美国颂歌（2008）

1 2 3
[音乐 Sweet Home Alabama]
片名 美♥利♥坚♥颂歌♥
爷爷!
Hi, Grandpa!
爷爷 往这里扔!
-Ahh! -Grandpa, over here!
爷爷!
-Hey, hey, hey! -Grandpa!
大家一起来 独♥立♥日快乐!
Everybody now, happy Fourth of July!
谢谢爷爷!
Thanks, Grandpa!
吃吧 孩子
That's it, go ahead, kids.
这些是我亲自做的哦!
Dig in. I made 'em myself.
好极了 蒂米 味道如何啊?
Pretty good. How's that taste there, Timmy?
我现在其实是不饿的
Uh, I'm not really hungry right now.
为什么不给我们讲个故事呢?
Why don't you tell us a story?
给我们讲讲您那些精彩的故事吧
Yeah! One of your great stories!
对啊 讲讲故事
Yeah, one of your stories!
好吧 要不就讲那个你们都很喜欢的故事
All right, how about the one that you kids always love?
-斯克鲁奇的故事怎么样? -那个老吝啬鬼?!
-The, uh... the story of Scrooge. -Scrooge?!
-那个痛恨圣诞节的人吗? -没意思
-The guy who hated Christmas? -That's dumb.
差不多吧
Well, uh, sort of
但这故事里的斯克鲁奇痛恨的是美国独♥立♥日(7月4日)
but this Scrooge hated the Fourth of July.
他为什么痛恨独♥立♥日啊?
Why does he hate the Fourth of July?
说来话长 这个故事开始于阿富汗
Well, uh, the story begins high on a mountaintop,
偏远处的一个山顶上
far away in Afghanistan.
-穆♥罕♥默♥德♥? -长官 什么指示
-Mohammed? -Yes, sir?
嘘! 小声点!
Quiet! Calm down!
-长官 他们都叫做穆♥罕♥默♥德♥ -我当然知道
-They're all named Mohammed, sir. -Yes, of course.
我应该喊他们的姓的
I must remember to use last names.
-侯赛因! -长官 什么指示?
-Hussein! -Yes, sir?
有没有搞错 你 过来
For God's sake, you!
-那人是你的兄弟吗? -侯赛因?
-Is that your brother? -Hussein?
他为什么要去投票?
Why is he voting?
这不是他的错 他是竞选宣传的组织者
It's not his fault. He is the campaign manager.
-是吗? 帮谁组织? -穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·侯赛因
-What? For who? -Mohammed Hussein.
-长官 什么指示? -嘘
-Yes, sir! -Quiet!
这样吧 大家都过来
All right, everyone.
谁报名当第一个?
Well, who's going to be the first?
我
I am.
好 相当好 年轻人 你叫什么名字?
Ah, very good. Very good. And what is your name, young man?
-穆... -算了 给他上装备
-Mu... -Forget it. Mount up.
-至圣真♥主♥ -我到底报名参加了什么活动啊?
-Allahu Akbar. -What exactly did I volunteer for?
你负责给我送信 报酬丰厚
Messenger duty. Excellent pay.
可是 长官 这辆自行车...
But, sir, this bicycle...
-哪儿不对劲? -这车看上去摇摇晃晃的
-What's wrong? -Well, it's kind of rickety.
我不知道我能否靠它回到山上来
I don't know if it can get back up the hill.
如果是我 我就不担心这个
I wouldn't worry about that.
-如果我可以取下一些炸♥弹♥的话 -别别别
-Maybe if I take some bombs off... -No, no, no.
-这些炸♥弹♥是这制♥服♥的一部分 -哦
-It is a part of the uniform. -Ah.
而且这车貌似没有车闸
And it doesn't seem to have any brakes.
没关系 真♥主♥会让你停下来的
It's OK. Allah will stop you.
当然
Of course.
真♥主♥会让我停下来的
Oh, yeah, Allah will stop me.
天啊!
Jesus!
你! 过去看看怎么回事!
You! Go get him.
长官 我发现问题了
-Sir, I found the problem, sir!
这白♥痴♥忘了拔引线了
This idiot forgot to pull the firing...
你没看到吗?
Don't you see?
我们至少还摧毁了一辆异教♥徒♥的汽车呢
We have at least destroyed an infidel's car.
那辆车是我的
That was my car.
这是怎么回事?
What's going on here?
你们在这里干嘛?
What are you people doing?
你们为什么要参与这个异端的选举?
Why are you voting in this infidel election?
因为我们想要民♥主♥ 自♥由♥
Because we want democracy, freedom,
以及选出一个靠谱的总统
elect a president who will be accountable.
够了 穆♥罕♥默♥德♥ 把他给我解决了
Enough! Mohammed, take care of him!
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥ 你到底在搞什么?
Mohammed, what in the name of Allah are you doing?
我不是来投票选总统的 但我很支持第12修正案
I'm not voting for president. But I feel strongly about Proposition 12.
婚姻必须建立在一个男人和一个女人的基础上
A marriage should be between a man and a woman.
或者是一个男人和另一个长相好的男人
Or between a man and a really good-looking man.
-闭嘴 -你们就要把票投给这些议案?
-Shut up. -This is what you vote for?
当然还有移♥民♥法案 我们需要一个引进劳工的计划
That and immigration. We need a guest worker program
这样的话墨西哥人就能来做我们塔♥利♥班♥不愿做的工作
so that the Mexicans can do the job the Taliban won't.
这些西方的思想很危险
These Western ideas are dangerous.
我们必须抓住一切机会抵抗他们
We must resist them at every turn.
长官 我们不再像原来那么强了
Leader, we're not strong anymore.
自从那些美国人来了之后 人♥民♥就有了希望
Since the Americans came, people have hope.
人们开始投票 妇女也经商
They are voting, woman own businesses.
是啊 现在越来越难找自杀炸♥弹♥袭击者
Yes, it is getting harder1
因为那些优秀的自杀炸♥弹♥袭击者都已经挂了
to find suicide bombers, and all the good ones are gone.
长官 我觉得我们需要一个新的征兵宣传视频了
Sir, I think we might need a new recruitment video.
看 我们的视频
Look, ours...
看起来粗制滥造
it looks, you know, cheap.
塔♥利♥班♥电影出品
"让殉教简单"
这个录像将教会你
This video will teach you
这两位是艾哈迈德和艾哈曼
Here are Ahmed and Ahman
他们可能是兄弟俩 但他们有很大的不同
They may be brothers, but they couldn't be more different
艾哈迈德懂得守时的重要性
Ahmed knows punctuality is important
他会确保在到达袭击地点前留出足够的多时间
He's sure to leave plenty of time to get to his bombing site.
艾哈曼把所有的事情留到最后一刻来做
Ahman leaves everything to the last minute
糟糕!
Oh, shit!
艾哈迈德会仔细检查炸♥弹♥袭击的地点
Ahmed double checks the address of the site
所以他保证万无一失
so there are no mistakes
艾哈曼则不会
Ahman doesn't
2518 2519
糟糕!
Shit!
艾哈迈德懂得穿合适的衣服
Ahmed dresses properly
保证自己所穿的宽松衣服可以盖住身上的炸♥弹♥
wearing clothing that is loose enough to hide his explosives.
艾哈曼不懂得穿合适的衣服
Ahman dresses inappropriately
没错 那个视频太次了
Oh. You are right. It is awful.
我想提个建议
If I may suggest, sir,
我们需要一个真正的好莱坞导演来帮我们
what we need is a real Hollywood director to help us.
但是他必须痛恨美国
But he must hate America.
这样的导演根本不难找 那些好莱坞大导演都痛恨美国
This won't be hard to find in Hollywood. They all hate America.
没错 但你说的那种平常的很娘娘腔的导演是远远不够的
Yes, but your average, girly-man Hollywood director won't be enough.
我们需要的是一个非常非常痛恨美国的好莱坞导演
What we need is someone who really, really hates America.
摄像机就位了? 好 开拍!
Is the camera on? OK, action. Ahem.
我现在身处于天堂岛国－古巴
I am on the island paradise, Cuba,
在这里每一个街区都有一家医院
where there's a hospital on every block.
我们可以看到 古巴人拥有世界上最好的医保系统
As we can see, Cubans have the very best health care in the world.
不像在美国 医保系统可以要了你的命
Not like America, where it can kill you.
我在这里找到了两个美国人 鲍勃和琼·弗里德曼
I've got two Americans here, Bob and Joan Friedman,
他们在由"神秘人"引起的卡特里娜飓风中受了伤
injured during Hurricane Katrina, caused by you know who.
但直到现在他们都没法找到一个美国医生
But haven't been able to get an American doctor
到他们的Shaker Heights封闭社区上门治疗
to pay a house call to their gated community in Shaker Heights.
再来一杯mojito!(一种古巴鸡尾酒)
Another mojito!
为什么? 因为我们把经费花在
Why? Because we're spending money
这个虚假反恐战争的巨大军费上
on military buildup for this phony war on terror.
医生 我们只想要和你们人♥民♥一样的医疗保健
Doctor, we just want the same care you give your own people.
没问题 排队去
OK, then get in line.
同志们
Oh, oh! Comrades!
-美♥国♥佬♥ 排到队尾去! -不准插队!
-End of the line, gringo! -No skipping!
古巴因为她为病人提供的 免费药物而闻名世界
Cuba is famous for its free prescription drug plan.
你能给我开什么药?
What do you have for me?
-拿着 -好
-Take these. -OK.
这是薄荷糖啊!
These are breath mints.
-你拿两个 -哈!
-Sí, se?or. Take two. -Huh?
嘿 兄弟 拿着
OK, pal, there ya go.
免费哦 它能让你感觉好些
Free. That'll make you feel better.
拿着 免费
There you go. Free.
在美国这些药钱会使你缺胳膊少腿(俚语，意花费巨大)
You know, in America, that'd cost an arm and a leg.
-天啊 -抱歉
-Aw, jeez. Dude. -Sorry.
别担心 你很快就能重新站起来的
That's OK, Paco, you'll be back on your feet in no time.
-古巴 不只是 -准备
-Cuba. More... -Ready...