上班族妈妈

天呐
Jesus.
真抱歉 我不得不在参观过程中离开
Yeah, I'm sorry I had to leave the tour like that.
显得我不太专业
Not my most professional moment.
我觉得我喝了太多水了
Oh, I think I drank too much water.
我都能听到肚子里的水声 你听
Uh, I can hear it my belly. Listen to that.
听着像张水床
Sounds like a waterbed.
我一直都很喜欢水床这个想法
Oh, I have always liked the idea of a waterbed.
就好像你在海中漂荡...
Like you're drifting out to sea...
威廉 你看起来很放松啊
William, you seem relaxed.
我倒是没有跑到马路上的想法
Well, I don't feel like running into traffic,
但这位明显嗑嗨了
but this guy is clearly high.
听着 等一下
Uh, look, now, hold on now.
这款啤酒 药劲通常不会这么大
The, the, the beer, it's not usually this strong.
好了 克雷格
Okay, Craig--
今天出了点问题
Look, there was a fuck up today,
没错 是有几批啤酒 含量超标了
but yeah, a couple batches got overdosed.
什么
What?
我能向你保证
I can assure you,
那批酒一瓶都没有从工厂流出去
none of that left the premises!
相信我 他们采取了一切可行的预防措施
Trust me, they're taking every possible precaution.
凯特 我的天呐 你找到他了吗
Kate, oh my God, did you find him?!
-宝贝 -安妮 你来这干嘛
- Oh, hi, buddy! - Anne! What're you doing here?
什么叫我来这干嘛
What do you mean, what am I doing here?
我是来救你的
I am saving your life!
你好像在演电锯惊魂 你的脑袋
You sounded like you were in a "Saw Movie"! Dude, your head!
我知道 看上去很糟糕罢了
I know. It looks worse than it is.
-是不是这玩意 -什么
- Oh my God, is it this shit? - What?
你是喝了这玩意才把脸搞成这样的吗
Is this what you were drinking when you fucked your face up?
你忘了爱丽丝差点被捕的事吗
Did you not learn anything when Alice almost got arrested?
-爱丽丝是谁 -我十三岁的女儿
- Um, who's Alice? - My 13-year-old daughter.
她和她的狐朋狗友就是喝了这玩意
Her and her idiot friends drank this stuff
把凯特的办公室都毁了
and destroyed Kate's office.
-真的吗 -等等 什么
- Is that true? - Wha... wait, what?
好吧
Okay...
安妮 这位是事后啤酒的执行总监克雷格
Anne, I'd like to introduce you to Craig, the CEO of Après
威廉 一位记者
and William, a reporter
负责报道产品质量安全
writing on the safety of this product.
妈的
shit.
那你们肯定比任何人都更认同我的观点
So you of all people must agree with me
这个产品太危险了
this product is too dangerous.
该产品应被禁销
It should be banned.
但得不到的永远在骚动
But that would only make it more desirable.
-我是个心理医生 -真的吗
- Look, I'm a psychiatrist. - You are?
我正在写的文章就是关于这个
I'm actually writing about this right now.
那么"专家组"的看法是什么
Oh, well, what does the professional community think?
这个情况比较复杂
That this is a very complicated situation
这个事情需要具体问题具体对待
and that should be taken on a case by case basis.
在我的案例中 我认为
And, in my case, I came to the conclusion
我女儿需要更多自♥由♥
that my daughter needs more freedom.
-她应掌控自己的人生 -什么玩意
- Let her run her own train. - Excuse me?
好的 我认为安妮想表达的是
Okay, uh... so what I think Anne is saying,
她想表达的是
uh, in, in uh, in her own way,
大♥麻♥不会被禁绝 对吗 安妮
is that weed isn't going anywhere. Right, Anne?
-是的 -大♥麻♥啤酒也不可能消失
- Yeah. - Yes, and weed beer's not going anywhere.
所以聪明的话 威廉
So the smartest thing you can do, William, is...
这才是你该报道的
is to write about that.
如果你真的想保护大众
Uh, if you really wanna keep the public protected,
护他们周全
if you wanna keep them safe,
教育他们 给他们自主♥权♥
educate them, empower them.
你说得很有道理
You make a fair point.
过来 伙计 过来
Come here, buddy. Come here, man.
爱你
Love you.
该给你清理下了 我车里有湿纸巾
Let's get you cleaned up. I got some wet wipes in the car.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
你还好吗 伙计
You okay, buddy?
我也可以开车的
I could've driven.
伙计 我不会再说第二遍
Dude, I'm not saying it again.
你可能得脑震荡了
You may have a concussion.
我让内森每四十五分钟叫醒你一次
I'm gonna tell Nathan to wake you up every 45 minutes.
-你不用这么做 -不 我跟他说
- You don't have to do that. - No, I'm gonna talk to him.
是好脾气地说还是气急败坏地说
With or without your hands around his throat?
很抱歉我没有支持你的决定
Sorry I haven't been that supportive of your decision.
不过我刚刚也算补偿你了
I do think I made it up to you back there though.
大大地补偿
Big time.
-你抢了我的风头 -谢谢你
- You stole the show. - Thank you!
不好意思 我在和你的服装说话
No, excuse me, I'm talking to your outfit.
你应该很难过吧 心里揣着乐队梦
Is it hard to work at a record store all day
但只能在音像店工作 服装小弟
when you just wanna jam in a band, Cool Outfit?
抱歉 我没你其他妈妈级朋友那么酷
Sorry I'm not as cool as your other mom friends.
你是说玛雅吗
You mean Maya?
玛雅才不是我最好的朋友 笨蛋 你才是
Maya is not my best friend, you idiot. You are.
我宁愿把内森丢在游乐园
I would literally leave Nathan in an amusement park,
一个人带着两个孩子挨饿
starving and alone with both kids,
-也不愿意失去你 -我的天 我也是
- if it meant losing you. - Yes! Oh my god, me too!
-拜拜莱昂内尔 -别死了就行
- I'd be like, "Bye, Lionel!" - "Keep 'em alive!"
他们没问题的
They'd be fine.
对啊 所以问题在哪 我们是姐妹啊
Exactly! So what's the issue here? We're sisters.
亲姐妹 血浓于水
Sisters by blood. Blood sisters by blood.
也不是亲姐妹啦
I mean, it's not by blood.
血液 吐沫 精♥液♥
Yeah, yeah. Blood, spit, cum.
一回事 你懂吗
all the things, you know?
你确定你还好吗
You sure you're okay?
-我们来宣誓吧 - 签订条约
- Let's make an oath. - A pact!
-我们两 -好
- Yes! To each other. - Yes!
就像兰斯洛特 亚瑟王
Like Lancelot. Camelot.
就那些长头发的男人
You know those dudes with long hair.
石中剑 鸮[传统上认为是智慧的象征]
Swords in the stone shit! The owl.
-好吧 我先来 -好啊
- Okay. I'll go. - Yeah.
-好吧 好 -好
- Okay. Okay. - Okay.
我 安妮·卡尔森 发誓一辈子做你的姐妹
I, Anne Carlson, promise to be your sister for life.
-轮到你了 好 -好的
- You go.'Kay. - Okay.
我 安妮·卡尔森...
Uh, I, Anne Carlson--
不对 傻瓜 你要说你的名字
No, idiot. You gotta say your name.
我 安妮·卡尔森 发誓做你的姐妹
I, Anne Carlson, promise to be YOUR sister.
好吧 我 卡尔·安德森 是姐妹
Right. I, Carl Anderson, am a sister.
好吧 你脑震荡了 我们要去医院
Okay, you have a concussion, we're going to the hospital.
-我要睡觉了 -别睡
- I'm gonna go to sleep. - Don't go to sleep!
-疼 -起来
- Ow. - Up!
科技细胞公♥司♥
-什么鬼 -你是负责人吗
- What the hell? - Are you in charge?!
我的孩子对6种不同的坚果过敏
My child has six different nut allergies
你得知道这个
you should know about.
而且这地方没有婴儿防护
And hey, this place is not baby proofed, you know?
你知道这里有多少东西能让恩佐吞下去
Do you know how many things in here Enzo could swallow
或是让他刺伤自己吗
or penetrate himself with?
-该死的珍妮 -马上过来这里
- Fucking Jenny! - Get over here, right now.
你立马告诉我 为什么我的办公室看起来像
You wanna tell me why my office looks like
《汪汪队立大功》舞台剧的后台吗
a line-up for a Paw Patrol Live show right now?!
马尔科姆·科迪·帕特里克
Malcolm Cody Patrick,
你这是承认你去看过《汪汪队立大功》舞台剧吗
are you admitting you've gone to Paw Patrol Live?
好吧 珍妮 你想玩真的
Okay, Jenny, you wanna play?
很好 你开条件吧
Fine. What are your terms?
不如你回转心意 给你的上司打电♥话♥
How's about you turn around, call your higher ups
要求他们提供 我的同事们急需的
and demand the quality daycare
优质的日托所
that my coworkers desperately need.
不如你自己上楼
How's about you go up there yourself
打扫一下那个到处是屎尿 尖叫的爱宠动物园
and clear out the crapping, screaming, petting-zoo
你把我办公室都祸祸成什么样了
that you've turned my office into!
要不你就直接收拾桌子走人
Or you can clear out your desk.
你是在威胁我吗
Are you threatening me?
这时候应该是我威胁你才对吧