虚度光阴（2016）

比如说
India.
去印度
Kent, India and group sex are completely different.
Kent 去印度和群♥交♥完全是两码事
Not according to my uncle.
据我叔叔讲可不是哦
If I'd have gone in there,
如果我能进去里面
I would have had the biggest fucking orgy of my life,
我就可以来一场人生中最大的乱♥交♥
and you'd have bottled it.
而你肯定会紧张得搞砸
No, I would have marched right into the middle of that orgy
不 我会直接强入乱♥交♥当中
and fucking nailed it.
爽到飞起
Ha! Bullshit!
哈 胡扯
Kent, what do you want me to do,
Kent 你想要我♥干♥嘛
you want me to break in and prove it?
你想让我闯进去证明自己吗
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
I'm wiping for fingerprints.
我要擦掉指纹
OK, in case the sex police come.
好嘛 以防性♥爱♥警♥察♥找上门
Hello?
有人吗
Hello?
有人在吗
I need some help, can you let me out?
我需要帮忙 你能让我出去吗
Fucking hell!
我勒个去
I think I've been forgotten about.
我觉得我被人忘在这里了
Can you let me out?
你能让我出去吗
Yeah, sure.
当然可以
Don't fucking do it!
别尼玛放我出去
Huh?
哈
It's part of the game. I'm pleading.
这是游戏的一环 我在求饶
All right, then, bye.
那好吧 拜
That's it. Can you leave the doors open, please?
这就对了 麻烦你能把门打开吗
What are you fucking doing?
你♥他♥妈♥的在干嘛
Fuck's sake!
卧♥槽♥
OK, last chance to back out.
好吧 这是最后一次撤退的机会了
I'm not backing out. Unless you're backing out.
我才不会半途而废 除非你想撤
I'm not backing out.
我才不
Yeah, good, coz I'm not either.
嗯 很好 因为我也不想
I'm getting some sex. Yeah, me too.
我要跟人滚床单 嗯 我也是
Oh, made it in, then?
哦 还是想办法进来了
Is this it? Oh, no.
就是这样吗 不是啊
There's also a buffet.
那还有自助
Drummers are still warm.
鸡腿还热乎着呢
Oh, come on, mate, not in the dip.
噢 拜托老兄 别搞蘸料啊
Where's holy man? Mingling.
神父哪儿去了 交际去了
I barely see him at these things.
我几乎没见过他搞这种事情
He gets massive FOMO, so he works out his timetable beforehand.
他是重度社交控 所以他总是提前做好时间表
I just meet him after for a Calippo.
我等会吃冰棒的时候再跟他会合
So, Morph, want to hit the mattresses?
Morph 想上♥床♥吗
Oh, right.
哦对
Is that what we're doing then?
我们要做那事了吗
Well, that's why you're here, isn't it?
那是你来这里的原因呀 不是吗
Listen, before we go into that dimly lit area,
听着 在我们去昏暗灯光区之前
I need to tell you something.
我要告诉你们一些事
It concerns my virginity,
关于我的处子之身
and it may come as a bit of a shock.
可能说出来你们会觉得有点吃惊
What, you have lost it?
啥 你破处了
No, I'm saying I haven't.
不 我是说我从来没有
No. No! Shut the front door!
不会吧 别瞎扯淡了
I did not expect that.
我从没想到会是这样
Because it was a very well constructed lie,
因为这是一个精心构筑的谎话
and I'm sorry for deceiving you so expertly.
我很抱歉用这么专业的手法骗你们
But what about Angelique?
但是Angelique是什么情况
I'm sorry to say, I made her up.
对不起 她是我编出来的
But what about all those e-mails you've been showing us for the past eight years?
那过去8年你一直拿给我们看的电邮是怎么回事
Fake.
假的
I hoodwinked you all.
我骗过了你们所有人
But that would mean
但那就是说
you'd have to set up a fake e-mail address,
你得注册一个假的电邮地址
send yourself e-mails,
自己给自己发电邮
then reply to yourself over and over again
然后整整8年时间里
for eight years.
一遍又一遍地回复自己
Which is why you were all so convinced.
这就是为啥你们都真信了
And I feel bad about it.
我觉得很过意不去
I don't think you need to, mate.
我觉得你大可不必 兄弟
The truth is...
事实是
I've never given away my flower...
我从来没有献出我的童贞
..Because I wanted my first time
是因为我想把第一次
to be with someone special.
留给特别的人
Maybe I can help with that.
或许我能帮上忙
Cos everyone here is really up for it.
这里差不多每个人都能提枪上马了
And they've already had the menopause, so, low risk.
而且他们都过了更年期 所以 低风险
Yeah, makes sense.
对 有道理
Come on.
来吧
Take it, you dirty slag.
受死吧 淫♥魔♥
Have it, you mucky bastard!
受刑吧 肮脏的杂种
Would you like some of that?
想试试这个吗
Oh, yes!
哦 太棒了
I don't know, is there anything a bit less...spanky. Not really.
我不知道 有没有不这么 肉痛的 没有哦
I don't really understand the process.
我不太懂这个流程
Do you have sex after the spanking,
是打完屁♥股♥再做♥爱♥呢
or is the spanking, like, a test?
还是说打屁♥股♥相当于 一个测试
You won't know unless you try.
不试的话永远不会知道啊
This is my virginity we're talking about, not Dr Pepper!
我们现在讨论的是我的第一次 不是樱桃可乐
Get involved. All right.
加入他们 好吧
Er, excuse me.
打扰一下
Is there a queue? Or...or is it a number...
这里需要排队吗 还是有编号♥
You do exactly what I say, maggot.
我说什么你就做什么 人♥渣♥
Mr Rogerson?
Rogerson先生
Man alive, Paul Durkin?
哎哟是Paul Durkin啊
I haven't seen you since...
好久没见你了 自从
GCSE geography.
地理中考以后
How are you?
你好吗
Yeah, good. I mean, I feel a bit weird right now.
挺好的 不过现在感觉有点诡异
I remember you did the best oxbow lake coursework I've ever read.
我记得你的牛轭湖作业是我看过写得最好的
Oh, thank you, sir.
哦 谢谢 先生
I spent the whole summer on that,
我一整个夏天都扑在那上面了
I mean, I can't believe you remember.
我是说 没想到你还记得
You don't forget when a boy hands in a CD-ROM!
你是不会忘记把作业刻盘上交的学生的
So, you're still teaching?
你现在还在教书吗
No, no, got into a bit of bother with that.
没有 没有 后来惹上点麻烦
I'm a postman now.
我现在是个邮递员了
Right. You had a sister, didn't you?
哦 你是不是有个妹妹
Very pretty. Is she here?
挺漂亮的 她在这里吗
She...died.
她 死了
Don't look for her.
不要去找她
Go, go, go!
快走 快走 快走
Have it, you dirty cow!
受刑吧 荡♥妇♥
So Mr Rogerson's a perv.
原来Rogerson先生是个变♥态♥
Yep, turns out it's always the ones you do suspect.
没错 往往你怀疑他们是他们还真就是
Well, we can always try the sploshing chamber.
我们还可以去试试金雨室啊
Alison, I don't think this is working out.
Alison 我不觉得这样试下去会有成效
Excuse me. Can one of you untie me?
抱歉两位 你们谁能帮我松绑吗
Mate, we've heard about you.
朋友 我们听说过你
We know you don't want us to untie you.
知道你其实不想被松绑
I know I said that. But that was an hour ago.
我是说过 但那是一个小时前
It's really cutting off my circulation.
现在我血液循环好困难
He's quite convincing, isn't he?
好像很有说服力啊
You're overthinking this.
你想多了
We just need to get you shagged.
我们只要能找到人上你就可以了
No, this whole party isn't working for me.
不是 这整个派对就不对我的路子
I want...romance, some ceremony.
我想要 浪漫 更加有仪式感一点
I can't feel my balls.
我蛋蛋麻了
I don't think you're going to find that here.
我觉得这里可能找不到你想要的了
I might do if I was with yo..
倒不是不可能 如果是跟你
Fucking hell!