亚历山大和他最糟糕的一天

我父母说 根本没有什么倒霉日
My parents say there's no such thing as a bad day.
关键是在于你怎么看
That it's all how you look at it.
我还能说什么呢 二位
What can I tell you? Parents.
可是据我所知
Here is what I know.
他们错了
They're wrong.
我是倒霉专家亚历山大
My name is Alexander, and I'm the expert in bad days.
这家伙知道我说的是什么 这还没完
This guy knows what I'm talking about. That's not coming off.
我有没有说过我爸爸是个不折不扣的乐观主义
Did I mention my dad is a relentless optimist?
我们快到家了
We're in the home stretch.
再看老妈
And look at Mom.
她总是带着"母亲般的微笑" 不会愚弄任何人
She's not fooling anyone with that "Mom smile".
信不信由你 我们到家的时候
Believe it or not, by the time we got home...
我们的样子 比这辆车的现状还要糟糕
this van was in better shape than we were.
这是我姐姐 艾米丽 是个演员
There's my sister Emily, the actress.
随时准备弯腰去吐
Always ready to take a bow.
安东尼 我的老哥 在穿衣风格上绝对是大赢家
Anthony, my brother, a total winner with a great sense of style.
还有特雷弗宝宝
And baby Trevor.
抱歉 朋友 这还没有完
Sorry, pal. Definitely not coming off.
总之 今天是个极其倒霉的日子
Bottom line, today was an epic disaster.
可以说是最糟糕的一天
The worst day possible.
这点家里每个人都会点赞
Everyone in my family would agree.
只是他们并不知道 这都是我的错
But what they don't know, is it was all my fault.
而且还远没结束
And it wasn't over yet.
你睡过头了
You overslept, bud.
别吹我的迪吉里杜管
Don't blow my didgeridoo!
这有什么用
What's it for, then?
菲利普·帕克12岁了 你被邀请了
You're invited! Philip Parker turning 12.
明天晚上
Tomorrow night?
别介
No!
他在恶作剧...早上好
He's the trick to... Good morning!
她来了
There she is!
你一定会很感动的
You are going to be so impressed.
我做了有名的...
I made what is known as...
无皮芝士蛋派和菜肉馅煎蛋饼
the crustless quiche, the frittata.
哇 这是什么
Wow. What is this?
两个月前 你连烤芝士三文治都不会 现在...
Two months ago, you couldn't even grill cheese, and now...
看起来挺好吃
That looks so good.
芝士和蛋
Egg and cheese.
太赞了
Excellent.
谢谢
Thank you.
今天你们有什么打算
So, what are you gentlemen up to today?
我想想啊
Well, let's see.
今早艾米丽约了牙医
Em has a dentist appointment this morning...
对 对
Right, right.
然后我们俩要去做妈咪瑜伽
And then the two of us are going to Mommy and Me Yoga.
-跟萨默 -对啊
-With Summer? -Yes.
你会告诉她 我还在吧
Will you tell her I still exist?
我会的 然后趁他睡午觉的时候
I will. And then when he takes his nap,
我再发一些简历
I'm gonna send out some resumes.
不错
Good.
夏天天下雨
What a to-do to die today at a minute or two to two.
穿绿雨衣的女小吕
A thing distinctly hard to say but harder still to do.
去找不♥穿♥绿雨衣的吕小女
We'll beat a tattoo at a minute or two
穿绿雨衣的女小吕
and a rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tattoo...
没找到不♥穿♥绿雨衣的吕小女
and the dragon will come to the beat of the drum
不♥穿♥绿雨衣的吕小女
at a minute or two to two today...
也没见着穿绿雨衣的女小吕
at a minute or two to two.
-我要尿尿 -你头发上有口香糖
-I need to pee. -You have gum in your hair.
吃西瓜不吐西瓜皮儿...
A big black bug bit a big black bear...
不
No!
安东尼 亚历山大 快点 快点
Anthony! Alexander! Accelerate. Come on!
等会儿
One minute!
还不赖吧
If it ain't broke, right?
你们知道吗
Guess what?
菲利普·帕克明晚要开生日派对
Philip Parker's having his birthday party tomorrow night.
你明天也要开派对啊...
That's when you're having your birthday party.
我知道 我刚收到邀请的
I know! And I just got the invitation.
老爸 他邀请了所有人
He's going all-out, Dad.
他有能量饮料台
He's getting an energy drink bar,
韩式玉米卷车 现场乐队
a Korean taco truck, a live band.
听起来挺好啊
That sounds legit.
他可能还有封闭的卡拉OK房♥
I think he's having black lights and a karaoke machine.
我喜欢卡拉OK派对
I love karaoke parties.
我们怎么可能比得过他
Look, can I compete with all of that?
拜托 你的生日派对也不错的
Come on, your birthday's gonna be great.
会很有趣的 我们会有披萨
It's gonna be fun. We're gonna have pizza.
我还要做个蛋糕
I'm gonna make a cake.
可能游泳池里还有排球
Maybe some volleyball in the pool.
菲利普·帕克有舞台喷雾机 而我们却只能吃披萨
Philip Parker's having a fog machine and we're having pizza?
-别担心 -你在喝咖啡
-Don't worry. -You're drinking coffee?
那我的派对怎么办
What about my party?
你啥时候开始喝咖啡了
Since when did you start drinking coffee?
我又不是喜欢早起的人
I'm not a morning person.
你看下他的尿不湿吧
Can you check his diaper?
你的大黄蜂掉了
You just dropped Bumble Bee.
-你的大黄蜂掉了 -我觉得他可能又尿了
-You drop Bumble Bee? -I think he might be wet.
不 大黄蜂 给你
No. Bumble Bee. There you go.
我希望我能陪你的 老弟
Wish I could be there, bro,
但我明天晚上有舞会
but I got prom tomorrow night.
我以为是下个星期呢
I thought that was next week.
事实就是如此
It is what it is.
我演完彼得·潘的女主角后 可能就会喝醉了...
I'll probably be wiped out from my Peter Pan premiere...
不过我会很开心为你和你所有的朋友唱歌♥的
but I'll be happy to sing for you and all of your friends.
别 别介啊
No, no, no.
可能是吉普森太太
Probably Mrs. Gibson. Okay.
甜心 爸爸要带艾米丽去看牙医
Honey, Dad's taking Emily to the dentist.
我要去送安东尼 所以你只好拼车了
I've got Anthony. So you're in carpool.
-拿一块煎饼吧 是无皮芝士蛋派 -给你
-Take a frittata. It's a crustless quiche. -There you go.
你头发咋了
What did you do to your hair?
没咋的
Nothing.
跟吉普森阿姨问好 礼貌点啊
Say hi to Mrs. Gibson! Remember your manners.
嗨 贝基
Hi, Becky!
嘿 亚历山大
Hey, Alexander.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
还好
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
我们快走吧
Let's go, kids.
"苍蝇王"
Lord of the Flies?
挺恐怖吧
Pretty scary, right?
这书写的很美 亚历山大
Lord of the Flies is beautiful, Alexander.
是一个寓意深刻的寓言故事
It's a deep and meaningful allegory
描述我们这个混乱的社会
about our own messed-up society.
是哈
Yeah, totally.
所以我说很"恐怖"
That's what I meant with "scary".
社会的事儿 很疯狂
The society stuff. Crazy.
看看这个应用
Check out this app.
我要把你的小脸PS到一些比基尼小妞身上
He puts your face on some bikini model's body.
老性感了
It's really gross and sexist.
这一定很搞笑
This is gonna be hilarious.
-你干什么 -等等 等一下
-What are you doing? -Wait, hold on!
-别 -我还没弄完呢
-No, no, no. -I'm not done.
嘿 宝贝
Hey, babe.
你没事儿吧 你最后一条短♥信♥太冷了
Is everything okay? Your last text was so cold.
不会啊 我发了"学校见"
No, I said, "See you at school"?
对啊 我是你女友 安东尼
Yeah. I'm your girlfriend, Anthony.
你应该在最后发点
You really should end your texts
比如XXOO或者我想你什么的
with "x-o-x-o" or "I heart you".
你也可以发个爱心表情给我也行啊
You can make a heart with the less-than sign and a three.
好 我会记住的
Yeah, I'll try to remember.
一堆女生在聊天
So, a bunch of the girls were talking,
她们都要坐豪车
and they're all going in limos.