阳光岛怪探（2015）

You must be devastated.
一般发生这种事 人们都会很难过
Well, it's always very sad when someone...
有人从阳台上被推下去撞到头吗
Gets pushed off a balcony onto his head?
当然了 从你这边看
Of course, in your case it seemed
事情挺顺利的啊 正好补上他的位置
to have worked out pretty well, filling his shoes.
我和这件事毫无关系
Ah, I had nothing to do with it.
真要我说 警方早就抓住嫌疑人了
If you ask me, they have already arrested the person who did it.
- 是另一位艾尔顿吗 - 不是
- The other Elton? - No.
是那个脸上画着闪电Z 女版的齐基·星尘
That Ziggy Stardust woman from the party with the ziggy-zaggy
Ziggy Stardust即David Bowie 英国著名摇滚音乐家
克里斯缇娜
Christina.
- 克里斯缇娜 - 对 我听见她
- Christina? - Si. I heard
之前和艾尔顿吵过架 所以
her arguing with Elton just before, you know...
他才被推下阳台撞到了头
He was pushed off a balcony onto his head?
- 怎么了 - 对不起 我觉着里面有些误会
- Well? - Sorry, I think there's been some mistake.
我不想和你说话
I didn't want to speak to you.
你说什么呢 你一直都愿意跟我说话啊
What are you talking about? You always want to speak to me.
不 我想和克里斯缇娜说话
No. I wanted to speak to Christina.
- 谁 - 你的闪电妆都变红了
- Who? - Your lightning bolt's blushing.
你都知道什么
What do you know?
我知道的比你以为我知道的 不是更多就是更少
I know a lot more or a lot less than you think I do.
上帝啊 又来了 他认出来我了
Oh, God. It's coming back to me now. He recognised me.
也就是说 冒牌艾尔顿认出了冒牌美乐蒂
So, the fake Elton recognised the fake Melody.
才没有冒牌的美乐蒂
There's no fake Melody.
我确实有那么一会叫克里斯缇娜 但我还是美乐蒂
I was called Christina for a little while, but I'm Melody.
这就是我
This is me.
好吧 谢谢 齐基
Yeah, thanks Ziggy.
听好了 作为你的代理律师 我建议你最好坦白
Look, as your attorney, I advise you to tell me everything -
还有多穿银色的衣服 那样眼睛显得好看
and wear more silver. It really brings out your eyes.
- 你不是我的代理律师 - 确实不是 你说得对
- You're not my attorney. - No, you're right.
要我给老唐打个电♥话♥ 把你的代理律师请过来吗
Should I give Don a call and get your attorney down here?
好吧 是这么回事
All right. Here's what happened.
我们当时在派对上
We were at the party
唐纳德和大仔先生有些事要谈
because Donald had some business dealings with Senor Big.
所以我们一到那
As soon as we got there,
唐纳德就开始和大仔谈生意
Donald started talking numbers with Big.
四千零七
4,007.
四千零八
4,008.
- 七 - 不 你这个疯子 跟我来
- Seven! - No, you loco. Come.
派对实在太没劲了 但我遇到了布鲁图
It was a pretty lame party, until I bumped into Brutus.
然后我就迷迷糊糊的
Then it all gets a little bit hazy.
是潘趣酒
The punch.
确实
The punch.
不管那是什么 真的很过瘾 所以我想去再拿一杯
Whatever it is, it's very moreish, so I went to get some more.
就是那时候 他认出我了
And then, that's when he recognised me.
克里斯缇娜
Christina?
贾维尔
Javier?
等等 贾维尔是谁
Hang on, who's Javier?
贾维尔是艾尔顿·胡安的真名
"Javier" Is Elton Juan's real name.
在贾维尔当歌♥手之前
Before he was a singer,
他是我前夫的园丁
Javier was a gardener for my last husband.
你没提过你前夫还有个园丁
Oh, you never mentioned your last husband had a gardener -
也没说过你有前夫
or that you had a last husband.
抱歉 我们见过吗 我叫伍迪 还是已经见过了
Sorry, have we met? My name's Woody, or is it?
- 见过了 - 好吧
- Yes, it is. - Right.
我还叫克里斯缇娜的那会 我嫁给了
When I was Christina, for a bit, I might have been married to
小岛北边一个老态龙钟的西班牙黑帮老大
an ageing Spanish criminal overlord on the north of the island.
哦 就是那种老气横秋的西班牙黑帮老大啊
Oh, one of those ageing Spanish criminal overlord types
然后呢
What happened?
他莫名其妙就去世了 我也不知道
He died in mysterious circumstances. I don't know.
你图财害命
You killed him for his money.
我先告诉你 他遗嘱里都没分我半毛钱
For your information, I didn't get anything in his will.
那你肯定要气炸了吧
That must have been annoying,
毕竟你费尽心机 图财害命
after going to all the effort of killing him for his money.
不是我杀的 我们到底认识多久了
I didn't kill him! How long have we known each other?
- 大概五周吧 - 哦 是吗 怎么感觉很久了呢
- About five weeks. - Oh, yeah. Feels much longer.
我总给人这种感觉
I have that effect.
听着 我没杀人 没啥不可见人的秘密
Look, I haven't murdered anyone. I have nothing to hide.
所以你在见到唐纳德的时候
Which is why you told Donald
就把你这个黑帮老大前夫的事都告诉他了
all about your criminal overlord ex when you met him.
不 当然没有
No, of course not.
但艾尔顿·胡安有这意思
But Elton Juan was about to.
对啊 那是派对上
Ah, yes, the party.
克里斯缇娜
Christina?
贾维尔 不 我不是克里斯缇娜 你认错了
Javier? No, I'm not Christina. You got the wrong person.
你猜我的名字倒挺准的嘛 不是克里斯缇娜的小姐
Good guess on my name then, Not Christina
那你现在用什么化名呢
So, what name are you lying under these days, hmm?
我听不懂你在说什么
Don't know what you're talking about.
美乐蒂
Melody!
美乐蒂 美乐蒂
Melody! Melody!
美乐蒂
Melody!
美乐蒂
Melody!
美乐蒂
Melody!
美乐蒂
Melody!
美乐蒂
Melody!
我叫苏珊
I'm Susan.
或者美乐蒂
Or Melody.
美乐蒂
Melody!
我来了 亲爱的
I'm coming, my love.
好啊 咱们一起去聊聊天 怎么样
Yes, let's go and have a chat, no?
如果你敢...
You dare...
我发誓 你敢来再来找我们 我会杀了你的
I swear, you come anywhere near us, I will kill you.
这个嘛 我可能不会把最后那句话说给别人听
Yeah, I probably wouldn't mention that last bit to anyone else.
后来发生了什么
What happened next?
- 因为那酒我记不清了 - 所以你也不知道
- The punch. - So you have no idea?
可我知道我没杀他
Well, I know I didn't do it.
不过如果艾尔顿真的找上唐纳德呢
But what if Elton did get to Donald?
他到现在还没交保释金 这就说得通了
Well, that would explain why he hasn't sent bail.
伍迪 你一定要去查查唐纳德到底知道没
Woody, you've got to find out what Donald knows.
天哪 唐纳德会气疯的
Oh, God, Donald's going to be furious.
我气疯了
I'm furious.
你气疯了 我看得出来 你这是化了眼线吗
You're furious, I can tell. Are you wearing eyeliner?
这是昨晚派对上留下的 妆真的太难洗了
It's left over from the party. Make-up's really hard to get off.
真不知道女人为啥要化妆
I don't know how women do it.
给你个小建议 湿巾纸 没什么用的
Little tip...baby wipes, waste of time.
得用含凡士林成分的产品
Always go for a Vaseline-based product.
谢啦 可帮了我大忙 什么类型的...
Thanks, that's really helpful. What kind of...
你来干什么
What do you want?
我被派来跟你聊聊昨晚的派对
I've been sent here to talk about the party.
其中可能有些误会
There may have been a misunderstanding.
我不想聊这个
I don't want to talk about it...
我更不想跟你聊这个
and I certainly don't want to talk about it with you.
- 我气疯了 别让我谈那事 - 那我就不问了
- I'm furious, don't get me started. - I won't get you started.
你搞得我都想说了
You've got me started now!
你知道我往那男人身上砸了多少钱不
You don't know how much money I invested in that man.
男人 哦 想起来了 哪个男人
Man? Yes, man. Which man?
破产先生啊 油嘴滑舌的穷光蛋
Senor Bankrupt, all mouth and no money.
事实是他根本没钱 打肿脸充胖子
Turns out he's not as flush as he makes out.
发布会所有的开支都留给我买♥♥单
Left me to pay for the launch, everything.
然后我的投资就从阳台上栽下去了
Then my investment takes a nosedive off the balcony
现在我的慈善会没什么可展示的了
and my charity's got nothing to show for it.
损失自己的钱 真是个奇异的经历
Must be an odd experience, losing your own money.
- 你说什么 - 没什么
- What? - Nothing.
你要是没话说就别来烦我
Well, stop bothering me if you've got nothing to say.
你想聊空气 去找美乐蒂啊
You want to talk about nothing, have a chat with Melody.
她在这方面是个专家
She's the expert on that.
对了 纯属好奇 美乐蒂在哪
Yes. Out of interest, where is Melody?
浴室吧 我猜 她总待在那
Bathroom, I expect. She's always in the bathroom.
美乐蒂
Melody!
- 关在里面好几个小时化她的妆 - 是的
- Hours locked in there, doing her make-up. - Mmm.
说到化妆 你知道怎么把这些弄掉吗
Speaking of which, you got any advice for these?