窃贼、妻子及皮划艇（2022）

Sad.
笑着笑着就哭了
Laughing about it, and then... crying.
心灵受创
Fucked up, basically.
你呢
And you?
感觉像是他们俩都死了
It just feels like they're both dead.
我不知道自己是否承受得了
I'm not sure I can bear that.
我一直都不是一个有自信的人
I was never a confident person.
当我回想我第一次遇到他时
When I look back... my first encounter with him,
约翰 我当时14岁坐在公车上
John... was when I was 14 on the bus.
他弄掉了我的礼帽
And he knocked my school hat off.
那只是个傻气的玩笑
It was just a silly joke, and...
我相信他不是故意的 但他让我觉得很傻
...I'm sure he didn't mean to, but... he made me feel stupid.
更傻
More stupid.
我已经意识到我不像他一样学习好
I was already very aware I wasn't academic, like him.
但是
But...
也许这奠定了未来
maybe that set the tone, as it were.
因为他是我唯一一个的男人
Because he was the only boy I ever...
我们结婚之后 我从父母家出来
And I went straight from my parents' house
直接搬去跟他一起住
to living with him after we got married, so...
除了他 我什么也不知道
...I never knew anything but him.
他对我说话的方式 看待我的方式
How he spoke to me... how he regarded me.
我觉得都很好
And I think that's been quite a thing...
过去35年来都很好
...for the last 35 years.
安
Anne?
希望是好消息
Hope it's good news.
谢谢你
Thank you.
亲爱的妈妈 希望你安好
Dear Mum, I hope you are well
不会觉得太难熬
and not finding things too difficult.
我们都还在消化发生的事
We are all still trying to adjust to what has happened,
这并不容易
which has not been easy.
但我想去看看你
But I would like to come and see you,
所以我今天会申请
so I'll send a request today.
保重 马克
Take care of yourself. Mark.
我只是还没准备好
I'm just not there.
不必道歉
You don't have to apologise.
也许是孩子
Maybe it's the baby, just...
要知道我绝对不可能伤害他
...knowing I could never do anything to hurt him.
但不管怎么样 我没准备好
But either way, I'm just not there.
妈
Mum?
直到审判 我们才知道
We didn't even know until the trial
你从一开始就参与了
that you'd been in on it from the start.
在你抱我的时候
That when you hugged me...
我来的第一晚
...that first night I came up...
你就知道了
...you knew!
很对不起
I'm so sorry.
我们知道的一切
Everything we found out,
你都让我们从公众那里得知
you made us find out in public.
网上 报纸上
Online, newspapers.
还有法庭上 妈
In a bloody court room, Mam!
我没有任何借口
And there is no excuse.
给个理由会好一点
A reason'd help.
为什么在你做了这一切后 你还要继续撒谎
Why, after everything you'd done, you still kept lying.
自始至终同一个理由 马克 羞愧
For the same reason I ever did, Mark, just the shame.
我觉得羞愧难当
The terrible, terrible guilt and shame I felt.
所以重点是你对吗
So it was about you, is it?
说出真♥相♥会让你有何感受
H-How telling the truth would make YOU feel?
我知道会让你们伤心
I knew it would break your hearts, love.
不不不不不不 你不...
No, no, no, no. No! No! You don't...
-你不准哭 -对不起
- Don't you dare cry! - I'm sorry.
我只是一直在想 希望 祈祷
And I just kept thinking, hoping, praying, all along that
在这些事发生之前
there would be some way I could fix it
我能有办法弥补 但根本没有
before that had to happen, but there just never was.
是的 也许你只顾着
No, you were probably too preoccupied...
在海滩上喝椰林飘香
drinking pina coladas on the beach!
你以为会怎么样
What did you expect?
和现在差不多
No more than what I got.
但我想...
But I suppose...
我以为我可能会有一丝希望
I thought I might be left feeling a tiny scrap of hope.
还是那句话 我知道我不配拥有希望 但
And again, I know I don't deserve that, but...
那阻止不了我对此的渴望
it doesn't stop me yearning for it.
已经很久了
It's been so long.
我感到遗憾吗
Am I sorry?
我被抓到了 的确很遗憾
Well, that I got caught, yes. Very!
但是说真的 当然 如果我做的事
But seriously, of course, if what I did...
让你难过 答案是我很遗憾
...upset you, then yes.
我当然很遗憾
Of course I'm sorry.
和我说说那个美国女人
Tell me about the American woman.
还有其他所有
And all the others you've been writing
你暗通书信的女人
your shabby little letters to.
皮划艇男的神秘爱史
我知道第一步应该怎么做
I know what should be the first step.
应该
"Should"?
因为我是否能去做 我不知道
Well, because whether I could actually do it not, I don't know.
你想说什么
And what are we talking about?
离开他
Leaving him.
好
OK.
为什么你有可能做不到
And why might you not be able to do that?
我觉得这个想法很可怕
I find the idea petrifying.
即使你觉得他对你做了那么多错事吗
Despite all the wrongs you feel he's done you?
是的
Yes.
你究竟在害怕什么
And what specifically is it that you're scared of?
所有一切
Everything.
我从来没有为自己活过
I've never lived any part of my life on my own.
我甚至都不知道怎么去做自己
I wouldn't know how to even be, who I even am. I mean...
我成年后的整个人生
..for my entire adult life,
真的一直只是他的一个延伸
I've just been an extension of him, really.
甚至连延伸都不是 什么都不是
Or not even that, just a nothing.
毫无存在感
Invisible.
所以在快60岁的时候推倒一切
And so starting again, from scratch...
从头塑造一个新的我
..trying to create a new me at the age of nearly 60...
这让我害怕到想吐 格蕾丝
..it makes me sick with fear, Grace.
我们换一个方式问 约翰让你开心吗
Slightly different tack. Does John make you happy?
他有时候能让我开心
He has done at times in our life.
当然了 我现在不开心
I'm not happy now, obviously,
过去的十年左右也很少开心过
and haven't been much in the last ten years or so,
但在那之前 是的
but before that, yes.
总得来说 你能说他对你好吗
But on balance? Would you say he's been good for you?
他为我带来了两个帅气的儿子
He gave me two beautiful sons.
我知道她想让我说什么
'I knew what she wanted me to say,
这可能很荒谬
'but ridiculous as it might seem...
但我没有勇气孤身一人
'..I just didn't feel strong enough to be on my own.'
他真好看 肯定是继承了小露的基因
He's beautiful, mate. Must have Lou's genes.
我肯定希望那样
Well, I bloody hope so.
不想让他继承太多我们这边的基因
Wouldn't want too many of our side in there.
有道理
No, fair enough.
芙丽克说你上周又见她了
Flick was just saying you saw her again last week.
对
Yeah.
怎么样
And how was it?
还是很难
It's still hard.
我不确定自己期盼什么
I'm not quite sure what I'm hoping for.
我觉得
I think...
我觉得我只不过是发现了
I think I've just come to the conclusion
自己的生活中有她好过没有她而已
that I'd prefer to have her in my life than not.
爸爸呢
Dad?
更难了
Harder.
我都不确定他真的知道错了
I'm not sure he really gets it.
或者永远不会
Or ever will.
我昨天给她写信了
So, I wrote to her yesterday.
说想见见她
Requested a visit.
好啊
Ok.
我只能说
So... all I'll say...