女大当自强

and I haven't touched bread in 20 years.
除了911那天 因为我当时真的需要
Except on 9/11 'cause I really needed it.
下一位
Okay, who's next?
你好 贾斯汀 我是康妮
Hi, Justine. I'm Connie.
康妮 很高兴又见到你
Oh, Connie girl, good to see you again.
谢谢
Thank you, um,
我生了女儿后就从商学院退学了
I quit business school when I had my daughter,
我喜欢做全职主妇
and I love being a stay at home mom,
但当我丈夫下岗的时候
but when my husband got laid off,
我得想办法养家糊口
I had to figure out a way to provide,
不只是为我女儿
you know, not just for my daughter...
还为我自己
But for myself.
我
I...
我需要更多的经济来源
I needed something more.
于是
So...
我在我家车♥库♥里创立了文具公♥司♥
I started a stationary company out of my garage,
但最重要的是 来参加这些活动
but most importantly, coming to these events
让我收获了一些最好的友谊
have given me some of my best friendships.
见证了我这一路走来的女性
Women who've seen me through all of it,
所以我只想说谢谢你 谢谢你
so, I just wanted to say thank you and thank you.
-抱歉 -不不 谢谢你才是
- Sorry. - No, no, thank you.
大家把掌声送给康妮
Let's give it up for Connie, everybody.
大家都站起来
All right, everybody! Up, up, up!
行动起来 就像桑德拉一样
Work it, like Sandra over there
她给乳腺癌病人做帽子
who's here making hats for breast cancer patients.
好样的 帽子女神
Yes, you go, hat goddess!
跳起来
All right, dance that feeling
就像你打破职场里无形顶障时一样
when you smash the glass ceiling!
很好 非常好
Yes, yes, yes. Okay.
大家都要做自己 就像安妮一样
Everybody be your damn self like Annie over here!
她看上去美极了
Who looks amazing
尽管很难找到合身的衣服
even though it's hard to find clothes in her size.
行动起来 胖婊♥子♥
Work it, fat bitch!
棒
Whoo, yes!
你确定你不想要这些东西吗
Are you sure you don't want any of this stuff?
嗯 我为你们偷来的
Yeah, I stole it for you guys.
"南非醉茄" 我觉得这个要么治疗癌症
"Ashwagandha." I think this cures cancer
要么让你的阴毛脱落
or it makes your bush fall out, or something.
我想要那个
Oh, shit, I want that,
要么给我外婆要么给我女友
either for my grandmother or my girlfriend.
我讨厌这些东西 但我又很想要
I mean, I hate all of this stuff, but I also want it.
这有错吗
Is that wrong?
这里面还有蛇油
I mean there's literally snake oil in here.
我的天
Oh, my God.
邦邦
Bonkers!
这玩意会震掉你的阴蒂
This thing'll break your clit off.
我觉得是用真大理石做的
I think it's made of real marble.
是的 这样你就能感觉
Yeah, so you can feel like
你在操大卫雕像了
you're fucking the statue of David.
好了 谢谢
Okay, thank you.
你不用取笑我的研究
You don't need to make fun of my research.
我是新闻工作者
All right, I'm a journalist,
盖博希望这篇文章能写好
and Gabe wants this piece to be good.
所以我今晚得写完
That's why I have to write up this thing tonight,
因为明天我要去见我妈
'cause I have to go meet up with my mom
进行促膝长谈
for our big talk tomorrow.
你还在生她气吗
Are you still pissed at her?
是的
Yeah, I am.
但我就打算和她坦诚相待
But I'm just gonna try and level with her
就跟你和你妈妈那样
the way you did with your mom.
你和你妈怎么了 吵架了吗
What happened with your mom? Did you get in a fight?
没有 我们只是到了一个极限
No, we just got to a breaking point
不得不跟彼此坦诚
where we had to be very real with each other,
不过现在没事了
but now we're good.
她每天要给我发200条短♥信♥
And she texts me, like, 200 times a day.
瞧 我希望我和薇拉之间也能像这样
Yeah, see, that's where I'm trying to get with Vera.
懂我意思吗
You know what I mean?
或许我会送她这个来缓和关系
Maybe I'll give her this to soften the blow.
或者这个
Or this?
我觉得这个赢了
I think this is da winner.
我得把你封为爵士
Ooh, I gotta knight your ass.
我在我的鱼尾纹上抹了些那个蛇油
You know, I put some of that snake oil on my crow's feet,
感觉有效果
and I think it's actually making a difference.
是啊
Yeah, totally.
妈 我们能谈谈吗
Um, Mom, could we talk?
当然 你知道我喜欢女生间的谈话
Sure, you know I love girl talk.
嗯
Yeah.
这不容易
Um, well, this isn't easy,
但我感觉我一直没弄明白
but I just feel like I never really got any answers
你去温哥华的原因
as to, like, why you went to Vancouver.
没什么可说的
Oh, please, there's nothing to tell.
我知道你这么说过
Yeah, I know you said that,
但我感觉显然是有原因的 对吗
but I-I feel like obviously there is, right?
我感觉在你离开之前
And, um, you know, I feel like before you left
我们有过一些深刻交谈
we were, like, having some very real talks,
要是我们能再次那么做就再好不过了
and it would be great if we could, like, do that again.
我说不好 亲爱的 我们随时都在聊天
Well, I don't know, honey. We talk all the time.
我们现在就在聊
We're talking right now!
我知道
I know, I know.
但是妈 我是认真的
But Mom, I'm serious.
我希望我们能试着
Like, I want us to try
对彼此坦诚相待
and be able to be honest with each other, you know?
-是薇拉吗 -玛格
- Is that Vera? - Oh, Margot!
安妮 你记得我们邻居玛格吧
Annie you remember our neighbor, Margot.
嗯 你好
Yeah, hi.
玛格 你脖子怎么了
Margot, what happened to your neck?
你知道我成人儿子杰夫里
Oh, well, you know my adult son Jeffery,
那个处♥男♥
the one that's a virgin.
嗯
Oh, yeah.
-他以前常常照看我 -没错
- Yeah, um, he used to babysit me. - That's right.
杰夫里开车撞了我
Well, Jeffery rammed me with his truck.
他撞了你
Oh, he rammed you?
是意外
Well, it was an accident,
但他撞得很猛 差点撞断我的头
but he rammed me so hard I about popped my head off.
杰夫那样的可怜家伙
You know, a poor guy like Jeff,
从没有过女友 从没有过钱
he never had a girlfriend, he never had a dollar,
直接就撞上了他妈妈
and he rammed right into his mama.
撞到我尾部
Right into my rear end.
我的后备箱完全坏了
My trunk is completely trashed.
什么这么好笑
Well, what's so funny?
你进来前安妮给我讲了个特别好笑的笑话
Annie told me a very funny joke right before you walked up.
嗯
Yeah.
跟我说说 安妮
Oh, well, tell me Annie.
我现在正需要笑一笑
I could really use a laugh right now.
我不 我讲不了
I don't--I can't.
你来讲吧 妈
It's--you gotta tell it, Mom.
你来
You--you got it.
你给威利·纳尔逊口♥交♥后
What's, uh, the last thing that you want to hear
最不想听到的事是什么
after you've given Willie Nelson a blowjob?
什么
What?
我不是威利·纳尔逊
"I'm not Willie Nelson."
我没懂
Oh, I guess I just don't get it.
也许杰夫里能懂
Maybe Jeffery will.
再见 薇拉
See you soon, Vera.
我想杰夫里能懂
I think Jeffery will get it.
天 这笑话是谁讲的
Oh, my God, where did that come from?
-你♥爸♥爸的朋友罗恩 -不
- Your Dad's friend Ron. - Oh, no!
安妮
Oh, Annie,
我只有和你在一起才会这样大笑
I don't laugh with anyone like I laugh with you.
我的天
Oh, my God.
慢点