高中开始 我就一直暗恋她
that's my crush from high school.
-真的吗 -真的
- For real? - Yeah, yeah.
她就是我一直想要的女人
That's my real lady.
是吗
For real?
但好久没见她了 我感觉
I haven't seen her in forever, man. I'm like...
总之 我太激动了 我在颤抖
All right. Yeah. I'm shaking. Yeah, dude.
我刚刚都说不出话了
That's why I got quiet.
我许诺过 下次再见到她
'Cause I promised myself next time I saw her,
一定把她给约出来
I was gonna ask her out.
但是之后我就没见过她了
But I haven't seen her in forever.
-我不知道 她还记得我吗 -哥们
- I don't even know if she remembers me. - Oh, man.
你就是害羞而已
Shoot, you're just shy.
-你觉得我害羞 -对
- You think so? - Yeah.
可能我看起来就像是一个没用的蠢货
I look like a schlub, though.
不 你很好 哥们
Nah, you look good, man.
你真这样想
You think so?
至少你肯定能说得出 "嘿 你好吗"
The least you could do is just... "Hey, how you doing?
"你还记得我吗" 这样的话
"You remember me?"
是的 是的 对
Yeah Yeah, yeah. Okay.
好了
All right. Cool.
我现在用吸尘器清扫一下你的车
Let me get to vacuum your car now
然后你就可以开着它离开了
and then I'll get you out of here. Yeah, yeah.
你能在吸尘器上
Can you just hit that "on" switch
帮我按一下"开"这个按钮吗 谢了
on the vacuum for me? Thanks, man.
-是这个钮吗 -是的 谢谢了 哥们
- Right here? - Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man.
这儿有好多家伙想要
Yeah, there's probably so many other guys that wanna...
靠
Shit.
噢 靠
Oh, shit.
靠
Shit!
靠 靠 靠 这他妈的怎么回事
Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit! What the fuck?
不 不 不
No, no, no.
天哪 快把它关了
Oh, my God! Turn it off.
你按了什么
What did you press?
快关了 他妈的怎么回事
Turn it off! What the fuck?
我肯定又要被解雇了
I'm gonna get fired again.
-天哪 -把你的夹克借我用用
- Oh, shit. - Give me your jacket.
夹克 夹克 夹克
Jacket, jacket, jacket, jacket.
谢谢你 哥们 我靠 怎么回事
Thanks, man. Holy fuck. Why, why, why?
-你做了什么 -我只是按了一下"开"
- What did you do? - I just pressed "on".
靠
Shit.
那是玛丽亚.
Oh, now, that's Maria.
那是玛丽亚 天哪
That's Maria. Holy shit.
-你好 打扰一下 -天哪
- Hey, excuse me, sir. - Oh, God.
你好
Hi. Hey. Hi.
请问内部清理需要多长时间
Um, do you know how long an interior detail takes?
我有点赶时间
I'm a little bit in a rush.
我想知道这要花多长时间
I just wanna know how long it's gonna take.
我不是很清楚
Um, I'm not sure.
别让她走了 别让她走了
Don't let her leave. Don't let her leave.
好
Okay.
我还是去另一家洗车店好了
I'm just gonna go to another car wash.
-等等 基思 -好了 谢谢
- Wait, wait. Keith! - Okay, thank you.
-好了 谢谢 -向她要电♥话♥号♥码
- Okay. Thanks. - Get her number.
向她要电♥话♥号♥码 向她要电♥话♥号♥码
Get her number. Get her number.
-等一下 -怎么了
- Excuse me. - Yeah?
我能帮别人向你要一下电♥话♥号♥码吗
Can I get your number to have somebody call you?
我的手♥机♥号♥ 不行
My number? No. Uh...
总之 谢谢了 谢谢
Thank you, though. I'm... I'm good. Thanks.
妈呀
哥们 刚刚究竟是怎么回事
Hey, dude, what the fuck just happened?
她走了
She's left, dude?
靠
Fuck.
我就差那么一点儿
I was so close, though.
-不 你可不是差一点的事 -该死的
- No, you weren't. - Damn it.
电脑维修
转手
旧笔记本
巴德 你肯定猜不到
Bud, you will never guess
刚刚我在洗车店碰到了谁
who I just ran into at the car wash.
一定让你大吃一惊 我们见面说
It was crazy. Let's hang out.
好了 我这儿有个顾客
Okay, cool. I got a customer.
等下再和你联♥系♥
I'll see you after work.
光盘转换器 热销
好的 兄弟 待会见
All right, bro. I'll talk to you soon.
你好 有什么能为你服务的吗
Hi. How can I help you?
退货
将支付
10%的
费用
我们将维护
每个人的权利
拒绝区别对待
偷窃将被起诉
出♥售♥
电子游戏
我手♥机♥摔坏了
I broke this.
DVD买♥♥2送1
你可以帮我把它修好吗
Is there any way you could possibly fix it?
我不知道是不是完全摔坏了 但是
I don't know if it's ruined completely, but...
我修一下试试看
I think there's something we can actually do.
还好现在我不是很忙
Luckily, we're not as busy...
你一般都比较忙是吗
Yeah. Are you normally pretty busy?
是的 不知道怎么回事
Yeah. For some reason
人们老是把手♥机♥搞坏
everybody's breaking their phone.
能报一下你的个人信息吗
Can I get your information?
坏婊♥子♥
-0 5 7 -你好啊 老弟
- 0-5-7... - What up, bro?
你好啊 特里娜 最近怎么样
What up... What up, Trina? What's up?
不怎么样
Nothing much.
-你最近好吗 -很好 你呢
- How you doing? - Hi. How are you?
我很好 我很好
Good, good, good.
你看到那辆车了吗
Y'all see that car right there?
那是你的
That's yours?
没错 停在那的就是我的臭婊♥子♥
Yeah, that's my Bad Bitch right there.
每当看到它 我都觉得通体舒畅
When you see it, it make everything okay.
就像喝了通便药疏通了肠道一样
'Cause it's kinda like Pepto-Bismol.
懂了吧 它能使不适烟消云散
There you go. There you go. It fixes everything.
我喝通便药就喜欢
I like to drink Pepto-Bismol
往里面兑点白兰地
with a little bit of Hennessy in it.
-真的吗 -对啊 好喝
- Really? - Yeah, it's good.
你要什么
What you need?