模范爱侣（2024）

It isn't a party until someone crashes, right, darling?
是达什
It's Dash!
是达什本人
It's Dash.
逃出生天
Back from the brink!
天啊 达什 我们爱你
Oh, my God, Dash! We love you!
拍泰格
Get Tag. Get Tag.
各位 敬杯酒 敬我美丽而聪慧的妻子
A toast, ladies and gentlemen, to my beautiful and brilliant wife,
格丽尔·加里森·温伯里
Greer Garrison Winbury.
我正在为读者朗读...
We're just in the middle of--
第28本畅销书
Twenty-eight bestsellers.
好棒
Yay!
29年的婚姻
Twenty-nine years of marriage.
格丽尔·加里森·温伯里
Miss Greer Garrison Winbury!
我找到了世上最棒的妻子
? I've found the greatest wife of all ?
她就在我身旁
? Is right beside me ?
好了 谢谢你 亲爱的
All right. Thank you, darling.
如果可以的话 如果大家允许 我想说几句
I just want to say something. If I can. If I may.
我爱这个女人
I love this woman.
我爱...
I love...
你们知道我有多爱她吗
Do you know how much I love this woman?
你不用... - 为了她 我杀人也在所不惜
It doesn't-- - I would kill for her.
亲爱的 我还没有杀过谁 但我会那么做 能那么做
I haven't, by the way, darling, but I would. I could.
很好 我们来... - 如果我不得不杀的话
Wonderful. Let's have this-- - If I had to.
我妻子的特点是她很关心他人
The thing about my wife is she cares.
确实
I do.
她非常关心她的粉丝们
She cares so deeply about her fans. -
没错
Oh, yes.
谢谢你们大家 - 你们所有人
Thank you. All of you. - All of you.
她非常关心 - 好了
She cares so deeply... - All right.
你们每一位 - 别说了
...about each and every one of you. - Stop.
她想让你们知道
...she would like you to know
我们的婚姻彻底 完全
that our marriage is deeply, profoundly,
无可救药地完蛋了
and terminally fucked.
是的 一点没错
Yes, it is. Absolutely right.
所以你们可以 别再拿自己和我们比较了 可以的
So you can all stop comparing yourselves to us, you can.
知道吗
And you know what?
你们可以不用
You can stop sucking the giant cock...
再拍平装书产业的马屁了 - 泰格
...of the paperback industry... - Tag!
因为只是个该死的故事罢了
...because it's just a fucking story.
对吧 你们这帮傻蛋 - 够了
Isn't it, you fucking twits? - No. That's...
只是该死的故事罢了
It is. It's just a fucking story.
我知道你们喜欢故事 - 说完了
I know you like your stories. - We're done.
我知道她讲得天花乱坠
I know she tells them well. -
“他们是在...
"Oh, they met in a..."
伦敦的一个画廊开幕式上认识的 新娘穿着白色的衣服”
"They met at a gallery opening in London. The bride wore white."
但我妻子...
But my wife...
拜托 泰格
Please, Tag.
拜托 泰格 亲爱的... - 我妻子比那有趣得多
Tag, please. Darling... - My wife is much more colorful than that.
对
Yeah.
不 我们不是模范爱侣
No. We're... we're not the perfect couple.
事实上 我们很不“模范”
In fact, we're quite imperfect.
有时候 我们甚至都不是一对
Um, you know, sometimes we're not even a couple.
通常...不是通常 但我们偶尔会来个三人行
Usually... I mean, not usually, but occasionally we have a third.
也不能太频繁
Don't make a habit of it.
只能在生日 纪念日之类的
Birthdays, anniversaries, that sort of thing.
我们离“模范”远着呢
We are far from perfect.
有几个女人
I mean, how many women do you know
会努力陷害自己的丈夫 说他犯了谋杀罪
who would try to frame their husbands for murder?
拜托
Come on. Come on.
谁会那么做 然而...
Who would do that? And yet...
然而 我留在她身边
And yet, I stay.
因为我永远都不会离你而去
Because I'm never going to give you up.
因为我永远都不会离你而去
? Because I'm never going to give you up ?
永远不会让你失望
? Never going to let you down ?
我永远不会奔波四处伤害你
? Never going to run around and hurt you ?
各位 - 好了
Everyone! - Here we go.
永远不会令你哭泣
? Never gonna make you cry ?
永远不会说再见
? Never going to say good-bye ?
永远不会奔波四处抛弃你
? Never going to run around And desert you ?
一起唱 各位
Come on, everybody!
永远不会说再见
? Never going to say good-bye ?
永远不会令你哭泣
? Never gonna make you cry ?
永远不会说谎伤害你
? Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you ?
永远不会说再见
? Never going to say good-bye ?
永远不会令你哭泣
? Never gonna make you cry ?
永远不会说谎伤害你
? Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you ?
来吧 好啦 - 邀请你们庆祝我们结婚30周年
Come on. All right. - You're all invited to our 30th.
非常感...
Thanks very much--
好 我们打车走人吧
All right. We're getting an Uber.
来 走吧
Come on, let's go.
好
Yep.
为什么不用老式的卫生间体重秤
Whatever happened to a good old bathroom scale?
我不想了解自己身体的这么多机能
I don't even want to know all this about my bodily functions.
体重秤不能告诉别人你多有钱
Well, a scale can't tell other people how fucking rich you are.
就算这是睡眠追踪应用的数据
Supposedly, this is the data from the sleep tracker app.
也做不了法庭上的证据 - 不过 你知道吗
It'll never hold up in court, though. - You know what, though?
我觉得他说的是实话 这很奇怪
I think he's telling the truth, which is weird,
因为他说实话时也看着像说谎
because even when he tells the truth, he looks like he's lying, but...
等等
Wait, hold on.
看 这些天的晚上
Hold on. Look. All these other nights,
看 有两个人在睡觉 两组呼吸数据
look, there's two sleepers, two sets of breathing,
但在事发当晚
but on that night,
从凌晨三点半到四点半 只有一个人在睡觉
there's only one sleeper from, like, 3:00 a.m. to 4:30.
所以 有一个半小时 卧室里只有一个人
So there's no one else in the room for, like, an hour-and-a-half.
等等
Hey.
是你啊
Hey.
我们可以谈谈吗
Hey, can we talk?
当然
Sure.
我只想确保你没事 - 我没事
I just want to make sure you're okay. - I'm fine.
你告诉我你没钱 - 我没那么说过
You told me you didn't have any money. - I didn't say that.
我说的是我不在乎钱
I said I didn't care about money.
这是真的 我从来不想钱的事
And I don't. I never think about it.
总是有钱时很容易这么说
Well, it's a lot easier to say when you've always had it.
你就跟这个家里的其他人一样
You're just like the rest of them.
这里没人说实话 他们都在说谎
No one around here tells the truth. They're all lying.
总在说谎
All the time.
阿米莉亚 我本会告诉你...
Amelia, I would have told you--
你让我以为我们俩是一种人
You let me think that we were the same.
但我们并不是
But we're not.
根本就不是
Not at all.
对不起 为什么这事让你心烦意乱
I'm sorry. Why are you so upset about this?
我跟本吉做♥爱♥了
I had sex with Benji.
在派对上
At the party.
他醉了 但我没有
He was drunk, but I wasn't.
所以 你现在知道了
So now you know.
我跟其他人一样糟糕
I'm just as messed up as everyone else.
很好
So, good.
好在我们在做傻事之前 意识到我们俩不可能有结果
Good we realized this was impossible before we did anything else stupid.
以免伤害到更多人
And hurt anyone more than we already have.
这事说清楚了 我很开心
Glad that's settled.
你好 丹
Hey, Dan.
两天内第二次来这里
Second time in two days.
要成常客了
Becoming a regular.
我就知道你会在这里
I thought you'd be here.
我绝对猜不到你会点威士忌 - 是吗
I would've never guessed whiskey. - No?
那你就不是个 非常好的警探了 不是吗
Then you're not a very good detective, are you?
市长和商会会同意你的意见
The Mayor and the Chamber of Commerce would agree with you.
给你 - 谢谢你 乔
Here you go. - Thank you, Joe.
那是什么
What's that?
黑暗风暴
Dark 'N' Stormy.
不是我起的名字 但很好喝