吸血鬼生活

What We Do in the Shadows S03E05

Part 2 Nov. 8, 2021, 12:38 p.m.

但后来我买♥♥了个新枕头
But then I got this new pillow,
商店里买♥♥不到的
which is not available in stores,
那么呃... -那你是怎么得到的？
and, uh... - Well, how did you get it, then?
不要问那么多问题
Stop asking so many questions.
总之这是一个不可思议的产品
Anyway, it's an incredible product.
它彻底改变了我的生活
It totally changed my life.
好的酷哦嘿
Okay. Yeah, cool. Oh, hey,
你们听说凯文被解雇了吗? -没有
you guys hear, uh, Kevin got laid off? - No.
是真的 -凯文？
Yeah. For real. - Kevin?
我现在睡得像个婴儿
I've been sleeping like a baby now.
真的睡得像个婴儿
Really sleeping like a baby
多亏了这个全新的最先进的枕头
thanks to this brand-new, state-of-the-art pillow.
它叫什么名字？
What the fuck is its name?
等一下等一下我马上回来
Hold on. Hold on. I'll be right back.
等等你看这种曲棍球球比赛吗？
Hold that thought. You see this hockey match?
我们在伊顿公学也玩过这种游戏不同的是,
We played a game exactly like that at Eton. Difference is,
我们不玩冰球我们玩的是公鸡
we didn't play with a puck. We played with a cock.
一只硬了的公鸡... -我们能不能
A cock that had been hardened... Can we actually
说回到你那个被解雇的朋友？
get back to your friend who was fired?
嗒-嗒-嗒-嗒-嗒! -哦凯文是啊太残忍♥了
Da-da-da-da! - Oh, Kevin. Yeah, it was brutal.
他拿到了... -这个叫男士专用枕头
He got... - It's called the Guy Pillow.
专门为男士定制的-哦
For the man who sleeps. Ooh.
是的是的就像电视上那个家伙迈克林德尔对吗？
Yeah, yeah, like that guy, uh, on TV. Mike Lindell, right?
这是我的枕头这才是男士专用枕头
That's the MyPillow, and this is the Guy Pillow.
他们完全不同 -好吗
They're completely different. All right.
冷静点肖恩我们不是枕头专家
Simmer down, Sean. We can't all be pillow experts.
好吧好吧
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
我们能继续看比赛吗？
Can we get back to the game?
嗯我有名片
Yeah. I got a card.
好了伙计们别再强迫我了
Okay, stop twisting my arm, guys.
我给你一个小样好吗？
I'll give you a demo, all right?
枕头和枕套一起的吗？
Does the pillow come with the pillowcase?
是啊我很高兴你这么问拉兹
Yeah, I'm glad you asked that, Laz.
这是一个抗过敏的枕套
It's a hypoallergenic pillowcase,
而且这一整套才 $49.99
and, yeah, the whole shebang comes for what? $49.99.
什么?-不是吧肖恩
[spits, chuckles] What? - What the fuck? Seanie,
50块买♥♥一个破枕头? -哇哇哇哇
50 bucks for a fucking pillow? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
这个枕头质量超好而且价格也很优♥惠♥
This is a quality pillow but for a value price.
你们知道我打算怎么做吗？因为你们都是我的好朋友
But you know what I'm gonna do? Because you guys are my friends,
所以我决定每套再优♥惠♥十元
I'm gonna knock ten bucks off the top.
每套39.99 -哇哦哇哦
That's $39.99 apiece. Whoa, whoa.
等等你要卖♥♥这些东西? 你开玩笑吧？
Wait. You're selling these things? You kidding me?
这些都自带销量所以你们谁要加入?-呃..
These things sell themselves. So, who's in? - Uh...
审判仪式
The Ceremony of Judgment
现在开始
will now commence.
等等我正要..
Wait, I was gonna...
好了停下！
Okay, stop!
停我还没准备好-不不
Stop. I'm not ready. No, no.
回到刚才的话题我不... 我很抱歉
So, back to one. I don't... I'm so sorry.
有什么问题吗?-南多太高了
What seems to be the problem? - Nandor is very tall.
他往那一站
When he stands, his face is much higher
我就被他完全挡住了
than my face 'cause I am sat on the throne.
我看看我能做些什么
I'll see what I can do.
谢谢你吉尔莫
Thank you, Guillermo.
我有个想法
Here's a thought.
也许我们只需要把王位移走
Perhaps we just remove the throne
我有个想法
from the equation. Here's a thought.
我们可以开始了吗？
Can we get this going already?
移开王位！
Remove the throne!
该死
Ah, shit.
哦! 哦那是... -啊！
Ooh! Ooh, that's... - Aah!
哎呀呀呀
Ay-ay-ay-ay.
够了谢谢你们戒灵
That's-that's plenty. Thank you, wraiths.
够了-谢谢
That's plenty. Thank you.
很难取出来-好了没事了吧？
Gonna be hard to get that out. Okay, we good?
大家都没事吧?-没事没事
Everyone good? Yes. Yes.
太好了
Great.
让审判仪式开始！
Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence!
我就不能说一次吗？
Can't I just say it once?
好了停下！
Okay, stop!
现在怎么办?-看起来太傻了
What now? - It looks so dumb
王位上空荡荡的
with the throne just sitting there empty.
她说得很有道理
She does make a good point.
你们休息五分钟别走太远
You guys, just take five. Honestly, don't go far.
你真正应该做的
What you really should do
就是别再像个傻瓜一样
is stop acting like a bunch of jabronis
每人♥大♥概要买♥♥25个这种东西
and get, like, 25 of these things each.
我通常不会枕着25个枕头睡觉
Well, I don't usually sleep with 25 pillows.
最新消息你不用这个
News flash. You don't use these.
你买♥♥了额外的
You buy extras,
然后卖♥♥给你那些愚蠢的朋友
and then you sell 'em to your stupid friends
给自己赚点外快
for a little do-re-mi for yourself.
拉兹别这样
Laz, come on.
我不用枕头
I don't use a pillow.
好吧麦克
Okay. Well, Mikey.
拜托我们好歹也曾经挤在
Come on. I mean, we used to sleep
一张床上睡过 -嘿伙计
in the same bed. Hey, buddy,
我不知道该怎么跟你说
I don't know what to tell you, you know?
我所有的朋友都在这个房♥间
All my friends are in this room, you know?
不算了
No. You know what?
好吧我是说这有什么关系？
Fine. I mean, what does it matter?
别买♥♥ 好吗？
Don't buy any, huh?
你们这群背后捅刀子的家伙
You bunch of fucking backstabbers.
谁在乎肖恩对吧？
Who cares about Sean, right?
操♥我♥ 对吧? 肖恩
Fuck me, right? Sean.
操♥我♥? 操你！
Fuck me? Well, fuck you!
你会后悔没有加入
Oh! You are gonna regret it when you didn't get in
这个高端产品的初级代理的
on the ground floor of this superior product!
该死的肖恩
Fucking Sean.
你没事吧肖恩？
You all right, Sean?
老实说拉兹我不是很好
Honestly, Laz? I'm not doing too good.
我还以为你要买♥♥25个枕头呢
I was hoping you were getting, like, 25 pillows,
我还指望着纽曼 · 罗宾逊呢
and I was counting on, uh, you know, Newman Robinson
管他叫什么名字
or whatever the fuck his name is.
谁? -那个长得像胎儿的家伙
Who? - The guy who looks like a fetus.
哦对 -然后南多和他男朋友
Oh, right. - And then Nandor and his boyfriend
甚至都不出声我是说..
don't even show up? I mean...
我不是针对你
Well, I wouldn't take that personally.
听着我知道只是..
Listen, I know. It's just...
南多看起来睡得很死对吧？
Nandor looks like he's a real big sleeper, right?
我完全可以四十多卖♥♥给他
I could sell him, like, 40 large.
但是你知道那个家伙,
And then, you know, the little guy,
听着给他少十块钱好吗? 他很穷
listen, get him for ten, okay? He's poor.
我是说他到哪儿都穿同一件羊毛衫
I mean, he wears the same cardigan everywhere.
我感觉你还有别的烦心事
I sense there's something else that's bothering you.
好吧好吧
All right. All right.
你得向我保证你不会告诉任何人
You got to promise me you're not gonna tell a soul.
我不会告诉任何人的 -夏梅都不知道
I won't tell a soul. - Charmaine doesn't even know.
真的?-是的
Really? - Yeah.
准备好了吗?-好了
Okay, are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.
好了嘿哇哇！
All right. Hey, whoa, whoa!
我也有个这样的表弟但那不是我
I got a cousin like that, but that's not me.
真的? -是啊我很尊重你
Really? - Yeah, I respect you and everything...
好吧你都不会记得
Okay. You won't remember anything
你刚才是怎么勾引我的
about how you attempted to seduce me just now.
继续你的故事
Continue with your tale.
我陷得太深了
I'm in too deep.
我买♥♥了很多很多枕头
I bought a lot, a lot of pillows.
我的意思是特别多
I mean, so many.
有多少个枕头？
How many pillows?