虚度光阴（2016）

她到底在干嘛
I've seen this before.
我以前见过她这样
Are you making mixed race biscuits?
你在做混血饼干吗
Aww.
哇
Kent? Kent? Oh, Jesus Christ.
Kent Kent 我的天呀
God, you've been fucking ages.
天哪 你♥他♥妈♥怎么这么久
I didn't know you were... What's wrong with the toilet?
我不知道你在 在厕所里解决不好吗
It's out of order. This is absolutely disgusting.
厕所坏了 真是恶心死了
Calm down, mate. It's only a street dump.
冷静 兄弟 这只是随地大便而已
You've got... You've got a name for it!
你 你会因此臭名远扬
Kent, this is a working petrol station.
Kent 这里是正在营业的加油站啊
Families stop here for provisions.
会有家庭来这里买♥♥日常用品
Just pass me the tissues and keep a lookout for Sophie.
把纸递过来 帮我看着Sophie
A human would have waited until we got home.
一个正常人类都会等到回家再解决
I can't let Sophie anywhere near this.
我可不能在Sophie身边这样
If I dropped this at home, the whole house would be nuked.
如果我在家里拉屎 整个屋子都会遭受生化污染
You wouldn't understand cos you're a virgin.
你根本不懂这些 因为你是个处♥男♥
I had sex on my French exchange.
我在法国交换的时候做过爱好吗
Yeah, with the mysterious Angelique who's not even on Facebook.
是啊 和那个脸书上都找不到的神秘女子Angelique
Look, if you have to pretend be someone else in front of your girlfriend
听着 如果你要在你女友面前假装成另一个人
then maybe she isn't right for you.
那她可能并不适合你
Yeah, well, if you have to pretend your girlfriend exists,
好吧 如果你要假装自己有女朋友
maybe you're a bit fucking nuts.
也许你♥他♥妈♥就是有点神经
Hey, aren't you going to clean that up?
喂 你不要把这儿清理干净吗
Street dump, mate.
这就是随地大便 兄弟
Fucking, hell, Kent.
卧♥槽♥ 妈的 Kent
Jesus.
天啊
This is disgusting.
恶心
All done now.
清理干净了
It's horrible.
太可怕了
You know it's coming, but you're never quite prepared.
你知道太阳出来了 但是你还是措手不及
It's like a giant burning "Fuck you!" In the sky.
就像有个大写加特效的"操你"挂在天上
It's a shining beacon of hope for our quest.
那是我们使命的希望灯塔在闪耀
If we keep up with this pace,
如果我们以目前的速度走下去
we'll be back on the sofa in time for Saturday Kitchen.
应该可以在<周六厨房♥>播出的时候坐在沙发上
Oh, my God! It's still here!
我的天哪 它还在这儿
Quest cancelled, mate. At least till stage three's over.
使命取消 兄弟 至少要等到第三阶段结束
Sarah, get off! Never!
Sarah 快下来 绝不
Might as well skin up then. Driving test.
想来卷根大♥麻♥吗 我有驾考
Fuck you, ground!
去死吧 大地
Although if I do get stoned,
就算如果我真的吸嗨了
I'll sleep really deeply and wake up even fresher.
我肯定可以睡得很沉然后起来更清醒
Fuck it. Roll up a fatty.
妈的 去卷一根
Quest.
使命呢
Apparently when they write Adventure Time, they smoke pot,
很显然他们在写<探险活宝>的时候也在抽大♥麻♥
which is why it's actually so random.
所以它才那么天马行空
Do you watch... anything else?
你还看 其他东西吗
I don't know, is that on Netflix? Enjoy.
我不知道 网飞上有这个吗 好好享用
Kent, I don't normally actually go home with boys I've just met,
Kent 实际上 我一般不会去刚认识的男孩家里
but we've got so much in common.
但是我们有那么多共同点
I mean, we both love Pokemon, Wes Anderson films.
我们都爱<口袋妖怪> 韦斯安德森的电影
Yeah, love.
是的 热爱
And I cannot wait to play badminton with you.
我都等不及要和你一起去打羽毛球了
Huh. Although no rush on that. Yeah.
不过也别太着急 是啊
Brownie can suck my dick!
布朗尼舔我的屌♥去吧
I actually don't do drugs. It's not drugs, it's weed.
实际上我不吸毒的 这不是毒品 这是大♥麻♥
I'd have a go on your friend's vape stick though.
我倒是想尝试一下你朋友电子烟
That actually looks so fun. I mean, banoffee pie.
那个其实看起来挺有意思的 香蕉太妃派味儿
Yeah, that's lovely that.
漂亮
Ow! Lend us your vape.
嗷 把你的电子烟借我们
I thought it was for self-righteous pricks.
我以为那只是给自以为是的傻♥逼♥抽的
It is and people desperately
是的 而且大家都急着
trying to impress self-righteous pricks, so...
想给自以为是的傻♥逼♥留下好印象 所以
Sophie. I don't know, man.
是因为Sophie吧 我不知道
Maybe you're right, maybe completely lying about who I am isn't
也许你是对的 也许完全掩藏真实的自己
the healthiest way to start a relationship.
不是开始一段恋情的最健康的方式
Shocker.
惊世醒言啊
Vaporiser's in here somewhere. Hold this.
电子烟在包里的某个角落 拿着
Hold that. What is it?
拿着 这是什么
That is your mess. What?
这是你的烂摊子 什么
The mess you made behind the garage
你在加油站背后搞出来的
that you forced me to clean up.
却逼迫我来收拾的烂摊子
Dude, what the fuck?!
哥们 搞什么啊
You're carrying a turd around in your record bag!
你把一坨粪装在包里
Yeah. Well, until I find somewhere to put it, yes, I am.
是啊 在我找到它的归宿之前 我就这么做
What about there?
那里怎么样
Or there? Or anywhere that isn't inside your own fucking bag?!
或者那里 或者随便一个地方 只要不放在你包里
Children play in these woods, Kent.
孩子们在这片树林里玩耍 Kent
When I was six, I went down a slide straight over a fresh one.
我六岁的时候坐滑梯 直接冲到了一块新鲜的屎上
I had someone else's poo in my own pants.
于是我的裤子上沾了别人的便便
I will NOT do that to someone else!
我绝不会让其他人也有这种体验
Is that the slide on Padstock Green?
是帕斯多克草坪的那个滑梯吗
Do not tell me that was one of yours.
别告诉我那屎是你的
I... I will not tell you that.
我 我不会告诉你的
Oh, fuck's sake!
噢 他妈的
I can't believe I was about to take advice off
真不敢相信我正要听从
a man who's carrying around a shit.
一个随身带屎的男人的建议
I'm not carrying it around indefinitely.
我又不会永远都带着它
Just until we find a dog waste bin. You're fucking nuts.
直到找到一个狗粪垃圾桶 你个神经病
Seriously, mate. A shit in a bag?
说真的 老兄 包里装坨屎
Put this in here.
把这玩意放进来
Come on, lad, why have you got a mucky in your bag?
得了 小子 为什么你包里有坨粑粑
Oh, so you're taking his side. We've all been there.
噢 所以你站在他那边 我们都经历过
Sean Bean does street dumps?
Sean Bean也会随地大便
I live in medieval times, every dump's a street dump.
我生活在中世纪 每坨屎都是随地拉的
I've done it outside a tavern,
我在酒馆外面拉过
in ditches. Dropped one off a horse.
在沟里拉过 在马背上拉过
Once left one on a drawbridge. Right.
还在吊桥上留过一坨 好吧
Look, you're supposed to be my spirit guide.
你应该是我的精神导师
I thought you had my back, Sean. Look, I do, lad. I do.
我以为你会支持我 Sean 我支持你 小子 真的
But I need you to think about
但是我需要你考虑一下
what you're doing. Look inside yourself.
你所做的这些事 检视一下你的内心
I gave you this quest. Ah, so it is a quest.
我给了你这个使命 啊 所以这的确是使命
No, it's not.
不 不是
It's not a quest, it's a...
这不是使命 这是
You've said it now so you can't take it back, Sean.
你现在说了就不能反悔了 Sean
Fuck's sake.
他妈的
What flavour's that? Banoffee pie.
那是什么味 香蕉太妃派
Nice. I've got the same.
不错 我有个一模一样的
I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it!
我做不到 我做不到 我做不到 我做不到
She's on stage four -- self-doubt.
她在第四阶段了 自我怀疑
Swing back over
荡回到这边来
and we'll try and catch you. Try?
我们会试着接住你的 试着
We'll definitely catch you. Hopefully.
我们肯定会接住你的 希望如此
And come back to what, my shitty little life?
要回到哪去 我糟糕的小生活
Actually I think she's skipped straight to stage five--
其实我觉得她已经直接跳到第五阶段了
existential doubt.
生存怀疑
That was quick. It normally takes
真够快的 这通常要花上
at least an hour and a bag of chips.
至少一小时时间再加上一包薯条
You're just trying to trick me so I fall,
你们在设法耍我好让我摔下去
cos none of you have ever liked me.
因为你们没有人喜欢过我
Oh, for God's sake. We don't all hate you.
噢 老天 我们并不是都恨你
I suppose you've all had a laugh about my Kickstarter video too,
你们肯定都嘲笑过我为了出版小说拍的
for my novel! We didn't know about that.
众筹网上的视频 我们不知道这事
Did we know about that?
我们知道这事吗
What's it called? It's called The Mill On The Moor.
叫什么 叫<沼泽地上的磨坊>
It's about a disfigured man in a windmill, who meets
写的是一位住在风车磨坊里的毁容男子
a beautiful time-travelling girl with short blond hair.
遇到一个会穿越时空的 金色短发的美丽女子的故事
Don't pretend you didn't know that!
别装作你不知道
Oh, I found it. One view.
我找到了 点击量是1
Come on. You're just having the booze panics.